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If I were

Mike had an interesting post that I decided to co-opt for my own blogging purposes.

The goal is to pick four of the professions below and finish the sentence.


If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an inn-keeper…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
If I could be a world famous blogger…
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…
If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
If I could be a dog trainer…

If I could be a professor, I’d love to teach a logic or theory class for a small liberal arts college. I’ve always thought that I would be a good teacher, because I have a great ability to break things down into manageable chunks for people. On the negative side, I look down on stupid people, so my class would have to be an elective and relatively challenging so that the ‘tards wouldn’t want to be there. I also have a penchant for speaking my mind and not censoring anything I say or do, and I’m sure that could get me in trouble with people who take political correctness to its absurd extreme and with people who are extremely religious, in a fundamental way. The dress code would have to be very relaxed, too. I don’t own a pair of pants, and if I have my way, I never will.

This is less of a fantasy than a plan for the future, though. When I get a bit older and no longer need my current income, I want to either get a Ph.D. or just use my existing Juris Doctorate to get a teaching position at a local college. I think it would be a blast.

If I could be a writer, I’d be a mix between Carl Hiaasen, Robert B. Parker, Janet Evanovich, Robert Crais and John Sandford. I’ve actually written down about thirty little concepts for different novels that someday I’d like to actually attempt to create. In fact, next year I plan on doing NaNoWriMo just to force myself to write a novella. I would like to write something that is funny, because without comedy, what’s the point? It would have to have some type of mystery or problem solving required, and the dialogue would have to be so sharp that it would give you papercuts.

If I could be a lawyer, you might think I was cheating. Yes I am a lawyer, but I’m not a practicing one. If I ever had to practice law, I’d want to do some type of regulatory work. Something where in-depth analysis of case law, statutes and court opinions becomes a science. Tax, banking, commercial law – something like that. I’ve always loved breaking a statute down to its basic elements and interpreting them based on the semantics of the language. And if I did that type of law, I might be able to avoid wearing a suit. Probably not, though. Fucking outdated dress code for professionals today. I relish the day when suits and ties are outlawed.

If I could be a linguist, I’d be cunning.

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