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More Myspace fun

The last Myspace bulletin I did was fun, so I decided to go ahead and do another one.

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
A penis and a butthole – two things that dolls never, ever have.

I have an irrational fear of?
Getting stuck inside a snake’s vagina.

What type of food do you eat at your grandparents’ house?
The usual – meatloaf, pigs’ feet, rabbit dropping soup.

What weight were you when you were born?
I’m not sure – I just know that they had to weigh me at the scale at the zoo.

What would you do if you were stranded on an island with somebody you hated?
Last time, I just smacked him with my hat a lot and chased him around when he screwed up our chances of getting off the island.

I am most opposed to:
Ann Coulter. Although I’d fuck her if I could ball-gag her.

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
At Monopoly? Award myself the contents of Free Parking. Duh.

I am too old to:
Fill a gallon jug with my own semen. With someone else’s, no problem.

I find the thought of childbirth:
Highly, highly disturbing. Horrifying, even.

Next door to my house is:
My blind neighbors. It’s nice because I can walk around naked in front of the windows all day long without a care in the world. I’ve even peed right out that window while one of them was watering their plants in their yard! Wait, did I say that they’re blind? Maybe they’re deaf . . . shit.

My feet are:
Size 6. I have elf feet.

My preferred style of jeans is:
Is acid wash still cool?

Who is your #1?
I don’t even understand this, but my #2 is nutty and full of corn.

I know how to cook:
A Peanut Butter Banana Raisin Mayonnaise Sandwich

I am annoyed at:
This survey. It’s not nearly as fun as I originally thought, and there aren’t any zombies this time.

What child-related smell do you not like?
You know that smell when they simultaneously shit, pee, and vomit in a small room? Yeah, that one.

What sea creature scares you?
Sea men.

What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
Wow. We’ve reached a new low with the questions now. That just doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense!

What object have you broken most recently?
A Thai prostitute’s hymen.

Name one of the Spice Girls?
Fugly? Snooty? Whorey? Actually, I have their CDs and the movie. I love them.

What was the last thing to make you cry?
When I realized that I missed breakfast as the Burger King drive-through and they were going to make me order lunch.

I would like to be in an advertisement for:
Evolution. I clearly am a link between humans and gorillas.

What are the stems of wine glasses for?
Have you ever petted an elephant? Do you know how many moons Jupiter has?

My favorite shoes are:
A nice pair of black Manolo Blahniks.

My mothers’ greatest fear is:
That I die with dirty underwear on. Lucky for her, I stopped wearing underwear. And I’m immortal.

Can you use chopsticks?
I’m so fucking good with them, I can even use them to eat soup.

Do you prefer beaches or forests?
Some bush is okay, but a strip of dry area around a wet spot is fun, too.

And don’t forget – Go check out the new post at These Walls Have Ears!

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58 Replies to “More Myspace fun”

  1. Mistress

    The remedy to your fear of dying with dirty underwear on is just to stop wearing underwear altogether.

    Go ahead and free-ball it Avi.

    See how much better you’ll feel.

    Ahhhh and yes dolls do have penises…my Ken dolls growing up had that lumpish looking mound between the legs.

    Should come as no surprise that I found that part ultra intriguing…

  2. bluepaintred

    I find the thought of childbirth:
    Highly, highly disturbing. Horrifying, even

    I liked the whole pregnancy, epidural and push-push-plop- a baby! thing. I didn’t like that they kept trying to make me take them home after. That wasn’t part of the deal.

  3. Sheila

    Your neighbors are either deaf or blind. And, you with your no-armed baby… What the hell kind of neighborhood do you live in?! Do either Barnum or Bailey sign your paycheck?

  4. Mr. Fabulous

    You sure do like these MySpace things. Somewhere inside you is a 13 year old girl trying to get out.

    Not coincidentally, I am pretty sure there is at least one other 13 year old girl in your spare room trying to get out.

  5. Avitable

    Mistress, that lumpish looking mound was not a penis – you couldn’t have any fun with that!

    Jacki, oh, right. Well, they were a trainee.

    BPR, how about the nine months leading up to that of pain and suffering?

