Before this post begins, I have an assignment for all of you:
I want the dirtiest, nastiest, raunchiest, most obscene smilies you can find. Just leave a comment with the URL, or email them directly to me at my first name at my last name dot com! I want smilies fucking and sucking and felching and fisting and shitting and pissing and coming and jerking and thrusting and probing and fingering and licking and biting and whipping and violating and spanking and twisting and turning and feeling and burning. You can help me compile the least tactful, most horrifying collection of smilies on the planet. Moohahahahaha!
And now onto your regularly scheduled post:
Since Saturday gets less traffic as usual, I normally don't post. But since I got fucking tagged by Bluepaintred, I figured I'd put this up there to showcase my wit and superior sense of humor.
1. LIST FOUR SENTENCES YOU’VE NEVER SAID BEFORE:
- Grandma, please don't touch me in my no-no place.
- No more food for me - I'm stuffed.
- You're too young for me.
- Thank you for sharing that wonderful material with me, dear Jehovah's Witness.
2. LIST ANY NUMBER OF SONG TITLES THAT DESCRIBE HOW YOU’VE FELT THIS WEEK:
- Monday: Dude (Looks Like a Lady), Aerosmith
- Tuesday: She-Bop, Cyndi Lauper
- Wednesday: Fuck the Police, NWA
- Thursday: I'm Too Sexy, Right Said Fred
- Friday: Maneater, Hall & Oates
3. IMAGINE YOU’RE HAVING THE IDEAL PERFECT DAY. WHAT FOUR THINGS WOULD YOU BE DOING?
- Auto-fellating
- Eating birthday cake and hamburgers
- Listening to Avril Lavigne and Gwen Stefani on repeat
- Watching Britt's newest porn video, The Brittanic.
4. MAKE UP FIVE CREATIVE NAMES FOR A NEW ROCK BAND:
- Farting Upward
- Life is Cheese
- Omnivore
- Avril Cover Band
- Avitable
5. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO GO BACK IN TIME AND ENSURE THAT THREE SONGS WERE NEVER WRITTEN, THUS SPARING HUMANITY FROM EVER HAVING TO HEAR THEM. WHAT THREE SONGS WOULD GET THE AXE?
- Another Brick In The Wall, Pink Floyd
- Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin
- The entire Dave Matthews Band oeuvre
If you want to do this, feel free. I'm not going to be a bastard and tag you, like some fuckers.
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Avril Cover Band. What a creative name!
Hopefully they aren't what their name implies.
Comments by Clown
I sent a few smilies via email.
I WISH we could get rid of The Wall and Stairway to Heaven. They have been overdone..very, very overdone!
:violent006:
Comments by DeniseTN
You thought you looked like a lady on Monday?
How does that happen??????
:what:
Comments by stephanie
Clown, oh you know they are.
Denise, thanks!
Stephanie, well, I had on a dress and pumps.
Comments by Avitable
I hate DMB :violent006:
Comments by Mistress Yoda
A thousand times yes on The Wall and Stairway to Heaven.
Kiss me, you big monkey.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Did you say DMB just to make me comment?! Frickin' a.
Britt has a new porn video?! LINKAGE!
Comments by Poppy
I don't want to know why Friday was Maneater day. I just don't...
Comments by Amy
You don't like Dave Matthews Band? I'm shocked. What about, say, "Granny?" "#41?" "Typical Situation?"
Comments by Joefish
Mistress Yoda, I knew I liked you for a reason.
Mr. Fab, do I get a banana? Your banana?
Poppy, he. No comment.
Amy, I spent time talking to you and Britt - why do you think?
Joe, when I was in college, which was a little private college called Washington and Lee, 90% of the people there were beer-swilling, rich redneck, legacy conservative frat boys and sorority girls. And DMB started being popular while I was in school because he played at my school and UVA all the time. So everyone loved it, and you couldn't walk through the quad without hearing his music. I was in the 10%, and I despised everything those Limbaugh clone rejects did.
Comments by Avitable
I sense a bit of hostility here avi.... :ohgreatone:
Comments by bluepaintred
I like "The Wall" the album, especially "Comfortably Numb" but that song, yeah, not so much.
