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The winner and more

Thanks for playing Avitatrivia! After carefully reviewing all the questions everyone asked, I had a difficult decision to make:

Do I go with the retarded question that made me chuckle?

The overly complicated one that made me think of boobs?

The one by my favorite blogger?

In the end, I decided to pick the one that had the best juxtaposition of humor and horror and the best chance of some great gallows humor.

And, the winner is . . .

Denise, for her question, “If you could choose between being Hitler’s sex slave and Big Bird’s sex slave…which would you choose and why?”

For managing to bring up images of mass genocide, Jim Henson, anal sex, mustachioed personas of evil, erect penises, and Snuffleupagus all at once, Denise wins a personal Avitable sketch! Check your email, Denise!

Now, for some other random pieces of discussion:

  • Now that I’m #2 on Google for the search “how to get wife into fisting”, I’ve decided that my competitive self is going to force me to become #1. So here are some tips for the adventurous husband who wonders how to get his wife into fisting! First, get her naked. Use whatever means you want to make that happen. Second, make her fall over on her back with her legs in the air. Ask her to impersonate a dead cat or something equally romantic. Next, tell her to close her eyes, relax, and dream of non-invasive things. Finally, squat and perform the Bruce Lee monkey-paw thrust until your arm is up to your elbow inside your wife. Move your hand side to side inside her like a spastic pitcher warming up. Don’t forget to mix up jazz hands and spirit fingers for that magic fisting touch! And voila! You have just figured out how to get your wife into fisting!
  • If you’re a fan of Kermit the Frog, Nine Inch Nails, Johnny Cash or even if you’re not, you need to watch this video. I have not seen something as equally horrifying, amusing and sad in quite some time. It is safe for work.
  • Guys, don’t you hate it when you go to take a leak but you’ve got a bit of a problem and urine simultaneously sprays about fourteen different ways and now when some poor little retarded kid goes into the handicapped stall at the movie theater after you, his life is going to be ruined forever?
  • One of my favorite bitches, Amy, decided to make this lovely animation of the Flying Avitable Sperm Fairy after my explanation of where babies come from See it below.
  • I have to get up in six hours but I’m not tired. Tomorrow’s going to be a looong day.

Avitable Sperm Fairy

Jazz hands and Spirit fingers idea courtesy of Britt

58 thoughts on “The winner and more”

  1. I’m a wiener! NOW my life is complete and has meaning. I will treasure this award for the rest of my life. :clap:

    Nice dress…pinky-purple is so YOU!

    BTW, don’t forget to use a little lube on those spirit fingers…they move much easier that way.

  2. TopBlogMag, thanks for the visit, unless you’re just a traffic whore.

    Misfit Duck, there are always good questions!

    DutchBitch, it was a difficult decision.

    Geeky, yeah it is!

    Mr. Fabulous, poor Mrs. Fab.

    Denise, pinky-purple is what I’m wearing right now, coincidentally.

  3. Congratulations, Denise!

    (Tug, sorry I couldn’t bribe the judge well enough…)

    Avi, I think you should strive for being #1 for women fisting their husbands in reciprocation. The Kermit video is NSFW if you work in a methadone clinic. I pee all over public bathroom stalls all the time. And, that fairy photo is adorable!

  4. Seeing Avitable Sperm Fairy just makes me want to see your 50 Things video, because I never even knew that’s where babies come from. What other secrets to life are you keeping?
    :rock: :rock:

  5. Poppy, I can’t encourage that kind of behavior on the behalf of men everywhere.

    Mistress Yoda, I’m sexier in clear.

    Dave, there are plenty. And thanks for reminding me! I am working on that video as we speak!

    Dragon, aww, shucks.

    Mist, did you blow Rolf, too?

  6. Steph, can you get me a matching handbag?

    Heather, I’ll spread my magical seed wherever I’m needed.

    Poppy, they’re awesome!

    NYCWD, nah. It is fun to do.

    Jordie, only for you. And that’s clearly censored banana bangin’!

  7. yay on the vid.

    what would you say if i commisioned you to draw a picture of me germane to my website? that might be hot. i think i need a new banner or something for my sidebar. you are genius

  8. Avitable, you are hysterical. And it rhymes too, so score one for me.

    I wish I was that talented in drawing. By the way, I’ll have fun with these smilies! :sex007: :sex011: :sex012: :violent006: :whip: :clap: šŸ‘æ :dunno: :dazed: :ohgreatone: šŸ˜Ž :blush: :violent018:

  9. After seeing my little pic all live and shit… I have to say, there is something REALLY wrong with me!

    As if my mass commenting spree last night didn’t indicate that already.

    Go me! :clap: :blush:

  10. What the fuck did Crys do??

    Seriously – that chic needs to. i demand you ban her IP address IMMEDIATELY.

    AND… I cannot believe you didn’t give me credit for the spirit fingers. And the jazz hands. That was ALL me!!! :tongue:

  11. oh and she still doesn’t have a gravatar. honestly, if she loved you like i loved you, there’d be boobs and those boobs would be in a gravatar of some sort. this woman is playing with your heart avi, and it pains me terribly to watch. i almost want to cry again. please don’t make me.

    god, i feel the poetry—it’s coming again— :wave:

  12. one more quick comment about love and how honestly, i am the purveyor of great love—nay, the author of it. it comes out of my soul. do you think Gerard Butler googles his name? do you think he even cares, now that he’s made the movie of his lifetime what with this whole Leonidas gig? because he’s so hot. his abs, did you see them? did they turn you gay? probably, right? he’s so hot. well Gerard, if you’re out there all googling your name and stuff, and you happen to see me and my very hot gravatar, and you know, you’re all over there in scotland with your burr and your kilt and you kind of think i’m cute—


    and if you’re thinking to yourself “well you know, i need a poetess in my life”

    and then it occurs to you as you’re reading this comment THAT I AM A POETESS —


    plz drop me a line vis-a-vis my very rockin website crystalanne.org because you are very hot my sexy scottish brother

  13. :sex011:

    i almost used that smiley above gerard, but that would have been tacky, and i am a class act all the way. married too but i didn’t mention that because that’s tacky as well. shhhhhhh


  14. I am NOT going out and getting drunk tonight. I am going to the casino – the DRY casino (fuckin’ Iowa).

    I give so much love… I don’t even need to justify it.

    But you can guarantee I will make him cry. Weep, in fact, as he begs for more.

  15. How happy are you that everyone is indulging your comment whore side? I’m not sure what I’d do with this many comments in one day. I’d never get any work done. We are very loyal readers.

    I think I’m picking the bananas just for fun.


  16. Crystal, you’re always number one in my book, even if you don’t stay as the top commenter.

    Annie, that is probably true. I have no shame.

    Amy, I’m hoping for another funny conversation that I can record and turn into more sound clips. Hey, where’s the site update, huh?

    Britt, it’s okay if you bring liquor disguised as water. And I don’t know if Orlando is ready for you.

    Poppy, I’m enjoying it. Keeping up with everyone is quite a task, though.

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