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100 Things Part 2

In 100 Things: Part 1, I told you 21 things about my family. Today, it’s time for Part 2:

100 Things: My Eccentricities

79. I don’t own a single pair of pants. All I will wear is shorts, and usually I just work in my boxer briefs. If there is a situation where I will have to wear pants, I won’t go. I just don’t find them comfortable, and I see no reason, now that I’m an adult, that I should have to wear them.

78. I’ve never smoked a cigarette – even one puff. It just never came up as a teen, and after that, I wasn’t interested.

77. I love going to the dentist. The feeling of having your teeth really clean and just a bit sore is one of my favorites. I’ve only had a few cavities, and even getting those filled was fun. The only dark cloud in my dental history was in Los Angeles, when we had a butcher who made both of us hurt so much that we never went back. We moved over to a dentist in Pasadena who was open until 7:30 PM, had Jet Li as a client, and had his office down the hall from Dr. Drew from Loveline.

76. I won’t eat certain finger foods. Anything that’s going to get all over my fingers. This means chicken wings/buffalo wings and fried chicken, which are two things I’ve never actually eaten in my entire life. I eat corn on the cob by using a fork to hold the cob upright and then sawing off the corn with my knife. Anything with bread around it, like burgers and hot dogs, is fine, and I can eat french fries, although if they have ketchup all over them, I use my fork.

75. Staying on the subject of food, I am horrified by food with bones. I do not enjoy bone-in steak and will invariably leave most of the meat because trying to cut around it and hitting all of the fat just disgusts me. And when I’m at Disney World and I see those people walking around with those turkey legs that they’re eating (and holding onto it with their bare hands!) it makes me apoplectic.

74. I’m fanatical about fresh breath. I buy cases of gum in bulk and will chew it constantly from morning to night. I think this stems from the principal of the small private Christian school I went to. He always had coffee breath and my eyes would water as I would stare him in the eye when he was lecturing me. I only want people to cry when I’m berating them because of what I say, not because my breath is rank.

73. I’m also fanatical about deodorant. I buy 2-3 new sticks of deodorant every time we go to the store, and last time I cleaned out the medicine cabinet, I had 46 empty deodorant sticks. I’ll only use Speed Stick Regular Scent, and I can’t stand to use anything else or I don’t feel clean.

72. I cannot understand lyrics. At all. For the last 20 years, I thought that in the theme song to Caddyshack, by Kenny Loggins, he was singing “Ad-mir-al”, not “I’m all right.” I also thought that the INXS song lyrics said “Every single woman has the devil inside.”

71. There are so few situations in my adult life where I was not (a) in control, (b) situationally comfortable, and/or (c) completely confident in myself, that these few situations truly embarrass me and if my wife brings them up it is the only time that I’ll truly get mad at her.

70. I thrive on being recognized. In Los Angeles, there was this little sports pub called Duke’s that was a part of the Los Angeles Athletic Club, to which I belonged. Walking in there, having the waiter recognize me and bring me a pitcher of Diet Coke with Lime, and being able to order “the usual”, is a cherished memory. Currently, in Orlando, I want to eventually be able to walk into my favorite steak restaurant and have someone other than the manager recognize me and know what I’m drinking and what I like to eat. It is one of my aspirations.

69. One thing that I’ve gotten as a gift from my dad is the genetic condition of night terrors. Usually occurring in periods of high stress, I will wake up and even though I’m consciously awake, I will see things. These things are usually huge spiders, like 4 feet across, skittering down the wall or over the blankets and pillows. I’ve reached the point, though, that now I can think to myself, “If a huge spider really was walking across Amy’s face, she’d be screaming, so it must be fake.” But when I see them, I can see them in explicit detail, with no doubt that they are right there in front of me.

68. I can talk on the phone like a girl. Ever since I was 12/13, I would literally spend hours on the phone at once. Even if I had to go to bed at 8, I’d sneak down later, get the phone, and talk until 4 AM with my friends, who were all female. My dad still doesn’t understand it, and even today I can easily be on the phone for 8 hours a day without any problems.

67. I’ve always been a fast reader. When I was in college, I took a speed reading course. At the beginning of the course, I was already at the goal of X words per minute that the instructor had set for the class’s goal to reach by the end. By the time I learned the techniques of reading faster, I was reading faster than anyone the instructor had ever seen. In optimal conditions, I can finish a 300 page book in 25 minutes and retain 90% of it in my short-term memory. However, I learned in law school that in order to better retain it in my long-term memory, I could only study with a distraction. By putting the TV on or watching a movie while I studied, it forced my brain to slow down so that I would read at a normal level and have 100% retention.

