It's not always about being funny.

Diet Coke with Lime

I love Diet Coke with Lime. With the exception of the occasional regular Diet Coke, it is all that I drink. And sometimes, late at night, when I’m drinking an entire can in about two sips, I reach a state of Diet Coke Nirvana where I can see it in all of its splendor. When this happens, I feel obligated to share its wonders:

  • It has curative powers. Anytime that I’m sick, whether it’s a sore throat, cough, headache, or upset stomach, a Diet Coke cures it. All you losers can take Vitamin C and Echinacea and Dimetapp. I’ll just have a few cans of Diet Coke. I’ve even poured it on cuts to clean out the wound, and once when I cut my toe off, a little Diet Coke acted as glue until the skin grew back together.
  • It tastes heavenly. It’s a sharp, crisp taste that usually results in a satisfying belch later. What could be better?
  • It goes with anything. Steak and Diet Coke? No problem. Waffles and Diet Coke? Perfect. Birthday Cake and Diet Coke? Awesome.
  • It won’t ruin a party. Walking around a party with a glass of Diet Coke that has a wedge of lime in it keeps all the morons from continuously asking you why you don’t drink alcohol. Plus, as much Diet Coke as I drink, it means that people give me leeway when I strip naked and give all the women lap dances because they think I’m wasted.
  • It’s an aphrodisiac. This might not be scientifically proven, but when I give the neighborhood dogs Diet Coke with Lime, and then lay naked on the ground with peanut butter smeared on my ass, they go fucking crazy.
  • It’s the perfect size for fitting in your ass! And if that doesn’t sell you on the awesomeness of Diet Coke with Lime, I don’t know what will.

All Praise Diet Coke with Lime!

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50 Replies to “Diet Coke with Lime”

  1. AnnieB

    Wow, you’re absolutely right! My ass never had it so good.

    I even experienced that satisfying belch! Although technically, I suppose it was actually a fart, I still enjoyed it immensely.

    Thank you Mr. Avitable!

  2. Avitable

    RW, *ahem* loser.

    Dave, maybe if you’d switch to Diet, you could be happy too!

    Hilly, liar.

    AnnieB, oh. You’re not supposed to open the can in your ass. Sorry – should have mentioned that. You’ll have lime farts for a week now.

    Poppy, Coke Zero is okay, but the lime taste makes it perfect.

    Angel, so you’ll stick a basketball in your ass but not a soda can? And Pepsi is shit, you’re right.

    Tracy, you weren’t obsessed before?

    Jester, here you go.

    Amy, does Tom Cruise love Diet Coke with Lime too? Squeee!

    Mr. Fabulous, sideways, right?

    MRK, I like the fake cancer-causing sugar.

    ADW, the enemas work too. They make you all limey fresh.

    Paticus, the cherry flavor never does it for me like lime.

    MouseBritteer, those bruises aren’t imaginary.

    Mistress Yoda, no, it’s my soda’s name!

    Wayne, yeah, maybe if he didn’t drink regular Coke, he’d be fine.

    Crystal, you’ll always be top commenter in my book. Which I store in my butt.

    TMP, exactly! You are clearly very intelligent.

    MsFreud, Pepsi is cloying and has a bad aftertaste.

  3. Mike

    I used to be a Pepsi Man. Diet Coke with Lime has made me cross to the dark side, but only at work. At home I now drink Diet Pepsi with no cafeine. How’s that for useless information?

    “Fits in your ass”… Well, I always buy the 571ml plastic bottles, I don’t know how that would work for you.

  4. Lynda

    I hate to tell you this, but dogs will lick peanut butter out of anything even without Diet Coke. You have been wasting Diet Coke, man!

    Have you tried the experiment with cats, though? I think then you would get more scientific evidence to support your theory.

    Oh, and that reminds me, I have some more numbers for you.

  5. hellohahanarf

    oh how i hate that aftertaste that aspertaime (or however the hell you spell it) leaves. i’ve never been able to acquire a taste for it. blech.

    more for you!

  6. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, you’re the one named Mistress!

    Poppy, I can’t taste it in Coke Zero.

    Metalmom, sure!

    Dawn, that doesn’t surprise me at all!

    Mike, Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi? Such a Canadian.

    Jay, I think zero calories is about as strong as you can get, isn’t it?

    Lynda, you know this from experience, right?

    Cat, I have. I still look like I’m 15.

    Hello, that’s right. More for me!

    Tug, ooh, good to know.

  7. Lisa

    I just can’t stomach Diet Coke or any diet soda. Only out of desperation. I like real Coke with a wedge of orange. At the moment I’m obsessed with Wild Cherry Pepsi and drank a case of it in two days. In fact at this exact moment Dude is at the store to get me more.

    Now I’m in agreement with Dawn about the weed which I normally never touch but I’ve been in so much pain for the past two days that I have a few puffs at night just for some relief. I haven’t touched the stuff in years. I have stitches from my breasts all the way to my pelvic bone. Can you say pain???

  8. Avitable

    Mike, not only that, but all the good Canadians are already living in the US ready to strike at a moment’s notice.

    Lin, but do you like dogs?

    Lisa, sweetie, you toke as much as you want!

    Cat, don’t give away all of my secrets.

    Angel, but you got a three pointer!

    Poppy, that’s what that aftertaste is!

    Mistress Yoda, you have two points.

    Crazy Lady, you ain’t so crazy after all.

    TMP, but this elevates you almost to genius level.

    Michael, I like Diet Coke Plus – it has a different flavor that is pretty good.

  9. Avitable

    Duck, I’ll have to try orange with my Diet Coke – that sounds interesting!

    Lynda, so what you’re saying is that you’ve smeared peanut butter on your vagina and let your dog have her way with you?

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