I have been interviewed by the lovely and foul-mouthed ADW. Prepare to be entertained by my answers.
1. If you could have a superpower attached to one of your sexual organs, what would it be?
Well, my penis already has superspeed. And the power to shrink. And sometimes, when it's cold, invisibility. Do I have other sexual organs that can have superpowers? Umm....my nuts can cause fear and amnesia. And my butthole - well, it's more of a supervillain.
2. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Other than my penis? Well, as a small child, my parents usually just threw me in a dark room, shattered a bottle on the floor, and told me it was a jigsaw puzzle that I had to put back together. I would have been scared all alone, but luckily the massive blood loss caused by reassembling those jagged shards meant that I met my bestest friend in the whole world, Ratty.
3. What is the downright nastiest thing you have ever done, were you caught doing it and if so, what were the consequences?
You must have mistaken me for yourself. I have never done anything nasty in my entire life, and even if I had, I certainly wouldn't get caught doing it. I'm a saint on many levels, and my actions are that befitting someone of my level of education and society.
4. What is your process for delivering your poo babies?
I usually grunt until a vein pops out on my forehead, grip the edge of the seat until it cracks, start sweating until I can't see, and masturbate furiously. Oh, and then I go into the bathroom and read a book while I poop.
5. If you were stranded in Uzbekistan with Rosie O'Donnell and a horse, which one would you lay the pipe to first?
Are we talking Betty Rubble Rosie O'Donnell or The View Rosie O'Donnell? And are we talking Mr. Ed horse or My Little Pony horse? And by lay the pipe, do you mean beat in the head until dead or at least severely retarded or thrust my penis in its general direction?
Be specific next time, woman!
On another note, I am starting to issue invites for the Halloween party. Many of you may have already gotten the email through Evite. If you have not, and you are interested in an invitation, just let me know in the comments or email me directly.
Here's the basic info:
The best party of the year is here! Don't miss it!
From 8 until the zombies come home on Saturday, October 27th, Adam and Amy Avitable are hosting the party to end all parties!
COSTUMES ARE ENCOURAGED.
PRIZES WILL BE AWARDED.
ALCOHOL AND FOOD WILL BE SERVED.
ADULTS ONLY - CHILDREN WILL BE EATEN AT THE DOOR.Bring a friend, or twenty! Help us make this the party that you'll be talking about until next Halloween!
RSVP with Adam at 818-398-2079.
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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Now the entire internet is going to spam you with text messages. ;)
Comments by Bethie
I can't believe you posted your number!
And I can't believe you READ while you poop!! You're a sick mother fucker!!!
Comments by metalmom
OMG! I would SO want to shoot bolts of lightning out of my pussy... Wouldn't that be great?
Comments by DutchBitch
I am still stressing over my fucking costume...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
I can't come. You'd just throw me in the pool and I can't swim and I'd drown and die and you'd just laugh anyway. And I ain't your holler back corpse.
Comments by RW
Bethie, nah - only you!
Metalmom, my number is all over the site. And everybody reads while they poop! Well, the smart people do.
DB, well, it might not be great for the man who's with you at the time.
Mr. Fabulous, luckily, most people at the party are local friends who won't know you, so there aren't very high expectations. Except for the ones on my part.
RW, you and Mrs. RW should come down - you can take the grandkids to Disney the next day, but have a good time at the party, and you can dress up like a '20s aviator.
Comments by Avitable
Well, for sure it will be a mindblowing (or whatever-blowing) experience for him...
Comments by DutchBitch
Hmmm....
#3 was some straight up bullshit. You have the market on nasty in your little corner of the world. I am almost certain of it.
When I think of poor little Britt being subjected to you holey underwear everyday.... well I am glad that you don't have genitalia superpowers.
Comments by ADW
STOP INVITING ME TO YOUR PARTY! I CAN'T COME!
But, please consider my other idea. And, no, I'm not wearing a naked costume.
Comments by Poppy
So, in other words, you want to screw a My Little Pony?
Comments by Miss Britt
You have been tagged.
Great interview, by the way.
Comments by Sarcastica
beat in the head until dead or at least severely retarded
I vote yes for Rosie.
Oh wait, she's already severely retarded - my bad.
Comments by Tug
Liar.
I know you want to do Rosie.
Comments by themuttprincess
I think you should do some video of this year's party. It's easier to live vicariously with visual AND audio.
I'd definitely pick My Little Pony. The purple one. She was a freak.
Comments by NYCWD
Wow, I really am not a stalker afterall! And here I was thinking I was moving from amature to the pros and I didn't even notice you put your phone number on there. Wow, I must be sicker than I thought. Stupid BPR gave me her internet ickies.
Comments by Brandi
I REALLY wish I could come to the party, but unfortunately - WAH - I can't.
But I'd be sort of scared to sit on your chairs now.
I second the videotaping of the party.
Comments by Sybil Law
Saint Ahmoo, ok and I'm a virgin.
