Stole this off of Myspace:
1. Are you taller than your mom?
Not only am I taller, but my penis is larger and I can knock her out with one punch.
2. What color is your car?
Phantom Gray. You'd think that means "white", but it doesn't.
3. What is the closest thing to you that is red?
Only the lipstick I'm putting on.
4. What is your ringtone?
Dana Carvey's Chopping Broccoli
5. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My vagina aches.
6. What color is your favorite pillow?
It's the one that isn't covered in semen.
7.What is your favorite video game?
Of all time: Duke Nukem 3D
Actually playable: Half-Life 2
8. Had a nap today?
Only while I was driving. Makes the ride that much shorter.
9. Gold or Silver?
I usually take the gold in the Olympic events in which I compete.
10. Is there an animal that creeps you out?
Roaches that are larger than my head creep me out.
11. Who was the last person you rode an elevator with?
Mr. Fab went down on me. Does that count?
12. Did you go ice skating as a kid?
I have never been ice skating.
13. Ever have stitches?
My mother got shot in the stomach when she was pregnant with me and that gave me scar tissue on top of my head that doctors removed when I was 11. That's the only time I had stitches.
14. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Diet Coke with Lime
15. How long ago did you kiss someone?
I try to kiss a different person each and every day. It's my way of paying it forward.
16. What's something you want to do before you die?
Outrun the other guy.
17. Have you ever caught something on fire?
Let me tell you, alcohol on your balls and a match is not a good way to remove hair. You're much better off shaving or even waxing.
18. Have you ever seen a ghost?
Yes, but it ended up just being Old Man Wilkins from the amusement park.
19. Have you ever seen the northern lights?
Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
20. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Yes, but I prefer the chopsticks that are cut into three pointy tines so I can stab my food.
21. Name something good that happened today.
I came before blacking out, so I didn't end up accidentally hanging myself with a plastic bag over my head.
22. What room are you in?
The conservatory. With the candlestick.
23. Are you worried about something you can't control?
No. I control everything. If I don't control it, it doesn't exist.
24. Do you take daily medications?
I don't believe in taking medication.
25. Ever been in a fight?
No - everybody always seems scared of me.
26. Are you wearing nail polish?
Duh. Of course.
27. Favorite color?
Redhead
28. Innie or Outie?
My penis? It's an innie.
29. Ever used a Ouija board?
Yeah - I think they're shit. Fucking Parker Brothers.
30. Sweet or Sour?
Sweet if I drink pineapple juice first.
31. Sun or Moon?
Neptune?
32. What shoes did you wear today?
First barefoot, then socks, then I switched to my fuck-me pumps and went out to the corner to make some extra money.
33. Favorite eye color of the opposite sex?
I don't know. I don't think I care.
34. Most important quality in any relationship?
In any relationship? Like professional, personal, corporate, whatever? A strong legal contract, with proper consideration for both parties.
35. Favorite zombie movie?
Either the remake of Dawn of the Dead or Practical Magic.
36 Time of day you were born?
I'm not sure, but I bet that there was a chill felt throughout the land.
37. Do you know your blood type?
Diet Coke with Lime
39. Do you know how to kill a zombie?
Where the fuck did 38 go? Did the zombies get it?
40. What would you spend 5000 dollars on right now if you were handed it?
That's it? Um, I'd probably just spend it on a few things I want for the house.
41. Name something annoying in public transit?
I don't know - I've never been on any public transit in my life. And I never will.
44. Did you grow up in the city or country?
OMFG the zombies ate 42 and 43! We're all going to die!!
45. Would you ever consider going on a reality tv show if offered a large sum of money?
Only if I was guaranteed that sum, win or lose. And only if I could get naked all the time.
46. Have you flown in your dreams?
Don't tell my passengers, but I'm usually sleeping when I fly.
48. Hugs or kisses?
ATTENTION EVERYONE. THE ZOMBIES HAVE EATEN #47. THEY ARE VERY SNEAKY. PLEASE AIM FOR THE BRAIN IF YOU SEE A ZOMBIE SNEAKING UP ON ANOTHER NUMBER.
49. You have 10 dollars to spend in the dollar store..what do you get?
I'd never step foot in a dollar store. I'd give the $10 to someone who looked like they needed it.
50. Slurpee flavor
Is that even a question? My answer will be just as well-written. Flurgle?
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Duke Nukem? Now THAT brings back memories. Did you play Castle Wolfenstein too? Sigh. Those were the good old days...
Comments by Dave2
Im scared of zombies, but since they only go for brains, I think I'm safe...
Comments by bluepaintred
Red grapes also make it sweet Avi, and less acidic than Pineapple juice.
I want to know what your Zombie Plan is. (And if you don't have one, you should get one!)
p.s. Your comments thing is broken in Safari. just FYI. I am not bitching or anything. :D
Comments by MsFreud
Oh please. Who CAN'T take your mom out? She's a total pansy.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
My. There's a lot of free time in this country. Ain't it?
