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Typical man

Like a typical man, I forgot my blog anniversary. On Monday, June 18th, my blog turned three years old. I thought I’d just take this post and reflect back on some of the more memorable posts that I’ve done over the almost 1000 posts. By the way, I do plan on having a big thing when I have my 1000th post, so keep your eyes peeled for that. Without further ado, here’s the highlights from three years of Avitable:

2004:

My first post – boring and pointless. Never got a single comment.

Roach pizza.

Amy passed the Florida Bar.

My funny complaint letter to Sprint that actually worked.

My first emails to friends about Amy.

2005:

My funny complaint letter to Netflix that actually worked.

Quoted in the New York Times as an expert.

Somebody fits a basketball in their ass.

Dictionary of Poo Sex

Prom Dance Video

Disco Avitable

2006:

My Nohari Window – go pick out my negative attributes! And my Johari Window – pick out my positive attributes.

An email from a client.

How Avitable will raise his children.

Poor Steve Irwin – a video from when he was alive.

The One Where Adam is Emo

Funeral Porn.

Avitable hates white girls.

I liked the Hulk movie.

My horrible Burger King experience.

The only vacation I’ve taken since 2001.

My first question and answer period: Questions, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

The Church of Holy Avitableness!

My post about 9/11 and why I don’t care.

Halloween party! Everyone’s invited to the 2007 bash!

The Christmas cards I sent out in 2004, 2005, and 2006

Writing humor is like taking a shit.

The Virgin Mary and the Vagina

American Express hires robots.

2007

Everything I’ve written in 2007 has been a highlight. My first artwork, the dance video, some absolutely hilarious stories, and more. In fact, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll go through my archives and re-read everything I’ve written this year. I guarantee your laughter or your money back!

Anyways, that’s it. Happy 3rd blogiversary to me!

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51 Replies to “Typical man”

  1. Mistress

    Aww, what a momentous occasion! I can’t believe you’ve been blogging for 3 years!

    I didn’t even know what a blog was until like a year and a half ago!

    You rock, please continue to entertain us forever and ever. :woohoo:

  2. Amy

    BTW – HA!! HA!!! I beat Britt here… oh yeah.. oh yeah… I rock!!!

    Oh… and uh, seriously, Happy Anniversary, I expect to be able to come here when I am, you know, 50 and still find you at, uh, 55, that’s right, blogging happily and perversely!!!

    (no, my math is correct because as long as you keep that beard thing instead of the goatee, people are going to assume you are a lot older than I am and I am TOTALLY cool with that.)

    :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  3. RW

    Happy Blogiversary!

    I read you every morning and do I need help, I tell you.

    But, looking back over some of these posts… ever wonder where some of these commenters have gone to?

    No… me neither.

  4. Poppy

    Why’d you have to give us this order now? I’m currently stalking someone else’s archives with permission, I don’t think I can do it on two sites. Very tiring. Plus, almost any time I leave you a comment on an archive post you don’t respond to it. Why would I show you love when you don’t reciprocate, Step-Daddy?

  5. y not i

    Happy blogiversary!

    I believe he traditional third year anniversary gift is leather. Yeah, I’m sure we can all come up with something suitable for you there. :sex007: :sex014:

  6. Avitable

    Sheila, awww, it’s so thoughtful!

    Hilly, everybody loves hearing about your jar of semen!

    Amanda, it’s a fake word. You can spell it Qsaghaelgq if you want. 🙂

    Dave, thank you, Mr. Simmer, sir.

    Jacki, that’s it? I’m hoping for oral sex.

    BPR, originally, I only posted once every few days, and now I only post once a day. Are you talking about on all fourteen of your blogs combined?

    Mistress, I’ll be here for a million years. I promise.

    Amy, but what happens when they see your facial hair? They’ll know that you’re older.

    Brandon, I’ll be lucky to remember this next year.

    AnnieB, yes, and a gold star.

    RW, I know where some of them have gone, but others just disappeared. They were probably eaten by lions.

    Poppy, I’ll be more careful about it! I always reciprocate.

    Y not I, sweet! I need some new assless chaps.

    Mistress Yoda, heheheheh. I have NO idea . . .

    Mr. Fabulous, damn straight.

  7. ADW

    Happy Blogiversary!!! Can’t wait to see the 1000th post. Are you planning it out meticulously? Maybe.

    Ooh and I was reading over some of your old posts. If I ever had a doubt about you being one twisted puppy, it is gone now.

