I was working and watching season 1 of 30 Rock on DVD. The character Kenneth came up with a new reality show concept called “Gold Case” which was a cross between Deal or No Deal and Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and it got me thinking about reality television.
I hate reality television. It’s all rigged, surprisingly scripted, and emotionally stunted. When it’s a showcase of actual skill or knowledge without the manufactured drama, or if there is a feeling of real loss or tension, reality television can actually be exciting and fun.
And the following brilliant reality TV ideas illustrate exactly why networks should be paying me millions right now.
1. MacGyver, Jr.: Each of 100 contestants are given four random household items such as rubber bands, paper clips, chewing gum, Elmer’s glue, and a flip flop, to name a few. Then, they are locked in a room with a small bomb and given forty-three seconds to defuse the bomb using only their items. The survivors will move onto more and more difficult tasks like stopping a runaway car, fixing a bursting dam, deflecting machine gun bullets, and taming four wild tigers, until there is only one left. The winner will get a gold replica of Richard Dean Anderson’s mullet.
2. Body Modders to the MAX EXTREME: Those fucking weirdos who love to cut holes in their body, inject silicone in their testicles, wear neck rings, pierce their clavicles, and slice their tongues are put into a pit with a very hungry bear. The audience wins.
3. Hold Your Poop!: Ten hot women each eat an entire bowl of Mueslix, followed by two green apples and some steamed broccoli. The one who poops last wins a diamond-encrusted toilet.
4. Assasin8: This show is for contestants between the ages of 14-18 attending high school. Each contestant is given a gun with eight bullets and a list of 8 targets. The one who manages to kill all 8 targets without being gunned down or arrested first wins a commuted sentence and backstage passes to Korn.
5. Let’s Play Chicken!: Pairs of contestants are pitted against each other in a series of escalating dares, including a staring contest, racing each other on broken glass, and driving straight at each other. The one who flinches is eliminated and the winner moves onto the next round. The grand prize winner is the one who does not flinch during the sex-change operation performed without anesthesia. They win an all-expenses paid divorce with the attorney of their choice.
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10 ideas to change the world
My version of the Emmy Awards.
I’d totally win the pooping contest. I can’t poop in a foreign toilet.
Public toilets. No.
Round and not elongated toilet. No.
Toilet with an open front. No.
Toilet that hasn’t been just installed with only my ass prints. No.
Toilet paper that isn’t extra-super-soft. No.
Seriously. I would hold it ’til I crapped out my mouth like Cartman did on South Park.
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MacGyver!!! OMG! Yay!
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I think my favorite is the one where the pierced people get mauled by the bear.
Better put a few tigers and pit bulls in there, too, just to be sure.
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You are a true visionary. It is a pity that most visionaries are appreciated only long after they are dead.
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MacGyver Jr. actually has some potential…
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Funny you should say that… I was just flipping channels and that asinine show “Nanny 911″ is on… Maybe a new show… Teaching how to not let kids be obnoxious little shits. They would be motivated by CPS outside the studio… and maybe a large man with a wooden spoon to break over their ass. Maybe they would win… keeping their kids.
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You would be a millionaire. I would totally watch all of those shows. Times a hundred.
P.S I have wireless now!
as soon as I buy a microphone, be prepared for some videos :angel:
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Those are certainly better than the ones currently on tv. Or we could just take all the current reality tv “stars”, put them on an island with dangerous animals and see who survives. The one who wins gets a year supply of Dominos pizza.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
Nah, the winner of the MacGyver show should be able to use the Stargate to go to the planet of his/her choosing.
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I like all of them that involve stupid people getting injured. That makes me smile.
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MacGyver one has my vote. Great Site I will have make it here more offten
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Excellent ways to thin the herd! I think I’d watch them all…at least until they get cloned by every other network and made into a blockbuster movie event! :lmao:
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I will sign my two oldest up for Let’s Play Chicken! and the baby up for MacGyver, Jr.
When will you be by to pick them up?
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KG, wow, you’re even pickier than I am. I mean, I won’t use public toilets or one with an open front, but I’m not quite as anal. Pun intended.
Sheila, you’re an RDA fan, eh?
Janna, good thinking! And maybe a poisonous snake, too.
Mr. Fabulous, I’m looking for a way to buck that trend.
Britt, I know. I should be a network exec!
MsFreud, that’s almost what Nanny 911 is, isn’t it?
Sarcastica, I’m glad you have internet finally. And by videos, you mean dirty videos, right?
Robin, a year’s supply? That might be too much. How about a week’s supply?
Wayne, you dared tread somewhere I chose not to for fear of being too geeky.
TMP, isn’t that the point of fun reality TV?
Carolyn, thanks for the visit and comment! Your husband hangs out here all the time. He doesn’t look at the porn, though, I promise.
Metalmom, yeah, the clones always ruin it for the originals. Just like in Multiplicity.
BPR, just put them in a burlap sack and mail them to me. Normal parcel post is fine.
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LOL!! Thanks for the info on the Hubby. Besides I trust him all porn is photos of what Most want and can not Have and Well He gets it all.
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I can and have gone well over a week at a time without taking a dump. Now farting? Farting I would have a problem with.
