Thanks. 100 Reasons.

It’s easy to forget about the good things when we see bad news everywhere we look. It’s simple to focus on the pettiness, the systemic hatred, and the isolationism, racism, and xenophobia brought about by ignorance and fear, and neglect all of the many reasons we should be thankful.

For a moment, just stop. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember one thing that makes you thankful. Just one. Now do that every hour. Or every ten minutes. Or just sit there with your eyes closed until that path in front of you becomes clear.

In no particular order, here are 100 things that make me happy, fill me with thanks, and provide me with light.

I am thankful for:

  1. The ability to grow a momentous beard.
    Comedian Adam Avitable's beard
  2. The hair that isn’t gray.
  3. The hair that is.
  4. My relatively good health, given how little I take care of myself.
  5. Bacon.
  6. Products that taste like bacon, involve bacon, or somehow use bacon.
  7. Good writing that makes me think.
    #Repost @royreidapr with @repostapp. ・・・ "Who thought you would be writing eulogies with a comedian at #flblogcon?" @avitable #writing #blogger
  8. My own ability to reach people and make them think, smile, cry, love, or laugh with nothing more than words on a page.
  9. New comedians who are filled with wonder and appreciation at every minute of stage time.
    Comedians in Florida
  10. Veteran comedians who have taken the time to mentor, advise, support, promote, or book me.
  11. Veteran comedians who are assholes and inspire me to never act like they do.
  12. The adrenaline rush after getting off stage.
    Comedian Adam Avitable at the Orlando Improv
  13. My audience – online or off, those who are fans and friends, who always support me, and who make me feel needed.
    Kim, Cassandra, and Andrew with comedian Adam Avitable
  14. Living in a world where the entirety of the Back to the Future series, even the future parts, takes place in the past, which means real, affordable hoverboards will be here soon.
  15. Americans who understand why we’re the greatest country in the world and recognize that paranoia and anger have no place here.
  16. Canadians, in general, because they’re pretty awesome.
    Comedian Adam Avitable with two Canadian bloggers
  17. French Canadians, to a lesser extent.
  18. The wayward people of the world, who forge their own paths, eschew traditions, and snub societal norms.
    Drunken shenanigans, 2 AM sandwich artistry, and Michelangelo's David's penis boxers. Such is my life. #comiclife #living #with #strippers
  19. Louis CK, who inspires me to take my future into my own hands.
  20. Jimmy Fallon, who inspires me to treat each day with infectious enthusiasm and a child-like awe.
  21. Joss Whedon, who inspires me to look for new ways to express myself in any medium.
  22. Superman, for being someone I can never be but will always strive to do so.
    Adam Avitable as Superman
  23. The music that so speaks to me that I put it on replay for hours.
  24. The music to dance to when nobody is watching.
  25. My comedian friends, for pushing me to go bigger and better, just to keep up with them.
    Comedians with Adam Avitable at the Orlando Improv
  26. My photographer friends, inspiring me to see the world as they do.
  27. Anastacia Campbell, my soul sister, for giving her everything to me even as she ended her own story.
    Happy Stacy
  28. The Sick Fucks Club, for being friends I didn’t even know I needed.
    Anastacia's Sick Fucks Club aka The Big Chill 2015 aka why won't anyone dance with us aka where's the fucking booze? #ripcokekitteh #anastaciacampbell #stacycampbell #effcamms #noweddingsandafuneral
  29. Hot showers and hot shaves.
  30. A cold pool in the summer.
  31. Cool sheets with a warm blanket.
  32. Republicans with social consciences and good motives.
    #paris #jetaimeparis #tragedy #instalove #loveforparis #fuckyouragenda #instaquote #hashtagoverload #tagsfordays #likesforlikes #peace #humor #laughter #comedy
  33. Democrats with a sense of moderation and context.
  34. Libertarians who realize they’re not helping.
  35. Long phone conversations with good people.
  36. Short conversations with assholes.
  37. Savannah. Jennifer. Faiqa. Amy.  Casey. Rose. Lisa. Heidi. And everyone else who has been there for me and knows all my secrets but loves me anyway.
    Savannah Tyre and Adam Avitable
  38. My good friends.
  39. My great friends.
    Comedians Sean Finnerty and Adam Avitable
  40. My friends with benefits.
  41. My friends with benefits who bring bacon.
  42. A crisp cold Coke Zero.
  43. A delicious meal.
