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Lazy Sunday VI

Thanks to Sybil Law for the meme. Her post where she did this was called “I have no originality” because she said she was stealing the idea from me. So, if I copy the meme from her, does that make this post a copy of a copy? Am I like that fuzzy clone in Multiplicity? “I got a wallet.”

1.While driving down the street, looking for an address, do you turn the radio down?
Not only do I turn the radio down, but I also strip off my underwear, put it on my head, and drive down the road backwards while singing “Oops I Did It Again”.

2. If you could hug one person right now, who would it be?
I’m already hugging my penis with my other hand while I type.

3. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Infamous.

4. What is your favorite kind of weather?
I love watching my lawn guy try to cut grass, and the pool guy try to use the long metal scoop to clean the pool, in between strikes of lightning.

5. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Is he masturbating on the sidewalk while ranting about Jesus ninjas trying to steal his teeth? Yeah? Then he’s homeless.

6. If you could travel anywhere in the world, without cost being a deciding factor where would it be?
Gwen Stefani’s bedroom.

7. Are you a homebody, or a social butterfly?
I hate going to parties, but I like to host parties at our house. I think that makes me a social homefly.

8. Beer, wine or liquor?
I usually give wine to the high school girls that I have over to the house. It makes them feel grown up. Just like the subsequent anal sex.

9. If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them?
There’s always a way to have sex with someone, or some part of someone.

10. Do you drink milk?
Only when it’s bottled as Diet Coke with Lime, and the cow part is taken out and replaced with caramel flavoring, water, saccharine, and lime juice.

11. Do you prefer apple or orange juice?
I find that apple juice is good for getting small animals drunk, but orange juice is good for getting the calcium build up off of my faucets.

12. What’s the most you’ve ever won on a scratchie?
A scratchie? Was this written in Canada or something? Is this part of some insidious plot to take over America? I didn’t win maple syrup or moose (mooses? meese? moosi?), I’ll tell you that!

13. Do you own any fish?
No, but I pwn them in WOW.

14. Who is jealous of you?
I’m assuming everyone is. If there are some people who are not jealous of me, we should find those few unfortunate souls, isolate them on a small island, shoot the island into space, and call it “Retardia”.

15 . How many messages are in your inbox/outbox on your cell phone?
6.011 * 10 to the 23rd power.

16. When’s the last time you sent a text?
I’m sending one to you right now. Wait by your phone until you get it.

17. Do you believe there is only one “right” religion?
Yes. It is called Zumanism. 10 points to anyone who knows where this is from without Googling it. And I’ll know if you fucking Googled it, you cheating whore.

18. What’s your favorite planet, besides this one?
Okay, this is one of the stupidest questions I’ve come across while doing these memes. This had to have been written by a Canadian. We all know they’re just like Americans, except slower.

19. Do you vote for city-related issues?
What the holy fuck does this even mean? Go back to Canada, eh!

20. Have you ever been to the Vatican?
Yeah, I have a strong desire to go hang out and look for the random celibate white guy that some other celibate white guys decided should be the second-to-last word on issues of abortion, contraception, and sexual abuse.

21. Do you do anything for a bad sunburn?
Well, if it’s bad, I’ll usually send it to bed without supper.

22. Has anyone ever asked you to marry them?
When you reach my level of popularity in the blogiversisphericountryland, you get marriage proposals on a daily basis. And today’s answers are no, no, NO!, no, never, dear God no, nope, nah, no, and let me see how my wife feels about bigamy.

23. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?
Well, this one time I was with my friend Louise. We decided that rather than getting captured, we were going to go out with a bang, so we kissed, held hands, and drove right into it.

24. Have you ever had to run for your life?
I had to catch an ice cream truck one day, and I swear if I didn’t get one of those strawberry shortcake bars, I was going to fucking die.

25. Ever been to a family reunion?
Luckily, my mother’s side is all Irish, so they’re just drunk all the time. I don’t go to the reunions, but then I just Photoshop myself into the photos and tell them all that I was there.

26. Can you play golf?
Miniature? Yes. On the Wii? Yes. On a real life course? I’ve learned long ago that having the shape of a gorilla makes swinging a club almost impossible.

27. Do you prepare soup in the microwave or on the stove?
Who eats soup? Why don’t I just have some SPAM and government cheese while I’m at it?

28. If your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?
As long as they didn’t cheat on Monopoly when I was playing them, all’s well that ends well.

29. Do you eat crabs?
Only if they get caught in my teeth along with the pubic hair.

30. Are you the kind of person who will search the entire room for the remote?
Doesn’t everyone keep their remote in a holster that they wear around the house?

31. Is it all about YOU?
Is what about me? The movie “Balls of Fury”? Yes.

32. Pretend you are a really good cook: what meal would you make?
A nice cup of shut the fuck up you bilingual monarchist retard.

33. Are you in debt?
I have $300,000 in student loans. $100,000 in credit card debt. $300,000 mortgage. $50,000 in debt to my pimp. $80,000 owed to my bookie for betting on girls’ high school volleyball. And I owe the paperboy two dollars.

34. If you could have a one way plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?
Canada, so I could kick your hockey-lovin’ ass.

35. How often do you do laundry?
Who does laundry? That’s what the magical laundry fairy is for. Whenever I get low on underwear and socks, they magically leave the hamper and show up in my bureau later that day. It’s magic!

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26 Replies to “Lazy Sunday VI”

  1. Mike

    …they’re just like Americans, except slower

    I don’t mind beeing “slower”. That way I don’t have to stick to high school girls. 🙂

    10 points question: I already won your balls with the answer, so you can keep your 10 points. 😉

    Eh.

  2. Avitable

    Amy, you mean they’re not your favorite, too?

    BPR, awwww. Okay, you’re awesome and not at all “special” and meticulously clean.

    Tracy, Jesus ninjas rock. They kill you, resurrect you, then kill you again!

  3. Wayne

    man, was I semi-excited for a while. I decided to google Zumanism, and in the “summary” paragraph I saw “Dune” listed a few times and I thought – oh crap, do I really know this and forgot I know it!!?!??! I’m one of the biggest Dune fans out there! and then I was relieved to know that it was NOT Dune-related.

    I guess that would be Dunanism. The unending worship of Dune.

  4. Avitable

    Amy, ooh, somebody’s cranky! 😀

    BPR, yeah, you were right.

    Mike, I don’t even know what that is.

    Wayne, it’s from Andy Richter Controls the Universe. And I’m glad your cheating didn’t bear fruit.

    Sybil Law, boobs are as good as a bow.

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