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Mother’s Day – what’s the point?

The idea of Mother’s Day is to thank the woman who sacrificed so much and raised you, right? So, one day a year, that woman is supposed to get a free ride. The husband helps the kids make her breakfast in bed, they give her flowers and handmade cards and gifts, she gets to eat Bon Bons and watch TV and maybe go out to a nice dinner. And the household will be run smoothly by the husband and the children. This is, of course, how it’s supposed to be. And for my family, that’s how it was (for the most part) when we were kids. Mom would sleep in late even though she’s usually up by 5:30-6:00 AM, we’d bring her eggs and toast and coffee, and pretty much try to stay out of her way and let her relax and do whatever she wanted to do. It was nice, and she appreciated it, and it somehow made the pain and suffering of having children seem worthwhile, at least for a day.

But let’s look at now. I haven’t lived at home since my summers during college almost 10 years ago. I buy them gifts that are of equal value of what they buy us. I don’t involve them in my finances, and any loans are being paid back with interest. My mother hasn’t had to sacrifice anything for me since the summer of 1998 when I packed up and moved everything I owned out of the house and went to law school. She and my father live their lives, separate from mine, except on holidays.

And while I love and respect them both very much and think they did a great job with me – since I’m so awesome, you know – I have to wonder what the point is of celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day now. Isn’t it just saying “Hey, thanks for doing a good job way back then. I know we celebrated it during that year, too, but now we’re just revisiting it for some reason”? What exactly are we celebrating?

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop celebrating or start some rebellion and be an asshole to my parents. I’m just reminded of a time when I was a child and asked when Adam Day was, in reference to a discussion of Mother’s Day. My mother said, “Every day is Adam Day.” Well, now I’m just wondering if, for a mother with no kids in her household, isn’t every day “Mother’s Day”?

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48 Replies to “Mother’s Day – what’s the point?”

  1. Sheila

    Just another Hallmark Card Holiday – I’ve reverted back to handmade cards with crayons and markers on printer paper. My mom appreciates a visit from me more than a present, thank goodness, cuz I can’t afford anything else.

  2. Melanie

    Well, my mother died a very long time ago, so I really haven’t thought about it from the kid’s point of view – at least the Mother’s Day one – and you make many good points. Except that my husband’s evil cow-whore of a mother is still alive – oh, the injustice of it all – so he spends this day with her. And I hate the bitch, so I take the kids and go do something else. So instead of Mother’s Day for me, it’s all about Extra Activities With The Kids Day. So yeah, they BETTER send me some nice shit when they’re out of the house. By god.

  3. DeniseTN

    I’m currently a Mom and I really don’t see the point of Mother’s Day. AND I’m not ashamed to admit this: When my kids are grown up and living their own lives…it WILL be Mother’s Day every damn day. I get the freakin’ house all to myself!!! :clap:

  4. heather

    I used to ask when Heather’s Day was and they’d tell me the same thing “Every day is Heather’s Day.”

    I forgot to call my mom until like 10:30pm last night, and I got her voicemail. I don’t like my mom so Mother’s Day is always awkward for me. I usually give her flowers out of obligation but why? She was never a mother to me. OK. This could turn in to an entry so I’ll quit there.

    I think that it’s good to still acknowledge your mom on Mother’s Day, just to let her know you love her. But yeah, I sort of see your point too. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it when my son is grown up.

  5. NYC Watchdog

    I have a much better relationship with my mother than my father… so Mother’s Day means I actually get her a card and something small like sugar free cookies or something since she’s a diabetic. Father’s Day is a “Hey, Happy Sperm Donor Day” kinda day.

    Why continue to do it? Maybe its habit, maybe its because of corporate monger hypnotizing, or maybe its because no matter which way you shake it… you wouldn’t be here without them. So its more of a “Thanks for having sex and having me. Thanks for not smothering me with a pillow, leaving me alone in a room while you ate dinner so I could get kidnapped, or starve me on soy milk,” kinda day.

  6. RW

    A card and flowers and being taken out to eat isn’t too much to ask of a grown kid. All that my mother being dead for 17 years and my dad being dead for 30 means is that I wish they were around so I could maybe be one of the 40,000 bloggers I’ve read who decided to do a thumb’s down on Mother’s Day this year, but couldn’t remember why it all sucked.

    And – for some of the stuff I’ve read (not you) it almost makes me angry that I don’t have my parents to use for my excuse as to why I’m an unreliable fucked-up asshole to people, or shouldn’t be expected to be a reasonable person. Sucks not having one’s parents around to use as an excuse for my personal fucktardedness. (insert eye roll)

    Life is just NOT very fair.

  7. Mr. Fabulous

    Are you mixing your medications again? What have I told you about that? Am I going to have a nurse come in and check on you every day?

    And before you go there, it will be a male nurse. With a glandular condition. Who speaks only German. And hates you.

