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Myspace is fun

Stole this off of Myspace:

1. Are you taller than your mom?
Not only am I taller, but my penis is larger and I can knock her out with one punch.

2. What color is your car?
Phantom Gray. You’d think that means “white”, but it doesn’t.

3. What is the closest thing to you that is red?
Only the lipstick I’m putting on.

4. What is your ringtone?
Dana Carvey’s Chopping Broccoli

5. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My vagina aches.

6. What color is your favorite pillow?
It’s the one that isn’t covered in semen.

7.What is your favorite video game?
Of all time: Duke Nukem 3D
Actually playable: Half-Life 2

8. Had a nap today?
Only while I was driving. Makes the ride that much shorter.

9. Gold or Silver?
I usually take the gold in the Olympic events in which I compete.

10. Is there an animal that creeps you out?
Roaches that are larger than my head creep me out.

11. Who was the last person you rode an elevator with?
Mr. Fab went down on me. Does that count?

12. Did you go ice skating as a kid?
I have never been ice skating.

13. Ever have stitches?
My mother got shot in the stomach when she was pregnant with me and that gave me scar tissue on top of my head that doctors removed when I was 11. That’s the only time I had stitches.

14. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Diet Coke with Lime

15. How long ago did you kiss someone?
I try to kiss a different person each and every day. It’s my way of paying it forward.

16. What’s something you want to do before you die?
Outrun the other guy.

17. Have you ever caught something on fire?
Let me tell you, alcohol on your balls and a match is not a good way to remove hair. You’re much better off shaving or even waxing.

18. Have you ever seen a ghost?
Yes, but it ended up just being Old Man Wilkins from the amusement park.

19. Have you ever seen the northern lights?
Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

20. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Yes, but I prefer the chopsticks that are cut into three pointy tines so I can stab my food.

21. Name something good that happened today.
I came before blacking out, so I didn’t end up accidentally hanging myself with a plastic bag over my head.

22. What room are you in?
The conservatory. With the candlestick.

23. Are you worried about something you can’t control?
No. I control everything. If I don’t control it, it doesn’t exist.

24. Do you take daily medications?
I don’t believe in taking medication.

25. Ever been in a fight?
No – everybody always seems scared of me.

26. Are you wearing nail polish?
Duh. Of course.

27. Favorite color?
Redhead

28. Innie or Outie?
My penis? It’s an innie.

29. Ever used a Ouija board?
Yeah – I think they’re shit. Fucking Parker Brothers.

30. Sweet or Sour?
Sweet if I drink pineapple juice first.

31. Sun or Moon?
Neptune?

32. What shoes did you wear today?
First barefoot, then socks, then I switched to my fuck-me pumps and went out to the corner to make some extra money.

33. Favorite eye color of the opposite sex?
I don’t know. I don’t think I care.

34. Most important quality in any relationship?
In any relationship? Like professional, personal, corporate, whatever? A strong legal contract, with proper consideration for both parties.

35. Favorite zombie movie?
Either the remake of Dawn of the Dead or Practical Magic.

36 Time of day you were born?
I’m not sure, but I bet that there was a chill felt throughout the land.

37. Do you know your blood type?
Diet Coke with Lime

39. Do you know how to kill a zombie?
Where the fuck did 38 go? Did the zombies get it?

40. What would you spend 5000 dollars on right now if you were handed it?
That’s it? Um, I’d probably just spend it on a few things I want for the house.

41. Name something annoying in public transit?
I don’t know – I’ve never been on any public transit in my life. And I never will.

44. Did you grow up in the city or country?
OMFG the zombies ate 42 and 43! We’re all going to die!!

45. Would you ever consider going on a reality tv show if offered a large sum of money?
Only if I was guaranteed that sum, win or lose. And only if I could get naked all the time.

46. Have you flown in your dreams?
Don’t tell my passengers, but I’m usually sleeping when I fly.

48. Hugs or kisses?
ATTENTION EVERYONE. THE ZOMBIES HAVE EATEN #47. THEY ARE VERY SNEAKY. PLEASE AIM FOR THE BRAIN IF YOU SEE A ZOMBIE SNEAKING UP ON ANOTHER NUMBER.

49. You have 10 dollars to spend in the dollar store..what do you get?
I’d never step foot in a dollar store. I’d give the $10 to someone who looked like they needed it.

50. Slurpee flavor
Is that even a question? My answer will be just as well-written. Flurgle?

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65 Replies to “Myspace is fun”

  1. MsFreud

    Red grapes also make it sweet Avi, and less acidic than Pineapple juice. :cocksuck2:
    I want to know what your Zombie Plan is. (And if you don’t have one, you should get one!)

    p.s. Your comments thing is broken in Safari. just FYI. I am not bitching or anything. πŸ˜€

  2. Avitable

    DaveI played Wolfenstein 3D, too, but I used to love playing networked Duke Nukem for hours – it was crazy how fun that game was with six people.

    BPR, yeah, I think you can walk freely among them.

    MsFreud, I plan on joining the zombies and being their leader. And how does is look in Safari, or how is it broken?

    Mr. Fabulous, not anymore. She ran up the stairs at the Philadelphia Museum of Art to inspiring music.

    RW, ain’t it . . . grand?

    Angel, well, it’s mine now!

