Today, I received two very funny postcards in the mail (see behind the fold for postcards), one each from Heather and Vulgar Wizard. These two, along with the one from Mr. Fabulous, have inspired me to do two different things. The first thing is completely a secret for now. The second thing is to steal Fab's idea!
That's right, I'm going to send a postcard to anyone who wants one. These aren't just any old postcards, though. These postcards will be adorned with a reprint of an original Avitable work of art, and each one will contain a personal message from yours truly. The message will probably be vulgar and will definitely not be something you want your child, priest, mother, grandmother, or Great-Aunt Trudy to read.
Since I have to draw the art, and then send it off to get the postcards printed, it will take a couple of weeks before you get them, but, rest assured, they will be on their way.
So, while you're sitting there, trembling with anticipation, how do you get one of these once-in-a-lifetime postcards? These cards that will soon become collector's items worth millions? All you have to do is follow these simple rules.
1. Leave a comment telling me that you want one. Even if you're a lurker, it's okay - go ahead and let me know.
2. I will email you to confirm, and you will have to reply with your address within a reasonable time.
3. Go stand by your mailbox and don't leave until it comes!
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Art work from you??? I most certainly would like one please. :)
Comments by Angel
Can I have one of the baby?! Please!
Comments by Sheila
i beg of you - please send me the most vulgar and disgusting postcard you can imagine. I checked the mail on Monday and had to pick up a parcel. when I gave her the card and told her i was 2125, she went white and said - i kid you not - is this for the moose cock?
it was great!
but then she tattled to my mother in law, not so great, but still worth it.
Comments by bluepaintred
Of course I want one!!
Comments by Janelle
Ah, I read the instructions wrong the first time, and thought I was supposed to stand by my mailbox and not leave until - I - come. Since I want a postcard, I was totally ready to grab some porn and go do what I had to do... regardless of what the neighbors think.
Good thing I re-read those instructions again. Just my luck I'd be arrested for obscene behavior and never get my postcard.
Comments by Dave2
Will any of these postcards include the images from the right edge of your template?
Comments by Joefish
The only thing I really like getting in the mail is DVD's with porn on them (from Mr. K) so I'll hafta pass.
Oh, and birthday cards stuffed with money from my granny.
But that's it.
Comments by Mistress
Naturally I need one. I just can't get enough vulgar stuff in the mail! Original artwork....sounds.........interesting and will surely make our postman blush.
Comments by Misfit Duck
Of course I want one!
I got one from Heather too. I need to scan and post it, that's a good idea.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Me me me me me me me me me me me!!!! I want one!!!
Comments by DutchBitch
I want one too!!
Comments by Julianne
Like I'm going to pass this!
I'm only debating this
a) I give you my home adress and get the postcard by myself when I get back from work;
b) I give you my work adress, which implies that at least 5 different people on campus would see the card, not counting the time it will sit in the transparent file holder by my office door...
Comments by Mike
I would do it... but I'm afraid of being arrested.
Comments by RW
I want one. I'm making a blogger postcard collection now and starting a site called PopSecret. (Not to be confused with the popcorn.)
Comments by Poppy
Oh, and I'm very good at keeping secrets as you know so please leave me a reply comment here telling me precisely what the other "it's a secret!" thing is. Thanks.
Comments by Poppy
Well of course I want in on this. After the Christmas cards this year I can only imagine what you will come with.
Comments by Frankie
I'm in.
Comments by Paticus
I humbly and respectfully request a postcard.
Please and thank you.
Comments by Dragon
Ooh! Me too! Me too!
Comments by erratic scribbler
I'm in.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Angel, Janelle, Dutchbitch, Julianne, Paticus, Erratic Scribbler, Mistress Yoda, and everyone else who requested one, I'll send an email out tonight to all of you.
Sheila, I'm going to draw one original piece that will be used for all of the postcards. I don't know yet if the baby will be there.
