Saw this over at Sandwich Flats and thought I'd steal it for my own purposes. I don't agree with all of his choices, but a few of them were spot-on. Of course, rather than pick the usual suspects, like Battlefield Earth or Catwoman, I'm going to focus on the movies that most people like that I despise.
So here are 10 movies (or groups of movies) that I hate:
- The Mummy and Return of the Mummy - They're not clever. They're not Indiana Jones-esque. They just suck. And I like Brendan Fraser, but he's dead weight in these films.
- Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers - Putting people in uncomfortable situations and having a nice protagonist get shit on for no reason is not funny. It's bad comedy.
- The American Pie films - Porky's is a good teen sex romp. These films, with the exception of Alyson Hanigan's character, are stale pieces of shit.
- The Incredibles - Boring and indulgent tripe. I'd rather watch Fantastic Four twenty times then this movie once again.
- King Kong - It takes an hour and a half to get to the fucking island, an hour on the island, three minutes to get back to New York, and twenty-seven minutes in New York? How many fucking times can he fight a dinosaur? Why would the brontosaurs (or apatosaurs) stampede along a path that would cause half of them to plunge to their death when they've conceivably lived there for years? How would anyone survive that stampede while scissor kicking raptors in the head? Fuck Peter Jackson.
- All three LOTR movies - Did I say fuck Peter Jackson? Because I meant it. Whine, run, fight, run, whine, whine, cry, run, fight, fight, run, cry, run, fight, plus fourteen fucking endings. Ugh.
- Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (and presumably 3) - The first one was fun. The second one was not. At all.
- Old School - once again, a movie that took every predictable and obvious joke and ran them into the ground. Will Ferrell is funny in some situations, and so is Vince Vaughan. This was not one of those situations.
- Shrek 2 - Same jokes, different setting. It's not clever if you just repeat what you did before. And Antonio Banderas sucks the funny out of any room.
- The Harry Potter films - Other than getting to watch Emma Watson get hotter as she got older, these movies have done nothing to capture the books properly. I have yet to watch a single one that was any good. Yet I keep trying!
Updated - I forgot to mention a new site that I'll be joining. It's called Burt Reynolds' Mustache and 28 of the funniest fuckers on the web will be posting, alternating throughout the days of the month, myself included, of course. My first post isn't coming up until the 10th, but the site's first post by the blog owner will be going up sometime today, so check it out.
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1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9.
I'm indifferent to the Incredibles.
I'm not sure how many of those I would have thought of on my own, but the ones I mentioned I think are good choices. I enjoy the Potter movies but I haven't read the books.
Too tired to think of any additional movies.
Comments by Clown
If you didn't like pirates 2, you're really not going to like pirates 3
Comments by Amanda
You're right about LOTR. There is only one trilogy–the Star Wars Trilogy and to be quite specific IV, V, and VI.
Comments by jenny
*The Mummy and Return of the Mummy - After we got married, we had the whole dinner and reception thingy. Then we went to our hotel for the night. Being eight zillion and a half months pregnant, we decided to rent a movie on the hotel pay seventeen bucks for a movie thing.- don't judge us. We had no condoms- We rented the Mummy. I fell asleep fifteen minutes into it, and we have not bothered to rent the second one.
* I love PotC, 'cus Johnny Depp is a hot pirate!
*I am very sad that the movies don't do the book justice (Harry Potter) I still watch them.
books are always better then the movies.
Comments by bluepaintred
I liked the Pirates movies... but I'm not happy they changed the ride because of them.
I also like the Harry Potter movies... and not just for Emma... although by 2010 she'll be a full blown hottie.
I whole heartedly agree that Peter Jackson should die a terrible death at the hands of big feeted midgets. It would serve him right.
Comments by NYC Watchdog
I love the first Mummy, I hate the second one.
I love all of the Pirates movies.
I love the Harry Potter movies (I fucking hated book 5, and wanted to bitchslap harry every 10 pages).
I like Shrek 2 better than the first one.
You make me cry.
Comments by Wench
No fucking shit, Sherlock. Those movies ALL suck ass and I've been saying so forever.
(OK, and can you stop making those boobies jiggle in the "smilies" thing? They're making me nervous!)
