Finally

Firstly, after a week of working on a laptop, I’m finally back in my office again, on my new computer. It’s a beauty, too. And once my second hard drive comes tomorrow or Monday, I’ll have a full TB of storage. Plenty of room for midget porn and videos of people fucking horses. Of course, I still can’t do my Saturday videos or scan my art. I also still have tons of software that was on the old computer that I have to find somewhere free so that I can “evaluate” it. And if I accidentally put in a serial number that I found somewhere and it becomes a full version, oops!

Secondly, thank Jeebus it’s Friday. This week has just really seemed off. I don’t know if it’s the fact that last Saturday was when I was hugging the toilet after my Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Lovers’ Pizza (mmmmm… I love it sooo much – why does it hate me?) at 4 AM and never went back to bed, and never got into the swing of the week, or maybe just that I have some flux with employees leaving and new ones coming soon and so I feel like a chicken with my head cut off, but I’m ready for the weekend. Saturday shall be spent nude, greased in baby oil, watching Dr. Who and Monk and Shark Week (why isn’t it on Discovery HD, btw? That’s retarded.)

Finally, I think I need new underwear. Since I have really sharp toenails that have never been trimmed, I have managed to slice holes in the crotches and legs of every fucking pair I own. They’ve all gotten so torn up that I can’t even wear them around the house when people are here for fear of scaring them away! I tried on another pair of bottoms, but they didn’t fit well. You can read about it here, if you haven’t already.

Ok, fuckers. Have a good weekend.

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Join me in Vegas on Saturday
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44 Responses to Finally

  1. Poppy says:

    POST PHOTOS OF THE NEW ‘PUTER, DUH.

    Reply

  2. Miss Britt says:

    Please. No underwear with holes when I get there.

    Nudity I can handle. But I just don’t know if I can take anymore of your nuts being squeezed out of sad fabric.

    Reply

  3. metalmom says:

    I think Hubs is secretly into wedgies at work. All of his tighty-whiteys are torn where the label should be! Hmm….maybe there’s something he’s not sharing with me…

    Reply

  4. heather says:

    I love shark week. I don’t watch it naked so I probably don’t love it quite as much as you do. But I do love it. And Monk too.

    Reply

  5. Hilly says:

    Oiled up for Shark Week? I hope we don’t see a video of you making horny with a shark like that one freakshow and his snake ;) .

    Reply

  6. Sheila says:

    I’m happy you’ve gotten your new computer! :woohoo:

    Reply

  7. Amy says:

    I’m still waiting for my neon super nekkie dance.

    AND… I’m becoming IMPATIENT!

    Also, my weekend will be spent roughing it with the rest of the miserable bastards in the campground lounging at the beach.

    Wish me luck.

    Reply

  8. Jester says:

    I’m reminded of the Friends episode where Monica thinks Chandler was getting off on “Shark Porn.” Best line, “What’s wrong? Isn’t this video ‘toothy’ enough for you?”

    Oh… and green isn’t your color.

    Reply

  9. AnnieB says:

    That’s odd. As I was reading you felt like a chicken with your head cut off, I got this sudden urge to watch Dancing Avitable. What’s up with that?

    Reply

  10. Brandi says:

    So far this weekend seems a bit of a bore. I need to install a new light fixture, and by “I” I really do not mean me. I will probably watch way too many video games being that I will not be the only one home, and probably get to see the Simpsons Movie.

    Reply

  11. RW says:

    Yes, it has been a strange week, hasn’t it? Why only yesterday it seemed like Thursday. I guess I didn’t have enough to drink this week. I must be slipping.

    Reply

  12. Avitable says:

    Poppy, nobody wants techporn.

    Britts of Madison County, no more squeezed nuts. Deal!

    Metalmom, men are just hard on their underwear.

    Heather, do you at least watch Monk naked? C’mon, admit it.

    Hilly, sharks are purty.

    Sheila, me too!

    Amy, someday. And yeah, you have fun with that “relaxing” camping trip.

    Jester, I think I looked damn sexy!

    AnnieB, I didn’t do the funky chicken in my dance. I was the king of smooth moves, so I have no idea what you’re talking about.

    Brandi, you’re going to watch video games? Not play them?

    RW, well, don’t slip. At your age, your hip will break.

    Reply

  13. Miss Britt says:

    I didn’t say no more squeezed nuts. Let’s not get crazy here.

    I’ve got to keep you in line somehow.

    Reply

  14. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Thank God. All is right with the world again.

    Whew!

