The last Myspace bulletin I did was fun, so I decided to go ahead and do another one.
If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
A penis and a butthole – two things that dolls never, ever have.
I have an irrational fear of?
Getting stuck inside a snake’s vagina.
What type of food do you eat at your grandparents’ house?
The usual – meatloaf, pigs’ feet, rabbit dropping soup.
What weight were you when you were born?
I’m not sure – I just know that they had to weigh me at the scale at the zoo.
What would you do if you were stranded on an island with somebody you hated?
Last time, I just smacked him with my hat a lot and chased him around when he screwed up our chances of getting off the island.
I am most opposed to:
Ann Coulter. Although I’d fuck her if I could ball-gag her.
What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
At Monopoly? Award myself the contents of Free Parking. Duh.
I am too old to:
Fill a gallon jug with my own semen. With someone else’s, no problem.
I find the thought of childbirth:
Highly, highly disturbing. Horrifying, even.
Next door to my house is:
My blind neighbors. It’s nice because I can walk around naked in front of the windows all day long without a care in the world. I’ve even peed right out that window while one of them was watering their plants in their yard! Wait, did I say that they’re blind? Maybe they’re deaf . . . shit.
My feet are:
Size 6. I have elf feet.
My preferred style of jeans is:
Is acid wash still cool?
Who is your #1?
I don’t even understand this, but my #2 is nutty and full of corn.
I know how to cook:
A Peanut Butter Banana Raisin Mayonnaise Sandwich
I am annoyed at:
This survey. It’s not nearly as fun as I originally thought, and there aren’t any zombies this time.
What child-related smell do you not like?
You know that smell when they simultaneously shit, pee, and vomit in a small room? Yeah, that one.
What sea creature scares you?
Sea men.
What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
Wow. We’ve reached a new low with the questions now. That just doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense!
What object have you broken most recently?
A Thai prostitute’s hymen.
Name one of the Spice Girls?
Fugly? Snooty? Whorey? Actually, I have their CDs and the movie. I love them.
What was the last thing to make you cry?
When I realized that I missed breakfast as the Burger King drive-through and they were going to make me order lunch.
I would like to be in an advertisement for:
Evolution. I clearly am a link between humans and gorillas.
What are the stems of wine glasses for?
Have you ever petted an elephant? Do you know how many moons Jupiter has?
My favorite shoes are:
A nice pair of black Manolo Blahniks.
My mothers’ greatest fear is:
That I die with dirty underwear on. Lucky for her, I stopped wearing underwear. And I’m immortal.
Can you use chopsticks?
I’m so fucking good with them, I can even use them to eat soup.
Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Some bush is okay, but a strip of dry area around a wet spot is fun, too.
And don’t forget – Go check out the new post at These Walls Have Ears!
Enjoy this post? Try these:The Fun Police
Massaging your prostate for fun and profit
How to bring the fun back to September 11th
The remedy to your fear of dying with dirty underwear on is just to stop wearing underwear altogether.
Go ahead and free-ball it Avi.
See how much better you’ll feel.
Ahhhh and yes dolls do have penises…my Ken dolls growing up had that lumpish looking mound between the legs.
Should come as no surprise that I found that part ultra intriguing…
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A Thai prostitute’s hymen?
Prostitute must not have made much money then before you ventured along.
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I find the thought of childbirth:
Highly, highly disturbing. Horrifying, even
I liked the whole pregnancy, epidural and push-push-plop- a baby! thing. I didn’t like that they kept trying to make me take them home after. That wasn’t part of the deal.
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Your neighbors are either deaf or blind. And, you with your no-armed baby… What the hell kind of neighborhood do you live in?! Do either Barnum or Bailey sign your paycheck?
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GILLIGAN!!!!
And, Ann Coulter… bitch… I want a video if you ever pull that off. You might have to take some anti-nausea medication first.
:sexytime:
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My #2 is “sixteen-inch two-toned with a curl”.
