For your edumacation, I, the brilliant and mighty Avitable, have decided to share some important lessons that might make your lives much easier.
- If you decide to shave your testicles and crotch to look like a porn star, make sure that the electric razor is not dull, or else you will risk tearing out huge patches of hair by their roots. This will not feel good.
- If you go out to lunch with a gay male friend and eat a burger with mayonnaise, make sure to wipe the corners of your mouth, especially if you have a beard, lest you return to the office looking like you just returned from a quickie blowjob in the bathroom.
- If you think the girl who works behind the counter at the photo developing booth is beautiful, there are better ways to ask her out other than taking naked self-portraits and having them developed during her shift.
- Never surprise your girlfriend with quickie anal sex immediately after eating Mexican food.
- Your penis is never as long as when you measure it by jamming the ruler so far into your flesh that it hits your spine.
- If you are a novice at performing oral sex on a woman, do not fake it by pretending that you're eating corn on the cob.
- It's okay for a woman to call herself fat or a whore. It's not okay for you to do the same.
- If you're so inclined to do a "naked drive" for fun and excitement, do not do it on the beach during high tide, lest you get stuck and have helpful samaritans who come over to help dig you out.
- If you decide to masturbate in a public park, make sure that (a) it's a public park and not a temporary movie set, (b) that you're completely alone, and (c), that you aren't being filmed by 15 different cameras which can provide clear, high-definition proof during your trial.
And, now for your viewing pleasure, here is a video of a man having sex with a snake. Watch it and be amazed and horrified and entertained and disgusted.
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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uhm are you sure i should click that link? how exactly does a man have sex with a snake? I can understand a woman doin it, but a man?
i think i will click it after all...
Comments by bluepaintred
WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU FIND THIS SHIT?
as a snake owner (we have two) i find this HORRIBLE. that poor poor baby! too bad snakie doesnt turn around and bite his dick off!
Comments by bluepaintred
[...] I'm here to teach [...]
Comments by I'm here to teach
that... was... strange....
Comments by Tori
Uhm, if BPR is freaking out that much, I'm not going to click the link. Sorry, you can't make me.
Comments by Sheila
Shit! It's spring break and the kids are home. I can't click a link for snake fucking with them running around.
I will have to find the link for the chicken fucker for you Avi... oh and the woman giving the horse a blowjob.
Comments by MsFreud
You're here to teach? Great! I'm here to learn!
HOLY CRAP, IT'S A MAN ACTUALLY HAVING SEX WITH A SNAKE!
Why, why do you do this to us?
Comments by Dave2
Gee, I can't understand why PPP would have a problem with this blog. Just about everyone has videos of snake fucking...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
That's wrong. Why did I click that link? Whhhhhyyyyyyyy?!
Comments by DeniseTN
BPR, I am a deep repository of wonderful things.
Tori, and educational! Did you know you could perform oral sex on a snake? I didn't!
Sheila, c'mmmmmmoooonnnnnnnnn!
MsFreud, I've seen the horse blowjob video - well, I've seen several of those. I actually have my own collection.
Dave, I'm trying to enlighten everyone!
Mr. Fabulous, so I should be punished for bringing something new and unique to the blogosphere?
Denise, you know you wanted to check it out. You couldn't help yourself. It's compelling.
Comments by Avitable
The snake thing was AWESOME, but when I read the thing about the corn on the cob, my clitoris actually tried to escape into my abdominal cavity. AARGH.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
why do i find it more disgusting when he's licking and fingerbanging the snake than when he's actaully got his dick inside it?
nevermind. i don't wanna know.
Comments by part-time buddha
If you hadn't told me about this before I probably would have hit the floor when he started giving the snake oral.
I wish there was a way to get the couple arrested. I know there likely wouldn't be much, if any punishment, but having news reports about the snake sex would be fantastic. Too bad their families probably already want nothing to do with them.
Comments by Clown
Tracy, get that clit back! You'll need it someday.
PTB, that part disturbs me more.
Clown, damn. Next time I'll keep that a secret.
Comments by Avitable
Hmm, that explains my most recent park experience... And that girl from self defense class trying to lick my face last night.
Comments by Poppy
I like corn on the cob.
Comments by Mist 1
I've learned a lot but when is the test and is it multiple choice? I'm really bad at taking standardized tests...can I make it up some other way?
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Poppy, park porn is fun.
Mist, I've got a cob for you.
Mistress Yoda, I'm sure we can think of something. Is there anything you're good at?
Comments by Avitable
You can ask Mr. Yoda, that is a rare appearance lately.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Avi, I am well aware.
Comments by Poppy
dude. wow. seriously. that was....interesting.
Comments by The Chad
Is it ok to have anal with Mexicans after eating Mexican food? Or eating a Mexican?
Comments by themuttprincess
omfg, avi...why? I'd say 'now I've seen it all' but then next week you'll post a video of a guy screwing a cockroach or something...
Comments by Webmiztris
Good job...you have rendered me speechless which is nearly impossible to do.