  8. Poppy

    Every day is Adam’s Day. She’s waiting by the phone every day for you to call her, but she knows you’re off partying with Amy and Jigsaw. What does a mom have to do to get a phone call around here?!

    You went to visit your mom. You’re a total sweetheart. Many people avoid their moms like the plague. How about next year you visit her the day before Mother’s Day and celebrate that day instead? Or the following Sunday?

  9. Bri

    I love Mothers Day. I get awesome presents and get to go shoe shopping. Plus its the only day of the year I can completely neglect my kids and not feel guilty for it. I just pawn ’em off on Daddy. :woohoo:

  10. Miss Britt

    Ya know, if all your mom got was ONE day a year – way back then – out of 365, I’d say you still owe her a few.

    And for a lot of people, their parents don’t stop being their “parents” just because they stop wiping our asses (or paying our bills, or whatever).

    I’m with RW on this one.

  11. Avitable

    Sheila, I had a post planned on talking about it as a Hallmark Holiday, but before I wrote it, I did some research. It’s actually been around for over 100 years as an actual holiday.

    Melanie, so he spends the day with his mom and you go somewhere else with the kids? Very nice.

    Denise, my point exactly! Thank you.

    Heather, doing anything for Mother’s Day if you don’t like your mom must be hard. I don’t know if I would even bother in that situation.

    NYCWD, I’ll vote for corporate monger hypnotizing!

    RW, I agree with you regarding people who always blame their parents for everything, even when they’re adults who make their own decisions. It’s obnoxious. Clearly, your own personal fucktardedness is your own doing!

    Mr. Fabulous, I love German male nurses! Is his name Franz?

    Poppy, I just don’t know that I feel like celebrating anything anymore.

    Mistress Yoda, those ungrateful bastards of yours! They didn’t make you breakfast in bed?

    Bri, so, if your kids were grown up and out of the house, it would just be like another birthday?

    For Britts and Giggles, I know she hasn’t stopped being my parent, but she’s no longer in a parental role of any sort. And how do you not have any frustration with this, since you have young kids and didn’t get to celebrate Mother’s Day at all?

  12. Miss Britt

    What should I have frustration with? The idea that you don’t have to do intensive child rearing forEVER? Dude, that’s the only thing getting me through some days!!

    That’s just it Avi, when they are younger there is no way they can stop and “appreciate” what you do. I guess we hope that when they are older and capable they won’t decide “yeah, well, that was then – this is now”.

    The other thing is (and I thought of this in the shower) – when you were little every day was “Adam Day” because you had someone taking care of you. All day. Every day. Someone watching out for you, someone thinking of you, etc. etc. In fact, I bet you still have someone worrying about you on a daily basis whether you realize it or not.

    Now that your mom’s kids are grown and out of the house she only has to fend for herself. But it’s not like the roles are reversed. She takes care of herself now, she took care of YOU then.

  13. Avitable

    RW, we’re all very proud of you for that.

    Brittoris, I have always seen it as the father’s responsibility to make them realize that they need to appreciate it. When I was 5 or 6, I didn’t know what it was until my dad told me that this was the day when we took care of mom.

    I see your second point a bit differently: When I was a kid, I was able to do what I wanted and didn’t have to take care of anyone other than myself. Now, my mother can do whatever she wants. She can go out to dinner, go skiing, curl up on the couch and read, and she doesn’t have to be accountable to anyone. She still has to take care of my dad, but that’s more mutual than anything else.

  14. Poppy

    Avi, that statement makes you sound depressed. Are you depressed? You don’t want to celebrate *anything* anymore? That’s sad. I am crying tears for you.

    Okay, and not really, because I’m too busy being a mom and crying for my furry kid who is at the “doctor’s” getting poked and prodded and probed. She was shaking like a leaf when I left her. πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™

    Even though I am sad for my kid I’m still concerned for your well-being so I’m gonna shake my ass at you to make you feel better. :assshake:

  15. Tug

    It’s another Hallmark holiday, & yep, every day is Mother’s day for me. That being said, you never stop being a mother – we’re “on call” for the rest of our/your lives. So a card one day Hallmark invented isn’t bad for being ‘on call’ forEVER……… :clap: :boobs5: :assshake:

  16. Miss Britt

    “I see your second point a bit differently: When I was a kid, I was able to do what I wanted and didn’t have to take care of anyone other than myself. Now, my mother can do whatever she wants. She can go out to dinner, go skiing, curl up on the couch and read, and she doesn’t have to be accountable to anyone. She still has to take care of my dad, but that’s more mutual than anything else.”

    Really? So you went about your day, ate when you want, ate what you want, prepared your own meals when it was time, changed your shitty ass diapers, remembered doctor’s appointments and conferences and drove your ass around to soccer games and made sure you had clothes when you grew out of your old ones and cleaned the mud off your shoes and bought the new bike and did your own laundry?

