I usually don’t write about serious things, but I’m in the mood. This is a post where I bare my heart and soul and talk about my first time.
It was right before I left for college. I had (along with some urging from my friends) decided that I needed to do the deed before starting my life as a college student and adult. An older friend of mine, Bryan, had recommended one particular establishment that he had used on numerous occasions. As I drove up to the building, my palms were sweating and I was quite nervous. I had only been in one bed, my entire life – mine! As you can imagine, it was with no small amount of trepidation that I entered the doors of the slightly dilapidated looking building which seemed out of place right in the middle of a strip mall.
Once I made it inside (it was very brightly lit and much cleaner and friendlier than I expected, given the facade), there was a young woman standing there, dressed very professionally. Sweating, I stammered out what I was looking for. She smiled very broadly and directed me to the back of the building, where there were several other people milling about. I looked around and immediately saw the one I wanted. It seemed so simple . . .
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I sat on the edge of the mattress and looked up at the girl. She was younger than I expected, although I couldn’t imagine that they would hire anyone under 18. What did I know about this business, though?
“Okay, Adam, now I’m going to do a few things, and I want you to tell me how they feel and what you think. First, though, you need to relax. I do this every day, and I am an expert. Just lay back, close your eyes, and enjoy, okay?” She had a genuine smile on her face as she said this, and I’ll tell you – she was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted nothing more than to make her day, and I bet I wasn’t the first guy to walk in with that goal.
I laid back on the mattress, and closed my eyes. I’m good at following orders from beautiful women.
“Do you like how firm this is?” she asked, guiding my hand. The mattress squeaked.
“Yes. That’s very nice.”
“Now put your hands here. Can you feel how bouncy and smooth it is? Wouldn’t you want to be on top of this?”
“Oh yes.”
“And how does this feel, Adam?” She breathed into my ear as my nose caught the faint scent of lilac from her hair.
“My God! That’s fantastic!”
“And this?” The mattress squeaked some more.
“Wow, I am so glad I decided to do this! It never felt like this at home!”
Her giggle was infectious, and I could feel the moment coming. I was about to finish this transaction, if you will, and I couldn’t believe it was happening so quickly. A few more exchanges, a little more bouncing and thrusting and feeling, and it was done. I felt warm all over. The moment was past, and I immediately tensed up again. I might have imagined it, but I think I saw the pity in her eyes.
This was where it got awkward. Sitting up, I reached for my wallet. “Do I pay you, or how does this work? It’s my first time.” I blushed furiously.
“It’s okay, Adam,” she said, “I can always tell the ones who have never done this before. You don’t pay me – you pay over there.” She pointed to a man in a purple suit sitting in a large, overstuffed chair on a raised platform.
“Thank you, Sarah,” I said. “And what was your last name again?”
“Tsk, tsk, Adam,” she admonished. “You know that we’re not allowed to give you that information. However, if you ever want anything else – a double, one nightstand, a lazy boy special – just ask for me by name. I’ll take care of you, sweetie.” And with a gentle nudge, I began walking towards the man in purple, wallet in hand. With a glance over my shoulder, I realized that Sarah had already moved onto the next customer, and my innocence was forever shattered.
And that was the first time I ever bought a mattress from Rooms to Go.
Enjoy this post? Try these:Where did you put your wallet?
Puzzle pieces. Or the end of an [th]era[py].
I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
:lmao: Got me. Excellent post.
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:lmao: You’re such a nerd.
I never heard of Rooms to Go. Oh wait. That wasn’t what this was about. :boobs5:
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Hmmm…Sounds kinda like my first time. :boobs1:
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heh. my first time was in the storage room, next to the kitty litterbox with a purple condom. yours sounds so much.. uhm
well it was a good post!
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Avitable, you are the Master of the mind fuck!
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Suddenly, I’m in the mood for a new mattress. :assshake:
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That was kinda sweet in a dorky way.
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I didn’t fall for that one. I was thinking it was going to be your first massage or something, but I knew that it wasn’t about your first sexual experience. :lmao:
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Now tell us about your first dining room table…
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You didn’t tell us how big it was.
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Michael, got you? Why, whatever do you mean?
KG, am not!
Angel, Sealy or Simmons?
BPR, I don’t doubt that in any way – you were a little vixen, weren’t you?
Jenny, this is nothing!
Brandon, yeah, I wanted a new one after writing this last night.
Maritza, dorky? Sweet? WTF?
Denise, you’re too smart for me.
Mr. Fabulous, it was erotic, I’ll tell you that.
Heather, big enough for you!
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Simmons…I love my BeautyRest. Actually, I just bought a new one in February.
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You turd. I didn’t think it was about getting your cherry popped, but I did think it was your first massage. Oh well, still pretty funny.
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For once I wasn’t fooled, although I thought for a while it was your first tattoo.
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The minute you said ‘firm’, I knew it was about mattresses. Sucker. :lmao:
But what is this Rooms To Go of which you speak?
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Faker! :lmao:
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
I obviously knew it wasn’t about your “first time” as soon as you said how old you were.
BUT – and I’m just going to say something nice here, so take note – this was VERY well written. Very nice. Good job. Bravo.