    Had a great time with @_thedinnerpartyproject_ tonight! Go read more online at! #TDPP #food #foodporn #foodie
  44. A good book that I can fit into over and over again like a comfortable sweater.
  45. Ninjas.
  46. Women. All of them. Even the ones who struggle with their identities and the bodies they were born into.
  47. Girls in their twenties with their walls up but hope in their hearts.
  48. Beauties in their thirties who are in their sexual peak and know what they want.
  49. Ladies in their forties who have thrown shame to the wind.
  50. Women in their fifties who look like they’re in their thirties.
  51. Cougars of any age who can take their teeth out.
  52. Redheads, because they spark the fire inside me.
    Jess and Adam
  53. Brunettes, because of the darkness in their souls.
    Simone with comedian Adam Avitable
  54. Blondes, because I don’t want to discriminate.
    Feeling goofy before Kevin Hart gets on stage and we're not allowed to use our phones at all! #rebels #comedy #standup #wwa #amway #club #level
  55. A medium rare steak.
  56. The turning points in my life helping me be less scared of change and turmoil.
  57. My family, for the unconditional love.
    Robyn and Jim Avitable, today and 40 years ago
  58. Mayonnaise.
  59. And Ranch.
  60. Nudity and shamelessness, from everyone.
    Comedian Adam Avitable naked in a hot tub
  61. Honesty and openness.
  62. Transparency and forthright conversation.
  63. A lack of judgment from those who matter.
  64. Trolls, for inspiring me to be louder and more vocal.
    Don't Judge Me
  65. Laughing so hard you cry.
  66. Crying so hard you can’t breathe.
  67. My intelligence and self-awareness.
  68. My lack of common sense, to keep me (somewhat) humble.
  69. Those of you who keep my ego in check.
    A joke about huge dicks by comedian Adam Avitable
  70. Those of you who boost my ego.
  71. Those of you who stroke my ego.
  72. A night with great company.
  73. The next morning with no shame.
  74. Babies. I want one!
    Peyton and Adam
  75. Going to the movies.
  76. Going to weddings when I have the honor of officiating them.
    Adam Avitable officiates a wedding
  77. Avoiding weddings otherwise.
  78. The privileges and opportunities I grew up with.
  79. What I’ve accomplished with that support.
  80. My years at the Christian Academy of Learning because they challenged me and taught me the value of hard work.
    Adam Avitable, Grace Academy, Age 5
  81. My years in high school because they shaped me.
  82. My years in college because I focused and removed my temper.
  83. My years in law school for teaching me how to think differently than others.
  84. The chances I’ve had at love.
    Happy Valentine's Day! #dancers #entertainers #not #strippers #okay #fine #strippers #vd #but #the #vd #stands #for #valentinesday
  85. The many more chances I’ve had at lust.
  86. Sex.
  87. Good sex.
  88. Great sex.
  89. Holy shit I can’t walk sex.
  90. My appreciation of all things dark and creepy.
  91. The fact that I’m one of those things.
    Had an amazingly creepy and fun photo shoot at an abandoned preparatory school with the super talented @marlenefoxphotography. Stay tuned for more! #urban #exploration #grunge #creepy #mysterious #photography #abandoned #urbex #orlando #dark #twisted #wayward #creeper #spelunking #instagood #instalife #instalike #instafollow
  92. Anyone who gets my sense of humor.
  93. Anyone who doesn’t get my sense of humor, challenging me to consider their point of view.
  94. Anyone without a sense of humor, helping me to be okay with never pleasing everyone.
  95. Social media. It has shown me how amazing the world can be, when channeled properly.
  96. Meeting Internet friends in real life and realizing how amazing your friendship can be.
    Amy Storch and Adam Avitable
  97. Words and their amazing, overwhelming, ass-kicking power.
  98. Any work that shows when someone has thrown their entire soul into its creation.
  99. Myself.
  100. You.

Happy Thanksgiving.


The 2015 Avitable Christmas Card Exchange Extragavanza Holidaypalooza Event Thingy

Last year,  I sent out Christmas cards to 420 people in ten different countries and forty-one different states, all with hand-written messages of love and boners.

This year, let’s double that number! If you’ve never gotten a Christmas card from me, here are six of them sent over the last 11 years, getting increasingly more awesome the less married I was, obviously:

“But Avitable,” you ask as you stroke my beard, “will this card make my husband/wife/chid/grandmother/priest/schizophrenic aunt angry or offended?”

