I had such a hard time keeping my eyes open on my drive home from Britt's this evening. Right now, as I type this, I'm struggling to stay awake so that I can post and then go to bed. It did get me thinking about the things people try to keep themselves awake while driving:
- Cold. You crank the AC up full blast and let yourself slowly get frostbite. Downfall? You just start to fall asleep and dream of snuggling under blankets.
- Pain. You pinch yourself. Under your arms, your leg flab, your cheeks, whatever you can. Downfall? After a while, it just doesn't hurt anymore.
- Wind. Open the windows and sunroof, even on the interstate. Let the wind buffet you around as you drive and roar in your ears. Downfall? Sometimes it's still soothing!
- Noise. Crank your stereo up to the top volume and find a fast beat to listen to. Downfall? Even a fast beat can start to lull you back to sleep.
- Pleasure. Start masturbating while you're driving. It keeps your brain interested and can keep you active. Downfall? Well, if you aren't careful and let yourself ejaculate, the wind whipping through the car at 90 miles an hour can create quite a mess, and even though you'll be wide awake as you're trying to deal with the stringy streams of jizz that are flying through the air, getting absolutely everywhere, it will take you an hour just to clean the car out enough to get rid of that "new jizz" smell.
What things do you do when you're trying to stay awake during a drive?
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I find that enticing a peace officer into chasing me works wonders.
Comments by RW
I always masturbate while I drive. thankfully, jizz isn't an issue
Comments by Amanda
I keep a constant loop of Fab topping you running though my brain.
It helps.
Comments by mixednut
Well, this is boring (but it's a true answer): I listen to political talk radio with which I do not agree, and get so pissed off I can't sleep for hours.
Comments by Kal Jones
Well actually the best way to keep yourself awake is by chewing gum. The jaw action of chewing helps supply oxygen to the old noggin, therby helping one stay awake. Not as colorful as masterbating, but it does work!
Comments by Donisia
No more going over to Britt's. You had me worried sick last night. Usually when I send an email to you there is a sub second response time. I nearly called 911.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Music.
Play it loudly.
Sing along proudly.
Comments by NYCWD
I crank up my radio and sing and dance like an idiot. But I do that every time I drive.
Comments by heather
I prefer to have someone else drive me at all times. In the rare cases that I don't have a driver and I get tired, I sit on a railroad spike. Painful, but there's no ignoring it.
Comments by ADW
I visualize myself lying on the side of the road, my car totally smashed up, blue lights flashing, the people that wish me dead rejoicing. You know, happy thoughts.
Comments by AnnieB
RW, can your little car go fast enough for a cop to chase you? Do you have put your feet on the ground and run, through the flooboards?
Amanda, so you're not one those "squirters".
Mixednut, you see, that's just a lullaby to me, so I can't think of that or I'll fall right asleep.
Kal, that seems like a pretty good idea.
Donisia, except that I'm always chewing gum. I buy gum by the case, and usually when I'm sleepy while driving, I already have a piece of gum in my mouth.
Mr. Fabulous, I actually thought that when I got home. "Hmmm, Mr. Fab's going to be really surprised that I didn't reply instantly."
NYCWD, I never know any lyrics.
Heather, you dance, too?
ADW, I always have to drive. Having someone else drive will make me crazy.
AnnieB, do you close your eyes to visualize this? Because that sounds like it would lead to sleeping!
Comments by Avitable
Eyes wide open.
Comments by AnnieB
I'll race your "90 mile an hour to the grocery store" ass in my MINI any day.
Comments by RW
Annie, you fantasize with your eyes wide open??
RW, it's too easy!
Comments by Avitable
You know how we have that rule about no masturbating while I'm in the house?
Can we please extend that to not mentioning me and masturbating in the same posts anymore? Please?
Comments by Miss Britt
Masturbation usually just makes me fall asleep afterwards and it's quite tricky to do in the car.
Comments by Robin
I'm masturbating right now.
Comments by Avitable
Robin, it's not tricky to do in the car when you're a man.
Comments by Avitable
Yeah, I know, which makes it difficult to work.
I have never met such a loud fucking masturbator, seriously.
Comments by Miss Britt
I've never met such a loud fucking smoker!
Comments by Avitable
Yes, but when I smoke I go OUTSIDE and I don't shake your desk and make it impossible for you to make or receive calls.
Comments by Miss Britt
uh.... office etiquette aside... I learned the wonders of Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng years ago while Mrs. Y2K and I got our Master's Degrees. Working all day then driving an hour to Tulsa for classes had us coming home around 11:30 pm several nights a week. WAYYYY too late for old fuckers to be rocked gently in a car traveling faster than a mile a minute. Other than that, I seem to shake my head alot as I start to doze off.
