Unlike many people, I am not inspired by important people in history, whether they were statesmen, warriors, politicians, inventors, authors, artists, scientists, or mimes. I understand the impact that many of these people had on our lives, but I can’t bring myself to care. All I can think is that if I had been there, I would have done it better.
I am solely inspired by comedians. That’s it.
- Bill Cosby taught me how to tell a story.
- Steven Wright showed me the right way to do a one liner.
- Chevy Chase made stupid and clumsy into a type of ballet.
- John Candy balanced the line between hilarious and frightening.
- Steve Martin interspersed bittersweet drama with laughs.
- Sarah Silverman demonstrated that you don’t have to have balls to have balls.
- Dana Carvey created laughs out of life’s mundanities.
- Gallagher used slapstick for insightful political commentary.
- Mel Brooks broke the fourth wall at all the right times.
- My mother educated me on using gallows humor to deal with life.
- The Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrams defined filmic parody as an art form.
- William M. Gaines said it was okay to be immature as an adult.
- Jerry Seinfeld exemplifies the idea that money doesn’t make you funny.
- Denis Leary gave me ways to make anger funny.
- Weird Al Yankovic weaves lyrical tapestries effortlessly.
- Conan and Andy identified the humor in absurdity.
- Andrew Dice Clay took profanity so far it became funnier than ever.
- Trey Parker and Matt Stone understand that smarts and morbid humor aren’t mutually exclusive.
- Ben Edlund threw archetypes into the wind and created genius.
This is just a small list of those who inspire me or have inspired me. Whenever I approach a situation, I think about how one of those guys would have done it, and what would have garnered the most laughs. And I adjust my approach accordingly.
Do you care? Probably not. Do I care that you don’t care? Well, I should say fuck no, I don’t care, but I can’t help it. I’m a whore. I do care!
So, just to keep you around, here is a video of high-speed blowjobs. Make sure to have your sound on, because it’s worth it. And unless you’re a moron, it should be clear that this is NSFW.
UPDATED:
I just won two awards in the Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards:
Blogger most likely to suck dick for money and
Blogger most likely to dress up as the Easter bunny and harrass children and little old ladies! Go me!
Censored, part deux
My experience seeing Jack Johnson which then turns into discussion about whether or not I’m a sociopath
Things I Care About More Than The Casey Anthony Trial
Uhm, I’ve never clicked on a link you’ve provided, and will not start now. :angel:
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I’m with you there on just about everything except I like Seinfeld more and Cosby less.
Also, my list would probably include Lewis Black, Dennis Miller, Woody Allen, and Emo Phillips.
Oh, and Henry Kissinger. That fucker’s a riot!
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Neither of you (Avi or Fab) like Carlin? I would have pegged you both as Carlin fans.
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You would have loved Lenny.
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I would have to have Mitch Hedberg on my list.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
I’m with RW- Lenny was awesome, in the truest sense of the word. I’d also add Bill Hicks. :lmao:
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Sheila, Sheila, Sheila. Don’t you trust me?
Fab, I used to listen to Cosby on records, and his Noah bit is one of my all-time favorites. Lewis Black is pretty funny, but I find Dennis Miller too smarmy to be funny. Woody Allen is a good one. Are you serious about Emo Phillips? He’s always frightened me.
Melanie, I like Carlin, but after seeing him live a few years ago and realizing how bitter and unfunny he is now, I lost my taste for him. His old, original stuff is classic, though.
RW, surprisingly, he’s one that I’ve never actually listened to or seen, but I know that I should.
Heather, I would, but he just didn’t do enough to make it on the list. The few things he did before he died were pretty good, though.
Tracy, I’ve always thought that Denis Leary did Bill Hicks’s material better than Hicks himself.
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You won! Go get your award(s)!
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Well…
(yes I edited this 3 times till I got the best one… sorry)
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Nice list. i call blaspheme on saying Leary does Hicks better than Hicks, but i think they’re both funny.
I also love Letterman and Chris Elliot as precursors to Conan & Andy. And I’m a big Albert Brooks fan.
I saw RW left a Lenny Bruce Link, so here’s another one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZMTPGc0Z6A
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
You forgot Robin Williams, you might have learned that 2 hours worth of comedy can be fit into 1 hour.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
So the quest for boobs post turned out to be more contrived than funny, huh?
Ya know Avi, considering this is a post about comedians and what not – it’s ironic that this is one of the more “honest” and personal posts you’ve written here.
(I :heartbeat: that you paid homage to your mom, btw)
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Awesome! Congratulations on those wins!
