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Lazy Sunday

Today being Sunday, and me being lazy, here are a couple of memes and surveys. First, thanks to Metalmom for this brutally honest personality test. I’m not surprised by the results in the slightest. The links at the bottom take you to the Brutally Honest Personality Test.

Your Score: Dictator- ENTJ

53% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 73% Thinking, 66% Judging

Have you no soul? It’s clear you have no heart and that your blood runs cold, but really, do you have even one redeeming factor?

Sure. You’re a natural born leader. So was Hitler. You just don’t like people, do you?

You don’t play games. You take charge. And there’s very little room for mistakes in your world. You’re forceful, intimidating and overbearing.

Heard of the word “patience?” Trust me, it’s a word and it’s something you’re sorely lacking. Believe it or not, you’re not always right. Learn to have some patience for those who think differently from you, knobflap.

From the way people’s knees knock when they see you, you should have realised by now that you’re not exactly a “people-person.” You’re more of a “people-eater.” You just ain’t tuned into people’s feelings and probably couldn’t care less whether you were anyway. Maybe you’re not from this planet but the rest of us are.

Sure, you’re intelligent. So what? You have some semblance of power. Big deal.

At least people LIKE the rest of us.

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If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.

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Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Next, thanks to ADW for this one!

1. What’s the last mistake you made? Well, let’s just say that I learned the hard way that “being anal” and “doing anal” are two entirely different things.

2. Is the sun shining? From here, no. But I bet if you go up about four miles or so, it will be. Let me know.

3. Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon? Not only can I blow it and tie it up, but I can fuck it until dawn.

4. Do you like text messaging? I think Texan women are too strong with their massages. I prefer Thai massaging.

5. Are you having a good/bad hair day? I just comb straight from my balls up my back to the top of my head. You tell me.

6. What was your last purchase? Did you know you can buy vaginas molded from actual porn stars on the web? And they send them to you in nondescript brown packaging? That actually says “FAKE PLASTIC VAGINA” stamped across its nondescript exterior in big black letters? No, me either.

7. Are you wearing any make-up right now? Each morning I wake up, I put on my make up. Then I say a little prayer for you.

8. What are your plans for later? I think I’m going to be filling this out for the foreseeable future. Then I’ll masturbate to some donkey porn and then go peeking in the neighbors’ windows.

9. What is your favorite DDR song? Oh, the Dreedence Dlearwater Revival? I like that one song that they sang on that one album.

10. Is there any drama within your life? Once Dr. Jonas Reynolds wakes up from his coma and finds out that his sister was actually the wife he thought died, in disguise, and she has a twin sister who had his baby, no.

11. What is a song they need to stop playing on the radio? That horrible DDR song.

12. Are you content with life right now? At this very moment, as my dog licks peanut butter off of my balls and I watch that hidden camera I installed in Britt’s house, yes.

13. Does anyone like you? God, I hope not. I don’t like any of you.

14. What is your current obsession? Organ piercing. I just had my liver done, and I’m getting my appendix pierced with this awesome diamond-tipped stud next week.

15. Do you have your license? Federal Boob Inspector? Yes. Now, let’s see ’em.

16. Ever been kissed under mistletoe? No. I’ve tried every year. I wear a sprig right at my waist, and to make it easier, I walk around with no pants on! Maybe someday I’ll meet someone who knows the true meaning of Christmas spirit. And who swallows.

17. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Only if she’s hot.

18. Ever done a random act of kindness? Nope. I practice calculated acts of cruelty instead. It’s the new “Pay It Forward.”

19. Do your toenails have nail polish on them? Normally the Chinese women down at the massage parlor suck off the polish, so no.

20. When is the last time you wore eyeliner? Last Tuesday, down at the park, sucking off trannys for fifty cents a pop.

21. Last curse word you said was? Childfucking cuntsucking cockweasel.

22. Are your lips chapped? Fuck, I miss the zombies who ate the questions in the last meme I did.

23. Are you currently jealous? I’m sitting here naked, eating a cheeseburger with a 16-year old Catholic school girl under my desk. What the hell do I have to be jealous of?

24. Do you own an iPod? I own an iPod, iPhone, iSight, iPump, iAssLicker, iGina, iToiletPaper, and an iNipple. I’m an iWhore.

25. Did you have a dream last night? No. But my sheets were sticky this morning.

26. Are you mad at anyone? Nah. I don’t get mad. I just perform unspeakable acts of horrible revenge.

27. Who is the most random person you know? Platypus with a side of potato nipples.

28. What’s going on this weekend? Apparently, I’ve decided to become a masochist.

29. Done any spring cleaning lately? I clean my pipes four times a day, every season of the year.

30. Anything bothering you? The thought that I have 15 more questions to fucking answer.

32. Did you wish for anything last night on 11:11? Oh dear GOD WHAT THE FUCK? THIS QUESTION MAKES NO SENSE. I WAS WATCHING YOUR MOM HAVE SEX WITH A DOG, OKAY? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW?

33. Do you drink coffee on a regular basis? Coffee is for people who can’t appreciate the boutique and flavor of a vintage Diet Coke.

34. Do you wish you were someone else? No. I just wish I was two of me. Hell yeah!

35. What jewelry are you wearing? My nipples are encrusted in diamonds. My jeweler used to make jewelry for Janet Jackson.

