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Lazy Sunday VIII

Before I start this week’s meme, don’t forget to watch my new vlog intro and suggest a song to use. You could win a $25 gift certificate! And for those of you who paid attention, there are several bloggers in the background including Dave, RW, Amy, Britt, Heather, Poppy, and Mr. Fabulous, along with me and my wife.

1. What’s in your wallet?

Let’s see. Four receipts to something called “Dildoporium”, a card with the Hail Mary on it, another card telling people NOT to donate my organs to anyone, a picture of my penis to show to strangers, and my official FBI identification, which, of course, stands for Federal Boobs Inspector.

2. What’s under your bed?

Four boxes from Dildoporium.

3. What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?

My Glock 31 that fires .357 SIG rounds, a silencer, a black mask, and a canvas bag that has a giant dollar sign on it. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m militantly anti-gun. I like to use a rocket launcher instead.

4. What’s in your underwear drawer?

28 pairs of underwear with various holes in them.

5. What’s in the trunk of your car?

28 dead hookers with various holes in them.

6. What’s in your desk or locker?

My desk doesn’t have drawers, so I just pile everything on top very, very neatly. I also put the mail there, and all of the magazines I’m going to read, including Hustler’s Barely Legal, MAD, Cracked, Entertainment Weekly, Ladies’ Home Journal, Dolphin Aficionado, and Fortune.

7. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it?

I do, but I can’t tell you about it because Britt will find it and then sell all of my Nazi gold on the black market.

8. Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what?

I feel guilty that this meme isn’t turning out nearly as amusing as I thought it was going to. Oh, and that I think I ran over a homeless person while driving home this evening.

9. What is the most embarrassing thing in your room right now?

My blow-up tranny doll. His/her name is Kevina.

10. Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?

I accidentally shopped at Wal-mart.

11. What is your last thought before you fall asleep?

Sleep is where I’m a Viking!

12. How long have those leftovers been in the fridge?

I don’t believe in leftovers.

13. If I confiscated your computer and took a look around….what would I find?

Gigabytes of porn. I swear, they said they were 18!

14. Do you sleep with anything?

An erection. And Kevina.

15. What is your midnight snack weakness?

A bowl of mustard, microwaved for fifteen seconds.

16. Have you ever you shoplifted?

I had 600 VHS tapes in high school and college but made minimum wage. You do the math.

17. Have you ever vandalized anything?

One time we put gasoline in the neighbor’s koi pond. Another time we dropped several Lamb’s Barricades into the bottom of a shallow pond and at night the bottom of the pond flashed like there was a car or an alien ship in it, and people freaked out. Oh, and I accidentally made the Challenger blow up.

18. Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

No, but I’ve watched Charlie’s Angels naked in a pale dim light.

19. What do you wait until no one is looking to do?

Lick my penis.

20. Have you told the truth in this survey?

I never lie.

Oh, and today’s a twofer. I’ve seen this around on several blogs: says I'm a Kinda Dorky Nerd King.  What are you?  Click here!

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27 Replies to “Lazy Sunday VIII”

  1. Avitable

    Angel, perkiness, nippliness, and buoyancy.

    Metalmom, is Guido the guy in the gimp suit?

    Robin, worst experience of my life!

    Hilly, are you part cat?

    Poppy, that is disturbing, isn’t it?

    RW, it’s German for “well-preserved”.

    Sybil, well, that and the penis I can lick is detachable.

    Britt, you Nazi gold thief! And I knew you were a nerd!

    Heather, nothing to add? After that hilarious meme? Even about the penis licking?

    Turnbaby, no, the Dildoporium.

    TrishK, I can’t do that and operate the video camera at the same time.

    Wayne, not sure where you’re going with that one.

    Tracy, I hope you’re kneeling.

  2. Avitable

    Robin, exactly.

    Mr. Fabulous, old age must suck.

    Shelli, I’ll look for it, then run in and, yell “Thief” and point my finger at you, accusingly.

    Mom, my Sunday posts should be taken with a very, very large grain of salt. I actually hate mustard.

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