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Cinco de Mayo

In addition to my video post, go behind the curtain to see a meme that I got tagged with at Tracy’s:

A – Attached or Single? If my wife is reading this, I’m attached, but if you’re a young gay Latino male, call me!
B – Best Friend: My wife. After her, there’s a long line of people I consider to be the best.
C – Cake or Pie: If I was allowed to, I would eat birthday cake for every meal.
D – Drink of Choice: Diet Coke. It’s literally all I drink. That’s not an exaggeration or an oversimplification. I don’t drink water or juice – all I drink is Diet Coke.
E – Essential Item: I always have to have at least one pack of gum with me, and sometimes I need backups.
F – Favorite Color: Black.
G – Gummi Bears or Worms? Fuck that. Chocolate, please.
H – Hometown: Born in Braintree, MA. Raised in Daytona Beach, FL. Killed a man in El Paso, TX. Became a whore in Los Angeles, CA.
I – Indulgence: Group sex with 16-year old Catholic high school girls.
J – January or February: I was born in January. It is indeed the holiest month of all.
K – Kids: I like my life the way it is, thank you very much. Why would I ruin it by adding another mouth to feed?
L – Life is incomplete without: A good book and a Thai hooker.
M – Marriage Date: October 13, 2001
N – Number of Siblings: One brother and one sister. They both have horrible jobs for an evil boss. Serves ’em right.
O – Oranges or Apples? I prefer melons. Bazongas. Chest puppies.
P – Phobias/Fears: Heights make me nervous, and I don’t enjoy being in a confined space, but I’m not really afraid of anything.
Q – Favorite Quote: “Morality is not respectability.” –George Bernard Shaw
R – Reasons to smile: Who needs a reason?
S – Season: I stay inside. Doesn’t matter to me.
T- Tag Three: If you’d like to do it, feel free. I won’t torture you.
U – Unknown Fact About Me: My life is a carefully constructed theater of art.
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? I support the protection of vegetables from those evil vegetarians.
W – Worst Habit: I love all of my habits equally.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Which one will give me superpowers?
Y – Your Favorite Foods: All I eat is beef, cheese, bread, and potatoes. And cake.
Z- Zodiac: Aquarius. The whole concept is a bunch of horseshit anyways.

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49 Replies to “Cinco de Mayo”

  1. Michael

    Glad it wasn’t fly spray or something a bit more potent, and never turn those air cans upside down and spray yourself either you loon.

    Hope you got the eyes sorted out before the party guests arrive.

  2. RW

    This is precisely why the major news media warns people about blogs; why get your news from “citizen journalists” when you can get it from their august and accredited broadcasts and publications?

    Never saw Dan Rather blow his eyeball out, have ya!? No! And for good reason!

  3. Avitable

    Sheila, to be honest, I sprayed mainly below my eyes and then just tried a tiny bit – it wasn’t a full force blast in my eyes because I thought it might be a bad idea.

    Michael, yeah I have bad impulse control and no common sense. The eyes were fine ten minutes later after washing them out.

    NYCWD, it seemed like a good idea at that moment.

    RW, and that’s why the youth of America don’t know or care who Dan Rather is but know who Steve-O is.

    Mr. Fabulous, you are going to be sorry – more hijinx will ensue!

    Frankie, a little water later and I’m all set.

    Denise, back? Was it down?

    Mistress Yoda, fucking zodiac hoodoo.

  4. Avitable

    Tracy, it was late. I was tired.

    Poppy, yeah, I’m fine.

    Dawn, my wife chooses the music, not me. If they had cheeseburger scented, I’d try it, but I like the softer smells for the room.

  5. stephanie

    I’m gonna steal this. Cause I know I’m gonna be exhausted later – considering we had soccer from 9 to 12:30, and next up is baseball from 4 to 6ish…

    May sucks balls when it comes to having any free time that doesn’t involve sporting events!

  6. Amy

    I swear I kept waiting for you to do something goofy, like fake blood between your fingers or something.

    So you ordered Fresh Lemonade? You will LOVE it!!! Tell me how the strawberry fields or whatever is – I almost got that one.

  7. Avitable

    Steph, that’s why I’m so happy that I don’t have kids!

    Amy, I ordered it because you told me to. I’ll skip around happily and spray it and giggle if it’s good.

    Annie, good point. I would probably try that just to see how it tastes.

  8. Miss Britt

    U – Unknown Fact About Me: My life is a carefully constructed theater of art.

    Anyone who doesn’t know this is fucking retarded.

    I’m kind of disappointed in the vlog. I was really thinking the whole time that the punchline would be you groping around blindly and accidentally pulling a purple dildo on screen or something. Damn. THAT would have been funny.

  9. Clown

    Miss Britt, you really are a bitch. I know damn well that just like everybody else, when you were in his office he would have made you promise not to mention any of those sex toys.

    Ooops, now it looks like I’m a bitch too.

  10. Miss Britt

    I was never asked to make any such promise. What I remember was a lot of muttering about “I can’t believe you’re not more shocked”. And some begging and pleading that sounded a lot like “if you’ve seen my sex toys I should totally see your boobs”.

    But then, it’s entirely possible he doesn’t show the same sex toys to the girls as he does the boyfriends. So maybe that’s the difference.

  11. Avitable

    Britt, maybe next time. Just for you.

    Clown, damn you, you bastard. Those are only for our “special time”.

    Britt, the way I remember it was a little different. You didn’t say much, though, because your mouth was full.

  12. Poppy

    I’ve watched the video like ten times and I need to say this in your comments: Your nails are so pretty. I don’t believe that shit about fucked up cuticles. The nails are even shiny and uniformly cut! I can’t believe you’ll admit to enjoying these yummy scents you like to spray on your eyeballs but you won’t admit to having your nails done!!!

  13. Avitable

    DB, married on a Friday? I don’t get it.

    Poppy, I don’t have my nails done and my nails are horrible!

    Heather, I’ll just have to picture it in my head.

    TMP, for you, anything. Tune in next week when I cut off my own finger! :woohoo:

  14. Bri

    You SOOO have your nails done. That is the first thing I noticed. Besides any man that buys that sorta air freshener gets his nails done. Its like…required or something. :jerkoff2:

  15. DutchBitch

    And Bri… Avi does his own nails… or so I’ve heard. He doesn’t trust anyone else with ‘m…

    And he’s very carefull when he hás done ‘m… the other day he didn’t even want to get me his spare balls because “he was letting his nails dry”


  16. Lucy

    Avi – I had to post a comment for two reasons. The only thing I ever drink…ever….is Diet Coke. No water, no juice, no coffee, no tea, just Diet Coke.

    2nd reason? This hot fucking smiley….


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