Wow.
Comments by Hilly
Mistress Yoda, poor Mr. Yoda. No wonder he went down to the penguin.
Poppy, I should just rename that smiley :poppy:
Chad, you're welcome. I know you appreciated that.
TMP, yes and no.
Dawn, aren't you glad that I am helping you be aware to all of the creepy things in the world?
Hilly, I'm good at that.
Comments by Avitable
It's quite the tragic story, I'm sure there will be a special on it on E! someday.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
YAR, yes you should! Or, :poppy bukkake: — even better!
Comments by Poppy
Thou shalt not call a woman a whore. REally? Ruh- EALLY?
What. The. fuck? Do you ever call me anything BUT a whore??
Comments by Miss Britt
Mistress Yoda, or a Behind the Music.
Poppy, we'll save that for special occasions.
Britt, you must misunderstand me. Clean out your ears! I call you a s'more! Like, crunchy and sweet and hot.
Comments by Avitable
So it is ok to let the Mexicans in on the anal after a few tacos and hot sauce, but no to eating a Mexican with a lil extra hot sauce. Hmmmm. So many things to consider.
Comments by themuttprincess
Mr. Yoda would have to come out with an album first. Well he does have one...sort of...but I don't think there was a mass release.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
That video disturbed even me.
Wow.
Just wow.
Comments by NYC Watchdog
TMP, it's a plethora of options.
Mistress Yoda, I'll mass release on your . . . . never mind.
NYCWD, now I feel like I've accomplished something important!
Comments by Avitable
Great, now ya tell me.....
Comments by Marti
Hey!
When did you get a perm?
;-)
Comments by Mike
I should have seen that coming
Comments by Mistress Yoda
That just killed a perfectly good day.
I wonder how much pain that snake was in.
And I don't even fucking like snakes.
Comments by Jordie
Marti, I can only teach as fast as the students are willing to learn.
Mike, you saw it when we were making that snake video!
Mistress Yoda, you should see this coming, too.
Jordie, I've got a snake for ya.
Comments by Avitable
"If you are a novice at performing oral sex on a woman, do not fake it by pretending that you're eating corn on the cob."
Truer words have never been spoken my friend. I heart you! :D
Comments by usedtobeme
Sometimes Avi, I worry about you...lol. But your crude jokes make me laugh.
Comments by Miss Misery
Wow... the things I have learned today. And, you know, you've really traumatized me. I'm so innocent and pure as the driven snow. Shame on you.
Comments by Amy
Usedtobeme,
I can get out my dental dam, if you want!
Miss Misery, I'm rude, crude and socially unacceptable.
Amy, innocent as snow that has been pooped on! Poopie snow!
Comments by Avitable
Comments by Amy
you are one seriously demented person and from now on, if anybody asks, I don't know you.
PS: He shoulda been a real man and stuck it in the other end.
Comments by Miss Ann Thrope
What in the bloody hell?
Comments by Kentucky Girl
I keep watching these damn videos. I shouldn't be surprised anymore, but I am.
Comments by Joefish
Amy, anytime! Rawr.
Miss Ann, you do know me and you love me! Hah!
KG, it's exactly what I said it was going to be.
Joefish, I'm definitely going to run out of things sooner rather than later.
Comments by Avitable
I can't believe that was even possible! That poor snake. I hope the humane society finds that prick (literally)! Okay, I need to pick my jaw up off the floor now...
Comments by cat
All I kept thinking about was the woman he was with, laying there, humping the skin of the snake while this guy is fucking the snake. I'm thinking...man, what a hot mess that bitch must have been if he would rather fuck the snake than her.
Comments by CP
Cat, I have to wonder if the snake was even alive.
CP, I know! I was thinking, "There's a naked woman right in front of you. Fuck her, not the python!"
Comments by Avitable
Not the python?
What a stupid thing to say.
You are a stupid.
You are saying stupid thing.
You make snake love sound bad. Shame, shame.
Err. Nevermind.
Not the python, indeed.
Comments by Clown
I'm pretty sure that snake was dead. At least I hope so.
Comments by Suzanne
I have a suggestion: Could you pretty please add a "video" tag so that when we're looking for hours of video fun from your site we can just look up the one tag? I had to search for "snake" to find the snake video and I don't even remember all the other videos, but I'm sure if I could find them all at once it'd make my article editing a lot more fun...
Comments by Poppy
Ohhhhkay, I've changed my mind. I'm all set without seeing all the videos in one shot. That was disturbing on way too many levels for me to process.
Comments by Poppy
no. that is just not right.
Comments by TMLSB
Now I know what a snake vagina looks like
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Clown, you can love as many snakes as you'd like.
Suzanne, I don't think so.
Poppy, aren't you glad you watched it?
TMLSB, maybe it's too right.
Girl, Dislocated, and knowing is half the battle.
Comments by Avitable
No, I'm not glad I watched it. My brain has rebelled and I've lost 15 IQ points. THANKS.
Comments by Poppy