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Momma told me not to be a whore

But I can’t help it.

I’ve been nominated in the Blogger’s Choice Awards as the Best Humor Blog (thanks NYCWD). I’m competing with the beautiful and sexy Mr. Fabulous, among others, and he’s far ahead of me in the race.

Go vote for me (you’ll have to register and shit, but I know you fuckers can do it). Make sure you verify your registration before voting! If you vote, and then register, and then confirm, you still have to go back and vote for it to count.

Everyone who votes for me and then leaves me a comment saying they did will receive an autographed Avitable original drawing! Just ask Denise – she got hers and won the lottery, lost 32 pounds, had mind-blowing sex with a young stud named Raoul, and got a free car! So, owning an autographed Avitable original drawing could just be the very best thing you could ever do for your otherwise mundane existence.

And just to remind you why it is that you love me and want me to be your leader, I will offer up the original dance video from the contest between myself and Mr. Fab. I plan on making another video soon enough, as well.

Here you go:

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82 Replies to “Momma told me not to be a whore”

  1. Avitable

    Poppy, you are the awesomest!

    Cat, you might have to confirm your registration and vote at that time for it to count. Thanks!

    Paticus, you are the man.

    Dave, :sex003:

    TMP, what do I need to do? Mind-blowing oral sex? Done.

    Hilly, once you’ve seen the milkshake, there’s no going back.

    WeaponM, it’s like a trainwreck.

    Britt, I’ll autograph your boobs when I see you.

    Mistress Yoda, Mr. Fab has legions and legions of fans. I was your #1 fan last month, remember? :heartbeat:

    Steph, thanks! You rock!

    Britt, yeah, you’re right. But I want you guys to show me boobs, not meatrockets.

  2. Avitable

    NYCWD, you also voted for Fab, which basically negated your vote! No sexy boy named Raoul for you.

    Heartless Lass, thank you for going through the pain of registering.

    Bethie, it didn’t work! You have to vote again after your registration is confirmed for it to count. Thank you, though. :heartbeat:

    Mr. Fabulous, I changed the link so that it worked properly.

    HCG, thanks! I like your lime green, so you’ll never win in that category.

    Usedtobeme, I’m a bigamist. Woo away!

  3. Avitable

    Poppy, nah, I’ll find something to write with. :jerkoff2:

    NYCWD, no Raoul for you!

    Mistress Yoda, phew! I need a cigarette now.

    Amy, it still make me chuckle, too.

    Annie, but I’m so good at it!

  4. RW

    As I await my confirmation email to tell me that I am a new member of whateverthefuck they are that is running the contest I would like to point out that the phony ID I put into these kinds of fields in order to get to the good stuff without getting on any email list, of course, did not work because they have to send you this stupid verifying email.

    This, of course, means that I have had to actually register twice in order to vote for you, and I also notice that my verifying email has not yet arrived.

    It has not been routed to my junk, it has not been blocked, and it is not yet in my inbox… lo these many seconds later.

    And the seconds are quickly turning into minutes and at this rate the minutes will soon turn into hours. Then days.


    Seven years later I shall finally be allowed to vote for this blog… and in return? A picture of Adam Avitable, probably with a great big shlong hanging down to his ankles and Adam’s signature.

    Oh yeah. This is a fair trade.

  5. Avitable

    Tracy, the next video may have my hairy ass swinging to the beat. Be careful what you ask for.

    Poppy, must recharge. Too many autographs recently.

    Fringes, I’ve now hidden the smilies, so hopefully he won’t be too enthralled again. 🙂

    Britt, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of experiences with jizz on many different holy days.

    RW, am I that predictable? 🙂

  6. RW

    Well I would have liked to pimp for you… or whore for you… or whichever way you’d like the metaphor to go… but the whatchamacallit site never sent me my verifying email. So I’ll just mumble a prayer to Jesus on your behalf.

    But in the meantime I’d investigate why that happened. Maybe your rival has hacked the process?

  7. Sheila

    I’m going to have to agree with everyone and say that video will never get old. I think you should have it be a sticky post, so every time visitors come to your blog, we get the joy of seeing it!

  8. Alyssa

    i just want you to know, that i’m offended by the smilies.

    okay, not really but that’s ok.
    i was about to comment and it was going to be funny and then i realized what the hell they were doing and i was like what the fuck!?

    now anything i was going to say is lost.
    bastard smilies

  9. Avitable

    RW, I think their site has gotten overloaded. Hopefully Jesus will fix it.

    Poppy, old Catholic tradition – no jizz on Fridays.

    Geeky, why, thank you. It makes me hot, too.

    Sheila, good thinking. I might have to do that.

    Alyssa, they do tend to hypnotize you. Hopefully that didn’t keep you from voting!