  3. Angel

    Yeah, now. It’s alright though, I don’t wear lipstick, because4 there are fish scales in it and I think that is gross. I very seldom wear nail polish, because I clean so much that it chips off within a day, and I think chipped nail polish looks trashy.

    Peeee Essss: Glazed Donuts make it super sweet!! :cocksuck2: :bukkake: :clap:

  4. Poppy

    I think it’s funny that you gave absolutely ridiculous answers but then you slipped in a few true ones to completely tear up the rhythm.

    Your pineapple juice answer is my favorite. :jerkoff2:

  5. ADW

    Hmmm.. my vagina ached too. Were you flying a plane in your dreams again and boning all of the passengers?

    Also, I hate zombies. I think that clowns are really zombies and the only way that they can disguise their zombiness is by wearing white face paint, a red nose and big floppy shoes. Plus I heard that zombies have really small dicks.

  6. Avitable

    Heather, yeah, damn hermies!

    Angel, I have a strict no-ball policy.

    ADW, wow. That is an interesting theory. I don’t think I want to be a zombie anymore.

    Mistress Yoda, you didn’t get it?

    TMP, I know!

    Hilly, yeah, that sounds like a horrible, horrible mistake.

    Crystal, you’ve heard that song before, right?

  7. metalmom

    Zombies– LOVE ‘EM! But not when they steal all your questions! I particularly like “Shaun of the Dead”. The scene where they think the zombie was just a drunk bitch was priceless! :clap:

  8. ADW

    See. Being a zombie would be no fun at all.

    Also, I hope that since you have both a penis and a vagina that your penis is long enough to reach your vagina and that it is thick enough to give you pleasure – I wish nothing but the best for you. If you were a zombie, you could still have both parts, but neither one of them would be able to give you pleasure. Wow! Now that I think about it, I wish I had both parts. Instead of my customers fucking me up the ass, I could do it to myself before work each morning and get it out of the way.

  9. Webmiztris

    Awww, Avi, Dollar Stores are the shizzy!

    There’s a lot of talk of you dressing girly and wearing lipstick in here, Avi…is there something you need to tell us? I mean, it sure would explain your obsession with Bath & Body Work sprays and body wash concoctions. “I” don’t even use that crap!

    If I suggested to my husband that he use body wash, he’d think I lost my mind for sure Hell, I just got him recently convinced to start using regular soap! Before that, he just washed his hair and used the excess lather that dripped down his body to wash with! SICK!

  10. Avitable

    DB, my penis isn’t long enough and my vagina isn’t big enough. It sucks!

    Mistress Yoda, yup. Go wait by your mailbox.

    Metalmom, zombie bastards like stealing questions – they’re almost better than brains.

    ADW, your customers fuck you up the ass? I thought you were an EX-Hooters girl.

    Dawn, there’s nothing wrong with a man using body wash and lotion. It just shows that I care about cleanliness and smelling nice. And so what if I like to tuck it and sing along to Silence of the Lambs sometimes?

  11. Avitable

    Dragon, me? I need no medication!

    Amy, straight to the hell from whence they came!

    Jenny, yeah, but if they’re going to shop in a dollar store, I’d rather give it away then be forced to shop there.

    Wench, I do, and I’m ready for the zombies!

    Liquid, it’s because I’m an uber-genius enchilada eater.

  12. Avitable

    Liquid, yes, that’s what I meant. And taquitos, too!

    Bossy, I think you should go inside and walk around, look at things you wish you could buy, and sigh loudly.

    Angel, a girl has to have standards.

    Mist, I prefer the term “lady of the night”.

  13. stephanie

    MySpace? You found this on MySpace, and you’ve brought it into our Sacred Church of Holy Avitableness?????

    I’m so ashamed (eta) for YOU! πŸ˜€

    BTW – what color red? OPI’s new Australia line makes a fabulous one that’s on my toes right now, but I can never remember the name of it.

  14. Avitable

    TMP, that’s why I think I should join the zombies.

    Tug, it was slow on the blog today anyways.

    Poppy, 13, even!

    Jenny, your misspellings do not go unnoticed. And I was *gasp* away from the computer for a short time!

    Steph, yeah, I look for inspiration in all places. And I’m using Red Ayers Rock.

    Angel, I don’t do eyeshadow – too whorish.

  15. jenny

    Stephanie and Angel, so funny! While Avi is away, we are turning his comment section into a hair and makeup tip blog!

    See what happens when you turn your back for one second!

    Oh yeah, thanks! I’ll try it. I love red too.

  16. Avitable

    Jenny, it’s usually just a big ol’ orgy in here, so I don’t mind girl talk, either.

    Poppy, I’ve heard that phrase before – at least a version of it.

    Steph, the wonders of Google. Or is it just that I’m wearing it right now?????

  17. Heartless Lass

    I think I laughed harder at that post than I have at anything in a week. That was fucking fantastic!

    Too bad myspacers take themselves too seriously to atually post something that genius on their own.

  18. Avitable

    Poppy, well, then, I will just steal it and use 13!

    Angel, your picture does not meet my subjective standards of ugliness, so you’re in the clear!

    Karen, what did reading the rest of it do to you, I wonder?

    Heartless Lass, these things are only fun if you can try to be funny.

  19. Heartless Lass

    No, it’s only funny when you don’t have to try. That’s the key. You just are.

    Btw. Rock on with the red lipstick. Sexiest shade eva! :sex023:

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