Thanks for playing Avitatrivia! After carefully reviewing all the questions everyone asked, I had a difficult decision to make:
Do I go with the retarded question that made me chuckle?
The overly complicated one that made me think of boobs?
The one by my favorite blogger?
In the end, I decided to pick the one that had the best juxtaposition of humor and horror and the best chance of some great gallows humor.
And, the winner is . . .
Denise, for her question, “If you could choose between being Hitler’s sex slave and Big Bird’s sex slave…which would you choose and why?”
For managing to bring up images of mass genocide, Jim Henson, anal sex, mustachioed personas of evil, erect penises, and Snuffleupagus all at once, Denise wins a personal Avitable sketch! Check your email, Denise!
Now, for some other random pieces of discussion:
- Now that I’m #2 on Google for the search “how to get wife into fisting”, I’ve decided that my competitive self is going to force me to become #1. So here are some tips for the adventurous husband who wonders how to get his wife into fisting! First, get her naked. Use whatever means you want to make that happen. Second, make her fall over on her back with her legs in the air. Ask her to impersonate a dead cat or something equally romantic. Next, tell her to close her eyes, relax, and dream of non-invasive things. Finally, squat and perform the Bruce Lee monkey-paw thrust until your arm is up to your elbow inside your wife. Move your hand side to side inside her like a spastic pitcher warming up. Don’t forget to mix up jazz hands and spirit fingers for that magic fisting touch! And voila! You have just figured out how to get your wife into fisting!
- If you’re a fan of Kermit the Frog, Nine Inch Nails, Johnny Cash or even if you’re not, you need to watch this video. I have not seen something as equally horrifying, amusing and sad in quite some time. It is safe for work.
- Guys, don’t you hate it when you go to take a leak but you’ve got a bit of a problem and urine simultaneously sprays about fourteen different ways and now when some poor little retarded kid goes into the handicapped stall at the movie theater after you, his life is going to be ruined forever?
- One of my favorite bitches, Amy, decided to make this lovely animation of the Flying Avitable Sperm Fairy after my explanation of where babies come from See it below.
- I have to get up in six hours but I’m not tired. Tomorrow’s going to be a looong day.
Jazz hands and Spirit fingers idea courtesy of Britt