Comments by Y2K Survivor
I find drinking ice cold water keeps me awake.
Comments by topncal
Of course I dance in the car when the radio is cranked up. You don't?
Oh Britt you created a very disturbing visual of Avi wanking under the desk. I feel for you girl.
Comments by heather
Like any normal, responsible driver, I pull over when I am tired. Then I use my thumbs to gouge out the eyes of the guy who tries to jack my car and that wakes me right up!
Comments by Amy
Get a motorcycle, it's easier to stay awake.
In the old days, I made sure I had a few lines of crank for a long drive. Sleepy drivers are DANGEROUS.
Comments by annie
I find taking micro-naps on straight streches of highway is good... but waking up from them is a bitch. :) The only time I was in danger of sleeping while driving- I found the motivation of my psychotic mother driving the "land cruising hovercraft" car behind me enough to keep me running full steam at 80mph.
Of course... Annie's plan is best. A few lines before getting on the road was always a good help- but that was before I had to play grown up.
Comments by MsFreud
Loud music, both hands on the steering wheel, eyes wide open, and like you, I have gum all the time. I also just kind of move around a lot, stretchy style.
Comments by Sybil Law
No, you guys are lucky. It's tough for us to pleasure ourselves while driving and even harder to pleasure the man when he's driving.
Comments by Robin
MOMMY! aVITable's making fun at me!
Comments by RW
Stay awake while driving? Why would I want to do THAT?
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I actually just pull over and take a twenty minute nap. Works every time. I've known too many people who fall asleep at the wheel and hit a tree, pole, etc.
Comments by cat
Visualize - eyes wide open
Fantasize - eyes wide shut
dmwmbebe
Comments by AnnieB
First I try the cold thing. And if weather permits, I do roll down the window. However, what works best for me is food. Somthing crunchy and salty like chips, pretzles, nachos, etc.
Comments by usedtobeme
I can never stay asleep for long because usually the ditch on the side of the road wakes me up.
Comments by Mist 1
Britt, I can still hear you even when you're outside!
Y2K, if I drank tea, I'd try that.
Topncal, what about pouring it on your head and crotch? That might be a good idea, too. I'll have to try it.
Heather, she thinks I wank under the desk. It's usually just standing up behind her head.
Amy, you always have your thumbs ready for awesome eye-gouging, don't you?
Annie, I'm anti donor-cycle.
MsFreud, if I'm driving somewhere, I'm not pulling over to sleep. I can sleep when I get there!
Sybil, I was hoping you were going to say that like me, you masturbate while you drive.
Robin, pleasuring a man while he's driving is easy!
RW, now, RW, don't be a crybaby. Go play with your toy car.
Tracy, do you even know what driving is?
Cat, I'd rather yank out pubic hair to stay awake.
AnnieB, yes, thanks.
Usedtobeme, never thought about crunchy and salty - that's an interesting one.
Mist, I'm usually annoyed because of the glare of the oncoming car's headlights waking me up.
Comments by Avitable
you know, I was going to call you a liar - but then I'd have to endure the sound of your cracking boy in puberty voice when you try to convince me "I don't liiiieee".
And that's almost worse than the masturbating.
Comments by Miss Britt
Thumbs, fingers, knuckles, toes, knees, elbows, stapler, pens, sharpies... whatever does the trick, I'm always up for a good maiming.
Comments by Amy
Well for you maybe...since you have a big mouth.
Comments by Robin
I just sleep.
Then I take the bus everywhere.
Comments by Michael
Rule #1 for me: singing.
Rule #2: open windows
Rule #3: stick headset on and call someone
I've done the 23hr drive from Austin to Pittsburgh 5 times and only 2 of them had an actual sleeping rest stop in them. Can't do it any more tho szzzzzzzzz
Comments by Wayne
Tsk. I SMOKE, bud.
Comments by Britt's mom
Mom, you smoke, too? I thought, from hearing Britt's discussion of you catching her smoking over the phone, that you were one of the smart ones.
Comments by Avitable
Britt, I can't help it. I just hit puberty.
Amy, you are well-trained in maim-ology.
Robin, yeah, cocks fit in well.
Michael, must be nice to be an old grandpa who can do that!
Wayne, yeah, calling people is usually good, too, because you have to stay awake to talk to them.
Comments by Avitable
Mom, oh, wait. Did I misinterpret? Were you saying that you smoke bud? That explains so much!
Comments by Avitable
Did you miss the second half of that entire conversation about how she was upset because I was trying to HIDE it from her because that was retarded since I was of age and she smoked??
See. You never listen to me.
Comments by Miss Britt
I don't think you ever told me that part.
Comments by Avitable