Up until a few days ago I would have told you that instant messenger was the perfect form of communication. It's fast, it's efficient, it doesn't require me to leave my desk.
My wife and I often IM while she's at work during the day. As you may have noticed, I rarely, if ever, share private conversations between Amy and I. And I also usually save Sundays for my infamous Week In Review posts. And I never post more than once a day.
But fuck it, I'm in the holiday mood:
—————————————————————–
AAvitable: hey babe, working?
adamhavitable: yup
adamhavitable: need me to come get you?
AAvitable: not yet, few hours here still
AAvitable: hey, did you pick your dad something up for father's day yet?
adamhavitable: why would I do that?
adamhavitable: he's still getting the cigars of the month from Christmas
AAvitable: yeah, but it's father's day now, not Christmas
adamhavitable: yeah?
adamhavitable: babe, we never do anything for hallmark holidays
AAvitable: i know
AAvitable: but maybe you should
adamhavitable: why? why start now and raise my mother's expectations?
AAvitable: lol. well, someday i'm sure you'll want your child to celebrate you on father's day
adamhavitable: nah
adamhavitable: all i'll ask is that he/she comes to visit me once a year at the cyrogenic center
adamhavitable: stops by my freezer, and says "thanks for the sperm, fucker"
AAvitable: lol. see! and people say I'm the asshole! not fair! lol
adamhavitable: heh :-)
AAvitable: really adam, I think you should start thinking about taking this whole father's day thing more seriously
adamhavitable: I do take it seriously, I just sent a slew of coupons for vaccination procedures out to all the redneck men in our family
AAvitable: babe
adamhavitable: yeah?
AAvitable: I think this year is different
adamhavitable: why?
AAvitable: because this year you get to be one of them
adamhavitable: one of who? the rednecks?
adamhavitable: ok, ok, I'm changing my socks
AAvitable: no, adam
AAvitable: one of the fathers
AAvitable: or at least, the expecting ones
AAvitable: babe?
Aavitable: are you still there?
AAvitable: adam, where did you go?
adamhavitable: i'm here
AAvitable: are you... ok?
adamhavitable: yeah
Update: No, it's not fucking true. Do any of you really think that (a) I would post twice in one day, and (b) I would misspell "lieu"? Go thank Amy for pulling this little Father's Day prank on me.
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CONGRATULATIONS!
Comments by Dave2
YAY ADAM!!!!!!!!!!
(oh, heh, and her too!)
Comments by Miss Britt
Holy Shit! Congrats Dad!!!
Comments by Sheila
Though I must admit some trepidation at the thought of an Avitable-spawn being unleashed upon an unsuspecting world...
Comments by Dave2
Congratulations!! Are you going to become a mommy-blogger now?
Comments by Amanda
Now you have a group of bloggers you can legitimately join. You'll be a SAHD.
Congratulations!
I hope the kid ends up looking like your wife!
Comments by Jester
Wow, dude, congratulations and I hope you really are okay!
Comments by Melanie
WTF WTF WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?
it isnt april fools. I checked
omg
if this is true, congratufuckinglations!
woot!!1!
Comments by bluepaintred
Oh wow, you're gonna be 1 hell of a great father! Congratulations to you & your wife.
Comments by jane
Haha! I knew you'd want a baby after you saw how cute mine was! ;-)
Congrats!!!
Comments by Bethie
OMG, This had better not be a joke. I am so excited for you and Amy!! Congratulations!! I know you will make a great father. Wow!! Thanks for sharing with us!!
Comments by Angel
Congratulations.
Now you get to be a daddyblogger.
Comments by Dan
Shite. This could well change the balance of the universe.
Good. Universe is as cockeyed as a landscape hanging in a Motel 6.
Comments by m
OMG! You procreated! I don't know whether to be happy for you or scared for mankind. Congrats!!!
Comments by Denise
Holy guacamole! That's wonderful! "Congratulations" barely cuts it but there's no other word... CONGRATULATIONS!
Comments by Dawn
Damnation, I just realized...you're gonna lose office space!!!!
Comments by m
Are you serious? Is this serious? I don't think I believe it. I think you are fucking with us.
Nope. I don't believe it.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
I bet she thought she'd just skip the whole 9 months thing and just went ahead and adopted a baby gorilla since that would have been the end result anyway.
9 left.
Comments by AnnieB
Comments by Sam
Really? Seriously?
Holy shit!
Congratulations!
Comments by J.
I don't know what to say. Either this is another cruel joke or it's real.
So...
a) Fuck you fucker for toying with our emotions like this.
OR
b) Holly poop CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Comments by sam
Comments by Frankie
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Comments by Britt's mom
Congratulations, man! That is awesome.
Comments by Pete
Did I read that right?
Wait...I'm not to be fooled again.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Congratulations! ;-)
Comments by Mike
Congratulations my man. If it's a girl, go buy a gun. If it's a boy, lifetime supply of rubbers!
Comments by paz y amor
Woot congrats!!!
Comments by Christie
Hahaha...what a way to find out about a pregnancy! :-)
Congratulations! Despite all evidence to the contrary, I think you're going to make a great father. Buy yourself something nice today.
Comments by Bonnie
Fantastic news!
Congrats!!
Comments by Wicked H
Congrats! Are you excited?