Comments by bobgirrl
It is well that your hatred of LOTR did come up during our visit. I would have had to pull Mrs. Fab off you...and not in a good way.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Already assuming they sucked, I haven't seen any one of these and am quite proud of that.
Comments by RW
I agree with you on the LOTR movies. I hate them too.
Also, I thought Shrek 2 had a lot of "adult jokes" hidden in it to be a child's movie. The only reference that I specifically remember right now is where Puss takes catnip out and starts talking about it.
Comments by Angel
Clown, I think that if I hadn't read the books, I'd like the Harry Potter films much more. And I'm sure you could come up with 100 movies that you hate - you're that type of guy.
Amanda, precisely why I don't plan on seeing it, unless I'm really, really bored and it's on HBO.
Jenny, well, there is also the Back to the Future trilogy, which I like as much as I like the Star Wars one.
BPR, books are always better than the movies, but when the movies skip huge parts that would have been amazing to portray in the films, or when they go for cheap gags, I just can't bear to watch them.
NYCWD, the ride's not really that much different. There's a scene with Davy Jones that's projected onto a sheet of mist, and there are three times that Jack Sparrow pops up in an eerily animatronic way. I would have preferred that they change the entire ride and make it much more like the first movie, which was fun.
Wench, did you go to these movies drunk? That's the only possibility I can see.
Bobgirrl, the boobs jiggle for you! And just click the word "Smilies" to make the box disappear.
Mr. Fabulous, I'm assuming you meant "your hatred of LOTR did NOT come up". And yes, an angry Mrs. Fab going for my jugular is not something I wanted, either!
RW, I'd be interested to know what the most recently produced movie you've seen was.
Angel, I think adult jokes hidden in kids' movies make it enjoyable for the adults. It's one reason that the Toy Story movies were good, and why the Muppet Show was so funny. The kids don't even get that there is a joke, and the adults don't have to poke their eyes out.
Comments by Avitable
Flyboys, of course. World War 1. What else?
Comments by RW
The subject matter looked interesting, but the film looked dreadful. Was it as much a disappointment to you as it was to every critic on Earth?
Comments by Avitable
So you really are not going to like Shrek III. We got conned into taking the kids to the theater to see the movie and I FELL ASLEEP. I have never slept through a movie, not even The Majestic (worst movie - I think), and I am pissed that I lost those 83 minutes of my life.
Comments by ADW
Outside of the fact that it covered every war movie cliche you could think of, was historically inaccurate (I know this because I was a member of the Lafayette Escadrille in my last life), was unremarkable in a million ways, and the actors phoned it in from time to time, it was fine.
About the best thing about Flyboys was the art direction. They made a stupid movie full of lame actors surrounded by these beautiful sets and scenes.
If you still needed a clue it was a dud, just imagine; halfway through instead of being into the film you're thinking "this is a war movie and nobody has said one swear word yet."
And they never did. No nudity or gratuitous / obligatory fucking scene either.
Comments by RW
But the apostrophe isn't right! How can you write for a misapostrophed site?! I am so kicking you off Daily Crush... (Not that you would notice.)
How many burns was that in one paragraph? Only three? Damn, I'm losing my burn touch.
Comments by Poppy
ADW, I'm thinking about skipping it entirely.
RW, as I thought. I don't expect nudity, but blue language is obligatory.
Poppy, actually it is accepted for words that end in "s" to use the apostrophe alone, rather than using "'s" to signify possession. It's used commonly enough that it has entered the vernacular as appropriate. Ooh - burn!
Comments by Avitable
Bossy notices you are all about "Stumble It". Is this hipper than Technorati? Please come over to I Am Bossy for a little ditty about that cheap whore technorati:
http://iambossy.typepad.com/
Comments by BOSSY
i agree with much of this, but must maintain with vehemence that you are off your nut on LOTR and Harry Potter. ABSURDITY! CHAOS! YOU ARE RETARDED!
Comments by Crys
oh and for like a second i thought you were talking about Emma Thompson
Comments by Crys
Bossy, I don't use StumbleUpon or any of those traffic whore sites. I'd rather just grow my audience more organically.
Crystal, I don't like Tolkien or fantasy, so that explains my hatred of LOTR. Oh, and Peter Jackson being a hack. The Potter films never do justice to the books. And I was talking about the still underaged to the point that it's illegal Emma Watson!
