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The meek will kick our ass

There’s this hot, intelligent, powerful, motivated, manipulative, logical woman I know. We will call her “Shmitt”.

She has the world in the palm of her hand, and most of the people in it wrapped around her little finger.

She understands people very well, and can cajole them or capitalize on their vanity or otherwise convince them to do what she wants, whenever she wants.

There is almost nothing that she cannot do.

And watching her two-year old utterly destroy her, turning her into the she-devil from the ninth level of hell, was simultaneously horrifying and hilarious.

Hilarious because she really did turn into this:

Devil Britt

Horrifying because if a child can do this to her of all people, what the hell would a child do to me?

51 thoughts on “The meek will kick our ass”

  1. Aren’t you making it worse by doing this post?
    Of course due to the subtlety of changing the person’s I.D – she can’t kick your ass as she can’t prove you were talking about her.
    I would lock your office door though – just incase.

  2. Hey, you could get a kid like I was. From the age of two I was watching The Simpsons and Married With Children (I could even sing the theme), and I could hold conversations with adults. Plus my mom trained me to give people the finger.

  3. That’s the trade off – children do turn even the most wonderfully tempered folks into raving lunatics. As for you – well I can kinda see you just laughing it off and teaching your little boy the benefits of walking around with no pants and a can of Diet Coke Lime…

    By the way – I can easily insert the devil horns onto my head at least once a day – AND it’s my 10 year old that does it to me, rarely the little 3 year old. I am never going to survive adolescence.

  4. Renaming the person “Schmitt” is a smooth move. Leaving the ALT Tab as “Devil Britt”… Not so much. 😉

    My kids (8, 9 next week and 6) are adorables. But then again, they’re scared of me. 🙂

  5. The first rule of Britt Club is, you do not talk about Britt Club.

    The second rule of Britt Club is, you do NOT talk about Britt Club.

    The third rule of Britt Club is. YOU DO NOT TALK about BRITT CLUB!

  6. Why I like grand kids you can send them home before the devil horn inducing stage starts. Unless we have all eight running around here at once then I look like that picture (minus the ear rings).

  7. Tracy, or duct tape.

    Angel, I think I’d be a bit of a disciplinarian, actually.

    BPR, no, it’s definitely what a kid would do to me.

    KG, there is a huge part of me that would love kids, but that’s not the logical or rational part of me.

    Shelli, oh, she saw it yesterday.

    Jacki, making what worse? I’m just impressed at the havok a child can wreak.

    Kylah, and look how you turned out!

    DB, very true.

    Mr. Fabulous, me too!

    RW, projectile vomiting, probably.

    Metalmom, I bet you’ve considered theirs, too.

    ADW, when they’re teens, they’re going to kill you!

    Mike, clearly you’re the last resort disciplinarian, aren’t you?

    Wayne, who said Britt? This is Shmitt.

    Poppy, what I said to Wayne.

    Turnbaby, oh, she can handle anything.

    Webmiztris, oh, I bet you have devil horns somewhere.

    Bossy, why? Just in case!

    TMP, yeah, I know. That’s horrifying.

    Lynda, someday, I’m sure it will happen.

    Michael, I wish I could just skip right to grandkids!

  8. HAHAHHAHA! I just realized that I was doing that while I was talking to you on the phone. Oops.



    Actually, I am quite impressed with how you handle your children and can’t imagine keeping your temper in check for as long as you do!

  9. I wouldn’t worry about A child… I would worry about THAT child specifically. I think Emma could totally kick all yo asses at one time, all the while speaking in that cute little squeaky voice she has.

  10. Britt, by forgiveness, do you mean boobs? Because if so, I’m there!

    Robin, they’d probably see your breasts and drain you dry.

    Amy, I don’t know – I’ve seen Maggie destroy you, too!

    Michael, lucky fucker.

    Annie, good point.

    BPR, that’s what I’ve heard. Especially three boys.

    TrishK, oh no, nothing like that. Just thinking about the distant horrifying future.

  11. It’s probably ok to let it out of the bag now, but you should know that while Britt says she wants me to come visit and claims she wants me to move – she really doesn’t.

    You see, the two of us got together and decided that it would be best if we got as much distance as possible between Emma and Maggie. We originally opted for separate continents but you know what a tight-ass Britt is. So we opted for opposite coasts instead.

  12. TMP, yeah, I think I’ll have to start drinking if we have kids.

    HCG, I was a cute monkey baby!

    Crazy Lady, good point.

    Robin, your boobs are like magnets!

    Amy, the two of them in the same room would probably spell disaster for us all.

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