Comments by Robin
Uh, I thought I left a comment. Blame it on the cold meds (I'm going to be running this excuse for a while).
I see that ADW didn't even try to prevent you from answering in at least a semi-pornographic way.
I sort of wish I had just given up and asked if your penis had super powers.
Comments by Amy
Oh, and I think your party should be on live webcam for those of us on the west coast.
And, I notice I didn't get an invite. You know, it's my thought that even though I know you guys won't make it - I plan to send you and Britt invites to everything I do.
So... yeah, my feelings are hurt now. Bastard.
Comments by Amy
I agree with ADW...BS on your #3 response.
Hmm..Halloween party...I think I will drag Not A Grampy over as a surprise.....since he had to work on our anniversary..he owes me!
Comments by Trish
YAY!!! Bring wine!! (Of course!)
Comments by Miss Britt
You see your butthole as a sexual organ?
Say it with me, ladies and gentlemen....
Comments by Britt's mom
Got the invite and responded we cannot make it this year, but would like to see video so we have an idea if we want to plan to attend next year!
Comments by Michael
DB, or penis burning.
ADW, oh, I just know you're much nastier than I could ever be. And maybe she asks for it - did you think about that?
Poppy, a voice said "If you invite them, they will come".
Britt, who doesn't?
Sarcastica, fucking tagging. Sigh.
Tug, yes she is.
TMP, only if she's a doublebagger.
NYCWD, she was definitely a freaky pony.
Brandi, do you need stalker lessons?
Sybil, why not? Plane tickets are cheap to Orlando!
Robin, anally?
Amy, there was no way to answer your questions in a dirty way, even if I was very creative.
Trish, you guys should definitely come. Did you get the Evite I sent you?
Mom, I was just trying to see what other potential sexual organs are out there.
Michael, maybe I will do video, then. Until that, here's last year's recap: http://www.avitable.com/2006/10/31/halloween/
Comments by Avitable
I love ADW she freaking cracks me up. Great answers, I actually Laughed out Loud, not so smart when I need to pretend to be working.
Comments by SleepyNita
Am I the only one who finds Rosie to be smoking hot? Seriously, the only woman sexier than her on planet Earth is Hillary Clinton.
Yes, I am drunk. Why do you ask?
Comments by Jay
Yes I did. Will let you know ASAP!
Comments by Trish
i see you have just compared yourself to a saint. HOW NOVEL
Comments by Crys
I agree with Amy, you should so broadcast it via a webcam for those of us who can't be there.
Comments by Janelle
I got the E-Vite, but being from Canada, I won't be able to make it. I'm also in favor of a live webcam, that would be cool.
Comments by Mike
you ducked that Rosie question well. we all know you loved her from Sleepless In Seattle.
Comments by Crys
I KNOW the plane tickets are cheap! Don't make me feel worse for not being able to attend!
Seriously - I am really bummed. I know how much fun the party's gonna be - and to see you and Miss Britt in person would be like meeting celebrities for me.
God I sound pathetic.
WAH. Now I go cry into my [3rd] glass of wine.
Comments by Sybil Law
I'm going to the partay! I'm going to the partay...and I will have the bestest costume EVAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Can't wait!!!
Comments by CP
OMFG, the poop baby....how disturbing!
I wish I could go to your party. But you live too far away and uhm....where they have big bugs so yeah, I'm not coming. Sounds like a riot though!
Comments by Kentucky Girl
Dude! You're hilarious! Love this blog. I'll be back for more...sorry.
Rosie is a douche...I'd much rather have Mr. Ed, but then again, they look a LOT alike...
Comments by RockDog
SleepyNita, ADW is definitely hilarious. Not as funny as me, of course, but close.
Jay, I agree! Only the dessicated corpse of Anna Nicole Smith is hotter than those two smokin' hotties.
Trish, sweet. Trust me - you'll get to meet a whole bunch of bloggers, and your husband will see that it's not nearly as creepy as he thinks it is!
Crystal, I can't help it. I have to copy you - you're my muse.
Janelle, I'm definitely considering it.
Mike, E-vites aren't allowed in Canada?
HG5, check your email for your invite. And that secret is exactly what I thought you were going to say - that's not something to ruin a relationship over.
Sybil, maybe next year, then.
CP, I'm so excited to see it!
KG, I'll keep the bugs away just for you!
RockDog, thanks for the visit and comment.
Comments by Avitable
You have a SF Valley area code? Did you use to live in my hood?
Comments by tana
Tana, I lived in Burbank for several years. Best time of my life.
Comments by Avitable
Oooh, I just love it when my first visit to a blog is like jumping right into a candy store.
???
Nice place ya got here.
Hey, how'd my picture get on here
Comments by Samantha_K
Samantha_K, thanks for the visit and comment!
Comments by Avitable
as a "thank you for the evite" and a "please invite me again next year" i bought a small present for you. rumor has it that you like bribes. i'll drop it in the mail on monday.
Comments by hellohahanarf