While it's not as cool as this whore getting interviewed for an e-zine, I am participating in an interesting meme that's making the rounds that I saw over at Mr. Fabulous's house of ill repute.
It’s not the sort of meme you get tagged with, you have to request the tag. It’s an interview meme. I requested that Mr. Fab ask me any five questions, and I have to answer them here. If you want to participate, just read the instructions at the bottom. So here we go…
1. I know you have a very strong drive to be successful. Would you prefer to make a lot of money with very little notoriety, or have a very moderate income but be very famous?
Above all things, I am an attention whore. But I'm also a high-maintenance attention whore. I believe that negative attention is better than no attention at all. At the same time, I have a certain lifestyle, and I'm not willing to compromise on that lifestyle - I need my expensive shampoos, weekly shaves, bacon cheeseburgers on demand, and midget hookers. Since I am an entrepreneur at heart, I think that if I was very famous and had a moderate income, I would soon be able to parlay that fame into a significant income, therefore having my cake and eating it too.
2. Having met your wife Amy I can attest that she is smart, funny, attractive, accomplished and charming. So what's the deal, really? How is it YOU manage to hang onto a woman like that?
Every night, when she comes home from work, I help her into her robe, get her slippers, give her a beer, and fluff her pillows on the couch. Then, I make dinner while listening intently to how her day was and responding accordingly. Finally, before she eats, I give her a full neck and shoulder massage. And right before she eats, I drug her food and perform nightly hypnosis that cements our relationship to the rock of love and trust that it currently is.
3. I suspect that you are like a Cadbury Egg, in that you are hard on the outside but soft and gooey on the inside. Also, you taste good. When is the last time that you had a good cry?
You'd be wrong. I'm just as tough and mean on the inside as I am on the outside. My heart is just a shriveled up piece of coal, and whatever soul I had as a kid disappeared long ago. I'm not nice or friendly or courteous or nostalgic or sappy or respectful. I last cried when Bruce Willis died in Armageddon because he was such a fucking retard to give up his spot for some young punk. Before that, I think I was 12.
4. You have made no secret of your disdain for vegetables and your unholy alliance with all things meaty. Just how impacted IS your colon?
I get plenty of roughage when I eat meat, because I don't bother unwrapping the sandwiches. Cardboard, paper, meat, cheese, and all. It all goes down the gullet. And we'll see who's laughing when I live to be 143 on a diet of cheeseburgers, birthday cake, and Diet Coke.
5. Inevitably, after both our wives have come to their senses and left us and you and I get together to drown our sorrows in diet soda and carnal pleaures, which of us will be pitching and which of us will be catching?
If I'm catching, I'll at least be able to surf the web at the same time, or do some work. so that sounds better for me. Pitching sounds like too much work.
Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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oh hay
interview me!
Comments by Crys!
I'd ask you to interview me, but then I'd have to interview other people and that sounds like a lot of work.
Comments by Dave2
i was thinking about that too dave, but i was too much of a narcissist to pass it up. btw, are you a low-carber guy? because you look REALLY familiar.
Comments by Crys!
I would want to be interviewed but I don't have a blog.
Comments by WeaponM
Nevermind I have one now.
Interview me you sexy beast.
Comments by WeaponM
interview me...but I'm really very scared of you...be gentle.
Comments by Kimmie
Oh man...I totally didn't think #5 through. Now I want to catch!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Oh, and for those who want to be interviewed, the original meme limited it to the first five people who asked, so you could always do that.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Interview me, you know you want to...
Comments by Maritza
Interview me. Bitch.
Comments by heather
Whew! I was really worried about your colon. But now I'm not.
Oh,what the hell. Interview me, you hairy bastard.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I'd much rather be the catcher but for the things Mr. Yoda wants me to do...well I'll be doing a different kind of catching
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Interview Me.
Comments by Paticus
Interview me, you whore.