66. I really want a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. They just seem fun – you can sit up, recline, raise your legs – why don’t all beds do that?

65. Since my goal is to make people laugh, if someone isn’t laughing, I need to know why. By understanding what they didn’t find funny, I can improve what I do and make sure that next time, that type of person will find it funny, too. I believe that you can actually make everyone happy at once.

64. I’ve mentioned this before, but I am prejudiced against ugly people. There are actresses like Meryl Streep, Kyra Sedgewick, and Glenn Close, that I cannot stand, and people that I’ve known in my personal life who were so ugly that I hated them on the spot. And I always will hate them – I can’t help it.

63. There are very few people to which I aspire to be. If I do see qualities, quirks, abilities, or other elements in a person that I find to be useful in either impressing, manipulating, or appeasing others, I appropriate them for myself. The same goes in the online world – I try to assimilate the styles and techniques that bloggers use to create my own style that has all of those positive elements.

62. In high school, I used to try to show how impervious I was to pain by rolling up my sleeves and stapling them to my shoulder. Girls would dig their nails into my skin while I smiled, and I could cut my arm without feeling it. While I’m clearly not like that anymore, I still only show that I’m hurt when the pain level is very high.

61. I believe in superheroes, aliens, and ghosts.

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64 Replies to “100 Things Part 2”

  1. Hilly

    How funny…I am actually a speed reader as well and do the same thing! In my career as a recruiter, it works well because I can skim through resumes like nobody’s bidnass but reading blogs proves to be a challenge. I have to stop myself or go back 2-3 times to get it all in UNLESS I have the TV on as a distraction. Otherwise I’d speed and skim through people’s lives!

  2. jenny

    79. My husband only owns one pair of pants. He got them when he was doing teacher training in 1993! Even when we lived in Alberta and it was so cold my eyelashes would freeze together and in was -40 degrees Celsius outside, he would just put on snow pants over top!

    78. I’ve never smoked either.

    77. my last dentist was an ex olympic swimmer and was the best dentist I ever had. It was the only time I ever went to the dentist without almost having a panic attack.

    Some of those other things are weird!!! You make me laugh though.

  3. Kentucky Girl

    You can’t wear shorts in European countries, you’d look like a stupid American then. LOL I refuse to let Doug wear shorts to some public places. It just isn’t going to happen.

    I love that dentist feeling, too. MMmm…although I’ve never had a cavity until a few years ago, it was a…what are those back teeth called…oh! Wisdom tooth that grew in incorrectly and got a cavity because I couldn’t brush it properly. It is gone now with the other one. ๐Ÿ˜€

    OMG, I am the SAME way with finger food and food with bones. Seriously, we’re cut from the same cloth there, weirdo…I mean, Adam. Heh. I flatly refuse to eat chicken with bones. Just isn’t worth it to me. Same with seafood. I have the kitchen remove the seafood from the shell or if we’re home, Doug removes it. Bleh, yuck.

    And I’m glad you said steak house and not Boogar King or Taco Hell or somesuch. :lmao:

    I hate talking on the phone. I hate it. I sound like a social retard when clearly I am not. I just have too much going on in my mind to focus on one thing like a phone conversation.

    OMFG, craftmatic adjustable bed? NOW WHO IS THE FUCKING GERIATRIC? Oy vey. You want to order the LifeAlert button, too and Owe Your Life To IIiiit? Christ on crutches.

    You’d TOTALLY hate me then ‘cuz I’m ugly. I can’t help it. I was born this way. Asshole.


  4. Geeky Tai-Tai

    My mom and dad got a Craftmatic bed a couple of years ago after Dad was in a bad accident and had several broken vertebrae. They really like it.

    As a freshman in H.S., I was required to take a speed-reading course. I hated it. I got up to the speed they wanted, but it took away all of the enjoyment I got from reading. I cannot have music playing if I’m trying to concentrate on something. I end up singing and whistling to the damn song. I think it comes from being a musician (albeit amateur) my whole life.

    I never wear long pants here either. It’s just too damn hot and uncomfortable for me. Of course, I’m ancient and would be in the midst of menofuckingpause. :boobs4:

  5. heather

    Oh Avi. You’re a freak like me. I have so many fucking rules (especially about food). It really drives the people around me insane.

    You should call me sometime and help me get over my fear of phones.

