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Image is key.

So, during a conversation with a couple of whores, I was told that I am very careful to use my blog to display a certain image, and that much of my true self never comes out online. And at first I resisted, trying to explain to these clearly retarded individuals that I am mean and snarky. I do hate people who aren’t my friends. And while I am nice and try to be considerate to those few people that I’ve determined deserve my affection and attention, I do honestly feel that the rest of the world can suck my testicles. However, I also realized that maybe the girls had a point. Maybe they’re actually gorgeous, sexy geniuses.

So, after some thought, I decided to use my magical artistic ability to illustrate the difference between the image I project, and the reality of my life.

First, here is the image of myself I project with my blog. You can click for a larger version.


and, behind the fold, you can see the reality of my life.


86 thoughts on “Image is key.”

  1. and also…

    1) there are pants in the second picture – false.

    2) there are no red shoelaces in the second picture – false.

    3) your wife is not stylishly dressed in the second picture – also false.

    But the no voting thing cracked my ass up. So I will totally not comment on the fact that you STILL refuse to be honest and open about who you are.

  2. OK, I lied. I can’t stand it.

    Adam – we aren’t saying that you should change how you blog, at all. We’re merely saying that you don’t have the balls to be as personal and put yourself out there to risk being judged.

    Like we do.

    Cuz we rock. And are brave. And have balls.

    Even if they are yours.

  3. Can you tell me where you get your horse semen in the industrial-sized gallon jugs? Because I can only find it in those tiny half-ounce plastic bottles, and I’m sure it would be much cheaper to buy it in bulk like you do…


  4. I totally have to back Miss B’s game here. It’s true we are incredibly sexy geniuses – and we are also 100% correct (mostly because we are women and we are cool like that).

    And what is up with the wife and baby in the pic? Are you trying to tell us something????

    See… even a conversation like that… you had to run out (not literally, we know you never go anywhere) and quickly make a joke to cover the possibility that we just might have a valid argument.

  5. wait. i so want to say the second picture is bullshit. a baby? a salad? as fucking if!

    but at the same time, I just can’t see you fucking the snake from the first picture. Not after what happened last time anyways…

    I want a third option.

  6. Your baby has no arms. That’s the whole truth to the second drawing isn’t it… you’ve got a baby with no arms and you don’t want to talk about it. Its okay. We’re here to support you. :hug:

  7. Your post is weirdly kind of related to mine from today and yesterday. Two sides of the coin.

    You can’t fool me, though. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

    Although if I am wrong, can you hook me up with a couple of underage hookers?

  8. NarciBrittstic, I just think that your idea of personal and my idea of personal are two different things. I focus on the embarrassing things I’ve done, the stupid things, and the hilarious things. Those are pretty personal.

    Dave,, of course. And don’t listen to Britt, I refuse to step foot into a Wal-Mart.

    Amy, to be honest, the original “reality” image was going to be me prancing around, spraying room sprays, giggling, and listening to Avril Lavigne. But everybody already knows all of that about me.

    BPR, you don’t think that I have a big cross on my wall and that I vote Republican and give to Goodwill and wear a suit and tie?

    Sheila, BWAHAHAHAHA! Very nice. Thank you for supporting me, Amy, and Thor, our tiny, armless baby.

    Jacki, I’m actually a shower fanatic.

    Angel, what if I told you that #2 is completely, 100% true?

    Denise, I like it too.

    DaisyJo, so you’re a fan of sucking balls? Good to see I’m not the only one.

    Mr. Fabulous, well, you’ve met me, so you know that #2 is all true. Although, I didn’t show you the underaged hooker room.

    Heather, either way, redheads are still my favorite.

    Mr. Fab, you were drugged on Roofies – you don’t remember if it was gentle or rough.

    Angel, about you or me? Because with me, he and I practice some rough stuff.

    RW, my depiction of those big wooden salad forks wasn’t good enough for you? Maybe there is a rabbit sneaking in to eat all of the delicious greens that we were about to eat for dinner.

    DB, they’re all of the above. Sexy whorish retards.

    AnnieB, he is very sly. Keep ahold of your panties if you choose to visit him.

  9. Why did you draw Amy TWICE with no boobies?! That’s just mean.

    And salad for dinner, hehehehehehehehehe. Oh, that’s funny. If your real life were picture #2 we would so not be friends because you wouldn’t dare to associate with me. :boobs2:

  10. Mistress Yoda, what’s confusing about our armless baby Thor?

    ADW, well, I use more than any Ob/Gyn ever will.

    Poppy, I only draw naked women with boobies. The ones who are dressed are stick figures. And my real life is picture #2!