Nope! Just as in the past years, this year’s card will be family appropriate for all families!* All you have to do is fill out the form below and submit your name and address, and you’re done! 

“But Avitable,” you ask, still stroking my beard, “what do I do if I want to send you something amazing? Like a gift of bacon or chocolate or even a nice Christmas card?”

That’s easy! Here’s my address:

Adam Heath Avitable
Avitable Camp for Wayward Women
407 Silver Oak Lane
Altamonte Springs, FL 32701

Please to be filling out the form below. If for some reason, you can’t figure it out, you can click here.

And finally! Please share this post on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and any other network – let’s make this into the biggest card exchange in Avitable history!


*Okay, probably 99.7% of families. 98% at the very least.


My Experience with The Dinner Party Project

The email was simple. “You’re confirmed for October 8th,” it said. Details followed, and then “Dinner begins at 7:00p. Dress is Smart Casual.”

The panic started shortly after. What the fuck is Smart Casual? I don’t travel in any circles that have a dress code. I avoid traditions and rituals and ceremonies that require dressing in a certain way because I hate social norms and conventions that only exist to make us all conform. I know what Business Casual is (I think? khakis and a button-down shirt?). I know what Casual is (shorts, sandals, anything, really). I know what Avitable Casual is (a pair of red manties with decorative socks [see below]). But Smart Casual? Is that like being naked with a pair of glasses? A pair of shorts and a pocket protector? Why was I doing this?

THIS referred to, of course, The Dinner Party Project, a brilliant gem of an idea by Dana Marie Roquemore (a classic timeless name that evoked thoughts of Dickensian villianesses). Beginning as a gathering of random friends for dinner, it’s transformed into one of the coolest things to do in Orlando. Eight people are chosen at random, asked to donate between $40-70, and once confirmed, invited to dinner. I showed up to Downtown Credo, a fascinating coffee place and nexus of social awareness and positive action that also rents out its space for meetings, parties, and dinners, at 7. And if you’re wondering, I decided that Smart Casual just meant “Don’t look like a homeless idiot” so I opted for a gray long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and dress shoes. I decided not to wear my new favorite hat.

I was greeted by the warm and friendly Dana, who was not hosting tonight’s event and on her way out the door, and then introduced to the hostess, Jeanie, who promptly handed me a whiskey sour. Things looked promising!

We were an interesting group of people – Crystal the former restaurateur turned recruiter, clearly used to hosting and running events; Shannon the wedding planner who spent a lot of time giving wry looks; quiet and innocent looking Matt with a surprisingly hardcore Rage Against The Machine fist tattoo on his shoulder that looks more like a Black Power fist instead; Asia, the recent transplant from Los Angeles with the amazing-looking Neon Cowboy Hat business and strange aquatic snail fetish; Autumn the Starwood Hotel furniture purchaser who has the sarcastically-inflected terrible luck to spend a lot of time in Hawaii doing her job; Michelle (or was it Melissa – now I’m doubting my memory) who works at Full Sail and had some fun stories about what she’s witnessed with students, their parents, and rampant idiocy; our hostess, Jeanie, who initially gave me the impression of growing up with a silver spoon in her mouth, but later showed exactly why you should never judge a book by its cover, nor by its inner wrist Paula Abdul “Straight Up” tattoo; and of course, me.

As the wine eroded inhibitions, the conversation became more personal. Less concern was given to biting tongues, language grew a shade coarser, and a few stories could probably be classified as ribald (not all of which were mine, surprisingly). Topics ranged from wise advice and favorite places (mine vacillates between The Orlando Improv and Dancers Royale, of course) to meth and Jesus. And many more.

The food, prepared by chef Mike Garcia, was fantastic. Revel in the photos of a meal prepared by a man who clearly loves what he does, and shake your head in jealousy that you didn’t get to sample any of it.

In my daily life, I meet a lot of people, and the impact they have on me depends on my relation to them. Sometimes they’re audience members saying hi after a show, and I won’t remember who they are thirty seconds after they leave. Sometimes they’re new comedians entering the scene, and I don’t even care enough to remember them until they’ve been around for at least six months. Maybe they’re girls I’m listening to while I collect phone numbers that end up in conversations that will eventually prove fruitless.

And sometimes eight strangers sit down at a table and share a meal, then go their separate ways, strangers no more.