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I love the MacGyver!
But, what’s with the silicone injections in the testicles?? I have never heard of that one!!
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By the way, if Fab ran the poop show, there would be blue food coloring mixed in with the Mueslix.
He might even demonstrate at the beginning of each episode…
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my husband would totally go on that McGuyver show. and he’d win too! I’d try out for Hold Your Poop, but if it involved drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette in the morning, I’d be the first loser…lol
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Carolyn, this is true!
ADW, part of me really can’t wait until you get your cute ass down to Florida. The other part of me wants to make sure I wear a gas mask.
Trish, you don’t want to know about that.
Janna, yeah, he’d be a great host.
Dawn, and now I know more about your morning habits than I would hope.
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I am now finally understanding why my friends love this website.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
I would totally watch MacGyver, especially if the bomb was real.
People need to understand that there are CONSEQUENCES.
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as much as i hate it, i am so addicted to “reality” television. well, some of it anyway.
bring on macgyver, jr!
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Twitter: Whatsananna
says:
:batting: What is this “TV” thing to which you keep referring?
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Do you mid if I throw in a box of cookies?
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Bubblewench, welcome to the cult.
Tracy, well, the bomb would have to be real!
Hello, I just cannot watch reality television. It’s horrifying!
Mom, fuckin’ hippie.
BPR, ok. And you can punch two air holes if you have to.
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The taping of Kenneth’s reality show idea is hilarious, as is the rest of Season 1 of 30 Rock.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
That works for me.
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Obviously Avi. Do you even have to ask?
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Wasn’t the Poop show done in Japan? Seems like I saw it on some HBO Special about TV shows around the world.
How about PUBE HAIR ELIMINATION! A deadbeat dad or high school loser with several unprovided for kids is strapped to a table and asked basic high school knowledge trivia. When he gets a wrong answer the mother or father of one of the little girls he knocked up gets to pull out as many pube hairs as possible with a single grasp of large channel lock pliers.
Bass Cannon Backfire: Where a kid listening to car stereo music that rattles the windows of nearby buildings has a micro chip implanted behind each ear that plays an endless loop of Tiny Tim and Slim Whitman songs. The Cameras follow the noise offender that now lives with a taste of his own medicine.
Boob Tube: A small camera is planted in the low cut top of a well endowed chick. Then she visits with politicians and clergy in faux interviews where the camera counts direct eye contact. Mid Season replacement is the same concept but with a Penis Camera
Rack Em Up: Retired NFL Kicker Rafiel Septian spends 60 minutes a week kicking guys in the nuts. The last guy able to ask for more wins the grand prize of becoming Rosie O’Donnell’s personal assistant.
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Hold Your Poop…..classic! I’ve missed coming here.
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These all do sound like Japanese reality shows! I’d totally watch, too. Hell – I’d be tempted to be on the “Chicken” one, because I rarely if ever flinch. You are a genius.
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Paticus, yup – it was my favorite post-credits bit from the show.
Robin, what a tyrant!
Sarcastica, just double checking. :woohoo:
Cris, that boob tube idea is something that I could actually see a network doing!
Dragon, where have you been?
Sybil, oh, so you don’t flinch? Is that a challenge?
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To anyone else, that would be a challenge. But dare I say, I think you are even more insane than me, so no – not a challenge! I shudder to think what you’d cook up for me to do!
Now I’m all ashamed of myself. Thanks.
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Bossy thinks a realty show about Bloggers would be really entertaining. Especially the part where they all sit around and stare into the electric blue of their computer screens.
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Yeah, obviously I have poop issues. Those are just some of them. The conditions have to be just right or it is a no-go.
A few more of my bathroom issues:
The toilet seat must be shut before flushing to fight any of the germs that may escape in water droplets flying out of the toilet and getting on me or my things.
The toilet paper can’t have been just ripped off previously because then I have to unroll 12 feet of it to make sure that someone else’s germs aren’t on it.
The toilet paper MUST BE FOLDED before wiping.
The toilet handle has to be either sterilized with my Clorox Anywhere spray before I touch my hand on it or if I can use my foot for flushing that is all the better.
Yeah…still, just a partial list. Bathrooms skeeve me out.
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I get it all!
Dang where’s my bondage and whips? :sex014:
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Sybil Law, don’t be ashamed. Just strive to be crazier!
Bossy, and then we could all type for a full hour!
KG, I’m surprised you just don’t have a colostomy bag.
Michael, apparently you do get it all!
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OMG, that is a cracking idea! Thanks!
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I didn’t realize how much KG and I have in common.
Imagine my issues all weekend while camping!!!
So, in between running a company and all the shit that goes along with it, you also manage to submit realty television ideas to network execs?
How many have filed restraining orders?
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OMG, Amy. I went camping ONCE. That right there about the toilets was a deal-breaker. And THEN the public showers? *shudder* I’d rather be dirty. Honestly. We were at Lake Tahoe and I decided that I’d rather just get in the lake every day we were there and hope that I washed off some of the stink. Seriously, public washrooms and toilets are GROTESQUE.
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Amy and KG, and I thought I was a freak!
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Amazing post. Gonna tell everyone about this!
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