Comments by Poppy
I have no doubt you're living to be very old on that crazy diet of yours, as long as Amy doesn't find out who you really are and start drugging your dinner. As for Cadbury eggs, I think you are one. But I'm still drunk.
Comments by Poppy
I'd ask to be interviewed...but 1) I don't have a blog anymore, and 2) I'm horrible in interviews.
Comments by Danalyn
Bruce Willis made you cry?
Ha ha.
Comments by Mist 1
Crystal, I'll email you shortly.
Dave, if you want, you can just answer them here. I'm emailing you anyway!
WeaponM, look at that. All fancy and shit with a blog now. I'll email soon.
Kimmie, don't you know that's just what I like to hear? You're in trouble now!
Mr. Fab, too late! Oh, and I'll do anyone who asks, not just the first five.
Maritza, yes, and you may regret it.
Heather, can I just ask you to send me naked photos five times?
Tracy, see? It's all under control.
Mistress Yoda, so you're the catcher during buttsex?
Paticus, your wish is my something.
Poppy, I need to interview you quickly while you're still drunk.
Danalyn, you're not horrible in singing music parodies, though. Here's your ass kissing for today.
Mist1, *sniff*. Still does!
Comments by Avitable
No butt sex for me.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Very interesting site. I feel kinda dirty though. I'll have to think on that.
Comments by Laurie
I'll get redrunk just for you, don't you worry your pretty little head.
Comments by Poppy
Interview me.
Comments by themuttprincess
no freakin way am I letting you interview me. :)
Comments by Webmiztris
I'm with Webmiztris.
Comments by Amy
FUCK!! I am not first five and I soooooo wanted to be interviewed.
I can't believe both you AND Mr. Fab want to catch. I think you have to be the first men in history (who are not openly gay) to ever admit that.
AND -
that you put a few regular smilies up. This is why I 
you.
Comments by Miss Britt
You know what...IF you want I'd love for you to interview me as well...but you don't have to.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
{sarcasm} You, an attention whore?!? Get outta here.{/sarcasm}
Comments by Dragon
Ok, I feel bad. Please interview me, Oh Super Nekkie.
Comments by Amy
And you KNOW Miss Britt is totally lying when she uses
don't you?
Comments by Amy
Aw..I'd love to be interviewed..But other people who read MY blog don't HAVE blogs themselves..So the chain would be broken!
Comments by Jordie
By the way, I totally knew that's how it worked with Amy.
Comments by Jordie
got em, yay! of course you had to throw in a panty question...
Comments by Crys!
oh and question: is Amy of Amy's Musing's the Amy that is married to you? i mean, is your wife's name Amy?
Comments by Crys!
Questions answered.
Should I feel offended that i did not get a panty question ?
Comments by Paticus
Crys No... I'm the *other* Amy. Like the *other* white meat only different. Avi's Amy would have to be a complete
to tolerate him. I'm much more of a 
kind of person.
Comments by Amy
Mistress Yoda, suuuuuure.
Laurie, after you wash your eyes out, come back. We'll be here.
Poppy, how about my pretty big head?
TMP, check your email!
Dawn, such a FUCKING pussy!
Amy, follower!
Britt, check your email. And catching just sounds easier.
Mistress Yoda, done.
Dragon, I know. I'm so modest and demure, too.
Amy, you have been interviewed! And I know she's lying. She wants more of this
Jordie, that's okay. The chain can be broken, I guess.
Crystal, of course I did! I need to know! And Amy is not the same Amy as my Amy. My Amy does not blog. I usually refer to her as my wife to keep them separate. Amy from Amy's Musings is a female version of me.
Paticus, you should feel flattered.
Amy, exactly!
Comments by Avitable
Comments by Amy
i see. i went and read your "about me" section, too, and saw that you had kids...which avi has yet to produce, unless of course you count his growing cache of tittie smilies...
Comments by Crys!
oh and, pleased to meet you. :)
Comments by Crys!
so wait, avi, i should NOT be flattered that you asked me about my panties???!!!!!