The Dinner Party Project

Detroit skyline from Belle Isle Park

In Memoriam: Anastacia Campbell

We lay in the giant bed on our backs, our heads touching, bodies extending out like a large letter A. Our epic Christmas Day adventure inside the abandoned Six Flags in New Orleans had just ended, and we celebrated with too many drinks at the hotel bar. Our love was never anything other than platonic, and it never felt more tangible than it did in that instant. “Thank you for this, Stace. I am never going to forget this.”

Her hand actually left her phone for a second and she gripped my wrist tightly. “Thank you a thousand times over. You don’t know what you saved me from, but just know that I couldn’t be happier than I am right here, right now, and right with you.”

Stacy Campbell and Adam Avitable in New Orleans

Anastacia Lyn Campbell was a dynamic, funny, dark, twisted, brilliant, beautiful soul. Her loss was devastating. I didn’t just lose a friend I originally met on the Internet. She was Jurgen Nation, and Indie Ink, and Cry Laff posts, and Coke Kitty, and Stacy Effing Campbell. She was bigger than life. She was too big for life.

When her family asked me to preside over the funeral service, I was deeply honored and completely terrified. Already feeling the shadow of guilt that I had let her down in some way, I didn’t want this to be a further failure on my part. But I knew I had to do it. For her, for me, for all of us who loved her.

The service was standing room only, filled with mourning family, friends and coworkers, but there was an entire world of people who couldn’t attend. Her family from MamaPop, people whose lives she’d touched, andfriends and strangers alike who felt the same loss we did. I tried my best to include them by setting up my phone to stream the service live on Periscope, which I’ve now embedded here for you. (Since the video was just a video of the ceiling above my podium, I used the audio with a photo slideshow so you don’t have to just stare at the top of my head the whole time.)

Stacy’s death brought me in contact with the other important friends in her life, and it’s bittersweet to have made friends with such amazing people in the wake of such a shattering event. My friendships with Stephanie, Krystyna, and Tom are going to last a lifetime. Not just because Stacy was the tie that binds us, but because her varied and hidden friendships were all puzzle pieces for the same puzzle. We all fit.

I loved Detroit and hated why I was there. I met amazing people, saw a beautiful city, and experienced a few moments of what it was like to be Stacy. I saw the generosity and love of the world when I was in Detroit, and it was overwhelming, awe-inspiring, and humbling. Sometimes, it’s easy to think that everyone is selfish, petty, materialistic, and hateful, but then you see the reactions of most people during a tragedy, and it helps you realize that generally, humanity is pretty fucking amazing.

Thank you to Grant for your help. Thank you to Chrissie and Pat for your amazing hospitality and opening up your home to me as if I was your son. Thank you to Gail and Terry and Jamie and Eric for allowing me to be a part of Stacy’s family without hesitation. Thank you to Racheal for showing amazing strength and character at such a young age. Thank you to my friends for all of the love and support they showed – I got literally hundreds of messages and don’t want to leave anyone out, but you all know who you are. Thank you to Amy for answering the phone even if you thought it might be a butt dial. And thank you to the SFC for making my last night in Detroit a beautiful one.

Detroit as the sun sets

Stacy Effing Campbell's Sick Fucks Club

Stephanie Hume at Belle Isle Park

Adam Avitable and Krystyna Silvi

Anastacia's Sick Fucks Club aka The Big Chill 2015 aka why won't anyone dance with us aka where's the fucking booze? #ripcokekitteh #anastaciacampbell #stacycampbell #effcamms #noweddingsandafuneral

Jameson shots for Stacy Effing Campbell

Finally, if you’ve read this far and you’re interested, I’ve pasted the original version of eulogy I wrote, which varied slightly when it was live:

Stacy would have hated this.

Traditions, rituals, events borne out times past for no reason but the sake of doing something – she didn’t believe in that.

But this isn’t for her. This is for us. This is to remember and cherish the moments we had with someone who burned so brightly that she touched hundreds, if not thousands of people with her spirit.

A eulogy is supposed to be a recap of sorts. A summary of the life of the one we’ve lost. But not this one. Stacy was, is and will always be so much more than facts and dates and jobs and places.

Stacy was a sunrise shining through the leaves, painting the world with a yellow hue.
She was a hidden smile passed between secret lovers sitting across a room.
She was a world teeming with life, living microscopically on the tip of a blade of grass.