I loved your list of comedians. Andy and Conan, John Candy, Chevy Chase, and your mom are my favorites.
Um, just kidding about you mom. Because I’m a comedian. :sexytime: But I looooooove John Candy. I cried when he died.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
Congratulations! You really were a shoo-in for the Easter Bunny one, but I’m sure you had some stiff competition for the dick sucking.
The only place I ever leave comments that involve both the Easter Bunny and dick sucking are here. And you wonder why I keep bleaching my brain. :banghead:
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–and, Carlos Mencia, for educating us on murdering the culture of others.
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I am not watching that video because I’m at work…and when you say something is NSFW, I know you mean it!
I know you don’t like Dane Cook, but not having Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin listed there either is just sad, avi.
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Bill Cosby, Chevy Chase, Andrew Dice Clay and MOM.
Good choices……… :clap:
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Christie, thanks! Do I have to suck your dick now?
RW, I can definitely see the appeal from that time period.
Paticus, Letterman is a good one, just not one I really watched. Albert Brooks is a great one, though. Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World was such an excellent, wry film.
Mistress Yoda, I knew at one in the morning I was going to forget people. I actually loved Robin Wiliams’s stuff when he was on drugs.
Britt, yeah, I couldn’t even get it started. And don’t start with that honest shit! And how could I leave out my mother, who told her nine-year old son Challenger jokes two days after I watched it explode on television?
Poppy, John Candy is definitely one of my all-time favorites.
Tracy, I’m glad that I can help you down the road of perversion.
Jordie, yeah, that would be the opposite of inspiration. Suckspiration.
Dawn, I just don’t think Hedberg was around long enough. I’m not familiar with Demitri Martin, though.
DooDah, thanks.
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:clap: :dance: Congrats on winning.
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I was all set to be impressed by your list here until I got to the watering can with the dragonflies or bees or whatever and flowers.
Wow. That is a sign of the apocolypse, Avi with a CUTE graphic on his blog. :rose:
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No Bill Murray? :sex014:
Congrats on the wins!! :woohoo:
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and yeah, I like Carlos Mencia, too. His act right after 9-11 told it like it was.
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Suckspiration sounds kinda hot.
Sounds like the name of a good blow job marathon.
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Heather, thanks!
Amy, I didn’t make the image. And you misspelled apocalypse. :lmao:
Tug, Bill Murray is a good one, too, but I like his drama even more, I think. And Carlos Mencia is a piece of shit who has stolen many of his jokes verbatim from other comedians (such as Bill Cosby). He’s a hack.
Jordie, speaking of which, check out the video I linked. Make sure you have your sound on!
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Blogger most likely to suck dick for money??!!!
That was MINE! You WHORE!
*Whore fight!*
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I’ve had a lustful crush on Weird Al Yankovic for years. I think it must be the hair. :batting:
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I’ve had a lustful crush on Weird Al Yankovic for year. It must be the hair.
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See? This is why I come here, for you to teach. I didn’t realize that about Carlos…but I do still like his post 9-11 act.
POPPY, I’M BACK!!!!!! :3some: :boobs3:
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Trust me, I KNEW you didn’t make the image. And, screw you – I hadn’t had my coffee at that point. :crazywife:
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Annie, shall we mark off 20 paces and start blowing?
Dragon, must have been quite a crush since you had to say it twice!
Tug, here comes the lovefest!
Amy, excuses, excuses.
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If you need any help with your dick sucking technique, let me know.
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Congrats on your awards. I bet your mother is very proud!!!!
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I thought of another one- Gilbert Gottfried.
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TUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :boobs1: :assshake: :sexytime:
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You have no idea how much I missed you.
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I’m back baby – dry your tears!!! :boobs2: :heartbeat: :rose: :sex023:
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I had to say it twice because this dumb computer isn’t working right today :crazywife:
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:woohoo: :rose: :rose: :rose: (I would do a dozen but then Avi will [EDIT] me again.) :boobs4:
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aw shucks, I don’t remember the last time I got FLOWERS. :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :cocksuck2: :boobs1:
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Let’s get this party started :martini:
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Tug – :3some: :sex014: Party!! I hafta go do some work so can we have a quickie?
Note to self: Send all of Carlos Mencia’s specials on DVD to Avi for Christmas.
I can actually send you one DVD that I told you about finding in with another Netflix movie a while back! Still have it, unwatched! 
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And the last time I got flowers was (I have no recollection). I used to get them all the time but apparently when you get the milk for free you don’t buy the cow flowers?