  6. DeniseTN

    * I’m just the opposite. I hate shorts. I own ONE pair and I only wear them around the house. I have very white legs and I don’t have any intentions of getting a tan…it takes too long and I don’t want leather skin.

    * I wish that I could say the same. I haven’t smoked in nearly four years though. Yay!

    * Going to the dentist is something I find rather enjoyable also.

    * I will only eat some foods in the comfort of my own home…with no company. Things like corn on the cob, chicken on a bone…and I also will not bite into those things. I can’t explain why, but I’m not comfortable doing so. I don’t like getting my fingers all icky either.

    * Having bones in my food only reminds me that I’m eating a once-living-breathing-shitting-thing and I don’t like that thought very much. No bones, please.

    * Me, too! I have a fear of someone telling me that I have bad breath or walking away with that memory of me.

    * Another thing we have in common. Pit stench is high on my list of scary personal stuff. I hate sweating.

    * I’m not too good at this. I have to really concentrate on some lyrics to get them right and that makes listening to music a hassle sometimes. Sing clearly or shut up.

    * I seem to be the only person that remembers my bad moments…and I replay them in my head over and over…for YEARS. What’s up with that?

    * That’s a nice feeling. It makes you feel like you belong somewhere.

    * That’s an icky thing to deal with.

    * I totally don’t get this one. I hate talking on the phone, yet I get disappointed when no one calls me. How stupid is that?

    * I’m just an average reader. Blah.

    * Those beds kick ass. I want one!

    * I love that about you! You’re one of the funniest people I “know”.

    * This makes me laugh. I’m not a fan of ugliness, but I can’t say that I hate anyone because of it.

    * Awwww.

    * Show off. The girls loved it, didn’t they?

    * Really?

  7. Avitable

    Clown, oh, you’re much weirder than I am.

    Hilly, what type of recruiting do you do?

    Jenny, I like your husband!

    Dave, awwww, deodorant buddies! I use Speed Stick as my laxative, too, strangely enough.

    KG, I should mention that I have no interest in traveling, and even if I did, I’m not wearing pants just to avoid looking like a tourist. I am glad to see that somebody else feels like I do about finger foods and bone-in foods. And why would I want someone at a fast food restaurant to recognize me – they are there to serve me food and that’s it. Oh, and my definition of ugly is very subjective, so don’t think you’d fall in that category.

    Phishez, “Every single one of us, the devil inside.”

    Angel, trust me, you’re probably not ugly by my standards. And even if you were, you plan on staying completely anonymous as your blog says, so no worries!

    Mr. Fabulous, I am so glad somebody else wants one of those! They look like so much fun!

    Geeky, Singapore is really, really humid, isn’t it?

    Heather, I don’t think my rules drive anyone insane, since I just don’t order those types of foods. And since my wife is a vegetarian, we never eat at the same time anyways, so it works out.

    Denise, I guess since you went through and replied to each one, I should reply to each one of your replies.
    * My legs are like a gorilla’s. They must be allowed to roam unfettered by pant legs!
    * Good for you. Good for your lungs!
    * When they put you under, do you ever wake up with a sore butt? Because I do.
    * We’re definitely the same there.
    * I never thought about it that way. That might be why I don’t like it, too.
    * Exactly!
    * Exactly!
    * Even when they’re singing clearly, I’ll misinterpret them.
    * I think it’s a sense of making sure that the impression people get is always the right one that you want to portray at that time.
    * And since I’m into routine, it will happen no matter where I go.
    * Freaked the hell out of my wife the first time it happened!
    * That’s pretty retarded!
    * As long as you read at a pace that you enjoy, that’s all that matters.
    * Can you help me convince my wife to get one?
    * Awww, thanks!
    * It’s the only area where I’m prejudiced.
    * You don’t find that creepy?
    * Hell yeah they did.
    * Kinda. It requires more explanation, but essentially, yes.

  8. Mistress Yoda

    I must comment on 2 things:

    1. I have issues understanding lyrics too but I love lyrics so I’ll go out of my way to learn them. I also had no idea until a couple years ago that INXS meant in-excess :dunce:
    2. I get night terrors too, scares the bejesis out of Erik and once nearly gave Gemini a heart attack.

  9. Kyra

    I’m afraid of the adjustable beds, with my luck I’d end up trapped in mine. Though, apparently my mom just got one, so I’m going to risk it and see how it feels. It’s also one of the temprapedic things, I figure it’s double the danger of never being heard from again.

    And having a thing against Ugly people? That just doesn’t seem fair. I admit to having something irrationally against people who look like other people I have had bad experiences with in my past… but other than that. I saw the comment above, what exactly IS your standard of ugly?

