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Hurricane Britt

Before you get to read your regularly scheduled post, here’s the NYCWD update:

As of right, now, at midnight EST on Monday, June 25th, we have raised an amazing $2700! Almost 220 people have contributed to the Puppy Monster Memorial Fund. And here are some of the numbers to show you how fucking amazing this is:

  • The average donation is around $13.00.
  • The highest donation was $200.00
  • Donations have come from the US, Australia, Europe, Canada, Asia, and Japan.
  • This has only been going on for 80 hours. That’s an average of $33.75 raised per hour!

Thanks again to the whole blogging community. Please keep spreading the word, and keep giving! This will be running through the end of the week, so you still have a chance to make this into something even more extraordinary than it already is!

And now, Tuesday’s post:


As many of you know, I own a small company. This company has employees, including a salesforce which is essential to its continued growth and success. And within the next two months, my salesforce is going to be augmented by a saleswoman extraordinaire named Miss Britt. Also within the next two months, it is likely that we may be visited by one of our seasonal hurricanes that we love to entertain here in sunny Florida. Thinking about the synergy and coincidence and confluence of the situation, I have decided to compare Hurricanes with Miss Britt.

A hurricane moves in slowly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked houses and broken trees.

Britt moves in quickly, leaving behind a trail of wrecked homes and broken hearts.

A hurricane is a swirling mass of wind and rain that can force a straw through a tree.

Britt is a swirling mass of hair and smoke that can suck a bowling ball through a straw.

A hurricane can last for several days before leaving behind a wet, disheveled mess.

Britt can last for about an hour before she’s a wet, disheveled mess.

A hurricane can turn from its path at the last minute, endangering people and homes alike.

Britt can turn on you in an instant, endangering your testicles and penis alike.

A hurricane can cause people to evacuate their homes, taking only their prized possessions.

Britt can cause people to evacuate their wallets, leaving only their prized photographs.

A hurricane can bend a palm tree to the ground with one gust.

Britt can make a man’s penis stand erect with one breast.

A hurricane is comprised of several parts that create one effective engine of destruction.

Britt is comprised of boobs and a vagina that create one effective engine of seduction.

A hurricane has never blown my house down.

Britt has yet to blow my socks off.

A hurricane can deliver gallons of water in a matter of minutes.

Britt can deliver layers of guilt in a matter of seconds.

I have no conclusion. Britt and Hurricanes have some similarities, but they also have their differences. In my opinion, they are not the same thing.

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49 Replies to “Hurricane Britt”

  1. Avitable

    Brittocracy, yeah, your little Britt storms can definitely last longer than an hour.

    Amanda, she’s very good with it, but sometimes she uses her mind powers too much and people give her their pants, too.

    BPR, he doesn’t count!

    Sheila, she has to finish conquering the world before she can write the manual.

    Amy, I’m just comparing Britt to hurricanes. Can’t it be a little bit of both?

    Mr. Fabulous, I know. She just starts talking, and I just give her my wallet and don’t expect anything back.

    SugarQueensDream, she is a force of nature. And you can go to Gravatar.com and upload a gravatr to use on sites like mine. Then, when you leave comments with the same email address, you will be able to see the avatar you chose.

    RW, that’s what I was counting on.

  2. ADW

    I have withstood several hurricanes – no problem – but Britt scares me. I can’t even imagine the trouble that the two of you will get into together once you are in the same state.

  3. Avitable

    Poppy, nah, guilt can be good, too.

    Mistress Yoda, you’re just luck you live far enough away!

    ADW, yeah, Florida might just secede and become the United State of Awesomeness.

    Shelli, I don’t think there has ever been a Hurricane Britt. But there will be, I’m sure.

    No Britt in a Storm, flexibility is key, right?

  4. Peggy

    Those are great stats for NYC Watchdog!!

    Warning: I’m about to sound like a real fucking retard but I was just telling my husband last night that I wanted a (mini) hurricane to come through, that’s how uneventful my life has been lately.

    That’s pretty bad.

    Atleast I’ve still got these —> :boobs1:

  5. ADW

    Avi – next time I come down to the FLA, I am just going to lay my head down on a beach somewhere and see if I can feel the earth shaking. The United State of Awesomeness…. I think I like it.

  6. Avitable

    Tug, but I like Disney! I’m a lover, not a hater.

    Dragon, I’ll be wearing a cup.

    Mist, you know what? You’re right!

    Peggy, I’d settle for a nice rainstorm.

    ADW, there are other ways to feel the earth shake . . .

    TMP, oh, she’s some kinda girl alright.

  7. Miss Britt

    My bitchy wife radar is going off… somehow I KNEW to go here.

    POPPY!! :crazywife:

    You can’t be having him lay down his guilt! Guilt is a woman’s most powerful… uh… (whispering quietly so the men folk don’t hear… you KNOW!!)

    Don’t fuck with the balance of power, woman!!

  8. Webmiztris

    $2700…that’s unreal! nice job, avi.

    “Hurricane Britt” sounds more dangerous than a regular hurricane…be careful, avi!!

    I got your postcard today…lmfao! I’d love to have seen my carrier’s face!!

  9. Poppy

    Britt, I’m sure he’ll still love you when he finally chooses to go guiltless. And I’m sure he’s willing to reserve guilt for you and Amy but ditch it for the rest of what he does in life, like feeding kittens BLEACH.

  10. Avitable

    Sarcastica, hurricanes are pretty scary, too. Britt smells better, definitely. Well, usually.

    Evil IncarnBritt, your refund is in the mail.

    Poppy, guilt can be a powerful tool in the hands of the evil kitten-bleachers of the world.

    Dawn, I’m glad you liked the postcard – you should scan it and post it!

  11. annie

    Yay! for the fund. SO many people have been spreading the word and it’s still happening, so that is great.

    Hurricane Britt is going to work for you? That’s gonna be some crazy company. Where do I apply?

  12. Kentucky Girl

    Miss Britt will wipe hurricanes in Florida right out I heard. Something about all that hot air. At least that’s what you told me, Avitable. Oh, was I not supposed to say that? I mean, you did call her a loud-mouth wind-bag. Izzat the same as hurrican.

    :poke:

  13. Avitable

    Annie, we only have room for one crazy hottie.

    CP, it’s amazing, isn’t it?

    TMP, I don’t know – she might not be able to hold a candle to you.

    I am the very model of a modern Major-Britteral, you know I’d never say anything like that!

    KG, she’s not full of hot air – she’s an ice queen!

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