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I love Conan. He’s my back up husband.
And what would you say the comedy of Avitable has taught the world? (Don’t be modest.)
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I love how much energy he has, I swear I get a workout just watching him run back and forth on the stage. Did you see him interviewed on The Actor’s Studio? He couldn’t have sat more than 4 minutes the entire show and was joking around so much the guy barely got to interview him.
I think my humor is kind of like Ellen DeGeneres but straight and kind of dirty.
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Mist, thank you for the offer. I hear you’re an expert.
TMP, me too!
Paticus, that is a good one! His Dirty Jokes CD is one that I try to listen to at least once a year.
Dragon, everybody always blames the computer!
Poppy, no Carlos Mencia, unless you want my head to explode and you want me to die.
Rhys, I’ve taught nothing. I take what I learn from the greats and tweak it. That’s it.
Mistress Yoda, forgot about Ellen! Her conversational style of comedy, with her little twists at the end always makes me laugh.
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Quickies are good…especially since I’m doing you – it – WHILE working. heh. :tongue1: :sex011:
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Avi – I don’t want you to die. Wow, that’s such a sad thought that I need to stop thinking it. :crying: I won’t send you Carlos. I’ll send you me doing a comedy routine for senior citizens instead. Is that better?
Tug – Wow, I REALLY enjoyed that. May I have another?! :sex003:
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Just for you Poppy :boobs3: :jerkoff2: :bukkake:
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Wheeeee!!! :boobs1: :hug: :sex023:
Not enough sex smilies!!!
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I agree – we need more so we can mix it up a little :heartbeat: :dance: :sex003:
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Yes, more more more! I think I’m just gonna make some up:
:poppy licks tug:
:tug licks poppy:
:pretty kitty:
:milkshake:
:69: :69: :69:
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I’ve got one for you – Kevin Bloody Wilson. He’s an australian comedian that writes songs. Such classics as “the pubic hair song” ,”do ya f**k on first dates” and the all time classic christmas jingle “santa claus you c**t, where’s me f**king bike”. Most of his songs would be around the 20 year mark, but still amusing to hear every now and again
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Congrats on the awards. :woohoo:
Great list and I have to say I will have to check out some of those people as I am unaware of them.
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You won!!!
I too love comedians. I think funny=sexy more than anything else. I LOVE going to see up and coming comedians at the Hilarities in Pickwick and Frolic (sounds super gay). The young ‘uns are the hungriest and they try the hardest to please their audience.
As a Clevelander, I have to say that I love Drew Carey for the follwoing:
1. Buzz cut and glasses
2. Stripper Fetish
3. He’s from Cleveland
4. He made a shitload of $$$ from his TV shows which are both currently in syndication
Smart and Funny = I am in lust
Oh and Blowjobs are always funny. Next time could you post the video in reverse?
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**SWOON**
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Jacki, thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check him out.
Michael, you haven’t heard of some of them? Who?
ADW, I happen to be funny AND smart! RAWR. Drew Carey is definitely great, too. Both of this shows were favorites of mine, and while I think his stand-up is meh, his writing is pretty damn good.
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The Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrams
Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
# Ben Edlund
Maybe I know their work. I’ll check them out.
edit: Ok, yes I know their work, not necessarily their names or faces.
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For those of you who don’t know:
1. The Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrams created Top Secret!, Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane! and Naked Gun, among others. They’re parody geniuses.
2. Trey Parker and Matt Stone created South Park, among other things.
3. Ben Edlund created the Tick, and his work on the issues of that series was amazing. He also was the genius behind the brilliant “Smile Time” episode of Angel.
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Airplane! is one of the few parodic movies I can watch. But my sense of humor is odd like that; I didn’t like any of the Naked Guns or the Scary Movies.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I think my favorite was when Ellen mimicked what random thoughts go through her head as she’s trying to get to sleep.
You never know where she’s going with a joke:
“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” –Ellen DeGeneres
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Melanie, if you like Airplane! you should go see Top Secret!
Mistress Yoda, :lmao: that’s awesome.
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this was a cool post, thank you—srs.
speaking of jerry seinfeld, too, i’m seeing him this weekend for my birthday. i’m really looking forward to it; i hear he kills in concert.
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I believe comedy is the highest form of intelligence… which means that video should win some sort of Nobel prize or something… or not. But it was funny!
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Crys, I hope you have a good time at his stand-up. Is he still as expensive to get into as he was a few years ago?
Cat, yeah, I thought so, too.
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