  10. Avitable

    Tracy, well, I am okay with it.

    Mistress Yoda, you have night terrors, too? Amy just ignores me on the rare occasion that I have them now.

    Kyra, my standard is hard to explain – it’s completely subjective. I’ll see someone and instinctively dislike them.

    RW, it’s because I’m so lovable!

    Angel, I try to.

  11. Mistress Yoda

    I think Erik used to panic but now he just says “everything is ok” and I usually am like “no I’m serious” and then I guess I realize it’s not real and humbly go to bed. I once had a night terror at Gemini’s house and she ran out into the hall to find me screaming (apparently she was naked at the time) so I’m well known for it around here.

  12. Avitable

    I was the same way. Amy would just say that everything was fine, but I could still see it, and eventually I’d realize it wasn’t there. I’ve gotten a lot better about being logical about it now.

  13. Mistress Yoda

    Do you have any idea why it happens? So far I don’t. I didn’t really realize I had this problem until it happened with Gemini I think because it was always a blur. It happened at my parent’s house once and I was so scared afterwards I slept downstairs on the couch.

  14. Avitable

    I’ve never been diagnosed, but I know I have it from the descriptions. I just taught myself to ignore it. Like last night I woke up convinced that my pillow was full of roaches. I threw it to the ground, then sat there for a second, realized that made no sense, and then picked it back up and went right back to sleep.

  15. Tug

    I hate talking on the phone, but know many men that love it. LOVE Dr. Drew – haven’t ‘seen’ him around lately. And now I want a bigass turkey leg…I have no problem getting my fingers dirty.

    I brought KFC for lunch. hee.

  16. Tug

    Oh, & my mom has sleep paralysis. Freaky…she wakes up and cannot MOVE. Takes her awhile before her grunts (seriously – she can’t talk either) wake up my dad & he helps her through it.

  17. ADW

    62. In high school, I used to try to show how impervious I was to pain by rolling up my sleeves and stapling them to my shoulder. Girls would dig their nails into my skin while I smiled, and I could cut my arm without feeling it. While I’m clearly not like that anymore, I still only show that I’m hurt when the pain level is very high.

    Would it hurt if you stapled your balls to your shoulders??

    And the speed reading part? I am an insanely fast reader – I took a class on it in the 6th grade to get out of taking a required home econimics course (do they even teach that shit anymore?) Anyway, it drives me crazy if another person and I are reading something together because I am done with the first page in about 21 seconds and I have to sit there and wait for them to finish so we can scroll down or turn the page. It tends to irritate other people, but I think they should just figure out how to read faster since I am the one being inconvenienced.

    You are a funny freak and I love it!!

  18. Poppy

    79. I own about 30 pairs of pants, 20 skirts, 10 dresses, and 3 pairs of shorts. I typically wear about 5 pairs of pants a week and the rest of this stuff stays in my closet and dressers.

    75. You know my feelings. Chicken wings!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!

    73. I am not quite so OCD, but I do have deodorants stashed in various places around the house, in my laptop bag, and in my purse. I don’t tend to ever apply it anywhere but in the master bathroom, but I prefer to know I have it “just in case”.

    69. I’ve mentioned this to you before, but you and Hay are night terror twins. Spiders and all.

    65. You make me laugh every single day. Even when I’m in a bad mood you are able to cheer me up. I :heartbeat: that about you.

    61. Me too, although I have less belief in ghosts than I do superheroes and aliens for some reason…

  19. Avitable

    Tug, I’ve never heard of sleep paralysis – that sounds tough! And the thought of you eating a turkey leg and KFC just makes me shiver.

    ADW, maybe when I’m 70 my balls will hang low enough that I can staple them to my shoulder without too much pain.

  20. Avitable

    Poppy, I only have deodorants in my master bathroom, but if I travel, I usually bring spares. It’s so weird to me that spiders are so frequently the focus of night terrors, especially since I’m not afraid of them when I’m awake at all.

  21. Tug

    I made you shiver……my job here is done.

    Oh wait, it wasn’t in a good way was it, dammit. I don’t have any turkey legs today…you can relax. :jerkoff2: :assshake:

  22. Poppy

    Same for Hay – although spiders aren’t his favorite thing in real life they don’t scare him at all during his waking hours. When he is having night terrors they are (for lack of a better word) terrifying to him.

  23. Webmiztris

    I find it hysterical that you don’t own any pants. don’t you ever have to go to weddings or funeral? if so, lucky you!

    you’re really missing out by not eating buffalo wings. GOOD wings. not that Hooters craps. and you CAN eat them with a fork. I do!

