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Lazy Sunday VII

1. Who were you with last night?
I swear, she said she was 18! Well, 16. Close enough.

2. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Dropped her off at her parents’ house.

3. Who was the first person you saw?
Like I remember something from that long ago. I don’t have any short term memory. Hi. Can I help you?

4. Who are you with?
What, right now? While I’m typing this? Well, there’s Ben, Mary Ellen, Jim Bob, John Boy, Olivia, and John Sr.

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Kiss, hug, fellate. All the same side of the coin.

6. Who have you called today?
Jenny. And the Ghostbusters.

7. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend. I have two wives!

8. When’s the last time you cried?
Probably that time that I tried to put Vick’s Vapo Rub on my balls to see if it really would make me ejaculate across the room, and then accidentally touched the head of my penis with the same hand that applied the Vapo Rub.

The PAST round –

10. Ever thrown up in public?
I’d never do that – that’s unprofessional and ridiculous. Now I’m going to go streak down the road and masturbate in someone’s lawn.

11. What about passed out from alcohol?
Only after masturbating in someone’s lawn.

12. What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW.
Ummm….penis sex chocolate sex vagina dolphin steak sex chocolate penis tina fey

The FUTURE round –

13. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Like, take one from someone’s gun and give it to someone else? Sure.

14. Where would you like to live?
In the ventilation system above the locker room of an all girls’ high school.

15. What kind of home would you like?
A home where anybody can come visit, kick off their shoes, strip naked, and not notice the hidden video cameras.

16. What do you want to be when you grow up?
The CEO of a small company with a hot blonde kick-ass salesperson.

17. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
As the CEO of a small company with a hot topless blonde kick-ass salesperson/VP.

18. In 10 years?
As the ousted CEO of a small company run by a hot naked blonde.

The random round –

19. Do you like candy necklaces?
Is that like a pearl necklace except when you pee on a girl’s chest?

20. How many people do you have programmed in on your cell?
My cell phone doesn’t have memory. It doesn’t even have a screen. It’s actually just a brick with a paperclip attached to it.

21. When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
I trip over my penis constantly, unless I’m erect, at which point I just have trouble going around corners.

22. Do you listen to music every day?
Only when I masturbate. So, yes.

23. Who’s your weirdest teacher?
Mr. Cockalicious was so weird that his name was the most normal thing about him.

24. Do you still go trick or treating?
Well, kinda. It’s not usually on Halloween, and we usually just stand there and look menacing while we ask for money for “protection”, but we call it trick or treating. The tricks are always the fun part.

25. Are you a fast typer?
Yesa adn Im’ teh best typits out ther.

26. What are you doing tonight?
I plan on cruising the Orlando red light district, finding a prostitute, and then giving her a ride somewhere. If I’m lucky, she’ll be a tranny.

27. Have you ever moved?
I’m a mover, a groover, and a midnight hoover.

28. Have you ever won an award?
Only a Daytime Emmy, but who hasn’t won one of those?

29. Do you do any sports or other activities that are unusual?
I yodel while I poop, but only on odd Thursdays.

30. Whats a word or phrase that you love?
Fluffernuttin’ cockmonkey whores.

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22 Replies to “Lazy Sunday VII”

  1. Turnbaby

    “”8. When’s the last time you cried?
    Probably that time that I tried to put Vick’s Vapo Rub on my balls to see if it really would make me ejaculate across the room, and then accidentally touched the head of my penis with the same hand that applied the Vapo Rub.””

    You literally made me LOL with this mostly because it sounds like something you would actually do.

  2. Sybil Law

    Tina Fey rocks!
    Oh thank God you’re back. I was almost scared to visit, and not because I was scared of scary links, but because I thought you might not have posted again.
    Your cell phone made me laugh – well, it all did, but that one really got me for some reason.

  3. Avitable

    BPR, ummm…. yes! It was completely intentional!

    Sheila, it’s called the iBrick.

    Fab, prove it!

    Turnbaby, oh, it’s something I actually did. Fucking hurt, too.

    TrishK, awww, thanks!

    TMP, I’m crossing everything.

    Sybil, Tina Fey does indeed rock it with her cock out.

    Tracy, kinda?? Oh, I see how it is.

    Mistress, how’d ya guess?

    Michael, oh, well I use that one as a compliment, actually.

    Britt, I’d take one FROM you!

    Bethie, I have not gotten it yet. But I didn’t check Saturday’s mail. Although, I’m assuming it’s so large that the mailman will have to carry it to the front door and ring the doorbell, right?

  4. Y2K Survivor

    Florida is growing to the point it is all so trendy and urban. You are so lucky to have a red light district. All we have is a guy at the local Rotary park who offer’s to share what he’s drinking out of a paper bag for blow jobs. But don’t do it Av! That old fucker only drinks diet root beer… and its not even cold.

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