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Saturday laziness

Before this post begins, I have an assignment for all of you:

I want the dirtiest, nastiest, raunchiest, most obscene smilies you can find. Just leave a comment with the URL, or email them directly to me at my first name at my last name dot com! I want smilies fucking and sucking and felching and fisting and shitting and pissing and coming and jerking and thrusting and probing and fingering and licking and biting and whipping and violating and spanking and twisting and turning and feeling and burning. You can help me compile the least tactful, most horrifying collection of smilies on the planet. Moohahahahaha!

And now onto your regularly scheduled post:

Since Saturday gets less traffic as usual, I normally don’t post. But since I got fucking tagged by Bluepaintred, I figured I’d put this up there to showcase my wit and superior sense of humor.

1. LIST FOUR SENTENCES YOU’VE NEVER SAID BEFORE:

  1. Grandma, please don’t touch me in my no-no place.
  2. No more food for me – I’m stuffed.
  3. You’re too young for me.
  4. Thank you for sharing that wonderful material with me, dear Jehovah’s Witness.

2. LIST ANY NUMBER OF SONG TITLES THAT DESCRIBE HOW YOU’VE FELT THIS WEEK:

  • Monday: Dude (Looks Like a Lady), Aerosmith
  • Tuesday: She-Bop, Cyndi Lauper
  • Wednesday: Fuck the Police, NWA
  • Thursday: I’m Too Sexy, Right Said Fred
  • Friday: Maneater, Hall & Oates

3. IMAGINE YOU’RE HAVING THE IDEAL PERFECT DAY. WHAT FOUR THINGS WOULD YOU BE DOING?

  1. Auto-fellating
  2. Eating birthday cake and hamburgers
  3. Listening to Avril Lavigne and Gwen Stefani on repeat
  4. Watching Britt’s newest porn video, The Brittanic.

4. MAKE UP FIVE CREATIVE NAMES FOR A NEW ROCK BAND:

  1. Farting Upward
  2. Life is Cheese
  3. Omnivore
  4. Avril Cover Band
  5. Avitable

5. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO GO BACK IN TIME AND ENSURE THAT THREE SONGS WERE NEVER WRITTEN, THUS SPARING HUMANITY FROM EVER HAVING TO HEAR THEM. WHAT THREE SONGS WOULD GET THE AXE?

  1. Another Brick In The Wall, Pink Floyd
  2. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin
  3. The entire Dave Matthews Band oeuvre

If you want to do this, feel free. I’m not going to be a bastard and tag you, like some fuckers.

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41 Replies to “Saturday laziness”

  1. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, I knew I liked you for a reason.

    Mr. Fab, do I get a banana? Your banana?

    Poppy, he. No comment.

    Amy, I spent time talking to you and Britt – why do you think?

    Joe, when I was in college, which was a little private college called Washington and Lee, 90% of the people there were beer-swilling, rich redneck, legacy conservative frat boys and sorority girls. And DMB started being popular while I was in school because he played at my school and UVA all the time. So everyone loved it, and you couldn’t walk through the quad without hearing his music. I was in the 10%, and I despised everything those Limbaugh clone rejects did.

  2. annie

    I like “The Wall” the album, especially “Comfortably Numb” but that song, yeah, not so much.
    “Stairway to Heaven” most OVERPLAYED song of ALL time. It’s like a broken record.
    How about anything by “Billy Squire”. You know I can NEVER remember his last name (I had to go look it up) and I cannot stand him. Who did that guy blow to get a record deal?

  3. NYC Watchdog

    Besides the fact that The Wall is by far the most progressive album of its time period… Fuck The Police was done by NWA. Ice-T had CopKiller but that was actually done by his hardcore thrash band Body Count… and eventually was actually banned from sale by none other than the Bride of the Iceberg SaviorTippa Gore.

    It’s an inconvenient truth that she is all for censorship.

    Just sayin’.

  4. Avitable

    BPR, me, hostile? Never!

    Annie, yeah, I meant “Another Brick in the Wall,” but I mistyped. I actually like the Scissor Sister’s version of “Comfortably Numb” better.

    NYCWD, thanks for the correction.

    Crystal, I knew you were awesome for a reason.

  5. Paticus

    Amen on DMB.
    And as for Stairway To Heaven, Frank Zappa does a great version where the guitar solo is played by the horn section. i saw him do it in ’88, it’s priceless. It’s also on his live record “The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life”

  6. Avitable

    Amy, you are older if not in some way wiser. Sometimes.

    Poppy, I meant no comment about whether or not I mentioned DMB just to get you to comment :poke:

    Paticus, I will look for that. Sounds interesting.

    Joefish, sorry. Other than that, your taste seems impeccable. But not when it comes to that.

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