:clap: :thumbsup: :hug: :martini:
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Ok, why did I know it had to do with bedding the moment I read “wouldn’t you want to be on top of this?”
And Avi, that picture up there? C’mon, aren’t you being a little overly optimistic? I mean really, no one needs that much lube on their first time.
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Angel, new mattresses are awesome. Better than sex.
ADW, yeah, I figured most people would think it was massage related.
Mistress Yoda, then you were still fooled!
Tracy, damn you. Rooms to Go is one of those places that sells mattresses and furniture and shit, here in the South.
Dragon, I have never faked the purchse of anything.
Brittstorm, so next time I should start it off and say “I was 12 and hiding in the rectory when I heard Father Tom coming down the hall . . .” And thank you.
Kelly, I’m like a Boy Scout. Always prepared.
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:clap: I’m with the massage thinkers here…nice.
I didn’t get all that fun when I just bought my new mattress dammit. Maybe because mine is doctor’s choice? :assshake:
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But not in the way you wanted me to be fooled.
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ha! you had me… my first time wasn’t nearly as memorable. the salespeople didn’t even help me test the springs!
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Is it wrong that I knew where you were going? And how many other “Rachel’s” have there been?
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I’d never heard of blushing furiously. Does that hurt?
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Tug, did you buy a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed? It’s for grandmas!
Mistress Yoda, but a foolin’s still a foolin’.
Dawn, bastard salespeople. Don’t they know that a woman has needs?
Hilly, you’ve confused me. Rachel?
Poppy, only if I look in the mirror while doing it.
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OH, that was LOW. :crazywife: ratbastard. :lmao:
This isn’t your typical grandma here
sonny
:boobs4: :boobs2:
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There’s always a man in purple involved in that kinda thing at some point, isn’t there…
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Me-OW. :heartbeat:
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Your first time in a mattress store was much better than mine, you lucky bastard.
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LOL – funny! I knew you were up to something there. Good one!
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Did I ever mention that my first official date with Hay was shopping for a couch for his apartment? I sat on a lot of couches that day giving him “the look”. The couch he picked out has a lot of dirty memories… :sex011:
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:lmao: You did such a great job on this one!!! Damn funny!!! I just don’t see you as the submissive type… :sex014:
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Tug, heh. I’m a funny boy!
DB, with a feathered cap.
Poppy, rawr? I didn’t know that about your first date, either. “The look”, eh?
TMP, well, I kinda got screwed.
Cheri, yeah, it was a bit transparent, I know.
Amy, I do what the pretty lady tells me to.
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It took 24 hours but I thought of some pros to being a parent. 1) Mothers Day. This is a chance to demand gifts from your spouse such as big ass diamond earrings, new patio furniture, a new dishwasher etc., and 2) you have someone to blame when all the Halloween candy goes missing.
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Sorry. I posted that in the wrong place!
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Well sales people will do that to you!
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Wow. I am impressed. It is not just any man that will open up about such a personal, heartfelt shopping experience.
You are truly an inspiration.
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Trying to make furniture shopping sexy is harder than it sounds, as you know by writing this post. :assshake:
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Jenny, well, I’m not a mom, so that pro doesn’t count. And yeah, wrong post!
TMP, exactly!
Paticus, shopping really is something all people have in common. It’s the great uniter.
Poppy, yes, it is!
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There’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like a beautiful experience. My first time was dirty and cheap. I went to the outlet store and bought the display.
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I should know, not only am I a client I am the president of sales people. :thumbsup:
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The question I’m wondering is why you couldn’t go off to college with the mattress that you already had.
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Mist, it was a moment that I’ll always remember.
TMP, nice.
WeaponM, I needed something that had to be broken in.
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Nice!
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Christ almighty – where have you been all of Bossy’s life?
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LMFAO!
You rock!
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WeaponM, unfortunately, nobody was willing to help once I got there.
Bossy, I’ve been right here. Where have you been?
Steph, here’s some boobs for you. :boobs5:
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From the guy who vividly described crankin one out while balancing on two legs of a chair in the school library, I was suspect the instant I realized you were being too careful with phrasing. That was by word 10 or so. I just thought it was a Sleepy’s.
Nicely done though. Very nicely done.
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Yeah, that’s a good point. I’m usually explicit.
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That was a riot. Mist sent me over with her mundane post!
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This was great. Funny and well-written. I’ll be back.
I’m on loan from the Mist1 collection.
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Comedy Plus, thanks for the visit!
Heart in SF, awesome. Have a :martini: and stay for a while.
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What a find! A great posting – well crafted right down to every detail. I think I’ll have to come back for more!
Bill
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I need a new mattress…I really hope I have the same experience as you when I go shopping for one. Will it be naughtier in Norwegian, do you think?
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Bill, thanks for the visit and comment.
Karla, probably. Don’t you guys have more nudity there?
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ha ha! nice double entendres : )
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Thanks. I actually tried very hard to keep them very subtle, yet still obvious if you know what I’m talking about.
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I came here from mist’s “Carnival of the Mundane”.
Did you buy an end table, too?
Cute:
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:assshake:
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