"Stairway to Heaven" most OVERPLAYED song of ALL time. It's like a broken record.
How about anything by "Billy Squire". You know I can NEVER remember his last name (I had to go look it up) and I cannot stand him. Who did that guy blow to get a record deal?
Comments by annie
Besides the fact that The Wall is by far the most progressive album of its time period... Fuck The Police was done by NWA. Ice-T had CopKiller but that was actually done by his hardcore thrash band Body Count... and eventually was actually banned from sale by none other than the Bride of the Iceberg Savior... Tippa Gore.
It's an inconvenient truth that she is all for censorship.
Just sayin'.
Comments by NYC Watchdog
totally on Dave Matthews. talk about sewage!
Comments by Crys!
oh haha, Billy Squire! the pink tank top that ruined an entire career! he's ricockulous
Comments by Crys!
BPR, me, hostile? Never!
Annie, yeah, I meant "Another Brick in the Wall," but I mistyped. I actually like the Scissor Sister's version of "Comfortably Numb" better.
NYCWD, thanks for the correction.
Crystal, I knew you were awesome for a reason.
Comments by Avitable
Apparently we have a few things in common...anyone who likes Butt Trumpet immediately goes to the top of my list.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
:crazy:
Comments by Amy
Sorry, I'm going to get an "F" on this assignment... I'm not too tech-savvy... looks like you're off to a great start, though! :violent006:
Comments by cat
I've got Britt's new DVD on pre-order, but what are her older porn titles so I can look them up?
Comments by Dave2
Mistress Yoda, indubitably!
Amy, you're too old to understand.
Cat, thanks!
Dave, you can look for the Three Fuck-Britteers, Britt Does Vegas, and Where the Blonde Whore Hos.
Comments by Avitable
:tongue: Ass.
You are lucky I will always be one year older.
Don't forget Britt's other critically acclaimed title, "The Adventures of BoyBanger P.I."
Comments by Amy
No comment about the Britt video? YOU. ARE. SUCH. A. TEASE.
Or, did you mean no comment about DMB?
Actually, either way you not commenting is a total cop-out.
Comments by Poppy
Amen on DMB.
And as for Stairway To Heaven, Frank Zappa does a great version where the guitar solo is played by the horn section. i saw him do it in '88, it's priceless. It's also on his live record "The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life"
Comments by Paticus
Hrmph. Well!
Comments by Joefish
Joefish, I'm with you. I *love* DMB. Outvoted, clearly.
Comments by Poppy
Amy, you are older if not in some way wiser. Sometimes.
Poppy, I meant no comment about whether or not I mentioned DMB just to get you to comment
Paticus, I will look for that. Sounds interesting.
Joefish, sorry. Other than that, your taste seems impeccable. But not when it comes to that.
Comments by Avitable
Do you want the nastiest smilies because of the comment I left you? lmao
Comments by Miss Misery
I see. Then I say "no comment" in return. :wink:
And now my eye hurts from being jabbed with a stick, ya meanie.
Comments by Poppy
"Avril Cover Band"
That would be my worst nightmare.
Comments by webmiztris
Miss Misery, how ever did you guess?
Poppy, oh yeah? I'll make it feel better. :kiss: Better? :whip: How about now?
Dawn, it would be the GREATEST BAND ALIVE!
Comments by Avitable
YAR!!! Much better! :wink:
Comments by Poppy
Lol, life is cheese ;)
Comments by Bethie
Actually, Bethie - if you ever watched Buffy you'd know it's, beware the cheese!! :D
Comments by stephanie
Bethie, is the baby sucking your brain out yet?
Steph, nice Buffy reference. Have you read Season 8 of Buffy, which just happens to be in comic form?
Comments by Avitable
NO! I didn't know it existed!!! Tell me Joss wrote it and I might just plotz!!!
Comments by stephanie
Yes. He's actually calling it Season 8. It just came out last week. I have several copies, if you want one. It's coming out monthly.
Comments by Avitable
Yes, please!!!!!!
Comments by stephanie
It's in the mail!
Comments by Avitable
You totally ROCK
:ohgreatone: :ohgreatone: :ohgreatone: :ohgreatone:
Comments by stephanie
I did it at heather-anne.com :sex012:
Comments by heather