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Hard hitting

I have been interviewed by the lovely and foul-mouthed ADW. Prepare to be entertained by my answers.

1. If you could have a superpower attached to one of your sexual organs, what would it be?

Well, my penis already has superspeed. And the power to shrink. And sometimes, when it’s cold, invisibility. Do I have other sexual organs that can have superpowers? Umm….my nuts can cause fear and amnesia. And my butthole – well, it’s more of a supervillain.

2. What was your favorite toy as a child?

Other than my penis? Well, as a small child, my parents usually just threw me in a dark room, shattered a bottle on the floor, and told me it was a jigsaw puzzle that I had to put back together. I would have been scared all alone, but luckily the massive blood loss caused by reassembling those jagged shards meant that I met my bestest friend in the whole world, Ratty.

3. What is the downright nastiest thing you have ever done, were you caught doing it and if so, what were the consequences?

You must have mistaken me for yourself. I have never done anything nasty in my entire life, and even if I had, I certainly wouldn’t get caught doing it. I’m a saint on many levels, and my actions are that befitting someone of my level of education and society.

4. What is your process for delivering your poo babies?

I usually grunt until a vein pops out on my forehead, grip the edge of the seat until it cracks, start sweating until I can’t see, and masturbate furiously. Oh, and then I go into the bathroom and read a book while I poop.

5. If you were stranded in Uzbekistan with Rosie O’Donnell and a horse, which one would you lay the pipe to first?

Are we talking Betty Rubble Rosie O’Donnell or The View Rosie O’Donnell? And are we talking Mr. Ed horse or My Little Pony horse? And by lay the pipe, do you mean beat in the head until dead or at least severely retarded or thrust my penis in its general direction?

Be specific next time, woman!

On another note, I am starting to issue invites for the Halloween party. Many of you may have already gotten the email through Evite. If you have not, and you are interested in an invitation, just let me know in the comments or email me directly.

Here’s the basic info:

The best party of the year is here! Don’t miss it!

From 8 until the zombies come home on Saturday, October 27th, Adam and Amy Avitable are hosting the party to end all parties!


Bring a friend, or twenty! Help us make this the party that you’ll be talking about until next Halloween!

RSVP with Adam at 818-398-2079.


42 thoughts on “Hard hitting”

  1. Bethie, nah – only you!

    Metalmom, my number is all over the site. And everybody reads while they poop! Well, the smart people do.

    DB, well, it might not be great for the man who’s with you at the time.

    Mr. Fabulous, luckily, most people at the party are local friends who won’t know you, so there aren’t very high expectations. Except for the ones on my part.

    RW, you and Mrs. RW should come down – you can take the grandkids to Disney the next day, but have a good time at the party, and you can dress up like a ’20s aviator.

  2. Hmmm….
    #3 was some straight up bullshit. You have the market on nasty in your little corner of the world. I am almost certain of it.

    When I think of poor little Britt being subjected to you holey underwear everyday…. well I am glad that you don’t have genitalia superpowers.

  3. Wow, I really am not a stalker afterall! And here I was thinking I was moving from amature to the pros and I didn’t even notice you put your phone number on there. Wow, I must be sicker than I thought. Stupid BPR gave me her internet ickies. :crazywife:

  4. Uh, I thought I left a comment. Blame it on the cold meds (I’m going to be running this excuse for a while).

    I see that ADW didn’t even try to prevent you from answering in at least a semi-pornographic way.

    I sort of wish I had just given up and asked if your penis had super powers.

  5. Oh, and I think your party should be on live webcam for those of us on the west coast.

    And, I notice I didn’t get an invite. You know, it’s my thought that even though I know you guys won’t make it – I plan to send you and Britt invites to everything I do.

    So… yeah, my feelings are hurt now. Bastard.

  6. DB, or penis burning.

    ADW, oh, I just know you’re much nastier than I could ever be. And maybe she asks for it – did you think about that?

    Poppy, a voice said “If you invite them, they will come”.

    Britt, who doesn’t?

    Sarcastica, fucking tagging. Sigh.

    Tug, yes she is.

    TMP, only if she’s a doublebagger.

    NYCWD, she was definitely a freaky pony.

    Brandi, do you need stalker lessons?

    Sybil, why not? Plane tickets are cheap to Orlando!

    Robin, anally?

    Amy, there was no way to answer your questions in a dirty way, even if I was very creative.

    Trish, you guys should definitely come. Did you get the Evite I sent you?

    Mom, I was just trying to see what other potential sexual organs are out there.

    Michael, maybe I will do video, then. Until that, here’s last year’s recap:

  7. I KNOW the plane tickets are cheap! Don’t make me feel worse for not being able to attend!
    Seriously – I am really bummed. I know how much fun the party’s gonna be – and to see you and Miss Britt in person would be like meeting celebrities for me.
    God I sound pathetic.
    WAH. Now I go cry into my [3rd] glass of wine. :crying:

  8. SleepyNita, ADW is definitely hilarious. Not as funny as me, of course, but close.

    Jay, I agree! Only the dessicated corpse of Anna Nicole Smith is hotter than those two smokin’ hotties.

    Trish, sweet. Trust me – you’ll get to meet a whole bunch of bloggers, and your husband will see that it’s not nearly as creepy as he thinks it is!

    Crystal, I can’t help it. I have to copy you – you’re my muse.

    Janelle, I’m definitely considering it.

    Mike, E-vites aren’t allowed in Canada?

    HG5, check your email for your invite. And that secret is exactly what I thought you were going to say – that’s not something to ruin a relationship over.

    Sybil, maybe next year, then.

    CP, I’m so excited to see it!

    KG, I’ll keep the bugs away just for you!

    RockDog, thanks for the visit and comment.

  9. as a “thank you for the evite” and a “please invite me again next year” i bought a small present for you. rumor has it that you like bribes. i’ll drop it in the mail on monday.


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