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I’m here to teach

For your edumacation, I, the brilliant and mighty Avitable, have decided to share some important lessons that might make your lives much easier.

  • If you decide to shave your testicles and crotch to look like a porn star, make sure that the electric razor is not dull, or else you will risk tearing out huge patches of hair by their roots. This will not feel good.
  • If you go out to lunch with a gay male friend and eat a burger with mayonnaise, make sure to wipe the corners of your mouth, especially if you have a beard, lest you return to the office looking like you just returned from a quickie blowjob in the bathroom.
  • If you think the girl who works behind the counter at the photo developing booth is beautiful, there are better ways to ask her out other than taking naked self-portraits and having them developed during her shift.
  • Never surprise your girlfriend with quickie anal sex immediately after eating Mexican food.
  • Your penis is never as long as when you measure it by jamming the ruler so far into your flesh that it hits your spine.
  • If you are a novice at performing oral sex on a woman, do not fake it by pretending that you’re eating corn on the cob.
  • It’s okay for a woman to call herself fat or a whore. It’s not okay for you to do the same.
  • If you’re so inclined to do a “naked drive” for fun and excitement, do not do it on the beach during high tide, lest you get stuck and have helpful samaritans who come over to help dig you out.
  • If you decide to masturbate in a public park, make sure that (a) it’s a public park and not a temporary movie set, (b) that you’re completely alone, and (c), that you aren’t being filmed by 15 different cameras which can provide clear, high-definition proof during your trial.

And, now for your viewing pleasure, here is a video of a man having sex with a snake. Watch it and be amazed and horrified and entertained and disgusted.

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58 Replies to “I’m here to teach”

  1. MsFreud

    Shit! It’s spring break and the kids are home. I can’t click a link for snake fucking with them running around.
    I will have to find the link for the chicken fucker for you Avi… oh and the woman giving the horse a blowjob.

  2. Avitable

    BPR, I am a deep repository of wonderful things.

    Tori, and educational! Did you know you could perform oral sex on a snake? I didn’t!

    Sheila, c’mmmmmmoooonnnnnnnnn!

    MsFreud, I’ve seen the horse blowjob video – well, I’ve seen several of those. I actually have my own collection.

    Dave, I’m trying to enlighten everyone!

    Mr. Fabulous, so I should be punished for bringing something new and unique to the blogosphere?

    Denise, you know you wanted to check it out. You couldn’t help yourself. It’s compelling.

  3. Clown

    If you hadn’t told me about this before I probably would have hit the floor when he started giving the snake oral.

    I wish there was a way to get the couple arrested. I know there likely wouldn’t be much, if any punishment, but having news reports about the snake sex would be fantastic. Too bad their families probably already want nothing to do with them.

  4. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, poor Mr. Yoda. No wonder he went down to the penguin.

    Poppy, I should just rename that smiley :poppy:

    Chad, you’re welcome. I know you appreciated that.

    TMP, yes and no.

    Dawn, aren’t you glad that I am helping you be aware to all of the creepy things in the world?

    Hilly, I’m good at that.

  5. Avitable

    Marti, I can only teach as fast as the students are willing to learn.

    Mike, you saw it when we were making that snake video!

    Mistress Yoda, you should see this coming, too. :jerkoff2:

    Jordie, I’ve got a snake for ya.

  6. Miss Ann Thrope

    you are one seriously demented person and from now on, if anybody asks, I don’t know you.

    PS: He shoulda been a real man and stuck it in the other end.

  7. CP

    All I kept thinking about was the woman he was with, laying there, humping the skin of the snake while this guy is fucking the snake. I’m thinking…man, what a hot mess that bitch must have been if he would rather fuck the snake than her. :boobs3:

  8. Clown

    Not the python?
    What a stupid thing to say.
    You are a stupid.
    You are saying stupid thing.
    You make snake love sound bad. Shame, shame.

    Err. Nevermind.
    Not the python, indeed.

  9. Poppy

    I have a suggestion: Could you pretty please add a “video” tag so that when we’re looking for hours of video fun from your site we can just look up the one tag? I had to search for “snake” to find the snake video and I don’t even remember all the other videos, but I’m sure if I could find them all at once it’d make my article editing a lot more fun… :deadhorse:

  10. Avitable

    Clown, you can love as many snakes as you’d like.

    Suzanne, I don’t think so.

    Poppy, aren’t you glad you watched it?

    TMLSB, maybe it’s too right.

    Girl, Dislocated, and knowing is half the battle.

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