I've decided to stop whoring for votes for "Best Humor Blog" because at this point, I'll either get it or I won't. And if I don't, the old vanguard will.
So I'm changing over to pimping. While there are many hos that I have who could use some pimping, I have to make the special effort for my special ho - the crème de la crème - the one that all the boys ask for by name. This ho has all of the boys itching to spend their money and then sends them away just itching.
These men see her ads in the back of reputable publications and line up around the block to get a chance to ride the rollercoaster (Must be 7" long to ride). Black, white, yellow, red, and brown, one by one, they enter, and, 30 seconds later, they leave. Some with smiles, some in tears (of joy), but all in love. All of them willing to fork over their hard-earned cash for another pass at that ass.
So go on over, give my #1 ho the once-over, and vote for her cute ass all over the fuckin' place. Ya dig?
Just a sample picture of my #1 ho after an evening out
with the Los Angeles Lakers. Ignore the schmear. I've
protected her identity to keep any other pimps from stealing her
and offering her more than the 3% cut she gets:
(Yes, I know my photo is not a pimp photo. My camera didn't have the proper purple hat with feather. Just use your fuckin' imagination, okay? Thanks to my special ho for the post idea.)
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Comments by NYC Watchdog
I'm digging the hair-do. I think you should really embrace the afro.
Comments by Sheila
That "do" is so totally YOU!
Comments by DeniseTN
Wow! The whole pimp looks so good on you. So natural...
Off to vote now!
Comments by DutchBitch
"The old vanguard"
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Avi, you're the meanest pimp I've ever
*giggle*
worked formet.Comments by Poppy
Well, I tried to vote for you, but I never got my verifying email and, um, sort of forgot about it. So the site won't let me in to vote. But you have all my positive thoughts and energy flows. That should probably do it...
Comments by RW
3% and shoes, remember? Plus you pay for Protection. And Penicillin.
Comments by Miss Britt
NYCWD, I've licensed its use.
Sheila, I was considering it.
Denise, my crotch matches.
DB, thanks! I do make a natural pimp.
Mr. Fabulous, you mean, "Get away, you bastard!" isn't nice?
Poppy, back to work!
RW, I think your wife voted. I'm glad she could figure it out, even if you couldn't!
Britt, forgot about the shoes. They're on the way.
Comments by Avitable
I want to help with the soundtrack for your album.
Comments by Mist 1
I prefer to be "creamed" not "buttered" but it'll do
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Yes, Boss.
Comments by Poppy
Surprisingly, the afro looks really good on you! Are you sure you're not part black?!
Comments by cat
Mist, I need help. Right now it's all Avril Lavigne and Weird Al.
Mistress Yoda, I like to butter my bagels.
Poppy, thatta girl.
Cat, well, I do like to yell at the screen when I'm at the movies.
Comments by Avitable
3% is over rated.
Comments by franky
You are a great pimp. Maybe that is your true calling.
Comments by themuttprincess
You are such a kiss ass.
I do love the pics though!
Comments by Amy
What are we talking about?
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Franky, she does a good job. And I get perqs.
TMP, I have been reassessing my career options.
Amy, I am not! I'm the opposite of that. A punch ass!
Mistress Yoda, oh, my new nickname for you is Bagel. And by butter I mean ejaculate.
Comments by Avitable
she got my vote!
Comments by Crys!
Oh ok...I must like ya a lot...I'm obsessed with them.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
haha great blog I voted for ya!
please return the favor:
http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/825
Comments by Tiana
Crystal, each of your votes should be worth 100!
Mistress Yoda, you and your bagels. All I like to do with bagels is have sex with them.
Tiana, thanks for the vote. It has been reciprocated. You can email naked photos to me at adam AT avitable DOT com.
Comments by Avitable
Bagels are my mistress...they fill me up and make me feel special when I need it.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
I'm diggin' that fro.
Comments by Joefish
Knowing you, your comb wouldn't really be yellow.
It'd be red.
Which case, did you still need red shoelaces sir?
Comments by Jordie
Mistress Yoda, I'll fill you up and make you special!
Joefish, thanks, it is all natural.
Jordie, good point. I bought red shoelaces online!
Comments by Avitable
Is that a song?
Comments by Mistress Yoda
I almost lost my coffee on that last pic. nice.
Comments by The Chad
Mistress Yoda, yes, it's by the Butt Trumpets!
Chad, feel free to stop by that cute lil mouth and make a deposit anytime.
Comments by Avitable
Hey, woah, now opening the door on regular deposits may be going a little far.
I AM a good Catholic girl, ya know.
Comments by Miss Britt
Britt, he'd pay for them!
Comments by Avitable
As I suspected ; )
Comments by cat