Comments by Avitable
Nice list. i liked the first LOTR, but the other two I saw because my wife wanted to see them, and I took several naps.
Amen on Meet the Parents-one of the most overrated comedies ever. I didn't bother with Meet the Fockers. Ben Stiller needs to get back to playing assholes, he's much more enjoyable that way.
Comments by Paticus
JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE USE IT THAT WAY DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT. ONLY JESUS IS ALLOWED TO HAVE AN APOSTROPHE WITH NO TRAILING S.
Apparently the Americans have won.
Comments by Poppy
well, i at least agree with you on Tolkien. talk about verbose—i never got into the books. i should try again, though probably not The Hobbit, which is always where i try to start. but whatever. the movies were GRAND. and Aragorn? HOT. HOT HOT HOT!!!!
and Hermione? she's like, a zygote
Comments by Crys
And thanks for the boobs. I enjoy feeling them.
Comments by Poppy
Hi Crys!
Comments by Poppy
THE AMERICANS WON WHEN WE GAVE BIRTH TO JESUS, POPPY
God. i have to explain everything
Comments by Crys
hi!
Comments by Crys
I STILL THINK JESUS DESERVES HIS OWN APOSTROPHE. HE *IS* KING OF THE WORLD.
Crys, I think I need a glass of box wine, can I come hang on your stoop?
Comments by Poppy
there's definitely enough room on my stoop; it's just me, the box of wine and the unconscious solicitor with the box of domino's pizza...
oh and Jesus...
Comments by Crys
Loved The Incredibles (But, I'm a big Disney fan so there ya go.) And I like the Harry Potter movies but you're right, they're nowhere near as good as the books. Loved Pirates 1. Pirates 2 was...OK and I have to see Pirates 3 again because I couldn't follow it the first time.
Comments by heather
Oh good, because I have some questions for Jesus. Thank you for allowing me stoop space. Do you think the solicitor would mind if I had a piece of pizza? Do we care if he minds?
Comments by Poppy
Hmmm, I love the new site Adam, I have bookmarked it. You make me laugh all the time, and now, I'll be able to laugh twice a day. Only twice though. That's the legal limit.
Comments by Angel
Paticus, I like him as an asshole, and I like him as a nice guy, too. But a nice guy getting shit on for no reason is just stupid.
Poppy, I am a Pope, remember?
Crystal, she's a hot zygote.
Heather, I just expected more from the Incredibles.
Angel, I expect fourteen laughs a day, okay?
Comments by Avitable
the solicitor has no say. we eat all the pizza and drink all the wine we like. IT IS OUR STOOP; IT IS OUR LIFE.
this is how we roll.
Comments by Crys
14?? For the love of Angel...are you trying to get me addicted??
Comments by Angel
I have never seen LOTR movies or the harry potter movies. It would be a waste of my time. I didn't see King Kong either.
I like crappy slapstick comedy. Reminds me of 80's movies. I
80's movies.
Comments by themuttprincess
1. The Mummy and Return of the Mummy - Yuck.
2. Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers - The first one was ok but didn't LOVE it.
3. The American Pie films - Loved the first one, disappointed by the second one and wouldn't even finish the third.
4. The Incredibles - Won't watch.
5. King Kong - Won't watch.
6. All three LOTR movies - Won't watch, I hate fantasy movies.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (and presumably 3) - It was cute, the first one but not excited about them or anything.
8. Old School - Vince Vaughn was the only funny part of it.
9. Shrek 2 - Eh.
10. The Harry Potter films - No interest. Boring.
We have similar tastes.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
it's no surpise, but I like almost 1/2 of these movies!
although admittedly, I only watch Pirates because Johnny Depp is in it and Kong because Jack Black is in it. If I can drool over someone I lust over, I'll watch just about anything. :)
Comments by Webmiztris
I can't wait to ride The Stache with you.
Comments by Mist 1
Angel, yes. At first it's free. Then it will cost ya.
TMP, I like many 80's movies, too. Not all of them, though.
Mistress Yoda, clearly you rock.
Dawn, I'm usually that way, but I can't get past really shitty movies.
Mist, moustache rides are fun!
Comments by Avitable
Well...it's about time you figured that out.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
You're a pope, I'm a pope, everybody's a pope. Kinda dilutes the effectiveness...