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AH! The thought of Ann Coulter choking on sack is a wonderful way to start my day… especially if she chokes to DEATH with nuts down her throat, and cock in her big fat mouth. :clap:
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You sure do like these MySpace things. Somewhere inside you is a 13 year old girl trying to get out.
Not coincidentally, I am pretty sure there is at least one other 13 year old girl in your spare room trying to get out.
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Damn. I hate when I miss Burger King’s breakfast. They’re the best.
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Mistress, that lumpish looking mound was not a penis – you couldn’t have any fun with that!
Jacki, oh, right. Well, they were a trainee.
BPR, how about the nine months leading up to that of pain and suffering?
Sheila, we have a nice house overlooking Chernobyl Lake.
Amy, as long as she can’t talk, I’m okay with it.
Wench, you should enter that into a contest. If they have such a thing.
MsFreud, as long as she doesn’t bite down, I’m okay with it.
Mr. Fabulous, that’s horrible and sick and twisted! She’s 16, not 13.
Heather, when you’re in the mood for a Croissanwich, a Whopper won’t do.
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You know, you cannot get stuck in a snakes Vagina if you stay out of it.
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Detachable penis?
:jerkoff2:
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
If you fuck Ann Coulter make sure you call her a lot of dirty names and fuck her up the ass.
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Angel, but how can you resist?
Poppy, then you could just move it around for easier accessibility.
Mistress Yoda, tell me how you really feel.
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I don’t know how you manage, but I can manage. Believe me.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
I was going to talk about how the word butthole right off the bat made me giggle and a few other funny stuff you said in here.
But you said you’d fuck Ann Coulter.
We can no loner be friends.
And you don’t fool me with that “well only if I can ball gag her” shit. I know you’re into that stuff anyway.
Ann Coulter. Sheesh. Pig. I thought I knew you!! :crying:
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Ann Coulter is such a non-starter with me I can’t stop yawning. She is certainly a waste of DNA, but what’s funnier is how she instills exactly the results from her opposites she wants.
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Angel, well, not having a penis helps.
DemoBrittic Party, I said I was opposed to her! I’m just not opposed to doing her, as long as she can’t talk.
RW, that’s because they’re wastes of DNA, too.
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Bossy’s Question of the Day: If you post on MySpace and we read it, isn’t it OurSpace?
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A Peanut Butter Banana Raisin Mayonnaise Sandwich? Mayonnaise and peanut butter? Are you freakin kidding me? I can handle your sick fantasy about Ann Coulter [whom I loathe] but mayonnaise and peanut butter is just plain wrong, dude.
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I pictured you more of a red shoe type person with the rest of the ensemble black.
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I am annoyed at:
This survey. It’s not nearly as fun as I originally thought, and there aren’t any zombies this time.
Yeah there are zombies…. They stole ALL the numbers this time! Bastards!!!
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
So what you’re saying is you’re not opposed to fucking a woman no matter what she stands for or acts like, so long as she looks half ass cute?
Here are your balls back Adam. I don’t want them anymore. You’ve obviously been sneaking alone time with them on the side anyway.
Dog Fucker
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You’re giving me your detachable penis? YAR! Actually, I already have it so I’m all set. And it definitely gets moved around plenty for easier accessibility.
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Bossy, no, it’s still mine.
Dragon, it’s really good – the mayo and the peanut butter go well together.
Tug, well, I’ve got some nice red pumps, too.
TMP, ooh, good point. Fucking zombies!
CeleBrittion, sometimes I like a side of crazy!
Poppy, no, you can’t have it. It’s mine, and I need it!
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Then why did you offer it to me?!
@Britt: I don’t think she needs to be even half-ass cute as long as he’s fucking her from behind. :sex011:
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Oh whatever. You’re a PIG! A PIG!!!!
