First of all, if you listened to the show last night and IMed or called in, thanks! It was fun, and I might actually consider doing my own show sometime. Would any of you like that idea? If you missed the show, go here to listen to the recorded version. And you definitely should, because we might have talked about you. Or your mom!
Monday is a big day. It's day one - when we see if it was all worth it - the relocation, the stress, the sadness, and the feelings of loneliness. Today, my company is getting a new salesperson. Sometimes I think about how I know it will be fine and that we're going to kick ass, but it's still crazy to think that this was all put in motion four months ago and that I am the reason that someone like her picked up her kids and family and moved halfway across the country. But that makes my stomach do little flips and twists, so I just swallow some Pepto Bismol and think about puppies and rainbows instead.
I like to tell her that the future success of my company is riding on her sales ability, and she nervously chuckles, but it's all true. My expectations are reasonable, though. All I want is for my company to reach annual revenues over a million, an Internet presence on par with Youtube, and to sell my company within five years for at least 80-100 million dollars so that I can retire.
That's not too much pressure, is it?
Well, if all else fails, she could make a living selling ice to Eskimos, heaters to Floridians, and car insurance to the blind. And I can always turn to male prostitution - I'm sure there are plenty of women around who would pay good money for some hot gorilla lovin'.
It will all be fine. This will be great! In a few short years, we will have experienced tremendous success, and these moments of insecurity and worry will be behind us. I absolutely know it.
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Wow. It's eerie how similar our posts are. There's a lot riding on today, huh?
It's almost like... a special occasion, or something.
You should buy me gifts.
Comments by Miss Britt
Good luck you two. If you get nervous, just think of hello kitty
Comments by bluepaintred
Maybe instead of prostitution, people can pay you to lose weight. They lock you in a room with them and you run around after them and they lose weight trying to stay away. You could charge a fortune!
Comments by Wayne
She must be crazy. Just kidding. Good luck, Miss Britt.
Comments by Shelli
Great show, thanks for the laughs. If worst comes to worst you can make millions in blog talk radio.
BD
Comments by briliantdonkey
She should probably still do the phone sex part time. No sense burning bridges, you know?
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
You two will be fine. I listened to you on Mr. Fab's radio show last night, and I loved it.
Comments by Angel
Speaking as a sales professional myself, and as someone who doesn't get his checks signed by you, I only have one bit of advice; stay the hell out of her damn way!!
And then you'll be just fine.
Comments by RW
Ahh not even I will be snarky about this today –Fab notwithstanding—
I wish y'all the best of luck
Comments by Turnbaby
I thought about prostituting myself out, unfortunately I couldn't find anyone willing to pay by the pound.
Good luck to both of you today.
God help us all.
Comments by jester
Britt, I was just thinking that you should bring me gifts instead.
BPR, Hello Kitty is very calming. And orgasmic.
Wayne, you may have a genius idea there.
Shelli, oh, she's definitely crazy.
BD, I could be the next Don Imus!
Mr. Fabulous, true, and I'm her biggest customer anyway.
Angel, you listened but didn't call in?
RW, I plan on it.
Turnbaby, snarkiness is fine. And welcomed!
Jester, this may signal the oncoming armageddon, that's for sure.
Comments by Avitable
I am sure that Britt will make you a bazillionaire. But hot gorilla lovin'... I hope you don't have to find out if that is a viable source of income.
Comments by ADW
And should you take the high road to male prostitution.. how much does hot gorilla lovin' cost these days?
Comments by MsFreud
I think you could have a future in radio (if last night's show is any indication of what that would bring!)
Good luck in your new ventures! Maybe when the money REALLY starts rolling in, you won't forget all of your little minions!
Comments by metalmom
RW:
You are soooooo my Blog Hero.
*swoon*
Comments by Miss Britt
@ Avitable:
No gifts?!?! Bring YOU gifts?!?
That's it. I'm posting that picture of you with the Hello Kitty vibrator in your rear!
Comments by Miss Britt
If you do not reach your goals, and end up in male prostitution, make sure to email me. I think I know someone that could use your services.
Comments by themuttprincess
Hmmm...I agree with Miss Britt, you need to give her gifts...like shoes..a new pair each day for the first week.
Comments by Trishk
Make sure you take pics of her on her first day at work!!!
But not THESE kinds of pics
Mm'kay?
Comments by Amy
If I had my own company I'd end up a drug addict.
Comments by Robin
Your optimism on the subject disturbs me.
Comments by Poppy
i think you having your own show would be FABULOUS. do IT.
Comments by Crys
ADW, you wouldn't want hot gorilla lovin' for only fifty cents?
MsFreud, fifty cents.
Metalmom, I'll never forget the little people.
Britt, you can't tell it's Hello Kitty, though. The business end is up there doing its business!
TrishK, how about a new pair for each sale? I could do that.
Amy, I'd rather take those kinds of photos, though!
Robin, would it be a pharmaceutical company?
Poppy, you're disturbed by optimism? Why?
Crystal, but would it be Mr. FABULOUS? That's the question.
Comments by Avitable
That's true. You can barely see the on/off switch. You must have a really deep anal cavity.