36. Ate any exotic food lately? Eskimo vagina.

38. Are you easily amused? Hold on a sec while I ask my wife to pull my finger. And I’m sad to see 37 go down. He was a good man.

39. Can you lick your elbow? If I had two of me, I could!

40. Do you know this song, “we stay fly no lie you know this”? Do you know this one, “Shut your fucking face, unclefucker?”

41. What piercings do you have? Only my sternum. And ass cheeks.

42. Do you have a crush right now? These are the most ridiculous questions! I will crush your fucking soul!

43. What are your plans over the summer? All nudity, all the time.

44. How’s life going for you? See question 23.

45. What is on your mind just this second? This is such a shitty way to end a post.

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36 Replies to “Lazy Sunday”

  1. ADW

    Ha effing ha!! I see that you had as much fun with this pain in the ass MEME as I did. Now I have a renewed sense of urgency to hunt the “cumguzzling twatmonger” who created it down and use that cattle prod I have been saving for just the right occasion.

    *Sigh* I need more practice MEMEing. Maybe one day I can grow up to be as witty as you are. With less backhair of course…..

  2. bluepaintred

    70% Extraversion, 40% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 56% Judging

    Aww…you know that sensitive mamsy-pansy sap I was talking about earlier? Yeah. Well, someone had to get it and you pulled the short straw. Now pull yourself together, crybaby.

    You are quite possible one of the most sensitive people I know and I don’t even know you! You care what each and every single person thinks about you. You’re the kind of person who sends around a txt to everyone they know saying “i thnk ur prtty. wat do u thnk abt me? rate me frm 1-5.”

    That’s 1 meaning “I hate you” and 5 meaning “You make me vomit when I look at you.” You’re still crying, aren’t you?

    Sure. All you want is for someone to appreciate you once in a while. Aww… Boohoo. Hold a pity party sometime. The garden’s free. Lots of worms down there. Big ones. Small ones. Squishy ones.

    My guess is you don’t understand this test one bit. You can’t imagine how anyone could be so insulting or why anyone could find it even remotely amusing…STOP THE DAMN WATERWORKS, WOMAN!

    Naive is a word that needs to be branded on your forehead… Alright, now I feel bad. Sure, you do have some redeeming factors, just not many. Sorry.

    so… if i say this isn’t right would that mean I am still crying?

  3. Miss Britt

    53% Extraversion, 40% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 86% Judging

    Aww…you know that sensitive mamsy-pansy sap I was talking about earlier? Yeah. Well, someone had to get it and you pulled the short straw. Now pull yourself together, crybaby.

    You are quite possible one of the most sensitive people I know and I don’t even know you! You care what each and every single person thinks about you. You’re the kind of person who sends around a txt to everyone they know saying “i thnk ur prtty. wat do u thnk abt me? rate me frm 1-5.”

    That’s 1 meaning “I hate you” and 5 meaning “You make me vomit when I look at you.” You’re still crying, aren’t you?

    Sure. All you want is for someone to appreciate you once in a while. Aww… Boohoo. Hold a pity party sometime. The garden’s free. Lots of worms down there. Big ones. Small ones. Squishy ones.

    My guess is you don’t understand this test one bit. You can’t imagine how anyone could be so insulting or why anyone could find it even remotely amusing…STOP THE DAMN WATERWORKS, WOMAN!

    Naive is a word that needs to be branded on your forehead… Alright, now I feel bad. Sure, you do have some redeeming factors, just not many. Sorry.

    *****************

  4. Avitable

    Amanda, so you’re a South Park fan. I knew I liked you for a reason.

    ADW, your answers were great – it was hard to come up with something that was a different way to answer each question, too! And my backhair keeps me warm in the winter.

    Phishez, as far as I’m concerned, it’s the only way to do memes.

    BPR, yeah, you would be. Now stop crying!

    Mr. Fabulous, all of the texture of flubber with the taste of fish!

    Angel, it has a hole, right?

    Scoot, you should feel elated. It’s a good thing to be like me.

    CryBritty, wow, that is totally off-base. You’re not sensitive! And it’s “said” that you had to point out an error. I need to stop writing these things when I’m falling asleep at my computer.

  5. Poppy

    Okay, fine, Avi can you send me a special vlog of that? Because I wanna see it more than I wanna see your friend milk the venom out of his snake while he looks at his wife. Balloons aren’t sentient.

  6. Avitable

    Franky, I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

    HoosierGirl5, it’s all I drink.

    Poppy, with a “Meh”, you think you’re getting a special request? No way!

    Michael, yet you keep emailing me privately and asking for it!

  7. Avitable

    Michael, it’s a love that was not meant to stay quiet.

    Crystal, why do you act like that’s a bad thing?

    Dawn, Dance Dance Revolution, as BPR explains.

    Metalmom, I bet you’ve had a lot of fuckers.

    HG5, hmm. Is that one appropriate?

    BPR, dork.

    Mistress Yoda, were your boobs sticky too?

    Sarcastica, I wonder what you got? Probably an INFP.

    Tug, wha-huh?

  8. Lynda

    Your Score: Pollyanna- INFP40% Extraversion, 66% Intuition, 33% Thinking, 46% Judging

    So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it’s never gonna happen.

    Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You’re a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good.

    Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME.

    Though you’re constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you’re not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values.

    You’re most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards.

    Disregard what I said before. You’re just easy to find fault in as everyone else!

    Luckily, you’re generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don’t need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself.

    Yep, sounds about right.

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