I usually don't write about serious things, but I'm in the mood. This is a post where I bare my heart and soul and talk about my first time.
It was right before I left for college. I had (along with some urging from my friends) decided that I needed to do the deed before starting my life as a college student and adult. An older friend of mine, Bryan, had recommended one particular establishment that he had used on numerous occasions. As I drove up to the building, my palms were sweating and I was quite nervous. I had only been in one bed, my entire life - mine! As you can imagine, it was with no small amount of trepidation that I entered the doors of the slightly dilapidated looking building which seemed out of place right in the middle of a strip mall.
Once I made it inside (it was very brightly lit and much cleaner and friendlier than I expected, given the facade), there was a young woman standing there, dressed very professionally. Sweating, I stammered out what I was looking for. She smiled very broadly and directed me to the back of the building, where there were several other people milling about. I looked around and immediately saw the one I wanted. It seemed so simple . . .
***
I sat on the edge of the mattress and looked up at the girl. She was younger than I expected, although I couldn't imagine that they would hire anyone under 18. What did I know about this business, though?
"Okay, Adam, now I'm going to do a few things, and I want you to tell me how they feel and what you think. First, though, you need to relax. I do this every day, and I am an expert. Just lay back, close your eyes, and enjoy, okay?" She had a genuine smile on her face as she said this, and I'll tell you - she was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted nothing more than to make her day, and I bet I wasn't the first guy to walk in with that goal.
I laid back on the mattress, and closed my eyes. I'm good at following orders from beautiful women.
"Do you like how firm this is?" she asked, guiding my hand. The mattress squeaked.
"Yes. That's very nice."
"Now put your hands here. Can you feel how bouncy and smooth it is? Wouldn't you want to be on top of this?"
"Oh yes."
"And how does this feel, Adam?" She breathed into my ear as my nose caught the faint scent of lilac from her hair.
"My God! That's fantastic!"
"And this?" The mattress squeaked some more.
"Wow, I am so glad I decided to do this! It never felt like this at home!"
Her giggle was infectious, and I could feel the moment coming. I was about to finish this transaction, if you will, and I couldn't believe it was happening so quickly. A few more exchanges, a little more bouncing and thrusting and feeling, and it was done. I felt warm all over. The moment was past, and I immediately tensed up again. I might have imagined it, but I think I saw the pity in her eyes.
This was where it got awkward. Sitting up, I reached for my wallet. "Do I pay you, or how does this work? It's my first time." I blushed furiously.
"It's okay, Adam," she said, "I can always tell the ones who have never done this before. You don't pay me - you pay over there." She pointed to a man in a purple suit sitting in a large, overstuffed chair on a raised platform.
"Thank you, Sarah," I said. "And what was your last name again?"
"Tsk, tsk, Adam," she admonished. "You know that we're not allowed to give you that information. However, if you ever want anything else - a double, one nightstand, a lazy boy special - just ask for me by name. I'll take care of you, sweetie." And with a gentle nudge, I began walking towards the man in purple, wallet in hand. With a glance over my shoulder, I realized that Sarah had already moved onto the next customer, and my innocence was forever shattered.
And that was the first time I ever bought a mattress from Rooms to Go.
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Comments by Michael
I never heard of Rooms to Go. Oh wait. That wasn't what this was about.
Comments by Kentucky Girl
Hmmm...Sounds kinda like my first time.
Comments by Angel
heh. my first time was in the storage room, next to the kitty litterbox with a purple condom. yours sounds so much.. uhm
well it was a good post!
Comments by bluepaintred
Avitable, you are the Master of the mind fuck!
Comments by jenny
Suddenly, I'm in the mood for a new mattress.
Comments by Brandon
That was kinda sweet in a dorky way.
Comments by Maritza
I didn't fall for that one. I was thinking it was going to be your first massage or something, but I knew that it wasn't about your first sexual experience.
Comments by DeniseTN
Now tell us about your first dining room table...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
You didn't tell us how big it was.
Comments by heather
Michael, got you? Why, whatever do you mean? :D
KG, am not!
Angel, Sealy or Simmons?
BPR, I don't doubt that in any way - you were a little vixen, weren't you?
Jenny, this is nothing!
Brandon, yeah, I wanted a new one after writing this last night.
Maritza, dorky? Sweet? WTF?
Denise, you're too smart for me.
Mr. Fabulous, it was erotic, I'll tell you that.
Heather, big enough for you!
Comments by Avitable
Simmons...I love my BeautyRest. Actually, I just bought a new one in February. :)
Comments by Angel
You turd. I didn't think it was about getting your cherry popped, but I did think it was your first massage. Oh well, still pretty funny.
Comments by ADW
For once I wasn't fooled, although I thought for a while it was your first tattoo.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
The minute you said 'firm', I knew it was about mattresses. Sucker.
But what is this Rooms To Go of which you speak?
Comments by Tracy Lynn
Faker!
Comments by Dragon
I obviously knew it wasn't about your "first time" as soon as you said how old you were.
BUT - and I'm just going to say something nice here, so take note - this was VERY well written. Very nice. Good job. Bravo.
Comments by Miss Britt
Ok, why did I know it had to do with bedding the moment I read "wouldn't you want to be on top of this?"
And Avi, that picture up there? C'mon, aren't you being a little overly optimistic? I mean really, no one needs that much lube on their first time.
