I have been interviewed by the lovely and foul-mouthed ADW. Prepare to be entertained by my answers.
1. If you could have a superpower attached to one of your sexual organs, what would it be?
Well, my penis already has superspeed. And the power to shrink. And sometimes, when it’s cold, invisibility. Do I have other sexual organs that can have superpowers? Umm….my nuts can cause fear and amnesia. And my butthole – well, it’s more of a supervillain.
2. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Other than my penis? Well, as a small child, my parents usually just threw me in a dark room, shattered a bottle on the floor, and told me it was a jigsaw puzzle that I had to put back together. I would have been scared all alone, but luckily the massive blood loss caused by reassembling those jagged shards meant that I met my bestest friend in the whole world, Ratty.
3. What is the downright nastiest thing you have ever done, were you caught doing it and if so, what were the consequences?
You must have mistaken me for yourself. I have never done anything nasty in my entire life, and even if I had, I certainly wouldn’t get caught doing it. I’m a saint on many levels, and my actions are that befitting someone of my level of education and society.
4. What is your process for delivering your poo babies?
I usually grunt until a vein pops out on my forehead, grip the edge of the seat until it cracks, start sweating until I can’t see, and masturbate furiously. Oh, and then I go into the bathroom and read a book while I poop.
5. If you were stranded in Uzbekistan with Rosie O’Donnell and a horse, which one would you lay the pipe to first?
Are we talking Betty Rubble Rosie O’Donnell or The View Rosie O’Donnell? And are we talking Mr. Ed horse or My Little Pony horse? And by lay the pipe, do you mean beat in the head until dead or at least severely retarded or thrust my penis in its general direction?
Be specific next time, woman!
On another note, I am starting to issue invites for the Halloween party. Many of you may have already gotten the email through Evite. If you have not, and you are interested in an invitation, just let me know in the comments or email me directly.
Here’s the basic info:
The best party of the year is here! Don’t miss it!
From 8 until the zombies come home on Saturday, October 27th, Adam and Amy Avitable are hosting the party to end all parties!
COSTUMES ARE ENCOURAGED.
PRIZES WILL BE AWARDED.
ALCOHOL AND FOOD WILL BE SERVED.
ADULTS ONLY – CHILDREN WILL BE EATEN AT THE DOOR.
Bring a friend, or twenty! Help us make this the party that you’ll be talking about until next Halloween!
RSVP with Adam at 818-398-2079.