    Sheila, we have a nice house overlooking Chernobyl Lake.

    Amy, as long as she can’t talk, I’m okay with it.

    Wench, you should enter that into a contest. If they have such a thing.

    MsFreud, as long as she doesn’t bite down, I’m okay with it.

    Mr. Fabulous, that’s horrible and sick and twisted! She’s 16, not 13.

    Heather, when you’re in the mood for a Croissanwich, a Whopper won’t do.

  6. Miss Britt

    I was going to talk about how the word butthole right off the bat made me giggle and a few other funny stuff you said in here.

    But you said you’d fuck Ann Coulter.

    We can no loner be friends.

    And you don’t fool me with that “well only if I can ball gag her” shit. I know you’re into that stuff anyway.

    Ann Coulter. Sheesh. Pig. I thought I knew you!! :crying:

  7. RW

    Ann Coulter is such a non-starter with me I can’t stop yawning. She is certainly a waste of DNA, but what’s funnier is how she instills exactly the results from her opposites she wants.

  8. Avitable

    Angel, well, not having a penis helps.

    DemoBrittic Party, I said I was opposed to her! I’m just not opposed to doing her, as long as she can’t talk.

    RW, that’s because they’re wastes of DNA, too.

  9. Dragon

    A Peanut Butter Banana Raisin Mayonnaise Sandwich? Mayonnaise and peanut butter? Are you freakin kidding me? I can handle your sick fantasy about Ann Coulter [whom I loathe] but mayonnaise and peanut butter is just plain wrong, dude.

  10. Miss Britt

    So what you’re saying is you’re not opposed to fucking a woman no matter what she stands for or acts like, so long as she looks half ass cute?

    Here are your balls back Adam. I don’t want them anymore. You’ve obviously been sneaking alone time with them on the side anyway.

    Dog Fucker

  11. Avitable

    Bossy, no, it’s still mine.

    Dragon, it’s really good – the mayo and the peanut butter go well together.

    Tug, well, I’ve got some nice red pumps, too.

    TMP, ooh, good point. Fucking zombies!

    CeleBrittion, sometimes I like a side of crazy!

    Poppy, no, you can’t have it. It’s mine, and I need it!

  12. Avitable

    Poppy, I didn’t. I was using “you” in a general sense. And I’m clearly the pig – she’s referencing where she called me one before. And that time she asked for my sausage. In bed.

    Son of a Brittch, who said ass fucking? I know you like to just use a sheet with a hole in it, but there are other ways to do it from behind . . .

  13. Miss Britt

    Adam IS the Pig. AND he can’t keep a secret. You wonder why I wouldn’t let you fucking tape it. It’d be all over the damn internet by now!!

    The problem with Adam from behind – ass or otherwise – is that he’s too immature to handle it. He marked up the last chic’s back with a fucking Sharpie for God’s sake.

    I just don’t trust that man if he’s anywhere where I can’t see him.

  14. Avitable

    Britty Britty Bang Bang, the check is in the mail.

    Wench, I think all you need is one. Well, maybe three. But after three, what else can you do?

    Dawn, she’s got a good body, and if she couldn’t talk, where would the problem be?

  15. Jordie

    I hate surveys.

    I only hate them a little though when I read them here.

    And children just sort of smell like sugary piss. I hate that. They are sticky too. Gross.

  16. Wayne

    I can relate to the Burger King experience, but for me, it’s that 11am cutoff time for Whataburger breakfast. They do breakfast from 11pm to 11am, and I get EXTREMELY ANTSY if I’m not in the drive thru line by 10:45… I mean, what will I do if I get there at 10:55 and they say “sorry sir, we’re not serving breakfast anymore”…?

  17. birdie

    Correction: It “depends on whom you ask.”

    For crying out loud, I ran all the way back here to fix that before you did. *sigh* That’s pathetic. Really.

  18. cat

    Funny about the doll thing… my aunt used to sew little penises (peni?!) onto her children’s male cabbage patch dolls so that they would be anatomically correct. She was big into that… she was trying to figure out a great way to glue a penis onto a ken doll, too, but last I heard she was still experimenting with that one…

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