Comments by Poppy
Crys, I'm moving in (well, to the stoop at least) on Tuesday. Does that work for you?
Comments by Poppy
I fell asleep during the second Harry Potter movie. At the climax, really.
And, even though I read the books as a kid, I couldn't remember any character names, or much of what went on, in the LOTR flicks.
They just bored me.
And this is coming from an hombre that watched Step It Up in it's entirety.
Comments by Pete
Duh. Most people do not like all of everything.
Most of the stuff being made is crap. They try WAY TOO DAMN HARD.
Comments by themuttprincess
Oh, and I keep forgetting to say that Burt is now being feed read by this pope.
Comments by Poppy
Well, I suppose I'll find a way to pay you.
Comments by Angel
Boy, we all sure like to talk movies! I checked my inbox and there were 5o messages! Hooeeee!
Comments by jenny
Oh. And American Pie..LOVE IT! I keep debating, is it too raunchy for my 14 year old son?
Comments by heather
Heh, all those films are great!!
Comments by Philip
Mistress Yoda, don't start getting cocky on me now.
Poppy, I'm an Avitapope - the only one!
Pete, Step It Up had its redeeming qualities.
TMP, cynical much? :D
Angel, twenties will do.
Jenny, yeah, movies and television are always fun to argue over.
Heather, you love it? It's just not funny. It's forced. And it's not too raunchy for a 14-year old. He's seen and done more than that.
Philip, that's a convincing argument.
Comments by Avitable
I'm a Poppope which is more fun to spell.
Comments by Poppy
He's probably already seen it which would explain why he was mortified when someone yelled "MILF" at me when we were walking into a store.
This is my 100th comment. Do I win a prize?
Comments by heather
Twenties, twenties. You want me to become an Adam addict and pay for it? You already take my makeup. Sheesh!
Comments by Angel
1. The Mummy and Return of the Mummy - I love these movies - you are just too picky.
2. Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers - I sort of agree with you on this - but then there were some damn funny parts, too.
3. The American Pie films - only saw half of the first one and I thought it sucked. But, then, I didn't like Porky's either.
4. The Incredibles - Loved it and I hope they make a sequel. But, then I have kids...
5. King Kong - Never saw it, but then, I don't do any kind of animal movies... at all.
6. All three LOTR movies - I didn't read the books (yeah, that makes me a bad book person, I know, I just couldn't get into them and preferred C.S. Lewis to Tolkein) I liked the movies even if they were a little depressing from time to time. And, I always felt sorry for Gollum no matter what.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (and presumably 3) - Loved the first one, not so keen on the second one, read the spoiler on the third and am pretty sure they fucked up a good thing.
8. Old School - It was so-so, I've only seen it once and usually if I really like something I watch it more than that. Still... Will Ferrel "streaking the quad" was pretty funny.
9. Shrek 2 - Didn't see it. Liked the first one.
10. The Harry Potter films - Never got into the books or the movies. Saw the first one - it was good, but I can't get past how poorly Harry is treated by his Aunt and Uncle and NO ONE does anything about it.
I think this is my longest comment ever, but I wanted you to know that I put a lot of thought into it.
Comments by Amy
The only reason I liked Pirates 2 is 'cause I stared longingly at Johnny...fell asleep during the only Harry Potter I went to, so my nephews won't go to any more movies with me - heh. But this one time, at band camp...yeah. That's about it. I haven't seen all you listed, but agree with the ones I have seen! yay.
Comments by Tug
I'm with you on most of these, except I did like Meet the Parents (but definitely NOT the follow up). I do think comedy has gotten more mean-spirited, though. Generally speaking.
American Pie had shock-value. I'll give it that. I can't believe the brothers who did that also did some really smart comedies with heart like, "About A Boy" or "In Good Company."
Comments by cat
Strange. I absolutely love The Incredibles, and thought you would too. Most comic book fans I know (myself included) think it's one of the best super-hero films ever!
Comments by Dave2
i saw pirates 3 this past weekend b/c we got free tickets. what absolute dreck! it was so boring that i went out for smoke breaks.
Comments by karen
Poppope, you're right.
Heather, that was me yelling that! You only win prizes for your 1,000th comment.
Angel, I am a taker, not a giver.