BPR, hahahah - you have scarred your mailperson for life. What did your MIL say?
Dave, as long as your mailbox isn't sticky inside, you should be okay.
Joefish, nope, just original artwork.
Mistress, you're missing out. A postcard from me will get you all hot and bothered.
Misfit Duck, a blushing mailman is always good.
Mr. Fabulous, yeah, I think you and I were the only ones blessed by Heather.
Mike, I think having people on campus see it is preferable.
RW, you're just afraid of having Mrs. RW faint.
Poppy, I don't spill secrets!
Frankie, the Christmas card was nothing!
Dragon, humbly and respectfully? I prefer arrogantly and snidely.
Comments by Avitable
That too.
Comments by RW
I want one. (But it doesn't get you off the hook for owing me Avi art.)
Postcard Wars!
Comments by heather
i'd love to get one, but right now i'm on holiday & my neighbour is picking up my mail. i still want this person to do me favors in the future & not run away screaming when they see that postcard.
Comments by karen
Comments by Tug
I can has postzcard?
Comments by m
Oh yeah...you know I want one!!
Comments by Kellie
What can I say, Avi, I'm sweetness and light. Can't you tell?
Comments by Dragon
do you know how much work you're going to have to do? i want one but i want to spare you all the terrible terrible work.
Comments by Crys
I would love one, BUT you see, my child, and my personal priest, my mother and even sometimes my uptight neighbors all bring me my mail. I do realize that their opinion of me can not go any lower, but at this point, I can not take that chances.
You can send me all the delightfully nasty emails you like though.... Only my dry cleaner and I read that.
Comments by themuttprincess
Ok, I'll bite. I would like one. But can I ask - are "we" (the people who give you our addresses) part of the first secret? Are you making a book? Cuz that would totally rule.
Comments by Wayne
A chance for a piece of Avitable... yes please...
Comments by Jen, South Florida
RW, I bet if you asked her, she'd want a postcard from me.
Heather, no, I know.
Karen, that's true. She'd never look at you the same.
Tug, M, Kellie, Jen, and everyone else, check your email later!
Dragon, your pseudonym alone speaks volumes.
Crystal, it's worth it for my readers, my followers, my sycophants.
TMP, excuses, excuses.
Wayne, no. The postcard I send out won't be part of a book or anything like that. Good guess, though.
Comments by Avitable
Oh yes. Indeed, YES.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I would like cash in an envelope instead please. Thank you.
Comments by Miss Britt
Britt, Britt, Britt... you KNOW if he sends you cash he's going to expect
in return. Silly, silly, girl!!! 
Comments by Amy
I'll have what Brit is having.....
Comments by tori
Ooh yeah,baby! Give it to me! I'd love it if you had something for my box!Will it be bigger than Fab's? I hope so.I can't waait til it comes!!
Comments by metalmom
@Amy - well, yes, but for enough cash NOTHING is really off limits. Is it?
Or is that just me??
Comments by Miss Britt
My hubby Leo thinks that you are too funny!
Should I start waiting by the mail box now or later?
Comments by gemini
Maybe, maybe.
I am with Britt..... I think an envelope with cash is better.
Comments by themuttprincess
not sure how my mailman will feel about me for this, but i would love a postcard. thanks!
Comments by hellohahanarf
Listen, bitches. There is only room on this blog for one money grubbin' whore and we are not currently accepting applications at this time. The position has been FILLED.
In other words -
stop cuttin' into my profits!!
Comments by Miss Britt
Yaaayyy, what an awesome idea, I love your drawings. I want one please! And I'll put it right up on my fridge next to Fabby's.
Comments by marfsbaby
I live in a village of no more than 200 souls–counting dogs and cats! Needless to say, the postmaster here knows each and every one of us, kinda like an "up north" version of Green Acres.
So let's give 'em something to talk about. Count me in!
Comments by birdie
Yes Please...I might even return the favor with something hokey I find around here in Wyoming or on my way through TX. Maybe.