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Avi’s a pig, or I’m a pig? Because I assure you that *I* won’t be fucking Ann Coulter ever.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
@Poppy: two things I refuse to discuss without vomitting:
Ann Coulter
Adam ass fucking
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Sorry I made you vomit. Just because he’s behind doesn’t mean he’s ass fucking. He has a choice.
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Poppy, I didn’t. I was using “you” in a general sense. And I’m clearly the pig – she’s referencing where she called me one before. And that time she asked for my sausage. In bed.
Son of a Brittch, who said ass fucking? I know you like to just use a sheet with a hole in it, but there are other ways to do it from behind . . .
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Adam IS the Pig. AND he can’t keep a secret. You wonder why I wouldn’t let you fucking tape it. It’d be all over the damn internet by now!!
The problem with Adam from behind – ass or otherwise – is that he’s too immature to handle it. He marked up the last chic’s back with a fucking Sharpie for God’s sake.
I just don’t trust that man if he’s anywhere where I can’t see him.
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ew!
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I can’t decide which are more disturbing: the questions or the answers.
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ArmBritt, you’re just mad that I drew a “Parking in Rear” sign on your back.
Crystal, ew what?
Nessa, definitely the answers.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
No, that was annoying, but not anger invoking.
I’m MAD because you posted the fucking pictures and didn’t send me my cut.
I thought we had an understanding.
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Please send all detachable penises to:
12301 N MacArthur Blvd #1709
Oklahoma City, OK 73142
Thx!
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you’d fuck ann coulter? I didn’t realize you were gay, avi!!!
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Britty Britty Bang Bang, the check is in the mail.
Wench, I think all you need is one. Well, maybe three. But after three, what else can you do?
Dawn, she’s got a good body, and if she couldn’t talk, where would the problem be?
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If I tell you what I’d do, I’ll have to charge for admission.
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I hate surveys.
I only hate them a little though when I read them here.
And children just sort of smell like sugary piss. I hate that. They are sticky too. Gross.
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I think they are trying to take over the world.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I can relate to the Burger King experience, but for me, it’s that 11am cutoff time for Whataburger breakfast. They do breakfast from 11pm to 11am, and I get EXTREMELY ANTSY if I’m not in the drive thru line by 10:45… I mean, what will I do if I get there at 10:55 and they say “sorry sir, we’re not serving breakfast anymore”…?
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Well, I don’t want to get offensive or anything.
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Wench, I’d pay admission, too.
Jordie, you love them when I do them!
TMP, that is standard zombie protocol.
Wayne, it’s traumatic, I know.
Mistress Yoda, you? Never!
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Well, depends on who you ask, but most sources agree there’s 62. Uh, moons orbiting Jupiter, that is.
Oh, come on, someone had to say it! Sheesh!
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Admit it, you love the Spice girls. Just who are you trying to fool here?
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Correction: It “depends on whom you ask.”
For crying out loud, I ran all the way back here to fix that before you did. *sigh* That’s pathetic. Really.
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Your wife is a Saint, isn’t she?
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I just may have to give in and join the evil kingdom of myspace… :boobs4:
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Birdie, 62, eh? You win a gold star!
Angel, I said I own their CDs and the movie. I’m not lying.
HCG, you know it.
Maritza, try Facebook instead. It’s better.
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Funny about the doll thing… my aunt used to sew little penises (peni?!) onto her children’s male cabbage patch dolls so that they would be anatomically correct. She was big into that… she was trying to figure out a great way to glue a penis onto a ken doll, too, but last I heard she was still experimenting with that one…
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Yes, you are clearly the link between humans and gorillas … the chimpanzee.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
I cannot believe you STILL have not apologized for that Ann Coulter crack. Here I thought you were all deep and shit.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Yeah, don’t even waste the energy coming up with a name to respond to that. Not worth the effort.
it was the best I could do this late
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The Spice Girls made a movie?! Wow.
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yeah, she’s got a good body if you like the shape of young boys. she looks like a total dude, dude!
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It could explain his fascination with stick figures.
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