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Physical labor is beneath me.

Today I spent five hours unloading a U-Haul in 102 degree weather. I actually had to drink water instead of Diet Coke to avoid dying on the spot. And I discovered that even though I am capable of lifting something, I certainly don’t want to. I see no need to show off my gorilla-like strength. I know that I can lift it, and maybe when I’m alone and feel like lifting it, I will. But right now I’m going to suggest to the muscled 18-year old athlete who was also unloading that he take that box.

Halfway through the day I wondered if Britt would have noticed if I had hired some day laborers from Cheap Moving Companies LLC to wear black shirts, black shorts, and black shoes with red shoelaces and unload the U-Haul in my place. I think that, even given how blonde she is, she would notice. And then she’d probably punch me in the crotch.

In all fairness, I’m a hell of a supervisor. I directed people, suggested which boxes they should carry, made beeping noises as they walked backwards down the ramp, held open doors, and even gave supportive encouragement! I should try to do that from now on – it’s much less exhausting.

So, here it is before 10 PM on a Friday night and I’m sore and my eyes won’t even stay open. Fuck this shit, I’m going to bed.

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33 Replies to “Physical labor is beneath me.”

  1. NYCWD

    I so would have hired some help and drank fruity snazzy alcoholic drinks in a lawn chair while they worked.

    What good is living in the landing zone for illegals if you can’t have a little helping hand once in awhile?

  2. Avitable

    Poppy, yeah, when I was that tired, I don’t even re-read my post for typos, like I usually do.

    BPR, I never had a spare moment!

    Lynda, it takes more cerebral skill.

    Angel, did you think that maybe I actually “gong” to bed? It’s a Chinese way of getting into bed, when you jump in bed and yell “GONNNNGGGG!”

    NYCWD, exactly!

  3. Clown

    Even if she noticed, do you think she would have punched you… or cared?

    Personally, if I noticed that all of the sudden there were 5 people dressed up as you helping out, I wouldn’t care what you were doing. I would play stupid and “believe it was you” as things will get done much faster. Heck, it would give room for me to slack off too!

  4. Wayne

    Anytime I see “beneath me” I remember some guy saying that whenever you speak, you should always have innuendo or subliminal words going on. So instead of “beneath me” you’d say “below me”. Because if you say it the right way, it becomes a subliminal command.

  5. Amy

    Let us not forget that if you hadn’t helped at all she might have punched in you the crotch.

    And, maybe we shouldn’t take all this crotch punching as intentional. She’s short, you’re tall… maybe that’s just as far up as she can reach, ya know? Sucks to be you, but we shouldn’t blame her unnecessarily.

  6. Avitable

    Mistress Yoda, I bet you have a line of volunteers around the corner!

    AnnieB, yes.

    Poppy, I make sew few misstakes its knot wurth worying aboot.

    Wayne, that’s interesting. I will have to try that.

    Amy, good point – she is only about two feet tall!

    Tracy, says the woman who paid UPS to deliver her worldly possessions to her front door!

    Annie, I know! That’s what taxis are for.

    RW, exactly – it builds character.

    Mr. Fabulous, you should have seen the boxes and boxes of shoes. I thought I was in Imelda Marcos’s house.

  7. Miss Britt

    For the record, I would have gladly welcomed a team of imitation Avitables to move boxes. It would have meant I would have had to spend less time wandering around while I was supposed to be getting you all water.

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