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I am looking for investors…

…for my latest and greatest idea: a chain of candlepin bowling alleys called Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama.

There are too many babies. I think we can all agree on that, especially in all those third world countries. Most of them are going to die anyway. I mean, Angelina Jolie and Madonna can’t adopt them all.

At Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we can take those unwanted babies and turn them into productive members of society, giving joy to countless thousands of people in so many ways.

Upon arriving at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama and paying a modest fee, you can choose a baby from any of our Holding Pens, which are segregated by continent of origin. For example, on your last visit you may have fucked a Swedish baby from our European Holding Pen. So for your next visit, you may want to sodomize a Ugandan baby from our African Holding Pen. It’s fun to compare and contrast, don’t you think? After all, variety is the very spice of life!

After you have used and degraded the baby for your own sick, twisted, and very sexy, sexy pleasure, just leave it there in the Fuck Booth and head on down to the alleys to bowl a few strings. An attendant from FABBAR will retrieve the baby and clean up any and all bodily fluids that have been left as a result of your hot baby-lovin’.

Afterwards, the used baby will be brought back to the workroom out back to be “repurposed”. First, we twist baby’s head off, hollow it out, pack it with filler, file it down, and make a lovely candlepin ball out of it.

Baby’s arms and legs are then pulled off, and the torso is placed on a machine that will fashion baby’s body into a perfectly serviceable candlepin.

And all those little arms and legs? They make tasty fried treats at our FABBAR Snack Bar. Admit it; you thought it was chicken, didn’t you?

And at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we believe in doing our part to save the environment. As such, no part of the baby is wasted. All the blood, pus, and fecal matter resulting from a “repurposing” is blended and boiled into a lovely waxy substance that keeps our lanes slick and true.

So…that’s my vision. I am expecting the prospectus and some dazzling color brochures back from the printer any day now, unless the FBI intercepts them first. How much of an investment can I count on from YOU?


Today’s guest post is brought to you by the illustrious and powerful Mr. Fabulous.

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37 Replies to “I am looking for investors…”

  1. Mr. Fabulous

    Britt–I am still working on my “Vaginas R Us” idea..

    Hilly–God, I love it when you call me names.

    Blue and KG–I am sure the comments will be filled with nothing but love.

    Dan–I think we both learned something here today.

    Absurdist–Why, thank you, my friend.

    Amanda–I have no answer for that. Bitch.

    UseToBeMe–You miss me? I have not gone anywhere. I MAY be going away somewhere after this…

    Janna–I do what I can.

  2. cris

    This is the most disturbing, sick and misconceived attempt at a humorous post I have ever read! You Sir, belong in a prison where your cute sense of irony can be enjoyed by tough cross dressing trannies with more than one type of “shank”

    With that being said… Whom do I contact about buying stock?

  3. Mr. Fabulous

    E. Craig–So…you usually come to this site for Bible readings and daily affirmations, is that it?

    Amy–How much are you in for?

    Britt–Yes! It’s babies!

    Robin–I knew YOU would understand.

    Blue–I killed him.

    Tracy Lynn–0oh…I think I love you. You are so in charge of marketing!

  4. tana

    Well, Mr Fab, after looking up where exactly one would find the bacon part(s) of the body; I suppose you could, although I think that grown up humans would taste very gamey.

    And so no one thinks that I am a sick fuck and wonder why I know humans are like pork: CSI.

  5. bluepaintred

    en enrish? sih. otay itri

    I went to the manage subscriptions page, entered a new email address, my mail one, and yet again (oh shock!) i did not et the email at my sasktel account that i have to click the linky thingy to switch over.

    know why?

    Sasktel hates you. anything with your name goes into my spam and I can’t get it out!

    :banghead:

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