    Reply

  15. Poppy says:

    I like how you’re always calling me nobody. I really like that. That doesn’t piss me off at all. TAKE THE PHOTOS! Don’t make me call you what Britt calls you. :P

    Reply

  16. Nuts squeezing out of sad fabric? Thanks for the visual, Miss Britt.

    Sorry your week’s been off, Avi. I know the feeling. You should take your own advice to me…

    Reply

  17. ADW says:

    Yay! I want a new laptop and I new phone. In fact, I NEED a new laptop and a new phone. Damn those budget cutbacks.

    Reply

  18. What a lame post, can’t you do better than that? :sex011:

    Reply

  19. Avitable says:

    Britty in Pink, I see how it is.

    Mr. Fabulous, I know! My world was turned upside-down for a few days there.

    Poppy, oh, you’re somebody. But nobody ELSE wants techporn!

    HCG, did you click on the link that I posted? You need to do that.

    ADW, I hate laptops.

    Mistress Yoda, ha! Where’s your payment?

    Reply

  20. Tracy Lynn
    Twitter:
    says:

    Dude, clip your motherfucking toenails. Gross.

    And of course the only way to watch Shark Week is naked, but I don’t grease up. Too messy.

    Reply

  21. Avitable says:

    HCG, I’m glad that I was able to elicit such a response. :P

    Tracy, there isn’t a pair of clippers that can handle these toenails.

    Reply

  22. AnnieB says:

    After further review, you are indeed the king of smooth moves. Must have just been the late night pizza that conjured up those images …

    Reply

  23. Poppy says:

    That’s IT!

    Dog fucker!!!!!!

    :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

    Reply

  24. For some reason I read Monk but saw Mork and I was thinking I’d love to go back and watch some Mork and Mindy!

    Nekkid even. Mindy was hot.

    Reply

  25. heather says:

    (I have tried to send this comment a million times and for some reason coComment is being a bitch.)

    OK. I admit. I watch Monk naked. Any man who is more anal retentive and screwed up with OCD than I am turns me on.

    Reply

  26. It’s in the mail :jerkoff2:

    Reply

  27. Erica AP says:

    Just wear a thong with pearls… Your toenails would have to be pretty sharp to cut through those things.

    Reply

  28. Pick some socks up while you are there…..

    Reply

  29. Avitable says:

    AnnieB, indeed.

    Poppy, hah! Said with hearts. See – it doesn’t count.

    Wayne, Mindy was hot.

    Heather, that’s why I don’t use co-Comment. It sucks. I knew you watched it naked! I’m sure he’s only a little more OCD than you.

    Mistress Yoda, suuuuuure.

    Erica, good thinking!

    TMP, I like my holy socks.

    Reply

  30. HoosierGirl5 says:

    You really put on poor Miss Britt’s bikini bottoms? Poor girl.

    Is she aware of what this move may do to her kids? :lmao:

    J.

    Reply

  31. You should get it in the mail sometime next week, I swear.

    Reply

  32. Crys says:

    for godsakes, why won’t you trim your everlovin toenails?

    Reply

  33. Avitable says:

    Poppy, can’t fool me!

    HoosierGirl5, sure did! And she’s willing to endanger her children.

    Mistress Yoda, I think you really need to mail me something cool now, after those promises.

    Crystal, you never know if you need to cut through steel. They might come in handy.

    Reply

  34. That’s a lot of pressure.

    Reply

  35. Maritza says:

    I have the same problem with my toenails and razor sharp leg hairs.

    Reply

  36. Mike
    Twitter:
    says:

    Cut your toenails with your new computer PSU fan. Or use the rejected “American Inventor” idea…

    Yes, it is a grinder.

    Reply

  37. Crys says:

    when i come to Orlandy-o you must produce the nails. i must see them and photograph them because this?

    THIS I CANNOT BELIEVE.

    Reply

  38. Michael says:

    You could always get underwear made of the stuff they make shark suits out of, no more ripped holes and you can really get in the mood for shark week.

    Reply

  39. Avitable says:

    Mistress Yoda, I have high expectations when it comes to you.

    Maritza, your leg hairs cut your underwear? Wow.

    Mike, my fan could definitely do it. On high, it’s a monster.

    Crystal, you’re not taking photos of my toes when you’re here. My balls, however, will be on display.

    Michael, good thinking!

    Reply

  40. I’m starting to get that :D

    Reply

  41. Lynda says:

    This is all the more reason to go commando.

    Reply

  42. Avitable says:

    Mistress Yoda, I’m very demanding.

    Lynda, good point.

    Reply

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