Comments by Crys!
Amy, not the same physically - just mentally. You're hot. I'm a gorilla.
Crystal, no, you SHOULD be flattered, because you are the goddess Crystal! Paticus should be flattered that I didn't ask him - he's an ugly man like me!
Comments by Avitable
Avi, Avi, Avi, you are too hot! Just as long as you keep the sexy goatee. No beards! They are SOOOOO 1980-something.
And Crys - nice to meet you too. And, don't encourage him to claim the smilies as offspring or I'll never get him to join the "happy" parent club.
Comments by Amy
oh my bad....i thought paticus was a chick. still...i'd kinda like to see him in some panties
Comments by Crys!
and amy...i'm part of the parent club...don't know that it's ever been a 'happy' one though...
i keed! i glow! it's spring every day! have babies avi, this instant!
Comments by Crys!
and i agree. beards are too much. lots of growth there, lots of maintenance, lots of navigation. lots of commander ryker going on. a goatee is very fly for a white guy. WORK IT AVI, WORK IT. you're 30 now; get yourself a tweed coat with those patch thingies on the elbows, get yourself a pipe, get yourself a goatee. FLY.
Comments by Crys!
I must respectfully disagree with Amy. I love the beard. More scruff.
Comments by Poppy
Amy, my beard is trendy - a nice little line down the jawline, and that's it. It's hip, damnit.
Crys, babies are scary.
Poppy, thank you!
Comments by Avitable
Crys,
I am an ugly man. And apprently a very 1980-something one at that, as I have a beard.
I also have kids, but they are only 19 months old, so I'm not sure if I'm in the happy parent club or not.
Comments by Paticus
Interview me.
Oh dear Lord, I am scared ;)
Comments by Hilly
there are no ugly men! such insanity!
Comments by Crys!
k, except for maybe this man:
http://eur.i1.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/xp/premiere_photo/20050905/15/3552981801.jpg
Comments by Crys!
If your big head wants to play too I'm down for that.
Comments by Poppy
And you're welcome. Your beard = total hotness no matter how you wear it.
Comments by Poppy
I last cried when Bruce Willis died in Armageddon
i cried for that too. interveiw me, and i will post both sets of questions at the same time (yours and fabs)
mah email on my blog dont work for somereason. it's jitteryjoe@sasktel.net
Comments by bluepaintred
Paticus, you can tell me about your panties anytime, too.
Hilly, I'll try to refrain from any questions about you stabbing me in the back with your vote!
Crystal, he's much prettier in person.
Poppy, ooh.
BPR, check your email!
Comments by Avitable
LOL - I am going to vote for you too so I am not labeled as "that stinky snatch who voted for Fab".
;)
Comments by Hilly
Thanks. I will check my email when I get home from work. Lord only knows what you put on there. Luckily I only have a few hours to sit here and wonder.
Oh my.
Comments by themuttprincess
Ya know, I pop in here and see two people talking constant smack about me. Two people who apparently have plenty of time to COMMENT... and yet no time to IM a woman in desperate need of fucking DISTRACTION.
:-P to you BOTH.
Comments by Miss Britt
Hilly, I'd never do something like that!
TMP, I was kind.
Britt, have a
, ya big 
Comments by Avitable
Awwwwww, poor Brittini. I feel bad now. Of course, you could have IM'd me you lazy ho.
And Avi... PUHLEEEEZE for the love of all things HOT and SEXY (and sticky and sweaty) do NOT grow the beard back.
Just think if you start pilates and yoga now you might be able to reach your goal of masturbating WITH your super smooth face. That should be some serious incentive for a donkey porn addict such as yourself.
Comments by Amy
And Britt... shouldn't you be packing or something constructive anyway?
Comments by Amy
FYI watched the Avi dance video again... OMG it gets better EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
Comments by Amy
Pleasure me.
Interview yourself.
Comments by Clown
Bruce Willis didn't make me cry. I did get a little misty though when dumb ass Ben Affleck married Liv Tyler in the movie. I mean... what. the. fuck.
