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My complaint to Netflix

(Thanks to Planet Feedback (http://www.planetfeedback.com))

Dear Mr. Hastings,

I would like to bring your attention a complaint I have about my relationship with Netflix. I am frustrated and annoyed by this, and I hope you are able to resolve this situation.

I have been a Netflix subscriber since December 2003. I loved your service! I was able to get movies quickly and didn’t have to pay late fees. If Netflix was a gorgeous woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, I would have married her. But then the marriage would have gotten rocky, and now I want a divorce.

You see, when I saw that Blockbuster was beginning a competing service, I felt a pulling at the cockles of my heartstrings (cockles are different than loins – I checked). I didn’t want my precious Netflix to suffer any competition or problems because of Ballbuster. So I upped my subscription from the 3-a-month to the 5-a-month membership! I know the extra money wouldn’t help Netflix that much, but maybe if a hundred or a thousand other people all felt this loyal, it would help Netflix defeat Blockbuster soundly.

Also, I thought that much like if I upgraded my wife from gold-plated earrings to a platinum tennis bracelet, the “service” I would get for the extra money would be well worth it. And . . . I was wrong.

Since upgrading, the turnaround in my movies has been worsening considerably. I used to get a movie on Friday, watch it over the weekend, send it back on Monday, and have a new movie on the way to me by Tuesday. Wow! Now, I’m lucky if I have a new movie on the way to me by Thursday. Not so wow.

And don’t blame the post office. I’ve been living at the same address with the same mailman for the last nine months, and my movies are all shipping to a location that I could almost ride my Segway to. (See, I get suckered in by all the trendy baubles).

The straw that shattered the camel’s pelvis was this weekend, when instantaneously 8 of the 40 movies in my queue went from being available NOW to available with VERY LONG WAIT! Holy backlog, Batman! Now, the first movie on my queue, Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, is a very long wait? Who on this blue marble we call Earth wants to watch that movie except me? Are 12-year old girls significant Netflix subscribers?

This is frustrating to say the least. Despite my glib tone, I am seriously considering getting a divorce from my beautiful bride Netflix. The sex was great, and we had good times, but a pretty young thing called Blockbuster has been flirting with me at the office, promising quickies with no waiting. How can I turn it down?

Here’s what I’d like to see happen: I’d like an honest explanation. If you explain that the Christmas rush has just overwhelmed Netflix and that things will return to the loving relationship I am used to, I’ll stay. I’ll even go to counseling if you want me to. I stuck with Amazon.com when they screwed up Christmas of 2001 horrendously, and I’m still happy. I’m a patient man, but my patience only stretches so thin…

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your prompt response.

Indubitably,

Adam Avitable

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