    Damn. You were a very productive 5 year old.

    You’re absolutely right. That bitch doesn’t deserve squat from you.

  17. Avitable

    Poppy, so depressed all I want to do is eat Strawberry Milkshake Oreos! Oh wait – that’s not depression, that’s an addiction!

    Tug, good point about being “on call”.

    Mr. Fabulous, didn’t the picture in the header clue you in?

    Keep your Britts About You, your sarcasm is not lost on me. Evil woman.

    Dawn, I’m always nice to her!

    TMP, I’m glad to see that some mothers feel the same way.

    Tracy, never! I don’t want to be murdered.

  18. Miss Britt

    my sarcasm really is better if you can see the batting eyelashes with it. πŸ™‚

    (and I am now just amusing myself by leaving more comments for you to come up with more ways to use my name – oh the joys!)

  19. Bri

    My Mom…. Now instead of PTA meetings and Dr. appointments she is more handy as an experienced woman that I can look up to and ask advice from knowing she has had and always will have my best interests in mind. I hope that I can be the same for my girls when they are grown. Our roles continually change. I don’t think it makes them any less important. And I do think that kind of bond and lifelong relationship is something to be celebrated. I boycotted hallmark years ago. We do construction paper and markers. And glitter of course.

  20. Avitable

    Bri, that sounds nice. I hope you’re able to create that type of bond and relationship with your girls.

    OBrittuary, it’s because you do all the butt shaking, boob rubbing and dick sucking in real life!

  21. Amy

    An EPISIOTOMY the size of the Grand Canyon, my friend. For the rest of our lives that boy of mine had better have a card, gift, and serious ass-kissing every year on Mother’s Day.

  22. jenny

    I didn’t become a mom on purpose. It was an oops. But I’m a mom now and I will never stop being a mother even hen I am 90 years old. The stretch marks will still be there, the scars from needing over a hundred stitches on my furkins after giving birth will still there. The love for your baby never goes away! No matter how assinine they turn out to be. Can you imagine how different your moms life would be without children? How much moms give up in order to do for her children? My parents delivered newspapers and worked crappy part time jobs so I could be on the swim team and travel the continent going to meets and training camps. They didn’t have a holiday until my brother and I were in our 20’s. If I had to I would give my life for my son, and yours probably would too even though you are a man now. Thats why there is a mothers day! Good post today.

  23. Sheila

    I researched it a smidge too before I wrote the comment, and was actually suprised that it was not a Halmark Holiday. But, I decided everyone would understand that basically the holiday is still celebrated mainly because the commerical industry wants us to spend more money! :dance:

  24. jenny

    The reason for all the spelling mistakes in my last post was not because I am illiterate, but because I had one hand up to the computer screen to hide the T and A smileys from my son! He saw them and yelled BOOBIES! Nice. I’m a good mom exposing a 2 year old to porn. Nobody call the cops on me please!

  25. Bill Blunt

    Mother’s Day used to mean something. But now we’ve got Health Worker’s Day and all sorts of other confections rammed down our throat by the card manufacturers. It really gets my dander up, I can tell you.

  26. jenny

    I am also waiting for the Mom’s Day card from my son when he’s my age that says:

    Hey Mom, remember when Dad had to work the graveyard shift all the time so you were the one that had to freeze your ass off sleeping in a tent with me in the back yard even though your nice warm comfortable bed was 10 feet away in the house. It was fun. Thanks a bunch.

    That will be worth it!

  27. Avitable

    Amy, well, he’ll know that his very life depends on it.

    Jenny, you make some valid points there, misspellings and all! And you can hit the “Click for Smilies” link to hide the smilies.

    TMP, admit to, demand at knifepoint, whatever.

    Sheila, yeah, definitely.

    Bill Blunt, if it was only Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and the other holidays weren’t so manufactured and cheesy, thanks to Hallmark, I might feel more like celebrating Mother’s Day.

    Jenny, yeah, don’t hold your breath on that one.

  28. Kal Jones

    You ungrateful little prick. Clearly you were a 50 pound, hairy baby. I can’t imagine the pain that woman went through popping you out. You should bow down and kiss her severely distended and ruined womanly parts every day.

  29. Avitable

    Peggy, dicksuck? I have never heard that used as an insult before. Very nice.

    Mistress yoda, exactly! Or pooped on your pillow or something.

    Dragon, thank you! I, however, do dance in my underwear for anyone who asks.

    BPR, ooh, you’re a vindictive one.

    Kal, I did indeed just vomit a little in my mouth.

  30. cat

    Yeah, I see what you mean, but at the end of the day I love my mom and like to make her happy. Remembering and celebrating her and her sacrifices once a year on Mother’s Day makes her very happy, so I stop the thought process right there, and just do what needs to be done to make her happy : ) Not terribly cerebral of me, but whatever… I’ll leave that to you!

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