There isn’t a person here who doesn’t have a piece of themselves missing right now. Stacy did more than enter our lives. She joined with us in such a way that she became a part of who we were, forever. That hole in our hearts that burns and twists inside us right now may heal with time, but right now it hurts more than anything we can imagine.

Stacy never cared about where we lived, what we did for a living, what mundanities made up our lives. She wanted more. Who are you? What makes you jump for joy? What scares you in the inky blackness of night? What song sends your heart pounding and your adrenaline firing? Why are you who you are?

I never had small talk with Stacy. Like her, my conversations were all bigger than life itself. We made big plans, went on life-changing adventures, and bonded in a way that was special and singular and us, and then she did that with everyone. That’s who she was.

If everyone in the world was going right, Stacy would go left. “Do Not Enter” meant “Don’t Get Caught”. For her, it was all about the experience. Her pain and her darkness were kept at bay when she was harnessing the world, soaking in life, absorbing the beauty surrounding her. She regularly withdrew into herself but always emerged, recharged and burning with her dreams.

Most, if not all, of us knew about Stacy’s bucket list. I saw it like a movie – maybe the greatest movie ever made. Adventure after adventure, elaborate set piece after set piece, and a fantastic soundtrack, and once the movie ended, it would all be over. She made no secret about her desire not to make any more movies once this one was done.

But I thought I had more time before the credits came. I should have known. Of course. I should have known that Stacy would choose to walk out in the middle of the movie. Because that was her way.

I loved Anastacia. I loved her like a soulmate, like a sister, like a friend, like I love myself on those good days. We talked about hunting ghosts in the fall, packing our lives up and moving to Australia when we were 40, exploring the catacombs in France, and a thousand other adventures on the horizon. She wasn’t just a person, or a friend, or someone I loved. She was a spectre of fantasy, the spirit of excitement, and the embodiment of living life as if each day will truly be your last.

I know that I said this was for us, not for her. But now I want to talk to Stacy directly, and I think I’ll be saying something that will resonate with many of us:

Stacy, I was overwhelmed with rage when I heard the news. I’ve never been angrier at anyone as I was at you on Wednesday night. You are so loved and appreciated by so many people, and I wonder if you only knew, would that have changed things? If you could read all the amazing words written by the people who you inspired, could that have kept the darkness from winning?

Of course not. You’re Anastacia Effing Campbell.

You were in control. You walk where paths have not existed, you drift through dreams ethereally, and you will live on inside each of us forever.

The one thing that you lacked – the hole that could not be filled – was peace. You moved constantly upwards and onwards to quell that missing aspect of your soul. And now, after all of these years, after all the pain, I hope that you are truly, finally at peace.

We love you, Stacy Campbell. You are important, and we will celebrate you in ways that you would be proud. We will take the roads untraveled, climb the barricades in our way, observe and truly notice the beauty that surrounds us, and appreciate the gifts we have. We will live in ways that scare us and push us and challenge us, and we will do it for you.

And finally, if you’ve read this far, I’ll share one last image. One that, above all else, represents Stacy. She was dark and twisted and evil and hilarious and amazing and wonderful, all bundled into one stunningly beautiful package, and her sense of humor had a morbidity and a darkness that rivaled my own. That’s why I know I can post this here and say with complete certainty that not only would she have loved this and laughed until she peed, she would have expected nothing less from me or anyone who loved her and knew her as well as her closest friends did:

Irony and Stacy Campbell

I love you, Stacy. Even in death, you provided me with an adventure and new people to love. You will always be missed.


When someone you love dies, writers write. This is for Stacy.

Stacy Campbell

amidst the broken chair and the fuck yous
dying  against the hard concrete block walls,
another memory surfaces from another of our
twisted story telling sessions.

not normal was our normal,
death was our life,
our frankness would be frankly

“I’m going to go the way of The Greats,” you’d say
deadpan with no sense of irony and I’d file that
away in the folder marked
“Things To Talk About Soon”.

the list was my(our) lifeline,
finishing it would be the right
time to talk about all of the reasons why
you were wrong. So

why did you leave entries
empty? Unchecked boxes on your list
means you have to still be here.
You have to

we have to explore the
catacombs and travel the world
just talk. Again.

Stacy Campbell

Anastacia Campbell at Six Flags New Orleans

Happy Stacy

Anastacia Campbell the photographer

Adam Avitable and Anastacia Campbell

Stacy Campbell

Adam and Stacy NOLA



Where Avitable lives.