Comments by RW
So you are the one that stole my new lipstick and nail polish...I know I have good taste, but you could ask before borrowing. Sheesh!
Comments by Angel
DaveI played Wolfenstein 3D, too, but I used to love playing networked Duke Nukem for hours - it was crazy how fun that game was with six people.
BPR, yeah, I think you can walk freely among them.
MsFreud, I plan on joining the zombies and being their leader. And how does is look in Safari, or how is it broken?
Mr. Fabulous, not anymore. She ran up the stairs at the Philadelphia Museum of Art to inspiring music.
RW, ain't it . . . grand?
Angel, well, it's mine now!
Comments by Avitable
Yeah, now. It's alright though, I don't wear lipstick, because4 there are fish scales in it and I think that is gross. I very seldom wear nail polish, because I clean so much that it chips off within a day, and I think chipped nail polish looks trashy.
Peeee Essss: Glazed Donuts make it super sweet!!
Comments by Angel
And Old Man Wilkins would have gotten away with it...If not for you meddling kids !!
Comments by Paticus
I think it's funny that you gave absolutely ridiculous answers but then you slipped in a few true ones to completely tear up the rhythm.
Your pineapple juice answer is my favorite.
Comments by Poppy
Your penis is larger than your mom's. Your vagina aches. You DO have both! Ha!
Favorite color - Redhead.
Comments by heather
Angel, I only wear lipstick to leave rings around everyone's penis.
Paticus, Velma was hot.
Poppy, I'm mixing it up old school.
Heather, maybe I'm like Chyna.
Comments by Avitable
Hahaha. I've seen that before. Damn hermaphrodites.
Comments by heather
Wow....Adam, lick my balls, will you? Please??
Comments by Angel
Hmmm.. my vagina ached too. Were you flying a plane in your dreams again and boning all of the passengers?
Also, I hate zombies. I think that clowns are really zombies and the only way that they can disguise their zombiness is by wearing white face paint, a red nose and big floppy shoes. Plus I heard that zombies have really small dicks.
Comments by ADW
Where is our contract?
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Whoa. Those zombies are brave little fuckers stealing numbers like that.....
Comments by themuttprincess
One time, in my 20's, I made the mistake of eating canned beef stew from the dollar store. Now, I don't ever step in there either ;).
Comments by Hilly
omg, Chopping Broccoli. now that is genius. my respect for you knows no bounds.
oh, and I'M not scared of you.
Comments by Crys
Heather, yeah, damn hermies!
Angel, I have a strict no-ball policy.
ADW, wow. That is an interesting theory. I don't think I want to be a zombie anymore.
Mistress Yoda, you didn't get it?
TMP, I know!
Hilly, yeah, that sounds like a horrible, horrible mistake.
Crystal, you've heard that song before, right?
Comments by Avitable
of course! brilliance.
Comments by Crys
That comedy special is one of my all-time favorites. Dana Carvey was at the top of his game then.
Comments by Avitable
Wow, you are the only person I know with a penis ánd a vagina... Can you fuck yourself?
Comments by DutchBitch
Must have gotten lost in the mail.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Zombies– LOVE 'EM! But not when they steal all your questions! I particularly like "Shaun of the Dead". The scene where they think the zombie was just a drunk bitch was priceless!
Comments by metalmom
See. Being a zombie would be no fun at all.
Also, I hope that since you have both a penis and a vagina that your penis is long enough to reach your vagina and that it is thick enough to give you pleasure - I wish nothing but the best for you. If you were a zombie, you could still have both parts, but neither one of them would be able to give you pleasure. Wow! Now that I think about it, I wish I had both parts. Instead of my customers fucking me up the ass, I could do it to myself before work each morning and get it out of the way.
Comments by ADW
Awww, Avi, Dollar Stores are the shizzy!
There's a lot of talk of you dressing girly and wearing lipstick in here, Avi...is there something you need to tell us? I mean, it sure would explain your obsession with Bath & Body Work sprays and body wash concoctions. "I" don't even use that crap!
If I suggested to my husband that he use body wash, he'd think I lost my mind for sure Hell, I just got him recently convinced to start using regular soap! Before that, he just washed his hair and used the excess lather that dripped down his body to wash with! SICK!
Comments by Webmiztris
DB, my penis isn't long enough and my vagina isn't big enough. It sucks!
Mistress Yoda, yup. Go wait by your mailbox.
Metalmom, zombie bastards like stealing questions - they're almost better than brains.
ADW, your customers fuck you up the ass? I thought you were an EX-Hooters girl.
Dawn, there's nothing wrong with a man using body wash and lotion. It just shows that I care about cleanliness and smelling nice. And so what if I like to tuck it and sing along to Silence of the Lambs sometimes?
Comments by Avitable
That never works, a watched mailbox never boils.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
No, no, you're thinking of the other one: A watched female's box never comes!
