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Bette Midler is a cunt

So this weekend we celebrated my birthday. I ate lots of steak and cake, ice cream that had peanut butter and chocolate in it, and played Nintendo with some good friends.

Now that I’m 30, I find myself forgetting everything.

Did I remember to feed the dog?

Did I just take the trash out in the nude?

Do I like my cheeseburgers with or without bacon?

It’s horrible having degenerative memory, but at my old age, I guess it’s expected. I’m going to go put on Depends, eat some fiber, watch Matlock, and write angry letters to the editor.

What does this have to do with the title? I don’t remember!

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