  8. Avitable

    ADW, I’m actually trying to think of something good to do. And yes, the twisted puppy part is all true. I am that person.

    BPR, so you post twice a day most days?

    Paticus, thanks!

    Tug, ooh, I like that – Aviversary! I’ll have to remember that next year.

  9. bluepaintred

    Heh. When I first started out I did three or four in a day. They were great.

    “I woke up today and had breakfast. Then I drank coffee and checked email.Then I went for a walk and ate an apple”

    Ahhh. Good Times

  10. Avitable

    Mommy Brittest, I’ve never been wrong. Nice try, though. And maybe I’ll try to set up links in a new window for your retarded ass.

    BPR, ah – that explains it! Heh.

    Mistress Yoda, I don’t know. A boob shot might do that.

  11. Miss Britt

    Oh. Dear. Gawd.

    I’m done. I’m finally DONE!

    I am NOT however going back through your 2007 posts. That’s just insane. Suck my dick dude, seriously.

    I noticed upon rereading your entire fucking archives now that your writing got noticeably better when you started reading me. In fact, the closer we got – the better your posts got.

    Hm.

    What was that you were saying about circle of influence again??

  12. Amy

    See, I knew you had Avi’s balls, Jared’s balls, and I think someone suggested you might even have Mike’s. I sort of see you as the ball black hole of the universe, kinda like the same place where 1 from each pair of socks goes. Only you get the pair.

    Anyway – yeah, knew you collected those, but didn’t know you did the whole dick and balls of steel thing. Good to know. Gooooood to know.

  13. Miss Britt

    I would like to go on record as saying that I am not now, nor have I ever been, in possession of Mike’s ball.

    Although I suspect at times that SOMEONE else is using them – it is definitely not me.

  14. Amy

    And since you have Avi’s it’s understandable that he might ask to borrow Mike’s from time to time.

    Personally, I have a super vagina and have no need to utilize a wimpy pair of balls.

    (HOLY SHIT, Did I just SAY that?!?!?!?!?)
    :martini:

  15. Miss Britt

    Ya know, now that you mention it, WTF’s up with that? Why is it whenever a woman does something brave or strong or awesome or… well, whatever… it’s always “she’s got balls”??

    Why doesn’t anyone ever say “holy crap, the Vagina on that woman!”

    And, now that I think of it, I’m looking at Adam AND you now because you BOTH tell me that all the time! pfft. Sexist pigs the both of ya!!

    :pissed:

  16. Amy

    You know, you have a really good point there. Here I was just thinking that giving birth naturally three times (no epidural) sort of made mine a super vagina…

    But no, you are right… and from now on I am going to say, Holy crap, Britt, you have a brass vagina!

  17. melissa.in.london

    Happy blogiversary! Three years is great. 🙂

    I’m here via Poppy, who has gained you another loyal reader. No, I haven’t really read anything of yours yet. But…I can tell I’m going to like it just from your banner. I mean, really. An icecream cone with Hitler? What more do I need to know!?

  18. Amy

    ROTFLMAO

    My shit is intact. I mean… you know, after the grand canyon sized episiotomy healed.

    And, really who is going to notice a scar that runs from one orifice to another?

    Therefore, I have a Super Vagina!

    (OMG I just said that AGAIN)

  19. Avitable

    Jay, I’m excretely excited! I have high moral fiber.

    Who’s on Britt?, I guess if we want my blog to really get amazing, we should get even closer. Like, boob-gazing close. I’m not answering all of your comments individually, so I’ll just say that you have a brass vagina AND brass balls.

    Amy aka Super Vagina, she’s always telling me to suck it – eventually she’s going to make me.

    Dragon, thanks!

    Cat, it’s been a year already for you? Cool.

    Melissa, thanks for the visit and comment. And the banner is all you need to know. If it made you laugh, you’re welcome here.

    Poppy, you’re going to have more fun in my comments than yours pretty soon!

  20. Catherine

    Woo hoo! Cheers. Rock on 🙂 Nice to meet you, btw, I found you at Dave2’s joint. I like what you have done with the place; peeps like you and Dave are waaaay out of my league as far as doing stuff with code to make it look great and otherwise being blog savvy. Mine’s just a template I got from Blogger, then I type into it and browse for photos and shit. Alas.

  21. Avitable

    Sybil, thanks! I try.

    Catherine, thanks for the visit and comment. I started out at Blogger, too, for almost 2 and a half years.

    Angel, there weren’t many in the way of masses for the first year or two, but thanks!

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