Today I spent five hours unloading a U-Haul in 102 degree weather. I actually had to drink water instead of Diet Coke to avoid dying on the spot. And I discovered that even though I am capable of lifting something, I certainly don't want to. I see no need to show off my gorilla-like strength. I know that I can lift it, and maybe when I'm alone and feel like lifting it, I will. But right now I'm going to suggest to the muscled 18-year old athlete who was also unloading that he take that box.
Halfway through the day I wondered if Britt would have noticed if I had hired some day laborers to wear black shirts, black shorts, and black shoes with red shoelaces and unload the U-Haul in my place. I think that, even given how blonde she is, she would notice. And then she'd probably punch me in the crotch.
In all fairness, I'm a hell of a supervisor. I directed people, suggested which boxes they should carry, made beeping noises as they walked backwards down the ramp, held open doors, and even gave supportive encouragement! I should try to do that from now on - it's much less exhausting.
So, here it is before 10 PM on a Friday night and I'm sore and my eyes won't even stay open. Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed.
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You're gong to bed? Sweetie, you really are tired. I giggled silently when I read that you made the beep beep backing up noise.
Comments by Poppy
And yes, I'm making fun of your typo, not the fact that you went to bed before my grandmother.
Comments by Poppy
I *told* you to take naps.
Comments by bluepaintred
I prefer supervising as well.
Comments by Lynda
You made a typo up there. I just thought I would let you know that. I hope that you slept well, and that you are done unloading the U-haul.
Comments by Angel
I so would have hired some help and drank fruity snazzy alcoholic drinks in a lawn chair while they worked.
What good is living in the landing zone for illegals if you can't have a little helping hand once in awhile?
Comments by NYCWD
Poppy, yeah, when I was that tired, I don't even re-read my post for typos, like I usually do.
BPR, I never had a spare moment!
Lynda, it takes more cerebral skill.
Angel, did you think that maybe I actually "gong" to bed? It's a Chinese way of getting into bed, when you jump in bed and yell "GONNNNGGGG!"
NYCWD, exactly!
Comments by Avitable
What a good friend you are!
J.
Ps. Lots of fun people go to bed early. I'm just saying....
Comments by HoosierGirl5
I'll make sure to ask you for help when we move the next time!
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Even if she noticed, do you think she would have punched you... or cared?
Personally, if I noticed that all of the sudden there were 5 people dressed up as you helping out, I wouldn't care what you were doing. I would play stupid and "believe it was you" as things will get done much faster. Heck, it would give room for me to slack off too!
Comments by Clown
HG5, I don't! Well, not usually.
Mistress Yoda, I'll help carry your bosom.
Clown, good point. She'd probably do a nutshot just on principle, though.
Comments by Avitable
Well...someone has to.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Commentor self-plagiarism: Are you always so whiney?
Comments by AnnieB
I know, sweetie, which is why you should give me admin rights to edit your stories since I'm an ED-IT-OR in my professional life.
Comments by Poppy
Did I say stories? Yah, sorry, I meant posts.
Comments by Poppy
Anytime I see "beneath me" I remember some guy saying that whenever you speak, you should always have innuendo or subliminal words going on. So instead of "beneath me" you'd say "below me". Because if you say it the right way, it becomes a subliminal command.
Comments by Wayne
Let us not forget that if you hadn't helped at all she might have punched in you the crotch.
And, maybe we shouldn't take all this crotch punching as intentional. She's short, you're tall... maybe that's just as far up as she can reach, ya know? Sucks to be you, but we shouldn't blame her unnecessarily.
Comments by Amy
Pussy.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
She asked you to move? Next she'll be asking to drive her to the airport!
The nerve.
Comments by annie
Pointing and talking is hard work. That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Comments by RW
I love Annie for the Seinfeld reference alone.
It only would have taken 2 hours without the shoes.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Mistress Yoda, I bet you have a line of volunteers around the corner!
AnnieB, yes.
Poppy, I make sew few misstakes its knot wurth worying aboot.
Wayne, that's interesting. I will have to try that.
Amy, good point - she is only about two feet tall!
Tracy, says the woman who paid UPS to deliver her worldly possessions to her front door!
Annie, I know! That's what taxis are for.
RW, exactly - it builds character.
Mr. Fabulous, you should have seen the boxes and boxes of shoes. I thought I was in Imelda Marcos's house.
Comments by Avitable
There is a waiting list and interviews are in the process.
Comments by Mistress Yoda
Wuss
Comments by Turnbaby
The answer is:
"I'm NOT driving her to the airport!"
Comments by annie
You are such a wussy.
Comments by themuttprincess
Mistress Yoda, I have excellent references.
Turnbaby, these hands weren't meant for lifting!
Annie, exactly!
TMP, I can't help it. I'm a delicate flower.
Comments by Avitable
I suppose that is true. You are a bit girlish....
Comments by themuttprincess
Well sugar that's why god gave you a small cock ;-)
Comments by Turnbaby
TMP, am not. Take that back or I'll scratch you with my nails!
Turnbaby, it's not small. It's just that my balls are huge.
Comments by Avitable
Physical labour makes me tired and I don't liiiiiiiiike it. Yes, I'm whinning. Anyway, I think I'll do it your way from now on
Comments by Sarcastica
For the record, I would have gladly welcomed a team of imitation Avitables to move boxes. It would have meant I would have had to spend less time wandering around while I was supposed to be getting you all water.
Comments by Miss Britt
Sarcastica, good plan. I knew you were a fast learner.
Britt, it still only took us 5 hours or so - that's not bad.
Comments by Avitable