    AnnieB, he seems like a fan of white, to me.

    MicrodermaBrittion, but now I’ve told the real truth about myself with picture #2. You’ve met me – you know it’s true.

  11. Yep, the salad gave it away. Pigmeat, cheese and some cow just calls out to you.

    And your wifey seems to be flat as a board – this coming from you with all the boobies around?

    :boobs3: :boobs1:

  12. The salad in the second picture is a dead giveaway of fakeness. I’ve seen you eat Oreos… and anyone who eats Oreos like that can’t willingly eat salad.

    I love the snake to fuck in the first picture. I knew it was really you fucking that thing.

  13. Tug, maybe I actually eat salad all the time! And she’s not flat-chested – she’s a stick figure.

    NYCWD, how about Oreo salad?

    Crystal, actually, I don’t know if there’s a single thing in the “reality” drawing that is accurate.

    Dawn, maybe I’ve just been lying this whole time!

  14. Sure, sure. It’s OK baby, you don’t have to hide your love for Republitards from me.

    Well, yes, actually you DO if you have any hope of me ever moving down there.

    And… Amy is into career marketing now, too?

  15. I suppose personal could be in the eye of the beholder… but you still went fictional here which is definitely not personal.

    I happen to know that you do not drink horse semen – you drink strawberry milkshakes to match your oreos!

  16. Adam, I told you to be gentle with my husband. It was his first time. Sheesh. Also, I remember what you have said here. You said that you never wear pants, you don’t give to charity, you don’t want/have children, and you fear anything that is called a vegetable. So, this is where I conclude that you are somewhere in the middle.

  17. Tug, not when I draw them – if they’re clothed, they’re tiny stick figures.

    TMP, from a womb. Where else?

    Amy, oh, this isn’t personal, but upon closer examination, I am more personal than it seems with my blog. And I add horse semen for flavoring.

    Poppy, armless people can love, too.

    Angel, you don’t think I’m a god-fearing republican who wears suits and eats salads?

  18. Did you get lost spelling “Anna Karenina”?
    Did you know the top two rows on my bookshelf are dedicated to that shit? Actually the topmost row is all Shakespeare.
    I don’t have “I Ching”, though.

  19. Poppy, just love their feet!

    Angel, awww.

    Sheila, I only love my armless baby – nobody else’s.

    Annie, I didn’t get lost – I just knew that I wouldn’t have space for the whole name. I actually do have the I Ching – it’s from my advanced studies of Asian religion from college.

  20. Ooopie-doopie!
    I only took “World Religions” in college. They should make EVERYBODY take that. Not for tolerance, necessarily, but to learn what is a ‘religion’ vs. what is a ‘cult’.
    It just reinforced my intolerance, heh-heh.

  21. I hate feet. How many times do I have to tell the world that I HATE FEET?! PAY ATTENTION, WORLD!

    And I bet you and I have a similar book collection when it comes to religion. If I thought you cared I’d email my list to you, but you don’t so I won’t. Such a shame that you won’t have a serious conversation with me.

  22. Annie, yeah, religion classes should be mandatory.


    Mistress Yoda, don’t mock my armless baby.

    Cat, my subconscious desires, eh? That “reality” image is a nightmare, not a dream!

  23. RW – I’m also an admirer of Meneken. Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

    “Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.”

  24. Yes. Also “The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.”

    Finis. I think we’ve succeeded in doing that.

  25. Poppy, you’re so mean!

    Mist, I’ve always been impressed how the armless mailman delivered our mail.

    Angel, Amy’s holding it!

    RW, snooty fucker.

    Joefish, I do have a Viking helmet. With pigtails attached.

    TMP, actually, ours was born in a lab.

    AnnieB, you’re an admirer but can’t even spell his name right?

    GDG, they’re not, but they’re what pretentious people read who think they’re trendy.

    Nessa, yeah, I’m an accomplished liar.

  26. Does your wife have boobs? You neglected that part. I know since the baby is in the picture, the baby claimed them. No that’s not right you’d just use the other and “share”…er something. Hmm I’ve got it, you don’t see your wife as a booby havin’ girlie anymore since you saw her get that last mammogram. Nah, that can’t be it. Is she a vagina with glasses to you? I wonder…

  27. AnnieB, well, lah DEE dah!

    Poppy, yeah, me too!

    Sheila, look what you’ve started.

    Brandi, unless they’re naked, no women in my art have boobs. When they’re naked, they have boobs. It’s pretty simple.

  28. That is a very nice jacket Adam.

    I’m trying to decide whether or not I prefer the Gorilla hair one more.


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