Last night, I was watching TV with Amy when I saw the strangest commercial. It was for a product called “Fishpen!” It’s a miniature fishing rod in a pen. You just unscrew, release the telescopic rod and fish! Everything you need in a small pen you can fit in your pocket!
Or not. There’s also the brass reel that you need. Oh, and the hooks and lures. And bait, of course, since this isn’t fly fishing. So you still need a carrying case for all the accessories. But it’s so convenient!
The commercial was hilarious – it showed a businessman walking around with this god-awful pen in his shirt pocket, then stopping by a river, making his Fishpen! into a fishing rod, and then fishing before going home, with newly caught fish for his 1950s wife to cook for his dinner! Do you know many women who can take a freshly caught fish and prepare it? Because while I know there are some of you who can, most women today cannot. At all. Nor would they. Nor should they!
But, even with all the ludicrosity and ridiculosity (two real words that I just made up), I still wanted to buy one! I think the only reason for this was the name, Fishpen! Taking two words that don’t belong together and making them into an “innovative” product is brilliant. I wonder what other potential products are out there that I could develop and sell to make millions.
Besides the awesome Knifewrench! from Scrubs, here are some of my ideas (and all of them have to have exclamation points – that’s what really sells them):
- Whiplight! It’s a bullwhip that lights your house!
- Toiletblender! Poop and make a smoothie at the same time!
- Gunpillow! When you’re not sleeping, protect your loved ones with this down pillow that converts into a pistol!
- Forkskillet! When you’re done cooking up your eggs, just use the prongs at the end of the skillet to enjoy your meal!
- Sockcondom! Ready to have sex but not a condom in sight? Just slip your sock off, turn it inside out, and voila!
- CDKnife! This CD, packed chock full of today’s favorite hits, can be used to slice tomatoes, chop onions, and can even cut open a metal can!
- Flashlightoven! Powered by two D batteries, the miniature oven inside this compact flashlight can cook a small steak in only 48 minutes!
- Gluelube! From one spout, enjoy water-based lubricant for your favorite oral, vaginal, or anal play. From the other, do your home improvement projects with the strongest adhesive allowed by law! Just don’t confuse the two!