My favorite blogger Mist and I did these back and forth in her comments a few months ago and I thought it would be fun to revisit them on my blog. Let me hear yours, too!
Pitbulls are so great
'specially around the kids.
What harm could thar be?
Dead armadillo
Scraped him off I-95
Eatin' good tonight
A rusted Ford truck
Good playpen for them kids, or
Lawn decoration?
Book larnin' never
Did nothing for nobody
Nohow and no way.
Nuthin's sexier
Than a girl with a mullet
And at least four teeth
Shooting junkyard rats
Driving around parking lots
Life sure is real good.
Rent-to-own is like
Borrowing the coolest shit
For about three months
Virgins are no good
Not good 'nuff for her own kin
Not good 'nuff for me
Disability -
Cain't work when I got this here
infected hangnail.
Fucking foreigners
Taking all of the good jobs
Where's my welfare check?
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I shor do admire big wimmin
wha, onct aroun' her
is twice aroun' Bear Mountain
Comments by RW
I actually won a haiku contest at work with...
A Cool Wind Blows Through
Hawaii? Caribbean?
Whoops! My Zipper's Down
Comments by Brandon
The only clean spot on her
is where I had licked
A night with Punkin Center Queenie
Comments by Amy
This is bringing back so many South Carolina flashbacks for me...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
goin into town
my granny's out of nerve pills
hard times a commin
Comments by Turnbaby
Oh, these are truly bad...funny, but bad!
Comments by DaisyJo
How appropriate. I think mullets on wimmens is sexy too. Maybe I'll get a mullet... I'll have to mull it over - ha ha.
Comments by ADW
Maw done up and r-u-n-n-o-f-t
Pelvic Bone, Tennessee (Pop. 26)
bein' too big
Comments by RW
I see a country song in the making...
Comments by Robin
i got nuthin - and I should, I've had shit tons of inspiration driving through Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida.
Is there such a thing as a red neck free state?!
Comments by Miss Britt
I love my grampa
I have married him today
I'm my own granny
Comments by metalmom
My trailer is small
My satellite dish is big
Can't miss my Hee Haw
Comments by y not i
Where's my ter-back-y?
My moonshine is missing too
Leave my trailer NOW!
Comments by metalmom
RW, so you are operating under the assumption that rednecks don't know meter and proper form for haiku?
Brandon, nicely done!
Amy, good attempt, but haiku are 5 7 5 not 7 5 7.
Mr. Fabulous, they were doing a lot of haiku there?
Turnbaby, excellent!
DaisyJo, bad? Everybody knows rednecks don't have computers, so they can't read this!
ADW, so punny. Groan.
Robin, what happened to Mistress Yoda?
Britt, don't forget 20 years of living in Iowa, too. I don't think there are any rednecks in Hawaii. We should take a trip there and investigate.
Metalmom, ahh, the classic "I'm my own grandpa" song!
Y not I, is Hee Haw still on? Well, maybe they have it on DVD.
Comments by Avitable
Farm life is lonely
No one 'round for miles and miles
I loves me some sheep
Comments by y not i
Okay,
Last hockey season I was in this hockey pool. Ever so often, I would send a "Hockey Haiku" to Craig. At first he was leading, then I passed him and at the end he almost cought up. You can see the progression:
Me double digits.
Mark Recchi had seven points
Twenty-five from lead.
I am still gaining
Emery has been suspended;
Can I survive this?
Snow all around us
They finally see the light
Devils everywhere.
It still stays the same.
Six versus half a dozen:
slowest race ever.
I can't believe it,
Against the odds I prevail
You still see my ass.
Comments by Mike
redneck welfare omg bigot!!!!
Comments by Crys
I couldn't keep up with the personalities but you can still call me that whenever you want to.
Comments by Robin
QVC, Wal-Mart
What more do I need in life?
Oh, yeah. A purpose.
Growin' corn and wheat
Hope the feds don't find the pot
in the back forty.
No job, no money
But I gots a cool new boat
Off to go fishin'.
Comments by y not i
Awesome! I love me some haikus. The last one was my favourite.
Comments by Dragon
junebug in the wind
got m'mouth jes too wide
I swallered
Comments by RW
LOL, I love the "pitbulls" thing. Back in my early 20's, when I lived on the not-so-nice part of town, I would always ask, "why do all these mother fuckers on food stamps and welfare have dogs to feed, especially rottweillers and pit bulls?"
