Avitable » Hurricane Britt

For Dawg

Before you get to read your regularly scheduled post, here's the NYCWD update:

As of right, now, at midnight EST on Monday, June 25th, we have raised an amazing $2700! Almost 220 people have contributed to the Puppy Monster Memorial Fund. And here are some of the numbers to show you how fucking amazing this is:

The average donation is around $13.00.
The highest donation was $200.00
Donations have come from the US, Australia, Europe, Canada, Asia, and Japan.
This has only been going on for 80 hours. That's an average of $33.75 raised per hour!

Thanks again to the whole blogging community. Please keep spreading the word, and keep giving! This will be running through the end of the week, so you still have a chance to make this into something even more extraordinary than it already is!

And now, Tuesday's post:

As many of you know, I own a small company. This company has employees, including a salesforce which is essential to its continued growth and success. And within the next two months, my salesforce is going to be augmented by a saleswoman extraordinaire named Miss Britt. Also within the next two months, it is likely that we may be visited by one of our seasonal hurricanes that we love to entertain here in sunny Florida. Thinking about the synergy and coincidence and confluence of the situation, I have decided to compare Hurricanes with Miss Britt.

A hurricane moves in slowly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked houses and broken trees.

Britt moves in quickly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked homes and broken hearts.

A hurricane is a swirling mass of wind and rain that can force a straw through a tree.

Britt is a swirling mass of hair and smoke that can suck a bowling ball through a straw.

A hurricane can last for several days before leaving behind a wet, disheveled mess.

Britt can last for about an hour before she's a wet, disheveled mess.

A hurricane can turn from its path at the last minute, endangering people and homes alike.

Britt can turn on you in an instant, endangering your testicles and penis alike.

A hurricane can cause people to evacuate their homes, taking only their prized possessions.

Britt can cause people to evacuate their wallets, leaving only their prized photographs.

A hurricane can bend a palm tree to the ground with one gust.

Britt can make a man's penis stand erect with one breast.

A hurricane is comprised of several parts that create one effective engine of destruction.

Britt is comprised of boobs and a vagina that create one effective engine of seduction.

A hurricane has never blown my house down.

Britt has yet to blow my socks off.

A hurricane can deliver gallons of water in a matter of minutes.

Britt can deliver layers of guilt in a matter of seconds.

I have no conclusion. Britt and Hurricanes have some similarities, but they also have their differences. In my opinion, they are not the same thing.

Did you like this post?

I can so last longer than an hour.

Oh. Wait. Were you talking about sex?

Comments by Miss Britt

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:31 am

I need to learn how to make people evacuate their wallets, that is a true skill.

Comments by Amanda

comment by Amanda Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:34 am

I just say "I need your bank card" to the husband type dude and he hands it over.

Works for me!

Comments by bluepaintred

comment by bluepaintred Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:43 am

I think I want to be like Britt when I grow up. Have you written a manual yet, Britt? Where can I order this from?

Comments by Sheila

comment by Sheila Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 2:09 am

Good grief.

I can't tell if you are kissing ass or ensuring that you will never get your balls back.

Comments by Amy

comment by Amy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 2:46 am

I didn't realize she was coming to work for you. Awesome decision. I'd buy anything she's selling.

Comments by Mr. Fabulous

comment by Mr. Fabulous Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 6:35 am

Sounds like Miss Britt should be a hurricane ............. Or wait maybe she is . LOL

Comments by SugarQueensDream

comment by SugarQueensDream Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 6:48 am

PS how do I get a picture I like up there not the guy one? , I mean I don't look like a guy ,well when I look in the mirror.....

comment by SugarQueensDream Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 6:49 am

I think, in a couple of months, your part of Florida will no longer have to worry about hurricanes for the duration.

They wouldn't dare!

Comments by RW

comment by RW Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 6:50 am

Brittocracy, yeah, your little Britt storms can definitely last longer than an hour.

Amanda, she's very good with it, but sometimes she uses her mind powers too much and people give her their pants, too.

BPR, he doesn't count!

Sheila, she has to finish conquering the world before she can write the manual.

Amy, I'm just comparing Britt to hurricanes. Can't it be a little bit of both?

Mr. Fabulous, I know. She just starts talking, and I just give her my wallet and don't expect anything back.

SugarQueensDream, she is a force of nature. And you can go to Gravatar.com and upload a gravatr to use on sites like mine. Then, when you leave comments with the same email address, you will be able to see the avatar you chose.

RW, that's what I was counting on.

Comments by Avitable

comment by Avitable Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 7:19 am

Re donations:

Re Britt: I think you should start heeding my advice about letting guilt go from your life. Makes hurricanes much easier to tolerate.

Comments by Poppy

comment by Poppy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 7:54 am

I'm scared.

Comments by Mistress Yoda

comment by Mistress Yoda Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 7:59 am

I have withstood several hurricanes - no problem - but Britt scares me. I can't even imagine the trouble that the two of you will get into together once you are in the same state.

