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Waxing hirsutic

Before you get today’s post, you get some more pimping. Don’t forget to go visit my new site, Postcard Hell and buy some embarrassingly funny postcards to send to your mom, your dad, and your favorite uncle. It’s only $4 for a 4-pack, or $5 for the assorted pack. You’ll be my favorite people in the whole world!


Sometimes I wonder why I get so many people who seemingly enjoy reading this drivel I write. Is it the nudity? Humor? Dogs licking vaginas? Nope. I figured it out – it’s the barber stories!

Tuesday, I went in for a shave and a haircut (say two bits and I’ll punch you in the crotch). I decided to make some changes, because even though I have been getting haircuts every two weeks and shaves every week, I still feel shaggy.

“Shave it all off.” I said.

“Really?” Cori, the owner, asked.

“Really.”

“Reeeealllyyy?”

” . . . Yup. Let’s do it.”

“Okay,” she said and whipped out the razor and moved it towards my head with lightning speed.

“Wait wait wait wait wait!” I flinched with the humming razor a millimeter from my beautiful locks.

“You said okay!”

“Can’t a boy change his mind? Let’s not shave it all bare. How about you use the #3?”

“Fiiine. Take all of the fun out of my work.” Cori put on the #3 guide which would still allow me to keep some of my hair.

“Hey, while you’re shaving my beard, can you give me two eyebrows, too?”

“Only if you let me wax it instead of shaving it. You’ve got hair from your hairline down to your eyebrows, and under your damn eyes. It needs a waxing, Sasquatch!”

“Will it hurt?”

“Only about as much as this.” She reached over and yanked one of my eyebrow hairs right out of my head.

“OW!”

“Pussy.”

“Fine, I’ll let you wax my eyebrows. Sigh.”

In the end, the waxing wasn’t really painful at all. She had to wax above my eyebrows all the way to my hairline, to the sideburns, and underneath my eyes, and the worst part was the anticipation. I didn’t flinch in the slightest and talked to her the whole time that she did it. All of you women who talk about how painful it is are a bunch of pussies. Next week I’m having her wax my asshole.

Go behind the curtain for pictures of me at the barber.

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Before

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Off with the hair.

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Onto the beard.

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Britt keeps texting me.

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It usually takes her three or four times of shaving to get it smooth.

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Trying to conduct business from the barbershop.

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Wax on, wax off.

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All done!

If you want to see the other 30 or so photos, go see the set on Flickr.

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76 Replies to “Waxing hirsutic”

  1. Y2K Survivor

    Oh yeah and that is NOT a barber shop! I go to a barber shop and it is run by old men with strange last names and they still have ash treys and (oddly enough) Weekly Readers between all the waiting chairs. They have pictures of local people we all claim to know but have never really met. And they only offer two types of hair cut prices: Senior Citizens and everybody else. They talk sports, politics and gardening. But only light vegetable gardening or flat out farming. You mention trying to grow a flower and they butcher your head and mock you as you leave in tears, every fuggin time!

    You my friend, have a hair salon. There’s nuttin wrong with it and no need to feel ashamed. In fact, I envy you. But the sad truth is a woman hasn’t touched my hair since… well… back when I had hair.

  2. Dave2

    I am begging you not to post photos of your next waxing. Because you won’t be content to just post them, you’ll only be happy if you AMBUSH people with them! I’ll be reading a post about bunnies or something, then BAM! Avitable’s asshole getting waxed. I may never recover…

  3. teebopop

    There is NO comparison to having your eyebrows waxed to a woman having her vajayjay waxed. NONE. Go ahead and get your balls waxed, I dare you. THEN try to make the comparison! Hell, you won’t even be able to type for a week because the searing pain will play over and over again in your head. You’ll be traumatized.

  4. MsFreud

    Eyebrow waxing is not a measure of pain…. plucking the fuckers out one at a time, now that hurts.

    So does having the hair yanked from your genitals with a strip of fabric and adhesive wax…( I want pics of the bung waxing as proof.)

    You should consider having your sack done too. 🙂 Girls like a well groomed scrot… And I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TOO! Go thee to the barber shop, pulleth out thine testicles and have themwaxed clean!

  5. Avitable

    Mike, pretty soon we’ll start having our periods on the same day.

    Amanda, I have to think that the soft tissue right around your eyelids is almost as sensitive as your crotch.

    Y2K Survivor, the previous one was also true. I rarely lie on here. And that is a barber shop – it’s actually men only, and they do haircuts and full shaves. It might be a bit updated, but it’s definitely not a salon.

    Fantastagirl, but my unibrow kept my forehead warm during the winter!

    Dave, why do you have to spoil all of my nefarious plans? You know me too well!

    Clown, and the second and third weirdest, too.

    Geeky, I’m still torn. I might like the hairy Cro Mag look better.

