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My human virus scanner results

Somewhat apt, and somewhat WTF:

Viruses you suffer from:

Junkfood
Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Sci-fi
Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

Industrial
Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

Discordia
Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Windows
Try MacOS X. It’s based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn’t suck. As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

Free BSD
The GPL isn’t that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

Politics
Stop caring!

Brand Names
Having a well-known name doesn’t make it good.

Hippyism
Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Computer Games
Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Conspiracy Theory
Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that’s quite scary.

Environmentalism
Consume more stuff! It’s easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh
Use a mouse with more than one button.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Pokemon (60%)
Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

Linux (80%)
Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

USA (80%)
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

8-Bit (90%)
Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

Japan (60%)
Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

Religion (90%)
Read “God’s Debris” by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

UNIX (70%)
Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

Southampton (70%)
Move to the Isle of Wight.

Read archived HaloScan comments

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