Comments by Kelly
Angel, new mattresses are awesome. Better than sex.
ADW, yeah, I figured most people would think it was massage related.
Mistress Yoda, then you were still fooled!
Tracy, damn you. Rooms to Go is one of those places that sells mattresses and furniture and shit, here in the South.
Dragon, I have never faked the purchse of anything. :)
Brittstorm, so next time I should start it off and say "I was 12 and hiding in the rectory when I heard Father Tom coming down the hall . . ." And thank you.
Kelly, I'm like a Boy Scout. Always prepared.
Comments by Avitable
I didn't get all that fun when I just bought my new mattress dammit. Maybe because mine is doctor's choice?
Comments by Tug
But not in the way you wanted me to be fooled.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
ha! you had me... my first time wasn't nearly as memorable. the salespeople didn't even help me test the springs!
Comments by Webmiztris
Is it wrong that I knew where you were going? And how many other "Rachel's" have there been?
;)
Comments by Hilly
I'd never heard of blushing furiously. Does that hurt?
Comments by Poppy
Tug, did you buy a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed? It's for grandmas!
Mistress Yoda, but a foolin's still a foolin'.
Dawn, bastard salespeople. Don't they know that a woman has needs?
Hilly, you've confused me. Rachel?
Poppy, only if I look in the mirror while doing it.
Comments by Avitable
OH, that was LOW.
ratbastard. 
This isn't your typical grandma here
sonny
Comments by Tug
There's always a man in purple involved in that kinda thing at some point, isn't there...
Comments by DutchBitch
Me-OW.
Comments by Poppy
Your first time in a mattress store was much better than mine, you lucky bastard.
Comments by themuttprincess
LOL - funny! I knew you were up to something there. Good one!
Comments by Cheri
Did I ever mention that my first official date with Hay was shopping for a couch for his apartment? I sat on a lot of couches that day giving him "the look". The couch he picked out has a lot of dirty memories...
Comments by Poppy
Comments by Amy
Tug, heh. I'm a funny boy!
DB, with a feathered cap.
Poppy, rawr? I didn't know that about your first date, either. "The look", eh?
TMP, well, I kinda got screwed.
Cheri, yeah, it was a bit transparent, I know.
Amy, I do what the pretty lady tells me to.
Comments by Avitable
It took 24 hours but I thought of some pros to being a parent. 1) Mothers Day. This is a chance to demand gifts from your spouse such as big ass diamond earrings, new patio furniture, a new dishwasher etc., and 2) you have someone to blame when all the Halloween candy goes missing.
Comments by jenny
Sorry. I posted that in the wrong place!
Comments by jenny
Well sales people will do that to you!
Comments by themuttprincess
Wow. I am impressed. It is not just any man that will open up about such a personal, heartfelt shopping experience.
You are truly an inspiration.
Comments by Paticus
Trying to make furniture shopping sexy is harder than it sounds, as you know by writing this post.
Comments by Poppy
Jenny, well, I'm not a mom, so that pro doesn't count. And yeah, wrong post!
TMP, exactly!
Paticus, shopping really is something all people have in common. It's the great uniter.
Poppy, yes, it is!
Comments by Avitable
There's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like a beautiful experience. My first time was dirty and cheap. I went to the outlet store and bought the display.
Comments by Mist 1
I should know, not only am I a client I am the president of sales people.
Comments by themuttprincess
The question I'm wondering is why you couldn't go off to college with the mattress that you already had.
Comments by WeaponM
Mist, it was a moment that I'll always remember.
TMP, nice.
WeaponM, I needed something that had to be broken in.
Comments by Avitable
Nice!
Comments by WeaponM
Christ almighty - where have you been all of Bossy's life?
Comments by BOSSY
LMFAO!
You rock! :D
Comments by stephanie
WeaponM, unfortunately, nobody was willing to help once I got there.
Bossy, I've been right here. Where have you been?
Steph, here's some boobs for you.
Comments by Avitable
From the guy who vividly described crankin one out while balancing on two legs of a chair in the school library, I was suspect the instant I realized you were being too careful with phrasing. That was by word 10 or so. I just thought it was a Sleepy's.
Nicely done though. Very nicely done.
Comments by Schadenfreude
Yeah, that's a good point. I'm usually explicit.
Comments by Avitable
That was a riot. Mist sent me over with her mundane post!
Comments by Comedy Plus
This was great. Funny and well-written. I'll be back.
I'm on loan from the Mist1 collection.
Comments by heart in san francisco
Comedy Plus, thanks for the visit!
Heart in SF, awesome. Have a
and stay for a while.
Comments by Avitable
What a find! A great posting - well crafted right down to every detail. I think I'll have to come back for more!
Bill
Comments by Bill Blunt
I need a new mattress...I really hope I have the same experience as you when I go shopping for one. Will it be naughtier in Norwegian, do you think?
Comments by karla
Bill, thanks for the visit and comment.
Karla, probably. Don't you guys have more nudity there?
Comments by Avitable
ha ha! nice double entendres : )
Comments by cat
Thanks. I actually tried very hard to keep them very subtle, yet still obvious if you know what I'm talking about.
Comments by Avitable
I came here from mist's "Carnival of the Mundane".
Did you buy an end table, too?
Cute:
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Comments by NWJR