Last night, I decided to call my little blonde (on the inside) alter-ego. I knew that, since it was after 8 PM, there was a chance that she had fallen asleep on the couch by then. Half of the time when I call that late, I get her husband, Jared, instead. We'll usually talk for a few minutes, he'll tell me that she's passed out naked and drunk in the tub again, and I'll hang up and go masturbate to donkey porn.
I walked into my office and picked up my phone. I had to pee, so I dialed quickly and walked into the bathroom with my headset on.
Right as that stream started to flow, sounding a little like Niagara Falls, I heard a male voice pick up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey," I said, almost shouting over the multi-decibel urine. "How's it going?"
"Good," he said. "I just woke up, actually."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Nah, man. It's okay."
"Is she asleep, too?" All the while I pee more than I have ever peed in my entire life. Where the fuck did all of this come from? I know he can hear it, too - you'd have to be deaf not to.
"Nah. She's around here somewhere."
"Awesome. So, how's work going?"
"Pretty good. How about you?"
"Well, you know. Your wife's been hot and awesome, like usual." Finally, my pee stopped. I could hear again!
"What did you say? Who is this?"
"Isn't this Jared?"
"Who the fuck is Jared? And what did you say about my wife?"
"Ummmmm....." FLUUUUSSSSHHHHHH.
Click.
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that is funny... Poor guy on the phone
Comments by Amanda
Star-69 and Reverse Directory Lookup shall be thine undoing...
Comments by Dave2
I wonder if his wife has some explaining to do. LOL. Or he thought you were a crank call.
With caller ID in this day and age, did he call back?
Comments by Lynda
So now some poor probably abused woman is getting the shit kicked out of her when all she was doing was cleaning the toilets while he slept on the couch all because you can't dial correctly when you have to pee.
Niiiiiiiice.
Comments by Amy
Probably the best accidental prank call ever!
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Now THAT I would have liked to hear.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I'm still surprised you were making that much of an attempt at conversation with Jared. LOL
Comments by Miss Britt
Multitasking makes people stupid.
Comments by RW
I bet that the sound of your pissing was just an extra funny when he tells his side of it....
Comments by Countess B
Your mouth must be big given how often you put your foot in it.
Comments by Robin
I agree with Amy...
I think you may want to consult a Dr regarding your bladder issues. Or at least a google search on "where does urine come from"?
Comments by Trish
That story was a pisser!
Comments by metalmom
Amanda, I just wonder what he did when I hung up!
Dave, luckily, it was my office number. Calling it back just goes to an automated system, and he'd have no idea what extension I'm at.
Lynda, he couldn't call back, which is probably good.
Amy, I was also dialing upside down. Oops.
GD, I should do that more often.
Tracy, maybe I'll just start recording all of my calls.
Britt, clearly I like him more than you do.
RW, I was chewing gum, too.
Countess B, he was so groggy I don't know if he'll even remember.
Robin, I can fit both of them in there.
Trish, there are no bladder issues. I just like to hold it until the last possible minute.
Comments by Avitable
Metalmom, I know - I told my wife and she said, "Urine trouble!"
Comments by Avitable
Best wrong number conversation...ever?
Comments by Poppy
Can other people really tell if you are peeing while on the phone? God, I hope not.
Comments by Nina
how about you flushed BEFORE you hung up?!?!?
loven yew today.
Comments by hellohahanarf
That is damn funny! I only pee when on the phone with other women. I assume they don't mind.
Comments by themuttprincess
Damn-it! That came out wrong. I pee other times, really I do. What I meant was that if I have to pee while on the phone, I only do it when talking to other women. If I am talking to a man, I hang up.
Comments by themuttprincess
So then YOU will be having sex with him from now on?
Comments by Miss Britt
Last night around 11pm I got two naked photos texted to me by someone I don't know, I'm sure by complete and embarassing accident. This is the second time it's happened. Someone out there thinks THEY have one of MY email addresses, so his FRIENDS are sending me stuff. Once it was a guy sending horrible camera photos of his, um, member, but last night at least it was a woman. Not too bad lookin' either.
So now I have naked photos of some woman out there, and I have her cell phone number (it came from Verizon Wireless PIX-FLIX service). The number is in the 703 area code.
An ethical dilemma has arisen - do I politely inform her that she has the wrong email address? Do I pose as the dude and ask for more? Do I publically post the pictures and her phone number? Do I ignore it and do nothing?
Decisions, decisions... :)
(and for those of you actually wondering, I'd only either do the first or the last. Sickos!)
Comments by Wayne
I smell an opportunity here.
Phone Call Hell perhaps?
Comments by NYCWD
oooh!!! Phone call hell. Nice. Kind of like Crank Yankers though.
Comments by Brandi
I didn't know you could pay the guys from Crank Yankers to call up someone and crank them.
I need to sign up for that.
Comments by NYCWD
The Moral of the Story: the next time you wake up Bossy's husband there's gonna be hell to pay!
Comments by BOSSY
That story was almost as awesome as the time that I mailed you a card with a picture of a penis on the front.
Comments by Beth
Poppy, at least the best accidental wrong number conversation while peeing ever.
Nina, maybe not with some women, but men make a much louder noise.
Hello, of course!
TMP, so if you're in mid-sentence with a man and you have to pee, you just hang up on him?
Britt, sigh. I guess...
Wayne, I think letting her know is what I would do if I was in that situation.
NYCWD, only after I make my first million off of Postcard Hell.
Brandi, yeah, but with a penis instead of a puppet.
Bossy, we can't have that!
Beth, that was pretty awesome, too, you're right!
Comments by Avitable
That is really, really funny.
Comments by Sybil Law
sounds like my usual evening convo with my boyfriend.
Comments by dog collar addict
Sybil, not for him it wasn't!
DCA, you continuously pee when you talk to your boyfriend?
Comments by Avitable