It's not always about being funny.

Hot flashes

I asked my Papa to email me a funny story that I could post on my blog. He had no idea what a blog was, and he wrote it in all caps, but here you go:

AT OUR HOME IN N.C. WE HAD A MAN THAT DID OUR UPHOLSTERY WORK === DURING THE WINTER WHEN WE WERE IN FL. THE POOR GUY DIED ==WHEN WE CAME UP TO N.C AND WE WENT BY HIS HOUSE WE STOPPED AND I SAID HI TO HIS WIFE === NOW HE WORKED IN HIS SHOP IN HIS KITCHEN AND ALSO IN HIS BASEMENT ===I ASKED THE WIFE =IS ROY ==POINTING UP ==UP== OR POINTING DOWN ==DOWN === SHE SAY’S ==WELL I HOPE HE’S UP == I SAID ==IS IT O.K. IF I GO SEE HIM ?? SHE SAID === DID YOU KNOW ROY DIED ===I ALMOST DROPPED DEAD === I SAID I AM SO SORRY ==I DID NOT KNOW === TALK ABOUT PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH ===

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Go visit Miss Misery for two reasons. First, she’s 18 today and needs your birthday wishes. Even if you don’t know her, just go say “Happy Birthday” in her comments. Secondly, she’s got a post where she’s trying to get people’s opinion on developmentally disabled people in the workforce. Y’all are somewhat educated as a group, so give her your opinion.

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Postcards are going out today or Monday. I’m hoping people are appropriately horrified and embarrassed when they get them in the mail. If your cute little grandmother is staying with you next week, don’t, for the love of the Pope and all that is holy, let her get the mail. Her frail little wizened heart cannot take it. I made 6 different designs that I will post next week sometime. If you haven’t emailed me your address yet, you still have a chance!

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Went and saw Ocean’s Thirteen last night. I loved the first one and can re-watch it anytime it’s on. The second one was overblown and self-indulgent. The third one gets back to the basics and was almost as fun as the original. Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin were great additions to the cast, and I loved the relationship between Brad Pitt and George Clooney. I’m looking forward to seeing this again, either in the theaters or on DVD.

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Thank you to everyone who sent me Rewards numbers for Coke products. They can be found on the insides of caps and at the ends of 12-packs – please keep them coming!

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I discovered that the only topping for a good Stuffed Crust Pizza is pepperoni. Adding ground beef as a topping just ruins it.

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47 Replies to “Hot flashes”

  1. y2k survivor

    ok this is not a comment about this post, but I am too lazy to go back and find the one it really applies towards. I just wanted to share that last night, after weeks of over work and being sent out of state only to return to 14 hour work days, I was finally abl to work my way thru the issues of Entertainment Weekly in my “Private Library.”

    And the issue I thought was all about that Ugly Betty chick (based on the cover) turned out to be nothing but Americal Idol. A show I refuse to watch just like I refuse to listen to dogs barking Christmas carols. It aint natural and it aint real… like Ugly Betty or My Name is Earl… which I guess aint real either, but they don’t pretend to be… except when they are acting, when they know- we know- they are pretending to be real.

    The end result is that weeks later, I too was stranded, but luckily my wife does not clean as well as yours, and old copies were still at hand. :banghead:

  2. Michael

    Wife’s brothers and sisters are arriving to stay several days as their mother is getting married on Saturday.

    Have to make sure they all get to see postcard.

    The wife collects the Coke points so I cannot send ya any.

  3. birdie

    We’re heading out of town soon. I just filled out the card to have the postmaster “hold” our mail for a few days. Oh, GREAT! Now she won’t have to bother describing your postcard to the entire township, she can actually pass it around!

  4. Clown

    This is the kind of letter I expected the first time. A pretty funny story but there are so many parts of it that go against how you type and talk. I don’t think even as a joke you would be able to write that without correcting yourself shortly after.