  10. Avitable

    DaisyJo, thank you. My dances are worth more than that, I know. You can send me naked photos as payment, if you’d like.

    Dawn, thanks. Fab deserves a win, but I need one, too!

    Cat, yeah, their site is having trouble.

    Gemini, I’m glad my lack of shame can make you happy.

    Ashley, thanks. I live in Orlando, so I might, although I don’t like your company because they rejected me for PPP. So we’ll see.

  11. NYC Watchdog

    I remember when they did. We were sad. Then we were glad we weren’t whoring ourselves out on the street corner for profit. We prefer to do it for free.

    Ya know, Fab, if you have some pull… maybe you could get Avi in on the ground level or something. Help the gorilla out.

  12. NYC Watchdog

    Really??? For awhile I thought you were like a shareholder or something. I really don’t understand how they approve or disapprove blogs… I know someone told me it had to do with pagerank and Alexa rankings… but who really surf’s with the Alexa bar anyway?

  13. Avitable

    Well, on my old blog, I had a PR of 4, which would become a 5 in the next few weeks (next time Google does it again). This one is only 2, but it’s also only two weeks old.

    They said it was the profanity. Although Fab’s blog has just as much!

    Maybe they are fucking idiots and think that because there’s a picture of Hitler in the header, I’m an anti-Semite. That would be corporate idiocy on their part.

  14. Avitable

    There are sites that will estimate what it is, and Firefox has an extension which can also give you a good idea of what it is. Actually, I just checked, and mine was a 5, which is pretty good. A 6 is better, and hopefully it would have jumped to that.

  15. Mr. Fabulous

    Pagerank and Alexa rankings determine which opps you can take, but as far as I know they don’t figure in to approval or disapproval.

    Seriously, if they approved both of mine, I don’t see what they found objectionable here.

  16. Leaf Counting

    I wanted to respond to your comment on my blog and I wasn’t sure if you would end up making the long journey back over so I hope you don’t mind me responding here as well.

    The implication that you nominated yourself was not my intention. I linked you to the “whore yourself” comment because you had used those exact words in that context. (Which by the way I respect that you were blatant and clearly did it in jest, but many others seem to be taking it seriously.) My observation was a generalization of the homogenous blogrolls. Within the circle of top vote getters, the blogs on their links are incredibly similar.

    I don’t know if you guys are the cool kids or the band geeks or the drama club, but there is definitely a clique. You may be the exception, but look around at the blogrolls of the people in your inner circle of reads and see how the people everybody promotes are typically within the same circle.

  17. Avitable

    Leaf Counting, I was going to eventually get back there, but I’m glad you came here, because I’m lazy, and the subscribe function makes it much easier!

    I think what you’ll find is just that as you find blogs you like, you comment on them. And they comment on yours, and then other people go look at their blog and comment, and it becomes a circle of communication.

    I have about 200 blogs that I read regularly. The ones who post frequently and post interesting things are the ones I comment on. The ones who post once a month are ones that I may eventually just stop reading.

    With the millions of blogs out there, finding people that share your opinions who will post consistently and maintain a constant online presence is actually more difficult than you’d think. When there is a site like the Blogger’s Choice Awards, which has open nominations, the first person to find it and start nominating means that a whole group of those friends will be nominated.

    So, it might feel like a clique, but I get comments from people every day who I don’t know, and I always go read their blog and try to comment on it. It’s a very large circle, and not a close-knit group that shuts out any newcomers.

    And now, here’s a little vajayjay action for you! :tongue1:

  18. annie

    Leaf Counting-
    Many “Awards” are obviously popularity contests. Some blogs are great and some just have very supportive readers who cannot ignore their whore of a host’s blatant pimping for their own blog.

    In case you hadn’t noticed, the world runs in “cliques”. Get the fuck over it.

    But, what Avi said, most of us are very welcoming and WANT more readers with different opinions and such.

  19. Leaf Counting

    Wow, I’m impressed by your number of regular reads, and also your commitment to reading and responding to trackbacks, it’s admirable. In my short blogging life, I can already see how many blogs have fallen off my radar because of irregular and sporadic posting.
    The good news of the Bloggers choice awards is that I did discover some great new sites that I will be stopping by more. Good luck, and keep whoring!

  20. Avitable

    Annie, are you included in that “most”?

    Leaf Counting, if you get a feed reader like Bloglines or Google Reader, you’ll notice that it’s much easier to keep up with. You can subscribe to comment feeds, or just subscribe to comments with a throwaway email address. The more you interact with the same bloggers, the more you’ll learn about them and feel like you know them.

    Fab, we all love Annie. She’s awesome!

  21. annie

    Am I included in “most” what?
    “most” whores?

    Oh! “Most of us are very welcoming”, is that what you meant? Why sure!

    My Gaggle of Whiny Whores always agree with everything I say. It gets damn boring.

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