Now, you may disagree with some of these, and some of these might apply to you, too, but collectively, this is my list of 10 reasons that I'm better than you:

1. I'm listed on the IMDB.

2. I can roll out of bed to my computer and I'm at work. And I'm my own boss.

3. If there was a global famine, I could hibernate and live off the 6,000 pounds of body fat I have. As long as I had a rag on a stick to use to wash myself, I'd be set.

4. I'm a lawyer. Lawyers are the cockroaches of the human population. We'll live forever and are a higher evolved species.

5. I know all of the lyrics to every Weird Al song ever made.

6. I know the difference between "you're" and "your", and "they're", "their" and "there".

7. I am familiar with the methods necessary to survive a zombie outbreak.

8. The New York Times quoted me as an expert for attorneys looking for jobs. And they were right.

9. I am a consummate salesman. I can sell ice cubes to Eskimos.

10. I get my brand new TV today - a 55" Sony Grand WEGA LCD HDTV!!!! And now I can finally be a complete slave to television!

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