Comments by Miss Britt
Yes, I heard the show, but I didn't call in because there is a maximum number of callers that can call in, and I think you were at your limit.
I did want to call in, however. Also, I will call in to talk to Heather about Disney, Ohio State, and boobies!
Comments by Angel
Does it not seem fake? I guess if you tell yourself things will be awesome then you make it happen. Or something? Oh, don't pay attention to me. I have no freaking idea what I'm saying.
Comments by Poppy
@ Poppy:
Um, wow. Your confidence is... uh... inspiring?
Comments by Miss Britt
@Britt: Yup, that's me, inspiring. I have no doubt in your abilities to make the company turn a hefty profit. I'm just noting the tone of Adam's post.
Comments by Poppy
Well if I was going to run a company and be a drug addict that would be the most logical way to go about it.
Comments by Robin
The cost of living must have gone down in Florida if hot gorilla lovin' is only fiddy cent. In that case....
Comments by ADW
Britt, and you wonder why I don't sit on small barstools.
Angel, oh - sorry that we were tying up the line!
Poppy, I have no idea what you're saying either.
Robin, good point.
ADW, sweet - my first customer!
Comments by Avitable
You don't have to apologize to me...it all really depends on how many callers there are on a given show. It was fun just listening in. :) I'll be sure to be one of the first callers when you do another show with Mr. Fab, or when you do your own show.
Comments by Angel
Well, no, but I do wonder if that's what happened to my extra set of keys.
Comments by Miss Britt
Thanks to you I now know what a clevland steamer is. I could have gone my entire life without that piece of knowledge. What's sadder is that people do this enough that there is a term for it. Very sad.
Comments by Dragon
Fifty Cents?!
SOLD!!!
That's a fuckton of gorilla lovin to get to a million dollars, Avi... You could charge SO much more- at least $3.00.
Comments by MsFreud
Good luck you too. Not that you'll need it.
Comments by Brandi
#$(#@$*U Why can't my B%#@$@#^%T avitar show up. I have gravitar right now.
Comments by Brandi
Congrats to the both of you!! I know you two will make an awesome team.
Comments by Janelle
I'm 45 minutes in the show. Interesting! You should definitely do your own. Not that Mr. Fabulous is not... well... fabulous.
Some students where I worked actually wrote a paper on the Hello Kitty vibrator a few years back. Things you can write about for a university degree. ;-)
Comments by Mike
You like Hitler, huh? Pretty sick and disgusting.
Comments by cathy
Avitable just likes to tease Hitler with ice cream. and snake porn. he likes that too.
Comments by bluepaintred
Fucking Great. Thanks, Cathy. Way to ruin (or at least severely dampen) my argument that you don't have to be a fucking moron to be insulted by the whole Hitler thing.
And here I was SO close to having him see another perspective... *sigh*
Comments by Miss Britt
Good Luck... to the both of you!!
I'm sure it will all be FABULOUS!
Comments by stephanie
Angel, sweet!
Britt, well, you asked me to put them in a safe place.
Dragon, it's important for every boy and girl to know about the birds, the bees, and the Cleveland Steamers.
MsFreud, this is just my introductory pricing.
Brandi, oh, we need it! And did you make sure to log back into Gravatar and activate it?
Janelle, as long as she remembers who's boss. (Her, of course).
Mike, I once wrote a paper about the old monkey from the Lion King discussing religious movies, so I know what you mean.
Cathy, well, I'm not in like with him. Oh, and there's a toll for stupid cunts to post comments here. I'll expect your payment in the mail. Gold krugerrands are fine.
BPR, exactly!
Britt, you weren't that close, but this definitely ended the discussion.
Oh, and Cathy's email address is zombie_misfit2@yahoo.com if anyone wants to email her directly.
Comments by Avitable
Thanks, Steph!
Comments by Avitable
Oh, and never mind. Cathy's email address is fake, so she's an anonymous coward and a stupid cunt. Clearly, she's quite a catch!
Comments by Avitable
Ooooh! I'd like to see that paper!
Comments by Mike
Cathy is just mad you photoshopped out her hero Mussolini, is what's really behind that.
Comments by RW
You & Britt will both do just awesome!! And we'll be here reading the post when you sell the company & you both retire.
In the meantime, how much is it for monkey love?
just jokin'.
really
;-)
I'll listen to the archives soon - that's one show I really wanted to catch.
Comments by Tug
Wait a second... all this time I thought you were making fun of Hitler! I mean the ice cream and everything certainly makes it LOOK like you're making fun of Hitler! But now I learn you are a sick bastard who actually LIKES Hitler?!/ How could I have mis-read things so badly?
Comments by Dave2
Mike, I wish I still had it.
RW, heh. I think she's more a fan of Hirohito.
Tug, monkey love is only fifty cents!
Dave, and here I thought you were smart. Oh well, now you know the truth and it's too late to do anything about it. Moohahahahaha!
Comments by Avitable
Well, I suppose it really must be too late... so good luck with that whole "take over the world with a clone of Hitler's brain in a robot" scheme you've got going on...
Comments by Dave2
Dave, don't ruin our secret plan!
Comments by Avitable