Lazy Sunday XII

1. Who is your partner?
Some call her Amy, but her real name is Princess Maria Elena Amala Cincuenta Quesadilla Francesca Johnson Avitable.

2. How long have you been together?
Three weeks as of next Tuesday.

3. How long did you date?
Well, it wasn’t as much dating as it was hanging outside her window with a videocamera.

4. How old is your partner?
Olllllllld.

5. Who eats more?
Have you seen me?

6. Who said “I love you” first?
I think we both shouted it to each other simultaneously across the room at that orgy.

7. Who is taller?
She’s only 2′ 11″.

8. Who sings better?
You mean, us or a pack of wild cats?

9. Who is smarter?
Have you met me?

10. Whose temper is worse?
It’s about even until we pull out the guns. She always shoots first, though.

11. Who does the laundry?
The laundry fairy – duh!

12. Who takes out the garbage?
I usually roll out of bed, sit down at my computer, start working, and then, once I hear the sound of the garbage trucks, run around the house like a crazy man, collecting trash bags that I throw down the driveway in a desperate attempt to catch the truck. I inevitably fail, so then I just leave them out there until next trash day.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
We sleep widthwise.

14. Who pays the bills?
Due to an unfortunate situation where someone was giving hundreds of dollars a month to animal charities, I do.

15. Who is better with the computer?
I am a computer!

16. Who mows the lawn?
Our lawn guy. I think his name’s Mark. Or Matt. Or Don.

17. Who cooks dinner?
The Mexicans in whichever restaurant we are frequenting.

18. Who drives when you are together?
Me. But I usually have to put on a black cap, jacket, and driving gloves, and drive her around as she sits in the back seat and says “You will call me Miss Daisy!”

19. Who pays when you go out?
We dine and ditch.

20. Who is most stubborn?
I’m as stubborn as a reed, and she’s as yielding and flexible as a mighty oak.

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Wrong? We’re both lawyers. Neither of us is ever wrong.

22. Whose parents do you see the most?
Mine live an hour away but act like it’s an overnight stay. Her mother will fly down for a weekend at the drop of the hat. So it’s about even.

23. Who kissed who first?
I didn’t as much kiss as drool on her head.

24. Who asked who out?
Does kidnapping count?

25. Who proposed?
I did.

26. Who is more sensitive?
Well, I’m a cold-hearted fucker who doesn’t care about anyone. And she’s a lawyer and an accountant. I don’t think sensitive is in our vocabularies.

27. Who has more friends?
Well, I thought I did, but she goes out on days that end with a “y” with a large group of male friends and doesn’t usually come home until 4 in the morning, drunk, and calls me “Bobby”, so maybe she does.

28. Who has more siblings?
Depends on whether or not you count her mother’s animals as her additional brothers and sisters.

29. Who wears the pants in the family?
I just do as I’m told. And I’m told to write that I do.