Comments by Brandi
Me too, me too!
(i feel so AOL-dirty!)
Comments by canadian_sadie
@Britt - I guess everyone has their price - even you... and even if it is 14 mill...
Comments by Amy
@Amy - was there ever any doubt that I had a price??
Clearly, I need to work on my branding.
Comments by Miss Britt
BTW - where the fuck is ADAM?
This whole "I have to take care of my wife, wah wah wah" excuse is officially old.
Get'cho Punk Ass Online, Bitch!!
Comments by Miss Britt
Hi, sorry I am late...I'd like one please :)
Comments by Hilly
Fuck no! I want to stay married!
Heather's was classic, though. I have to think up one to send you, heh-heh.
Comments by annie
To everyone who's commented since I last replied, I'll get an email out to you soon enough. Except, Annie, who thinks my postcard will be so hilarious it will cost her her marriage.
Comments by Avitable
are you fucking kidding me??
You didn't even READ your comments!!!!!
Comments by Miss Britt
Oh, I read them. I just ignored you!
Comments by Avitable
That's going to cost you a zero, buddy.
Comments by Miss Britt
I don't think there are any more zeroes to give - there's no number large enough. It doesn't even exist!
Comments by Avitable
Here I am making LOADS of effort to read and comment and make you feel loved. All in the middle of MY shitastic day.
And you can't even muster a decent response.
Comments by Miss Britt
I'm too busy coming up with a genius postcard that I'm going to mail out personally to everyone, even you!
Comments by Avitable
OMG, Avi - you are so full of shit I can smell you from here!
Comments by Amy
And Britt... I always new you had a price... I just never realized you would put a price on that.
Comments by Amy
Amy, it's her best "ass"et.
Comments by Avitable
Pffft
Comments by Miss Britt
That's all you have to say? Might as well just scoot that little moneymaker out of here.
Comments by Avitable
Oh FUUUUUUUUCK you buddy. You should so be bringing me glasses of wine and mochas right now.
Foolish. Stupid. Boy.
You know you're going to have to make this up to me, don't you?
Comments by Miss Britt
If you'd move here already, I'd make it up to you a hundred times over!
Comments by Avitable
Uh, Brittini? Have you ever considered that Avi MIGHT, just MAYBE have some S&M tendencies? Hmmmm? I think he WANTS you to get ROUGH with him.
Comments by Amy
I don't want your jizz, Dog Fucker. Where's your bling bling dollar bill smiley?
Comments by Miss Britt
Whooo, much more of this and you guys are going to be too extreme for Avi's blog.
Comments by Amy
Can't we all just get along and see Britt's
?
Comments by Avitable
*sigh* I love being ignored - fuck you both.
Comments by Amy
Who's ignoring you?
Comments by Avitable
Comments by Amy
Comments by Avitable
Damn, what the hell is going on in here? I seem to have stumbled into some kind of an argument. I'm gonna just ease over here, beg for my postcard, and duck out. You guys be careful with all that cum.
Comments by Vulgar Wizard
Gimme, please. :-)
Comments by Bonnie
Me want!! Gimme gimme!!
Comments by cat
I wanna see Britt's boobies too!!
Comments by Angel
Britt? Is Avi trying to whore you out again?
Comments by Amy
I think he is Amy, because he offered to let me see her boobies once for a price.
Comments by Angel
I would love to have a postcard... and I don't really care what my mailman thinks.
Comments by Sybil Law
did you expect such a good responce?
Comments by Brandi
I want one! My address is in one of your 92547573938 comments...
Comments by Wench
PS: The Mr. wants to know if it'll include this pic:
...er...well...a still, anyway...
Comments by Wench
When does this offer expire? I have no freaking clue where I'm going to be in a few weeks.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
I'll be getting around to everyone, and Girl, Dislocated, if your address changes, you can just let me know.
Comments by Avitable