Amy, wow, you did put a lot of thought into it. I just can't understand how you loved the Mummy movies. There was no tension and no real sense of danger or fun. It was like one of those stupid rides at Universal.
Tug, I know lots of old ladies who fall asleep in the theaters, it's okay! :D
Cat, I don't mind mean-spirited and black comedies, as long as the characters are written appropriately. I didn't think American Pie was shocking in the slightest - it just copied from other, better movies. And I agree with you - those guys made much better movies with the two you listed.
Dave, I don't like Brad Bird - I think he's overrated. The story was boring as hell, depressing, and not fun, until the last twenty minutes.
Karen, that's why I don't plan on wasting my time in the theater.
Comments by Avitable
I agree with all of your choices except for Pirates and Shrek.
I wouldn't care if Pirates any movie to it at all as I get to drool over Johnny Depp for the entire length of the movies...and Shrek is just fun!!
Obviously I have a soft spot for ogres. I kinda like you!
Comments by Heartless Lass
Yep, I know...IT WAS THE MOVIE.
But put me in a cool dark place without any fun & I'm out. shush.
Comments by Tug
Heartless Lass, so if I painted myself green and talked with a Scottish brogue, ye'd be hokay with thut?
Tug, heheheh.
Comments by Avitable
Your Lord of The Rings hate is why I love you.
So what do you think of this Harry Potter themed themed park?
Comments by Jordie
It could be fun - will Emma Watson be there naked?
Comments by Avitable
I'd probably ask you to marry me.
Comments by Heartless Lass
Whew– I was bracing myself for "Magnolia" and "I [Heart] Huckabees," since they're always on people's shitlists. I love those movies. And I hate every movie you've listed. Except "American Pie." Come on, he fucked a pie! What else do you need?
Comments by Greg
Heartless Lass, I'll have to remember that. (keeps green paint handy)
Greg, are you kidding? Magnolia? Great movie! That and Punch Drunk Love are two movies I love! I haven't gotten around to Huckabees yet, although I will someday. I like the Coens, so I'm sure I'll like it.
Comments by Avitable
Holyhell...Punch Drunk Love HURT to watch. HURT.
Comments by Tug
Tug, you don't like Punch Drunk Love?
Comments by Avitable
Seriously. K & I are both Adam (Sandler) fans...but I called her & said "no. it HURT me to watch it". But I still love Adam.
SANDLER.
and Avitable. hee
Comments by Tug
1) I liked the Mummy, I was dragged to the cinema by friends with horrible taste in movies and wanted to hate it but I liked it. Haven't seen the second one. Apparently Rachel Weis has opted out of the third good for her i say.
2) haven't seen them, don't wanna.
3) First one good second one bad third one, I want my money and those 2 hours back please.
4) meh
5) Haven't seen it, my favourite comedic musical group did a song in one of their live shows called "Get to the fucking monkey" hilarious.
6) *GASP* PHILISTINE!!!!!!!!
7) I enjoyed the 2nd one while at the cinema. I went with a group to the first showing in Adelaide and we dressed up. I won a prize. When I got home I realised I hadn't liked it. Seeing the 3rd one next week. Although I think Keira Knightly is undead.
8) Never seen it
9) Yeah kind of shit, I'll still go to the thrid one.
10) The first one was bad, the second one was really bad, the 3rd one I'd have walked out on if I hadn't been with a group of friends. When they asked me to go to the 4th one I declined. They said it was bad, I said 'serves you right for going'.
Comments by Carolyn
Tug, I don't understand how you didn't like that movie. It's an amazing film.
Carolyn, I just didn't see anything redeemable in the LOTR films.
Comments by Avitable
I don't remember, & I'm not watching it again to see. I just remember it was painful.
Comments by Tug
Fuck. My husband is now refusing to move. He says he simply cannot trust a man who doesn't like Old School.
And seriously? I'm inclined to agree. I mean come ON - KFC? Funny as FUCK.
Comments by Miss Britt
Tug, you're missing out.
Brittentious Snob, it just tried too hard.
Comments by Avitable
No, No. The backing in ass first was completely effortless, subtle, wonderful comedy.
Comments by Miss Britt
I don't remember anything in that movie being subtle. I only saw it once and tried to block it from my mind.
Comments by Avitable