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For those who voted for me

If you were awesome enough to vote for me in the Blogger’s Choice Awards, you may continue reading this post. If you didn’t vote for me, abstained from voting altogether, or are looking for posts about fisting your wife, fuck off. The rest of you can continue to the full post . . .

Now, many, many people totally kicked ass by voting for me, and I did well. And for a while, I was even winning. But Mr. Fabulous has taken the lead by a hefty margin. It’s okay – he’s been around longer and his readership and traffic is significant, so I’m just happy I was able to be a contender for this long.

Currently, though, the new contender for 1st place is a fucking whorebag of a blogger named Dooce. Any fucking cunt who won’t even put comments on her blog doesn’t deserve to be called a blogger, much less win for Best Humor Blog. She’s not funny. She’s no George Carlin or Bill Hicks or Chris Rock. She ranges from mildly amusing to painful, like Sinbad or Carrot Top. Her writing is amateurish and utter shit, and I can’t think of a single redeeming factor for her blog.

So I’ve decided to throw my support behind Fab. Even if you’ve voted for me and abstained from voting for him, go do so now. I know, I know. The Blogger’s Choice Awards are clearly a pathetic attempt on the part of PayPerPost to avoid going bankrupt, they probably have a list of expert credit repair companies on speed dial. They’re trying to convince people to shell out fuckloads of money for PostieCon so that they can make it through the summer without crashing and burning. And if anyone thinks that we’ll still have PPP this time next year, I have some real estate to sell you.

But right now it’s the principle of the thing. Dooce cannot win.

And, as I said, as thanks for voting for me, here is an autographed picture just for you. Just print it out and frame it at your local frame store and you’ll have art that will only increase in value. This is an investment for your future.

Thank you from Avitable!

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47 Replies to “For those who voted for me”

  1. Hilly

    That’s mighty big of you…just after I voted for you, sheesh ;).

    Um, I don’t wanna win Best Blog of All Time (Dave should) but I wish I could beat her too…or at least that damned Cute OVerload!

  2. Mr. Fabulous

    I appreciate the support, bro. Yeah, she’s comin’ up fast and in the other category I am getting my ass kicked by puppies and kitties.

    So um…yeah, it’s a proud day for me :3some:

    I always take extra time to enjoy the smilies when I am at home because I can’t keep them on the screen for long when I am at work.

  3. Kal Jones

    Gee, thanks for the picture. I didn’t know your dog was that tall…

    When violating livestock I prefer using honey as a lubricant, it has the additional benefit of attracting ants.

    They bite.

    That’s fun.

  4. Avitable

    Hilly, it was the thought that counted! Dave should win that category, as well, and if he cared and campaigned, I think he would.

    Geeky, nothing wrong with a too-long schlong, non?

    Fab, I know you’d do the same for me!

    DB, especially when it comes to humor. She’s not funny, people!

    Kal, Crisco likes to heat up during the friction, so you cook just a little each time. That’s fun.

    Denise, I know. No comments? What a whore.

  5. Poppy

    Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! DOOCE?! C’MON.

    That’s it, I’m all done caring about those awards, which is precisely why I vow to continue to have yearly Poppy awards so I can give proper credit where proper credit is due. Someone needs to nominate Avi for best donkey, snake, and elephant porn blog this year because it’d look shady if I do it myself since I’m the judge.

    (Tug? You’re the only one reading my blog besides Avi, it might need to be you.
    :heartbeat: :heartbeat: )

  6. Avitable

    Geeky, it’s drawn actual size, not to scale.

    Poppy, sounds like a plan.

    NYCWD, yes, I agree.

    Jordie, by illustrator, do you mean illustration? Dur.

    Laci, beat the Douche!

    Heather, she needs it.

    TMP, exactly.

    Poppy, let’s just hope he can keep it that way.

    Dave, burro.

    Britt, well, clearly, as it shows in the picture, you were facing away from me.

    Denise, I know. I’m one of those photographic realism artists.

  7. Avitable

    Jordie, I see. Then you should definitely research me. I can send you naked pictures for background, if you need them.

    Heather, I’m sure you can unleash the redhead! No fury like one!

    Steph, I’d never want to mess with you either.

  8. annie

    I HATE that fucking DOOCE.
    Douche. heh-heh.
    I agree, it’s NOT a fucking blog without comments, it’s “Come and worship at the altar of Dooce, you stupid peons.”

    That fucking cunt is buying a new house now, thanks to her adoring fans, and she can’t even let them comment?

    And WTF, is she SERIOUS about the monthly posts about her daughter, like, “Lena is now 38 months old.” WTF? Or is that SUPPOSED to be funny? It’s not, it’s just dumb.
    When the kid starts High School is she gonna be all “Month: 172, Lena starts High School..”

    Anyhoo, the voting thing, I don’t see you voting for me, whore. And where’s your button? Not “your” button, “my” button, for you to put up on your blog.

  9. bluepaintred

    I voted for both you and fab. I cant print the picture out because of the children. Im sure you understand

    why does the size of your peen change each photo?

    i read dooce, but i refuse to support her in anyway. number one, the no comments pisses me the fick off. number two, i hate her becuase she gets paid to sit on her ass and blog.

    jealousy is ugly, even on me

  10. Avitable

    Crystal, thanks! We shall beat the Douche.

    Annie, I voted for you. That button will mess with my awesome design, and I don’t see a church banner on your site. 🙂

    Heather, so I’d better never piss you off!

    Jordie, my body is a temple of art.

    Dawn, should I be even more explicit? Heh.

    WeaponM, nicely put.

    BPR, That’s a safe picture for children. It should go on your fridge. And doesn’t Jittery Joe’s penis change size every day? From 6 inches to 3 feet? Hmm. Maybe I should have that looked into.

  11. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, it’s true. Your design is awesome. And I’ll harass you all day long.

    Tug, I know! I got my own “Ode”!

    Mist, you got to see the real thing, so I figured that was sufficient.

  12. Kentucky Girl

    The cuntbag is beating me for design. FOR DESIGN, MAN. Can you believe that? Have you SEEN her design? Not that I really fucking care, but it is the principle of it all. I hope she wins every category so that people can tell PPP to fuck off and die. :jerkoff2:

  13. Kimmie

    C’mon people! VOTE DAMMIT! Dooce must not win! I don’t care if Adam did call me a cunt once, I think it’s cuz he was in a bad mood…hey, we all need caffeine and I still like him anyways *grin* Hrmmmmm, mebbe it was all the damn pink, but sheesh I thought ALL men liked pink?!? Errrm I mean salmon, yeah, salmon that’s it. Of course I could just be deluded and he reminds me of my hubby with all that hair and snarkiness…

  14. Avitable

    KG, good point. Maybe we should support her to win so that PPP loses.

    Crystal, your enthusiasm is infectious!

    Kimmie, I don’t believe it was me in a bad mood – it was in response to you being in a bad mood, right? :deadhorse: :boobs4:

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