Personally... I would have blown up the asteroid... and Steve Buscemi.
Comments by NYC Watchdog
Why hasn't
been renamed :poppy bukkake: yet?! You know it's my favorite!
Comments by Poppy
was the ass licking question really called for?
Comments by bluepaintred
Amy, I'll just work on cloning myself instead.
Clown, never!
NYCWD, I like Steve Buscemi.
Poppy,
BPR, are you kidding me? Of course it was!
Comments by Avitable
I wasn't worried. I do not offend easily. (duh, otherwise why would I frequent your blog)
I just better give your questions the time they deserve.
Comments by themuttprincess
I'd like you to interview me, and I don't mind interviewing another person, but fuck if I'm gonna interview EVERYONE that asks. Of course, I could ask them the same five questions.
Hmmmm...
Okay, I'm in.
Comments by TMLSB
TMP, I am surprisingly tame.
TMLSB, All set. Check your email. And you'll only get like 5-6 comments, anyways, so you can fucking do it and like it!
Comments by Avitable
So... um... I'm new here, but since I have no impulse control and always try to be the life of the party
, I'd like to be interviewed also 
Comments by Kelly
Waitaminute......Did Avitable just say that he was tame?
Now I have heard everything.
Comments by WeaponM
I think your claim of being tame might actually be true. I think you are such a well trained lovesick puppydog at home that you have to come here and fake it in blog land just so you can stand the sight of yourself.
Comments by Amy
Kelly, thanks for the visit. Consider yourself served.
WeaponM, when it comes to interview questions.
Amy, are you just cranky because you're pregnant?
Comments by Avitable
Hey, can I play here in your comments, the way you did in mine? If so, send the questions my way!!
Comments by stephanie
If you're offering, I'll gladly make that my new favorite.
Comments by Poppy
Are you just obnoxious because you confirmed that you do have an decent and active sperm count and might actually have to reproduce?
Comments by Amy
Steph, check your email!
Poppy, I'm sure!
Amy, not if I can just fake orgasms for the next ten years!
Comments by Avitable
Bring it on big boy. Unless you're out of the good questions. Then I'll have to go beg Fab for some.
Comments by usedtobeme
Yay! Questions!! :D
1. What is your favorite drink?
Grey Goose Extra Dirty Martini, straight up, with extra olives and ice on the side (to make sure it stays cold!)
2. Did you read your Buffy comic? What did you think?
OMG! It's been sitting in my backpack, and I completely forgot about it because I am completely entrenched in my book! But, I did read the first few pages. I love the artwork, and the Jossisms definitely come through in the writing, but I haven't gotten far enough along to make a complete judgement call. (As an aside, I have extra copies of Fray 1, 2 & 3, all in mint condition if you want them. Just let me know.)
3. What is your #1 favorite song of all time?
This is difficult, because I have such a love of music. I guess it depends on my mood.
Sappy - Sucker - John Mayer
Jaded Bitch - Black - Pearl Jam / Ironic - Alanis Morrisette
Silly - Supercalifragalisticespialadocious
Tough Girl - I Will not be Broken - Bonnie Raitt
Sad - Dreaming with a broken heart - John Mayer
(k, I'll stop now :)
4. If my wife says she's okay with bigamy, will you move down to Florida?
I'm totally selfish, and refuse to share my man with anyone, Avi. (You should know this by now!)
5. Do you wear thongs, sexy boyshorts, granny panties, or go commando?
Everything but granny panties. Depends on my mood, and what I'm wearing. Thongs, mostly. Boyshorts to sleep (if I'm not sleeping naked.) Commando when it's totally hot out and I want to wear as little as possible.
Comments by stephanie
Usedtobeme, I'll email you shortly.
Steph, nice answers! I've got the Fray issues collected already - it's a great read.
Comments by Avitable
Me! Interview me!
Comments by Kentucky Girl