When I was a kid, I’d read the paper every Sunday, including the comics, Marilyn vos Savant, and Dear Abby. And even at the tender age of 7, I would think to myself that Abigail van Buren was someone I’d never ask for advice. First of all, the name – it sounds like an old biddy who looks condescendingly down at you over glasses that are slipping down her nose. She sounds like she has big hair and smells like Vapo-rub. She’ll shake her head and click her tongue disapprovingly at everything you tell her. Why the fuck would you ask her anything?
If you’re like me, you want someone you can relate to. Someone who won’t judge you, no matter how sick, twisted, or perverted your question is. Well, if you’re like me, you won’t have anything to ask because you’re omniscient, but you know what I mean.
And now is your time to reach deep into your twisted pit of a soul and come up with something on which you need advice. Whether it’s fashion or shopping or market speculation or shoes or your marriage or success or even if you’re just looking for that little piece that is missing from your life, the time is now to ask and be answered.
All you need to do is email “email@example.com” with the subject line of “WWMBD?” and this goddess of wisdom and wonder will advise the fuck out of you. She’ll choose the worthiest questions and answer them on her blog every Monday morning. She’ll even keep your identity anonymous! Do you think you can handle it?