Comments by Avitable
Red lipstick?
Whore.
Comments by Mist 1
Honey, some medication might do you good.
Comments by Dragon
Damn those zombies... damn them straight to hell!
Comments by Amy
#49. about giving $10 to someone who needs it... You never give charity!
I'm sorry your vagina hurts, though. Thats gotta be the worst.
Comments by jenny
Those damn zombies. Do you at least have the zombie survival guide?
Comments by Wench
while normally i find most memes to
be incredibly uninteresting,
you managed to keep my attention with this
and provoke some laughs. well done.
Comments by liquid
Dragon, me? I need no medication!
Amy, straight to the hell from whence they came!
Jenny, yeah, but if they're going to shop in a dollar store, I'd rather give it away then be forced to shop there.
Wench, I do, and I'm ready for the zombies!
Liquid, it's because I'm an uber-genius enchilada eater.
Comments by Avitable
..and taquitos too.
Comments by liquid
Bossy can't hear you - she's sitting outside a Dollar Store waiting for someone to give her $10.
Comments by BOSSY
You'll suck a cock, but no balls?!?! Sheesh! I want my money back
Comments by Angel
Are you going to send my $10 by mail or PayPal?
Comments by Miss Britt
Liquid, yes, that's what I meant. And taquitos, too!
Bossy, I think you should go inside and walk around, look at things you wish you could buy, and sigh loudly.
Angel, a girl has to have standards.
Mist, I prefer the term "lady of the night".
Comments by Avitable
Britt's a Damn Shame, you don't get shit. You've been neglecting us!
Comments by Avitable
It is scary to think about hwat they will try stealing next!
Comments by themuttprincess
fuckin' zombies thieves.
Comments by Tug
Do you know how long the day gets when you don't have "tact is for pussies" pop-ups because you haven't commented yet?
dammit
Comments by Tug
My life is almost meaningless without a little "pussies" in my inbox. Huh, that's like 12 kinds of naughty.
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, I just want a chance to use the phase "12 kinds of naughty" in my real life!
Comments by jenny
Bloody hell, I didn't read what I wrote before I posted. The word was phrase!
Comments by jenny
MySpace? You found this on MySpace, and you've brought it into our Sacred Church of Holy Avitableness?????
I'm so ashamed (eta) for YOU! :D
BTW - what color red? OPI's new Australia line makes a fabulous one that's on my toes right now, but I can never remember the name of it.
Comments by stephanie
Adam, are you trying on that new eyeshadow that you stole from me?
Comments by Angel
stephanie, the color sounds nice, do you ever find OPI a little too runny?
I think Avi is ignoring us. It's almost like he may have better things to do.
Comments by jenny
Jenny - If you refrigerate the OPI it doesn't get runny. The red is perfect. Not too many blue or yellow undertones... I wish I could remember the damn name!!
Comments by stephanie
TMP, that's why I think I should join the zombies.
Tug, it was slow on the blog today anyways.
Poppy, 13, even!
Jenny, your misspellings do not go unnoticed. And I was *gasp* away from the computer for a short time!
Steph, yeah, I look for inspiration in all places. And I'm using Red Ayers Rock.
Angel, I don't do eyeshadow - too whorish.
Comments by Avitable
Stephanie and Angel, so funny! While Avi is away, we are turning his comment section into a hair and makeup tip blog!
See what happens when you turn your back for one second!
Oh yeah, thanks! I'll try it. I love red too.
Comments by jenny
Jenny, please feel free to use that phrase. I made it up on the spot so I'm not very possessive of it. Yet. K, now I am. Short window of opportunity.
Comments by Poppy
OMG!! That's the color!! You're the best :)
Comments by stephanie
Jenny, it's usually just a big ol' orgy in here, so I don't mind girl talk, either.
Poppy, I've heard that phrase before - at least a version of it.
Steph, the wonders of Google. Or is it just that I'm wearing it right now?????
Comments by Avitable
That's because you heard me say it before! And I always say 12. Not 13. You keep your 13s to yourself.
Comments by Poppy
Adam, I posted another entry, with a pic of me...be prepared to be scared.
Comments by Angel
i almost wet myself when i read the answer to the first question!
Comments by karen
I think I laughed harder at that post than I have at anything in a week. That was fucking fantastic!
Too bad myspacers take themselves too seriously to atually post something that genius on their own.
Comments by Heartless Lass
Poppy, well, then, I will just steal it and use 13!
Angel, your picture does not meet my subjective standards of ugliness, so you're in the clear!
Karen, what did reading the rest of it do to you, I wonder?
Heartless Lass, these things are only fun if you can try to be funny.
Comments by Avitable
No, it's only funny when you don't have to try. That's the key. You just are.
Btw. Rock on with the red lipstick. Sexiest shade eva!
Comments by Heartless Lass
Oh, get fucked!
Remake of Dawn of The Dead sucks Bill Gates seven cocks!
Comments by Jordie