To mangle a phrase: "Behind every perverted gorilla man is an awesome woman who is really in charge." And with that, I would like to present a post written by my wife Amy. Read and comment in droves!

How do I put up with thee? Let me count the ways.

When Adam told me that he had a big fan base for his blog, I was sure that was the case since he’s always had followers of his wit. But when he said he was afraid that many people would think that his stories were exaggerated or never really happened, I knew that only I, his wife, could set the record straight. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I really do exist. So let me just tell you a little bit about why I love Adam.

10. He’s cute and funny. Adam has always been adorable. Whether as a precocious five year old who loved wearing lederhosen or as a cuddly man-boy with an obsession for cheesy girl bands, people have always loved Adam. Like the mail man who stalked him in college. Or the peeping tom who watched Adam unabashedly leave his dorm windows open when he was naked (yes, Adam was the naked guy). Or the bevy of girlfriends he’s managed to collect during our years together. What’s amazing is that he has all of these female hangers-on and it doesn’t occur to him that some of them have crushes on him. One carried his picture around, one used to give him free food as an excuse to talk to him, and one used to call him at all hours because “no one understands me like Adam.” What can I say – he’s just so dreamy.

9. He has a great fashion sense. On the runway, we see the Avitable in his trademark ensemble – black button-up shirt, long indigo shorts and black shoes with red shoelaces that do bear a certain resemblance to clown shoes. Why indigo shorts, you might ask? Because he thought indigo was another word for black and he’s colorblind. And yes, I do let him go out of the house looking like that with holes in his socks and occasionally in the crotch of his pants. I’m not his fucking mother.

8. He’s trusting. Let me give you a little example. In law school, he was having car trouble and didn’t feel like paying to have his car looked at by a professional. So he gave the transient at the crack house next to his apartment $200 to fix his car, and even took him to the liquor store so that the guy could get “parts.” Unfortunately, the guy disappeared (we’re still worried about what happened to him), but not before he took Adam’s starter so Adam couldn’t even get his car started to take it to a professional. I still feel guilty about being the jaded one who said you shouldn’t hire the homeless to fix your car.

7. He’s great with people. Adam has a natural charisma, particularly on the road. He drives fast even though he has no particular place to go, and cuts people off just to teach them a lesson. There have been a number of times when we’ll be sitting at a red light and someone will get out of their car and come up to us to express to Adam just how much they appreciate his lessons. One time, when I was out of town on business, I was talking on the phone to Adam and he had to go because the cops were at the door. Sadly, that was not the first time he’d said that to me. Apparently, he had cut an old lady off in traffic, she’d followed him home and blocked the driveway, he tried to “teach her a lesson,” and she called the cops. Lucky for us, there were no witnesses. And don’t even get me started about when the cops came to our wedding.

6. He’s observant and witty. Of course, one of the reasons that he’s so popular is his sense of humor. You see, when I make snide remarks, am sarcastic or judge people, I’m an insensitive bitch. When Adam does it, he’s witty. I love that.

5. He’s fair. He takes every opportunity to offend people equally. You have to hand it to him, he really doesn’t try to offend one group more than another. Except for fundamentalists. They drive him crazy. Oh, and ugly people. He just can’t take those uggos. And the disabled. Oh, never mind.

4. He’s patient. He puts up with all of my faults, like my drinking and cursing and domestic abuse. But he does get a little frustrated with the barfights.

3. He’s imaginative. He imagines all sorts of things, like that it’s ok for grown men to wear clown shoes or that the Spice Girls had talent. But the most impressive is his night terrors. He imagines giant spiders on the walls and the bed, and he used to leap across the room in the middle of the night when he saw them – which is a very eye-opening sight, let me tell you. He even sees them on my face sometimes, which may just be a defense for when he someday plans to murder me.

2. He’s a teddy bear. Not figuratively. Literally.

1. He’s honest. Oh yeah – I just remembered why I’m writing this damn thing. Because he is honest, and everything he’s written so far is true. Except for the size of his penis in his illustrations. It’s much bigger.

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