  24. Miss Ann Thrope

    I have a lot in common with you and tons more not.

    RE: the spiders. You should never have done all that blotter acid in your youth. It fries your brain.

  25. Avitable

    Tug, I almost made a comment about you always having turkey legs! Heh.

    Poppy, yup, same here.

    Geeky, I can only imagine, and that’s coming from Florida!

    Dawn, I’ll wear shorts to a wedding if I’m going to go, and I don’t think I will go to any funerals. And wings are creepy!

    Miss Ann, I know – all that acid as a kid really fucked me up.

    Mist, no, I love those people the best.

    Amy, well, I have to keep a few secrets, right? Otherwise, that’s how people end up buried in the backyard.

  26. Amy

    That is exactly what I was talking about. You didn’t mention how you prefer to lure people to your house so you can get rid of them by torturing them with your various comic book arguments, then you to finish the job off you have to strangle them with Amy’s underwear and then burn the underwear, and that you absolutely HAVE to bury them in your backyard – and that you keep 1 of their ribs as a trophy in your desk drawer.

    And, NO I am NOT coming to visit you this summer!!!

  27. Avitable

    Tug, ummmmm…..yes.

    TMP, not really. In certain situations like public bathrooms and restaurants, I try to be careful about touching something and eating it, but otherwise, no.

    Amy, but you should see the rose garden in the backyard. It’s growing really well now!

  28. NYC Watchdog

    I have a problem with the fact you’ve never eaten buffalo wings because it’ll make a mess of your hands. There is just something in the sense of being a man that makes sucking the meat right off a buffalo wing bone very fulfilling.

    I eat corn on the cob the exact same way though.

  29. Brandi

    Ok Finger foods. I’ve learned to tolerate them to a certain extent. I can eat chicken wings even with sauce because I can avoid getting the sauce on my face. I take the first bite of chicken with fingers but then tear what I can stand off of it with my fork because once I break the surface, it can now get its freakishly wet ooze on my face. We can’t have that. I also cut my corn off of the cob for the same reason. The only food I can tolerate to get on my face is ice cream (cones only) and only on my lips and apples. I don’t know what’s special about apples. Maybe they aren’t sticky. I don’t even like water on my face. Splashing in a pool makes me go to the other end to get away from whatever idiot made my face wet! Even though I will swim under water. I get my face wet LAST in the shower because I dread it. I clean thouroughly and as quickly as possible so I can grab a towel and get my face back to normal. I can wear make up occationally because I constantly touch it and make sure its just so. And it makes me feel like my eyes are huge and seductive. Probably not though. I’m cute but no where near pretty. So I may fall into the ugly category if you happen to meet me after say long travel or allergy season.

  30. Avitable

    NYCWD, no thanks. I hate trying to get meat off of something with a bone – it just feels like there’s no actual meat on it at all. Ugh.

    Brandi, well, at least I know there’s someone who’s weirder than me! I don’t mind things on my face, unless it’s bull semen.

    Marfsbaby, almost?

    TMP, exactly. That’s where I become a germaphobe.

  31. heather

    I’m a vegetarian too and it drives my husband nuts. I’m a horrible vegetarian because there are only a few foods I eat. I have food rules. Hell, I have rules for everything in my life. That’s OCD.

  32. stephanie

    I don’t do finger foods, mostly cause they’re all fried in fat, and I try to avoid that at all costs.

    I read really fast, but I’ve never taken a speed reading course, it’s just natural. I’ll never forget being about 10 years old and my mother not believing that I finished my book, so she quizzed me on it. I got everything right, and the right for her never to question my reading skills again.

    That part rocked.

  33. Angel

    I’m a germaphob too. I even have anti-bacterial pens. Although I am sad to announce that I am going to have to find another supplier of those, because I think Wal-Mart quit selling them, and they are like my drug.

  34. Avitable

    TMP, maybe people should pray to us. And send us presents.

    Heather, I know one type of meat you’ll eat!

    Steph, that is awesome! It’s always nice having that type of vindication.

    Angel, I don’t know what those are.

    Jenny, I went to bed early and didn’t finish it yet.

    Janelle, I’ve been to Clarksville many, many times. I have in-laws who live in Russellville.

  35. Miss Britt

    For the brief time that my husband lived on his own before he moved in with me, his room mate had an old hospital bed. The three of us used to all get in it and raise & lower the head and legs for hours of entertainment.

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