    What’s with all of the equals signs? Are they common in his emails, or was that a mail formatting problem?

  5. Avitable

    Y2K, I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only one fooled.

    Sheila, I’ll show you my boobs!

    Michael, hopefully it will get there in time. I’m not sure how quick the post office is.

    Mr. Fabulous, you already saw the third one?

    Mist, who’s your daddy?

    Birdie, that will make it all the more fun!

    ADW, I only went because I read the stars talking about how they re-focused it this time.

    Clown, yeah, it was hard for me not to edit that or revise the ending a bit, too. The equal signs are there to constitute pauses or breaks, I presume.

    Mistress Yoda, remind me when we talked about that again? I have forgotten. I think I’d have to be Frank.

    RW, I lost you wayyy before that.

    Girl, Dislocated, it’s tough. When I type them in, they’ll tell me if I’m wrong. And you should definitely fit the movie into your schedule.

  6. Angel

    I laughed and laughed at your Papa’s story. Sorry that I have not sent the Coke codes to you yet, I’ve been pretty sick over the last couple of days. I will email you some tonight.

  7. Poppy

    IS ROY POINTING UP OR DOWN === I STILL WANT TO KNOW

    I am looking forward to my postcard because I honestly can’t think of anything you say to me being horrifying. I do wonder how Hay is going to take all of this, though. He might faint.

    Damn you for telling me another movie is worth watching because that means I need to go to the movies to see it!!!!!

  8. Amy

    OMG… poor Roy. That was freakin’ hilarious. Sounds like something that might have happened to my grandpa.

    Sadly, I have no coke points because some asshole bought diet pepsi. Do you KNOW how bad diet pepsi sucks? It is awful!!! And don’t get me started on the barf-fest that is Pepsi Jazz Strawberries and Cream. I’d rather drink cough syrup. :pissed:

  9. Avitable

    Jen, wrong thread, but I won’t hold it against you.

    Wayne, THANKS HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT IF I FORWARD AN EMAIL TO YOU BILL GATES WILL SEND ME MONEY?

    BPR, damn! I knew I shouldn’t have told people to go there.

    Angel, no rush. And my Papa is pretty funny.

    TMP, have fun!

    Crystal, so what are you saying? You liked it?

    Poppy, Roy wasn’t pointing anywhere. My grandfather pointed up and asked if Roy was up, and then pointed down, and asked if Roy was down.

    Mrs. Brain Bombs, they eat a lot of pigs in Hawaii.

    Mr. Fabulous, no Fantastic Four? Really? Are you too old for that movie?

    The Brittch is Back, most people who use Firefox middle-click in the window to open a new tab. Dogfucker. And you’re not allowed near any of my male family members, ya big whore.

    Amy, I’ve tasted that Strawberries and Cream Pepsi – it’s pretty good!

  10. Avitable

    Poppy, then wouldn’t he always be pointing up?

    Dawn, you should be nervous.

    Britton, do you really have to ask? Your weight is reversely proportional to your self-esteem, which is in turn reversely proportional to my chance at seeing boobs.

  11. Poppy

    Depends on how he was put into the casket and how the casket was placed in the grave, assuming he wasn’t cremated. If he was cremated then I guess he’s pointing in every direction!

  12. AnnieB

    It’s interesting to note how the embarrassment level changes through the different generations.

    Lame, I know, but that’s all I’ve got today. šŸ™‚

  13. Avitable

    Poppy, people are put in their coffins face down?

    Tug, yes. There’s almost nothing you need to know about 12.

    Metalmom, the whole thing is fine.

    TMP, hopefully nothing at all. We’ll see.

    Brittease, ooh – did they have Olean with anal leakage?

  14. Avitable

    Poppy, anal leakage is always funny, as long as it’s happening to someone else.

    On the Britter, IDJYF!

    AnnieB, exactly. Let’s crank the snarkometer up to 11.

    Mistress Yoda, I think “Whack Pack” is the best.

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