Comments by Miss Misery
It's Father's Day and I'm not sure if you're not treating this as April Fool's Day and I reserve my comment for when I can speak with you directly. Which means you should ANSWER YOUR FUCKING IM'S. Sigh. You're probably too busy rubbing Amy's belly. :)
Comments by Poppy
OMG congrats Adam and Amy!!!
(I'm with AmyD and Britt and pulling for a girl! :D)
Comments by Laci
Here via Miss Britt.
That's one of the best IM conversations ever. Dude, that was totally awesome that you were stunned into silence.
Way to go, Papa-to-be. Good luck.
I'd swing by more often, but the whole Hitler thing just bugs me. Nothing personal, I just can't process humor with Hitler, what with so much of the family tree killed by him.
I'll see ya at MB, though. Congrats, again!
Comments by Rich | Championable
Ho. Ly. Shit.
I'm thinking this sort of thing might confuse a child. 
I'm just sayin'.
You might have to change your smilies when little Avi arrives.
CONGRATS! I think you'll make a great father. You'll be fun, that's for sure.
Comments by Vulgar Wizard
THANK YOU for finally checking your IM. It now makes sense that "lieu" was misspelled as "Leu". Maybe you need to not give out your password to people who do naked favors for you.
Comments by Poppy
Dear Everyone:
Thank you for the kind wishes. However:
No, it's not fucking true. Do any of you really think that (a) I would post twice in one day, and (b) I would misspell "lieu"? Go thank Amy for pulling this little Father's Day prank on me.
Comments by Avitable
It's Sunday and I sure would like to go to Stacked Subs.
Derr.
Chik-fil-a.
Derrr.
Checkers.
Son-of-a-bitch.
Comments by Clown
That is all.
Comments by heather
Oh now I feel bad. She asked me how to spell "in lieu" last night and I wasn't sure and she said there was an I and I googled it and - DAMMIT, it was 1:30 in the morning!!!
But seriously, it wasn't Amy's misspelling.
and for the record - I do NOT have the password to your blog, tyvm
Comments by Miss Britt
HA! I knew it! Props to me!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Now now, no sense in denying it!!
Many sincere congratulations on the news Mr Avitable! There is nothing quite like fatherhood, and I hope that you bring the same energy and creativity to that new job that you have engaged us with here lo these many years.
A lot will change from here on out. But remember - real men change diapers! Why I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for any man who loved - and left, once the crops came in.
And before I get off on a metaphorical steamroller, which is also a metaphor, let me stop myself and simply say - wonderful! Wonderful news! You and your wife must be so very excited at the news.
What are you hoping for? A boy, a girl, or a gorilla?
Comments by RW
GODDAMNYOU, I GOT ALL EXCITED FOR NOTHING!!!!! SHIT!!!!! I'M TAKING BACK THE DIAPERS AND THE LITTLE SAILOR SUIT I BOUGHT FROM TARGET!!!!! heheheheheehheheee
Comments by Vulgar Wizard
Comments by Amy
And, YES, I do know how to spell lieu, but it was LATE and Britt SAID she looked it up and I was tired... and I have spelled incorrectly before!!!!
Oh...
and, uh, Congratulations - hope you didn't miss the conversation over at These Walls, Sweetie!!!
Comments by Amy
Whoa! All this really had me goin' there for a bit, although I was a little stymied. I mean, how could you be a father when you're already a mo...umm, never mind. [sheepish grin]
Comments by birdie
Uh, I just read Amy's post, and now I truly am confused. Adam, do you owe us a retraction? Hmmmm?
Comments by birdie
sadness
Comments by bluepaintred
You are such a douche bag, I'm going to pull out my dildo to use on you.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Ya big tease, you!
Comments by cat
Congrats Adam, I wish both of you the best!!!
Comments by Clown
I am LMFuckingAO.
I didn't think it was true because that isn't the AIM name that I have for you.
Hahaha...rock Amy and Britt doing this. Heee!
Comments by Kentucky Girl
I think its great that your telling yourself it isn't true.
Of course 8 months from now when there is a thunderous boom signaling the end of times... we'll all know the truth.
Comments by NYC Watchdog
I was just hoping to hell she didn't really tell you via IM.......
but it was good while it lasted!!
Comments by Tug
oh, she got you GOOOOOD! lmfao!!
Comments by webmiztris
Hilarious! I was going to comment on the spelling (how unlike you!) but I thought the excitement had gotten to you.
Congratulations anyway — that was a good prank.
Comments by Dawn
Excitement
Awe
Shock
Disappointment.
I need a nap.
Comments by Fogspinner
High fives to Amy and Britt! This one's a classic.
Heh.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I swear I did not do this alone. I cannot take credit for the post on Adam's site... Miss Britt wrote that little gem!
I did come up with the idea... and Britt couldn't help but go along for the ride. Isn't that right, Brittini?
Comments by Amy
Who the Hell is Lou? I bet he's the real daddy.
Comments by Mist 1
Pick out any names yet, Adam?
Comments by RW
That was great, Amy! Too bad it's not true though. Then you'd really be a mother fucker! LOL
Comments by metalmom
That's funny, right there; I don't care who you are, that's funny.
Comments by Melanie
I'm still both excited and frightened by the concept of Avi's own mini-me hit squad.
Comments by Joefish
i was too busy judging 'you' for leu and
cyrogenic to take this seriously.
Comments by liquid