It's not always about being funny.

Happy birthday!

Before I get into the birthday wishes, I just received this photo of Britt, RW, and myself from RW that I thought I’d post. Aren’t I cute?

RW, Avitable and Britt

Is it really Hitler’s birthday again? It seems like it was just yesterday that I was buying a little mustachioed birthday cake that I burned down to ash, pissed on the smoldering remains and fed to my dog until she shit it out, then scooped it up and threw it in the trash.

The little failed artists and creators around the world have a role model. Maybe someday they can grow up and try to wipe out an entire race of people. It’s amazing how this little shell of a man managed to inspire a nation. And if it’s not clear, I am not a fan. The humor of my header is purely situational. The juxtaposition of a mass-murdering sociopath sitting next to someone eating ice cream from decades later is funny. That’s it.

While I have never gotten a single email or comment accusing me of being anti-Semitic, I’m sure someday it will happen. Some Jewish blogger, or some liberal with white guilt will come across this blog and be immediately offended. They’ll shoot off a self-important missive and pat themselves on the back while they try to contact my hosting provider to get me off the web. I relish the opportunity to reply to this person and explain that I love Jews. In fact, I’m so close to being Jewish that I can say “Jews” without it taking on a pejorative connotation (which it never should, but you never know). I love Jewish women, food, and philosophy. A naked JAP feeding me potato latkes while giving me a blowjob sounds just like heaven.

So, fuck you Hitler. You’d be 118 today, and if I saw you crossing the street with your walker, I’d clip you with my car, and then go in reverse over you and park on your legs. Then I’d demonstrate German Scheisse films on your face. Happy fuckin’ birthday.

Oh yeah, happy 29th birthday, Miss Ann!

Don’t forget!!!

Go watch my 50 things video, and then enter the contest! I’ll be calculating the winner tonight and posting a huge ass fucking post tomorrow that will go over each of my fifty things and announce the winner of the awesome prize!

45 thoughts on “Happy birthday!”

  1. Nice pic.

    I often figured you would be the one person who would want to find out if Hitler liked Vanilla or Chocolate ice cream. Perhaps puree?

    BTW… thanks for not linking to your German Scheisse video collection.

  2. Sheila, I know. I’m so precious!

    NYCWD, I decided the Scheisse videos might be a bit much.

    Miss Ann, :heartbeat:

    Mr. Fab, I know! I’m not afraid to take a stand, you know. And she is definitely a cutie.

    Heather, yeah, I ran out of steam, but I planned on working 420 into that, too.

  3. Y’know, being a Jewish woman (me, not you), I thought I’d be offended by your blog graphic. I wasn’t. I even found it funny.

    Even though I didn’t think — for one second — that you were anti-semitic, thank you for writing this. And thank you for writing it the way you did, complete with “Jews” which didn’t come across negatively (in this case).

  4. See, now I would think it would be the extreme right who would complain the loudest. When I saw your banner I thought to myself, “damn, I how come I never get to know anyone famous?” Then I thought, “hey, I wonder what flavor ice cream that is..” The whole Hitler thing is just old. People who are offended by even the image should get the hell over themselves. I’ve lived in New York and Los Angeles and I can guarantee you, the Jewish race has recovered. :deadhorse: There’s plenty of current genocide to ignore in the world today. Ya know, if anyone ever did complain, you could always photoshop yourself into a picture with Idi Amin. Just the effort of having to use Google to figure out who that is will keep most complainers at bay.

  5. Dawn, thanks for the comment.

    Mistress Yoda, well, I know that some of them do! I’m still waiting for you to make that instructional video.

    Poppy, sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

    Kelly, precisely how I feel.

    Britt, yeah, I know. It’s about how old Miss Ann really is, too!

  6. Avi – “Sounds like fun” is a severe understatement. I *love* potato latkes and blowjobs are the icing on the cake! :sex023: :sex023: :sex023: :sex023:

    Tug – OOH!!! ON MY WAY OVER!!!!!!! :heartbeat:

  7. Tug, haven’t you ever had a peanut butter banana raisin mayonnaise sandwich? It’s delish!

    Poppy, you should come over for Yom Kippur this year.

    Crystal, so you admit Jesus was black?

    Mr. Fabulous, I love babies! Especially when fried up with a little bit of peanut oil.

    Mist, I think mixing food and sexy time can save time and double your enjoyment. Just no grease splatters, please.

    Dawn, I know! I really am surprised. I’ve had this blog for almost 3 years now, and I’ve never gotten any hate mail about it.

  8. Now, what do you suppose was the last thing to go through that whackadoo’s mind? Seriously, now Avi?

    Personally, I loved your header from the get-go and found it deliciously non-PC and evidence of your obvious genius. Of course, since getting to know you better, I realize that you are truly a whackadoo as well. :fisting:

    I love the pic, btw, oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS ANN!!! For being 29 you don’t look a day over 21… you’re still getting carded aren’t you?


  9. BTW, I am seriously shocked you have never gotten a crazy email over your blog. Unless that header is the ultimate psycho repellant, maybe? I’m thinking that a psycho might come across it and think, “nevermind, this guy is waaaaaaay more fucked up than I am!” :dance:

  10. Hitler and Miss Ann, isn’t that funny? I see absolutely NOTHING they have in common. *snicker*
    Oh shit, she’s gonna slap me.

    Oh, and the photo of you Miss Britt, and RW?
    The Trifecta from Hell.

  11. Amy, I’m not a whackadoo! I am surprised that I’ve never gotten hate mail, but I think it’s always the people who seem like easy targets, like Dave, who get hate mail.

    Tug, as long as she doesn’t gag on Vienna Sausages, I’m ok.

    Annie, we’re the Trifecta of Awesomeness!

    Crystal, we were very lucky. We were even luckier after the blowjobs.

    Clown, dick won’t do shit.

    Mistress Yoda, better get cracking!

    Dragon, you should see my naked poses.

    TMP, as long as my jaw doesn’t get too tired, I’m okay.

  12. Clown, Poppy *loves* bukkake. I did try to talk Avi into renaming that smiley : poppy bukkake : but I’m not convincing enough apparently. :bukkake: (And allow me to clarify that I’ve never actually had this life experience, except in fantasy form, although not for my lack of trying.)

  13. TMP, I’m sure you’ve had that happen.

    Miss Misery, it’s not hard. You can do it. You should have a cool Gravatar!

    Poppy, can you cook latkes? Because I can’t.

    Denise, thanks!

    Clown, who doesn’t love bukkake?

  14. Yes, I can cook you latkes. Do you prefer them crunchy crunchy or just lightly cooked on either side? I need to start writing down all this food I need to cook you… Oh, and did you want me to use the jizz as a topper? Or…? :cocksuck2:

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