Comments by Hilly
I cain't feel my toes
The eight of them I got left
I got the sugar
Comments by turnbaby
*clears throat*
Traded in the Ford
for a slightly used shotgun
Good riddence, McCoy!
Sis rotten her teeth
with too much copenhagen
swallowin aint good.
I a got a skoal ring
in my favorite wranglers
it's about time too.
"Spit it out Ol' Red!"
I hollered at the coon hound,
"That's the baby's food!"
They jus fired me
for bringin home a girlfriend
grave diggin's hard werk.
Just visited Mom
she says please tell the vicitims
"Sorry 'bout the cat."
Titties and cold beer,
don't get much better 'en porn
on stolen cable.
The fair's rollin' in.
Mama shore cain't wait to try
them deep fried twinkies.
I tried tellin' yall,
just cause the whole house's got clap,
it don't mean nothin'!
Take yer bra off Sis,
Cousin Grandpa's check came in.
Yes sir, that should hewlp.
Crashed another truck.
The driver had insurance.
Merry x-mas yall!
Why don't you let Dad
Borry them dentures you got?
My dick's gettin sore!
Boy howdy Fatso,
You shore got a perdy mouth!
Now squeel like a pig!
I could do this all day.
Comments by Brandi
Y not I, sheep are damned sexy.
Mike, is hockey the one with the puck and ice?
Crystal, it's okay, some of my friends are rednecks. I can say this stuff.
Robin, you're just trying to confuse all of us!
Dragon, yeah, that's a good one.
RW, you're not even trying.
Hilly, it's frightening, isn't it? I do wonder how many pitbull owners are on foodstamps and welfare.
Turnbaby, eight toes might be a bit high for our typical redneck.
Comments by Avitable
Brandi, I applaud your haiku genius!
Comments by Avitable
I love them. I'm not feeling witty enough today to do Haiku.
But I'll rub my tits for you.
Comments by Kentucky Girl
True–they'd only need seven to count out the syllables in the middle line
Comments by turnbaby
Camaro's on blocks,
Best pink flamingos around,
Welcome to mah place!
We'll git sum vitlins
Squirrel goes down good
with strawberry wine.
Comments by Wayne
That's true.
Comments by RW
damn that's funny stuff
i wish i could write a haiku
not feeling witty
Comments by hellohahanarf
Comments by hellohahanarf
You got me.
Comments by Robin
Dude I have been putting my extra artistic brain lobes on overdrive trying to think of the perfect haiku. I hope they astonish you with their simplistic beauty and dead on description of redneck culture.
In Oklahoma
I live in a trailer house
I fear tornados
Wal-martin is fun!
The whole family likes to shop
It's where we buy clothes
Tin roofs get real hot
air conditioner is broke
Death, please take me now
Litter is real bad
They have big fines and shit
Dont toss that trash out
Florida is cool!
They got hurricanes and shit
Cleans them yards smooth off
Haiku's are real fun
Wish I could get paid per post
but they aint funny
Comments by Y2K Survivor
Why rednecks, specifically?
Comments by Poppy
KG, well, I'll take tit-rubbing over haiku any day.
Turnbaby, exactly!
Wayne, your first one is very nice. Second one's not a haiku, though.
RW, slacker.
Hello, almost. Not quite, though.
Robin, sneaky fucker.
Y2K Survivor, not a bad attempt.
Poppy, since your comment is not in haiku form, I can't answer it.
Comments by Avitable
Why are you such a
little bitch every time
I leave you comments?
Comments by Poppy
I got this one published:
Why do I bother?
Giant Atomic Chickens
Will destroy us all.
Comments by Grant
Dangit allta hell!
Why's my haiku-checker broke?
Here goes second try:
We'll git sum vitlins
Dat derr squirrel goes down reel good
with strawberry wine.
(yes, squirrel is a single AND double syllable word)
Comments by Wayne
Hey! Stop making fun of me! This hang nail really hurts!!! It's all infected and stuff...
Comments by Sarcastica
Poppy, see? Was that so hard?
Grant, that's a great one!
Wayne, it's more like "squirrrl".
Sarcastica, I can just cut that finger right off if you need!
Comments by Avitable
Modern:
You-
said if I wrote a haiku
you'd answer me
Comments by Poppy
I did answer you!
Comments by Avitable