    Tracy, and here I thought women supposedly had a higher pain threshhold.

    DB, you waxed someone’s eyebrows? Is that European slang for some type of dirty sex act?

    Teebopop, I’d rather just make sweeping statements that all of you women are pussies.

    Jacki, well, there was a ninja there . . .

    NYCWD, Britney does inspire everything that I do.

    MsFreud, you might be the only person on Earth who wants photos of an asshole waxing.

    TrishK, maybe I’ll draw pictures.

    Mr. Fabulous, Carr’s Barbers. They charge $7.50 and do a mini-facial, too. And the check’s in the mail.

    RW, they’re more like bear paws than hobbit feet, thank you very much.

    ADW, my hatred for all things LOTR is very strong. /shudder

    Poppy, what about it?

  6. Angel

    My hubby got a shave once at the barber and they gave him horrible razor burn…he never went back. They charged $20.00 for it too.

    Now, if he feels lazy, I shave his face and neck for him…lol

  7. Avitable

    Angel, yeah, I know. That’s why I said that. Women who work at the same office can get on the same cycle, too. Your husband’s barber must not have been very good – I don’t know if there’s any way for me to get razor burn the way that they shave me here.

    Metalmom, clearly you have low standards!

  8. Miss Britt

    1 – learn to use the fucking target=_blank tag for fuck’s SAKE!

    2 – I text you once, ONE time! (That was enough to make my mark on the barber shop)

    3 – I was hoping for actual pictures of the forehead and cheek waxing

    4 – This is still funny as shit and you are soooooo much cuter like this!!!!!

  9. Angel

    I’m not sure what they did to him, I wasn’t there. All I know is that I have found another barber shop that uses a straight edge that I want him to try, and he doesn’t want to, because the razor burn from the last time still haunts him. :lmao:

  10. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, I am! I am!

    Britturday Night, learn to middle-click and open in a new tab, for fuck’s sake!

    Angel, yeah, I’d stay away too if that happened.

    Dragon, I have many errant hairs that are now gone. It’s noticeably different in person.

    Tug, he’s a funny old man, isn’t he?

    Hello, what about a man looking like a Neanderthal?

    Wayne, Bigfoot’s gotta get laid, too.

  11. Avitable

    Lynda, I showed my shoes last week. I wasn’t lying about those!

    Devilish, my forehead feels entirely too smooth now.

    Poppy, I didn’t get that until after I saw the post.

    Hello, well, they don’t bother my wife, but she likes me having two eyebrows, too.

  12. Avitable

    Debbie Britts Dallas, I said middle-click. What’s that, like a handjob?

    Poppy, she didn’t say no blowjobs. She just said she shouldn’t have to. Everybody has personal tastes, and some people don’t want other tastes in their mouths!

    Lynda, yes, now I do look like a clown.

  13. Miss Britt

    Poppy, I think you missed it. Let me try this again….

    Right clicking is like blow jobs.

    I know how. But I shouldn’t have to.

    You may now LOL at the quick wit and comedic brilliance of my comment. Thank you.

  14. Cat

    Looks great! I think that’s your best hair cut yet. It really flatters you. Keep it short!

    Yeah, you’re right- the worst part of waxing is the anticipation of it… but I have to say that waxing your eyebrows is nothing compared to waxing your nether regions… I’ve done both and down there is A LOT more sensitive…

  15. Brandi

    I like it, its more business-esque. I also like the decor of the barber shop except for one picture they have lame ass star streamers up on the wall. Is it manditory for all hair dressers to have incredibuly cheap and holiday oriented decor what ruins what potential the shop could have?!

  16. Amanda234

    Unfortunately, the eye-area skin is way more sensitive.

    Also, did your wife take all those pictures, or did you have a photographer?

    And I agree with Crys, that is a particularly flattering shot

  17. Avitable

    Crystal, hah!

    Mrs. BB, good point. Usually I make the wrong choice!

    Amanda, I had an employee with me who decided to be a photographer. So you’re admitting that the eye area is more sensitive than the crotch?

  18. Amanda234

    haha whoops. I meant the crotch area is way more sensitive… all I know is the eyebrow pain goes aways in a few seconds, the bikini pain lasts for a LONG time

  19. Mistress

    I’ve never waxed anything luckily. I tweeze my brows and shave my ladyparts. I don’t get bumps either cause I have it down to a science!

    That’s the mark of REAL a high maintenance bitch.

    Anyway…let us know how that asshole waxing goes.

  20. J.

    ‘Take a video and send it to you’??
    WTF?
    Pretty sure you MUST post that here.

    And just so you know … I left this page open, and my 12 yr old daughter walked by and said “EWWWWWW … WHAT’S WITH THE EMOTICONS MOMMY???”

    So yeah, thanks for that. She’s even more scarred than she was before.
    (and she knows the word ’emoticon’? WTF?)

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