Comments by ADW

comment by ADW Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 8:05 am

That is amazing about the memorial fund.

So is there a hurricane named Britt or Britta?

Comments by Shelli

comment by Shelli Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 9:15 am

RE: a manual... it's just a few easy steps:

1. Love Money
2. Be Born Without it
3. Decide that shame is for suckahs

The rest is all adaptation.

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 9:21 am

Poppy, nah, guilt can be good, too.

Mistress Yoda, you're just luck you live far enough away!

ADW, yeah, Florida might just secede and become the United State of Awesomeness.

Shelli, I don't think there has ever been a Hurricane Britt. But there will be, I'm sure.

No Britt in a Storm, flexibility is key, right?

comment by Avitable Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 9:30 am

YAY on the running total!!

I think it's a conspiracy between Fab & Avi - hurricanes + Britt may just be the thing to wipe out Disney.

Comments by Tug

comment by Tug Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 9:43 am

Sounds like Britt might be a bit more than you can handle, boss man. Beware.

Comments by Dragon

comment by Dragon Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 9:53 am

I have never seen Britt and a hurricane together. Therefore, I remain scientifically unconvinced.

Comments by Mist 1

comment by Mist 1 Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 10:10 am

Those are great stats for NYC Watchdog!!

Warning: I'm about to sound like a real fucking retard but I was just telling my husband last night that I wanted a (mini) hurricane to come through, that's how uneventful my life has been lately.

That's pretty bad.

Atleast I've still got these —>

Comments by Peggy

comment by Peggy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 10:35 am

Avi - next time I come down to the FLA, I am just going to lay my head down on a beach somewhere and see if I can feel the earth shaking. The United State of Awesomeness.... I think I like it.

comment by ADW Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 10:39 am

That is fantastic about the fund.

Britt sounds like my kinda girl!!!

Hopefully hurricanes take Disney off the map.

Comments by themuttprincess

comment by themuttprincess Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 10:43 am

Tug, but I like Disney! I'm a lover, not a hater.

Dragon, I'll be wearing a cup.

Mist, you know what? You're right!

Peggy, I'd settle for a nice rainstorm.

ADW, there are other ways to feel the earth shake . . .

TMP, oh, she's some kinda girl alright.

comment by Avitable Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 10:52 am

I've never seen a huricane in action, but Miss Britt sounds scarier :) she's harder to hide from, LOL.

Comments by Sarcastica (formally Miss Misery)

comment by Sarcastica (formally Miss Misery) Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:05 am

You know, these comments make it sound like I'm Scary.

I thought the point of this article was that I am awesomely hot and seductive!

I want a refund.

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:12 am

Guilt implies that you are wrong. Why would you ever admit to being wrong?

comment by Poppy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:15 am

My bitchy wife radar is going off... somehow I KNEW to go here.

POPPY!!

You can't be having him lay down his guilt! Guilt is a woman's most powerful... uh... (whispering quietly so the men folk don't hear... you KNOW!!)

Don't fuck with the balance of power, woman!!

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:23 am

$2700...that's unreal! nice job, avi.

"Hurricane Britt" sounds more dangerous than a regular hurricane...be careful, avi!!

I got your postcard today...lmfao! I'd love to have seen my carrier's face!!

Comments by Webmiztris

comment by Webmiztris Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:25 am

Britt, I'm sure he'll still love you when he finally chooses to go guiltless. And I'm sure he's willing to reserve guilt for you and Amy but ditch it for the rest of what he does in life, like feeding kittens BLEACH.

comment by Poppy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:34 am

Love? Who said anything about LOVE??

I thought we were talking about control.

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 11:59 am

Aren't love and control synonymous? Hmm...

comment by Poppy Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 12:00 pm

No, no, dear. Love and MONEY are synonymous.

Silly girl. That's OK, I'll learn ya.

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

Sarcastica, hurricanes are pretty scary, too. Britt smells better, definitely. Well, usually.

Evil IncarnBritt, your refund is in the mail.

Poppy, guilt can be a powerful tool in the hands of the evil kitten-bleachers of the world.

Dawn, I'm glad you liked the postcard - you should scan it and post it!

comment by Avitable Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 12:24 pm

Yay! for the fund. SO many people have been spreading the word and it's still happening, so that is great.

Hurricane Britt is going to work for you? That's gonna be some crazy company. Where do I apply?

Comments by annie

comment by annie Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 12:56 pm

2800. That is phenomenal. I am so proud of everyone coming together the way they have. It's an amazing display of love and the bonds that tie us all together.

CP.

Comments by CP

comment by CP Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:05 pm

I have to admit I like her around so I do not seem so whorish. And so vain.

comment by themuttprincess Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:14 pm

TMP - what are you trying to say??

comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 1:25 pm

Miss Britt will wipe hurricanes in Florida right out I heard. Something about all that hot air. At least that's what you told me, Avitable. Oh, was I not supposed to say that? I mean, you did call her a loud-mouth wind-bag. Izzat the same as hurrican.