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Stories

I’ve stopped and started 10 different posts, but nothing wants to flow. Sometimes that’s what happens – the thoughts are there, right on the tip of my proverbial tongue, but I can’t get it out in a way that makes sense. The frustrating thing is that there are literally thousands of stories to be told about the things we think, we’ve done, and we’ve witnessed. Whether they’re imagined, real, or somewhere in the middle, a good story is really what I strive for with this blog. And while my main goal is to make at least one person laugh, if I can elicit another emotion other than boredom, I’m happy.

So here’s where it comes down to this cold, hard fact: I don’t blog for myself. I blog for an audience. And, catering to that audience, I’d like to know if there are any topics about which you’d like me to write. There is no forbidden topic. Nothing is sacred. Do not hold back.

Hit me with it.

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35 Replies to “Stories”

  1. Fogspinner

    :clap: Oh goodie, story time.

    How about… no been covered.

    Hum, maybe… no talked about that too.

    Ok, well what about how you feel? Yeah, tell me about your fingers. :poke:

  2. The Scoot

    Hmm…. well, you know how all those green types talk about biofuels and stuff? Almost all of our agriculture relies on petroleum derived nitrogen fertilizer.

    In other words, an ethanol car might be more polluting than a gasoline powered car. So, could you like… go up to one of your hippie neighbors with relevant carbon data, and like… crush their souls?

  3. Clown

    Let’s see if you have the balls to pull this one off.

    I want you to do a video blog of you eating bbq ribs and chicken wings with your fingers. You have to finish eating the meat off one of each. Once finished you need to describe the experience to your viewers.

  4. Mike

    If you were to shave all you hair (Yes, ALL your hair) How much would it weight? How long would it take to grow back the way it is now? You could do a “One picture per hour” and then animate it like a chia pet commercial. How many disposable razors would it take?

    or

    Wrestle an alligator.

  5. RW

    You should do this story about how a guy sets up a tavern in North Africa to escape the stupid old world after his girlfriend ditches him, and then she shows up with her new boyfriend who is wanted by the Nazis and it ends up they’re all on the same side, and then the guy with the tavern helps his old flame and her hero boyfriend escape with the help of a corrupt but very super cool French police officer. And the big bad Nazi is offed and the plane flies away and the girl and her boyfriend are safe while the guy with the tavern and the French officer go off to work on ways to screw the Nazis even more.

    That would be a cool story.

  6. Sybil Law

    I trust your judgement, because you crack me up pretty much all the time. But maybe your first sexual experience would be good. Or, maybe, the first time you got drunk – if ever. I know you don’t drink now, but did you ever try it? Any of the “firsts” are funny.

  7. Avitable

    Metalmom, I’m just glad you’ll find anything I write to be funny.

    WeaponM, as . . . you . . . wish.

    Fogspinner, I actually feel with my toes.

    The Scoot, relevant carbon data? Like a bag of poop?

    Mr. Fabulous, I think we both know that Heather gave it to us.

    Heather, want to show me yours so I can talk about them?

    AnnieB, fuck you, bitch.

    Mistress Yoda, you are such a dirty whore!

    Christie, thanks!

    Clown, fucker.

    Wayne, I’d eat her shortcake.

    HG5, hm. I’m a selfish person. I don’t know that I’d have anything interesting to say in that respect, but I’ll think about it.

    Mike, alligator wrestling sounds like a good idea.

    Murder She Britt, a man can only talk about his penis so much!

    Amy, gee, ya think?

    RW, the sad thing is that someone had to tell me that was Casablanca, since I’ve never seen it.

    Sybil, you’re right. Firsts are good ones.

    Tracy, how about religious enlightenment and peace and love?

    Poppy, ok, just for you, no more blogging. Ever.

    Dave, that’s usually what I do, but I haven’t hooked up my scanner to the new computer yet.

    Moikb, ah yes, fungus tea. Retch.

  8. Poppy

    You do realize I’m going to check back at midnight and find out you’re lying to me again. Not that there’s any consequence to that, just letting you know that I am waiting to catch you with your pants down, as usual.

  9. Poppy

    And you do realize you’re a fucking liar. Cuz I just saw a lazy blogger meme post that wasn’t on here at 11:19pm Saturday. Sooooo disappointing when you make promises you don’t have any intention of keeping.

    :batting:

  10. Julie

    I would love to hear about the times you were uncomfortable/out of control that your wife can’t bring up without you getting mad, duh. Maybe it would be cathartic.

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