…for my latest and greatest idea: a chain of candlepin bowling alleys called Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama.
There are too many babies. I think we can all agree on that, especially in all those third world countries. Most of them are going to die anyway. I mean, Angelina Jolie and Madonna can’t adopt them all.
At Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we can take those unwanted babies and turn them into productive members of society, giving joy to countless thousands of people in so many ways.
Upon arriving at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama and paying a modest fee, you can choose a baby from any of our Holding Pens, which are segregated by continent of origin. For example, on your last visit you may have fucked a Swedish baby from our European Holding Pen. So for your next visit, you may want to sodomize a Ugandan baby from our African Holding Pen. It’s fun to compare and contrast, don’t you think? After all, variety is the very spice of life!
After you have used and degraded the baby for your own sick, twisted, and very sexy, sexy pleasure, just leave it there in the Fuck Booth and head on down to the alleys to bowl a few strings. An attendant from FABBAR will retrieve the baby and clean up any and all bodily fluids that have been left as a result of your hot baby-lovin’.
Afterwards, the used baby will be brought back to the workroom out back to be “repurposed”. First, we twist baby’s head off, hollow it out, pack it with filler, file it down, and make a lovely candlepin ball out of it.
Baby’s arms and legs are then pulled off, and the torso is placed on a machine that will fashion baby’s body into a perfectly serviceable candlepin.
And all those little arms and legs? They make tasty fried treats at our FABBAR Snack Bar. Admit it; you thought it was chicken, didn’t you?
And at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we believe in doing our part to save the environment. As such, no part of the baby is wasted. All the blood, pus, and fecal matter resulting from a “repurposing” is blended and boiled into a lovely waxy substance that keeps our lanes slick and true.
So…that’s my vision. I am expecting the prospectus and some dazzling color brochures back from the printer any day now, unless the FBI intercepts them first. How much of an investment can I count on from YOU?
Today's guest post is brought to you by the illustrious and powerful Mr. Fabulous.
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I notice all your investment ideas are always geared towards deviants with penises.
You sexist fuck.
Comments by Miss Britt
I did not even need to look at the name to know who wrote this, you sick twisted fucker :). You know that's why I like you though.
Comments by Hilly
why do so many meats taste like chicken?
Comments by Amanda
*smirk* I'm just commenting so I can subscribe~
Comments by bluepaintred
You fascinate me.
Comments by Janna
You too are a couple sick fuckers. Mr. Fab, I miss you. Avi, I want a full on post about how it goes when the feds contact you.
Comments by usedtobeme
I link to Avitable in one of my posts and my readers get to see this. Well, there goes my audience:)
Comments by Dan
Fuckin' hilarious!!
Comments by The Absurdist
I'm with bluepaintred.
*ping*
Comments by Kentucky Girl
Britt–I am still working on my "Vaginas R Us" idea..
Hilly–God, I love it when you call me names.
Blue and KG–I am sure the comments will be filled with nothing but love.
Dan–I think we both learned something here today.
Absurdist–Why, thank you, my friend.
Amanda–I have no answer for that. Bitch.
UseToBeMe–You miss me? I have not gone anywhere. I MAY be going away somewhere after this...
Janna–I do what I can.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Oh Shit...here we go again...
Comments by TrishK
You Sir are disgusting. Don't you know that fried food is really bad for the health?
Comments by Mike
Oh how sick! You have a beautiful mind!
BTW- I always wanted to give you this:
Comments by metalmom
It's particularly nice that you thought of ways to make the company 'green'.
Fucking awesome Fabby
Comments by Turnbaby
Man, my post is so TAME in comparison.
Comments by Poppy
PS - Fab, stop fucking babies. It's bad for your cholesterol.
Comments by Poppy
Poppy–I am not a user. I am merely an...intermediary.
TrishK–Hold on!
Mike–Can't help it. Everything tastes better fried!
MetalMom–Thanks! I've always wanted that!
Turnbaby–Hey, I am a sick fuck who CARES.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Actually, Human flesh most resembles Pork in both muscle density and fat content.
Comments by tana
This is the most disturbing, sick and misconceived attempt at a humorous post I have ever read! You Sir, belong in a prison where your cute sense of irony can be enjoyed by tough cross dressing trannies with more than one type of "shank"
With that being said... Whom do I contact about buying stock?
Comments by cris
By "it" do you mean ME?
Comments by Miss Britt
Although I try, the humor here escapes me.
Comments by Brandi
Tana–But can you get bacon from it?
Miss Britt–Me? I? You? Como?
Cris–I can have someone call you within 24 hours...
Brandi–Get it? It's babies!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Oh God (sorry Brandi) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
It's babies!
AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAA
Comments by Miss Britt
Finally, a good use for all those extra babies. You are genius!
Comments by Robin
OK, so if I'm following this correctly, it SHOULD be "Babies- The Other White Meat". Right?
Comments by Tracy Lynn
where is Avitable I have a complaint.
stupid @!#&@* subscription.. Wont let me change emails.
Comments by bluepaintred
Wow, this is like one of those car accidents that you can't help but look at. Eeeek!
Comments by Amy
Sorry, I fail to see the humor in your post. In fact, if it was not so disgusting, I would not have bothered to comment.
Comments by e.Craig
E. Craig–So...you usually come to this site for Bible readings and daily affirmations, is that it?
Amy–How much are you in for?
Britt–Yes! It's babies!
Robin–I knew YOU would understand.
Blue–I killed him.
Tracy Lynn–0oh...I think I love you. You are so in charge of marketing!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
I'm here - just enjoying the mayhem and hilarity!
BPR, I don't know what the hell you mean. You'll have to explain in English.
Comments by Avitable
Well, Mr Fab, after looking up where exactly one would find the bacon part(s) of the body; I suppose you could, although I think that grown up humans would taste very gamey.
And so no one thinks that I am a sick fuck and wonder why I know humans are like pork: CSI.
Comments by tana
No one wondered.
Comments by Turnbaby
en enrish? sih. otay itri
I went to the manage subscriptions page, entered a new email address, my mail one, and yet again (oh shock!) i did not et the email at my sasktel account that i have to click the linky thingy to switch over.
know why?
Sasktel hates you. anything with your name goes into my spam and I can't get it out!
Comments by bluepaintred
Not. funny.
Comments by Mrs RW
Mrs. RW–Wait...you LIKE babies?
Tana–Well sure, the grown up humans would taste gamey. That's why we eat the babies. Think veal...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
By the way, is anyone familiar with "A Modest Proposal"?
It occurs to me that I am the 21st century's Jonathan Swift.
So there!
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Of course she does. They're delicious!
Comments by Pand0ra Wilde